Near Unbelievable News

[countryboy83]

So, approximately three weeks ago, I had the bomb dropped on my life that I had tested positive for HSV-2. You can read the whole story in my initial post on the forum (https://forums.herpesopportunity.com/topic/8389-just-found-out-and-now-it-feels-like-everything-is-falling-apart/). But, suffice to say, my whole world crumbled. I lost the girl of my dreams and thought that my life was over. I left for a family vacation to Hawaii the day after all of this happened and could barely convince myself to get out of bed at times, unless it was to get a drink.

Then, just the other day, another bomb was dropped into my life. I got a call from the clinic and they said that, apparently, an abnormal amount of labs from that day came back positive. They wanted me to come back in for another test, which I did immediately after receiving the call. I just got my results today and, as it turns out, I tested negative. I've never been so overjoyed along with simultaneously depressed and furious. My life has, to some extent, been inexorably altered because this lab completely f**ked up and took three weeks to figure it out. I can't change that my dream girl has moved on to someone else. I can't take back all the awkward and embarrassing phone calls and texts I had to make to exes. I can't take back the past three weeks of intense pain and depression. All of it has happened and I can't change any of it.

I'm not writing this to give anyone unwarranted hope that their diagnosis may change. I'm just writing because I well understand the devastating effect that this news can have on someone's life. And I want to say that, even though I tested negative, I'm going to be keeping my account on this forum and am willing to be an ear, a shoulder, a friend... whatever y'all need. If you're in the SoCal/LA area and need someone to grab a beer with and just vent to, I'm here.

[Avalon1]

You are so fucking lucky. I’m going to die alone. 

[countryboy83]

5 minutes ago, Avalon1 said:

You are so fucking lucky. I’m going to die alone. 

I'd say to not let those thoughts creep in Avalon1, but I've had them too and they're nearly impossible to stop. All I can say is to not dwell on them.

My sister-in-law tests positive and she's happily married to my brother with two boys. My best friend tests positive and she's dating an amazing guy. I have another close friend (who was the first one I reached out to when I received my diagnosis) who tested positive and has two boys and goes on plenty of dates.

The only way that you'd die alone would be if you give up and commit yourself to doing so. Time will pass and you'll realize that there are good people out there who understand the reality of this and won't fall prey to the stigma. Do your best to find the positive in life. Get active and keep yourself occupied. Work on loving and healing yourself and you'll learn to be happy with the person you are... then, typically, one of two things will happen... you'll learn to be content or the right person will come along... or both!

I have no illusions that it's easy. But, keep your head up as best you can.

[Avalon1]

Thanks for this. It made me cry. Happy for you. 

[SeraLyn]

Wow! I remember reading your initial story and feeling your pain through the screen. I'm so glad you're negative. Even though the seemingly dream girl is no longer there, your REAL dream girl will come along and accept you for all of you. Best!

[countryboy83]

12 hours ago, SeraLyn said:

Wow! I remember reading your initial story and feeling your pain through the screen. I'm so glad you're negative. Even though the seemingly dream girl is no longer there, your REAL dream girl will come along and accept you for all of you. Best!

I had really come to grips with testing positive... at least for the most part. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy that I re-tested as negative. But, I still feel the pain associated with the stigma and the breakup very acutely. I try and tell myself that she's not the type of person that I really would want to be with, if that's how she treated me... but, I'm still struggling pulling her off of that pedestal that I had her sitting on. I don't even know how the hell to feel about all the awkward calls/texts I had to make to various exes trying to figure out where all this supposedly started. And, generally, I still am feeling all that anxiety that I felt in the beginning... it's hard to let go of it. I know time will dull the pain, but it just can't come fast enough.

[SeraLyn]

 It's an entire process to go through accepting one truth and finding out another is actually true. You had the manage grief on many levels to relief in a very short period of time, I can't imagine any if that processing is easy. I hope you can continue to lean on your support circle to help you through and give yourself the time to heal. Message if you ever want to talk, random buddies can help too 

On 7/31/2018 at 12:08 PM, countryboy83 said:

I had really come to grips with testing positive... at least for the most part. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy that I re-tested as negative. But, I still feel the pain associated with the stigma and the breakup very acutely. I try and tell myself that she's not the type of person that I really would want to be with, if that's how she treated me... but, I'm still struggling pulling her off of that pedestal that I had her sitting on. I don't even know how the hell to feel about all the awkward calls/texts I had to make to various exes trying to figure out where all this supposedly started. And, generally, I still am feeling all that anxiety that I felt in the beginning... it's hard to let go of it. I know time will dull the pain, but it just can't come fast enough.

 

[cantgetoverthis]

Sorry just curious, but does this mean that if you did end up meeting a girl, and dream girl or not, she had herpes, would you date her still though? 

Like because then you have the chance of getting it for real, does that mean you’d turn away someone who really does have it?