It's NOT an opportunity

[benzgtx]

Spoiler alert: Negative (yet realistic) thoughts ahead. Proceed at your own risk. 

 

No it's not an opportunity. It's not. There is no one good thing about having this virus. Being healthy defies every single excuse for making this a positive experience. The "wingman" theory? A couple of life experiences would take care of that. You don't need a lifetime suffering to have that precious wingman by your side. Okay maybe not a lifetime in some cases but years? Still not worth it at all. Knowing yourself worth? It's not going to be better because you either have self esteem or you don't. A virus would not instill that in you and it certainly wouldn't make it better for months or even years (you need to get past accepting your new reality first) . It may bring couples closer? Just imagine how better your quality of living would be with both of you HEALTHY and having nothing to worry about. Nothing replaces a good health. Nothing feels better like a good health. This is the true wealth that got chipped if not cracked by this virus. For the rest of your life. And no, normalcy is not guaranteed for many aspects afterwards. What people don't tell you is that the "it gets better" part involves and in a big degree a "getting used to the situation" element. It's not an opportunity. It's an adversity. A big one actually. 

The people who are able to pick up and move on with their lives are the ones who have a disease limited to the skin that is just going to cause remitting skin inconveniences. Which I realize, is the majority of cases but it also casts the rest of the more severe ones into the dark where no consolation can provide comfort. The people who get inspired by this disease to improve themselves, do so as there condition permits. And of course with a handful of willingness. It is by no means however an advantage over the more severe cases. The virus afflicts you in a way that no one can truly understand without having the same situation. Even the ones who already are symptomatic have no clue how it feels to be much worse. Mind you your significant other.... 

I understand that part of the notion of this forum is to de-stigmatize this condition and reduce it to the controllable skin condition most claim it is. So far, great job. They do so, however, without much science involved in the process. The supervisors here have no medical backgrounds and of course that limits their ability to answer questions and provide explanations. But truth be told they're honest. They appropriately deny knowledge yet unfortunately continue to provide opinions about the etiology of symptoms and whether they are caused by herpes or not. Like strongly denying that herpes could ever cause vertigo, eye pain or a burning sensation in the legs. But based on what? Nothing! Science itself is only scratching the surface on what this virus could possibly do. Science is taking baby steps in managing herpes and stands absolutely helpless and clueless about what to do with anything other than acyclovir for which newer strains are growing more and more resistant to. And therefore it is natural to blame everything you have on "stress" and "psycho somatic" symptoms even by the smartest doctors and you can run into. For my fellow herpes sufferers with query symptoms I say one thing.. Ask yourself.. Why now?! Why am I having all of these symptoms now and not 5 years earlier when I was virus free?? You got your answer (provides that you've done the appropriate medical workup with fruitless results). 

No body seems to be knowledgeable enough about this thing. The westover height clinic, for example, denied a mode of transmission from touching a private part by the hand then touching your private part. If you touch a vesicle with the viral fluid inside and you touch a skin surface then the carried out virus in the vesicular fluid would penetrate any skin or mucosal tear and try to start an infection. A 30 plus year experience got that part wrong. How disappointing. Nobody here talks about how herpes is infecting the brain and by doing so your immune system is continuously destroying the infected areas and irreversibly taking away more and more of your brain function. Part of the reason why this virus is strongly linked to dementia. The approach of "take a deep breath this is not caused by herpes" contradicts the very second reason these forums are about which is to know more about the virus. If you don't have a scientific reference to back up your opinion then don't say it. If you don't know enough about the human anatomy then stop denying the correlation to herpes. It misleads people and delays them seeking appropriate medical attention. 

Herpes is common? Yes but this is not a general statement. It is more common in certain demographics than others. Socioeconomic status and level of education are inversely related to the situation. If you read reports it varies by the race as well and some articles attribute this to gene variation and thus immune system variation. If no one is checking for herpes then how are we getting real numbers? We did get that in the past by cadaver biopsies but now it's all figurative guessing. That's why we talk about it being underestimated but have you considered overestimation? Think again. Additionally, the commonality of the situation does not make sense with the transmission rates. One of these numbers are wrong. 

On to the dreaded disclosure part. The act itself is hard. But I would like to congratulate most of us on doing it and yes it is difficult every time you do it. The question is: is disclosure enough? Is disclosure enough to put that happy virus free lover in the hell we're going through. No one could ever imagine how this thing feels without getting it. So no matter how much you explain it's still a defective process. Plus, the virus treats each one of us differently, right? Okay. Do we have control on how that virus will behave? No. What if you infect your partner and they end up with chronic post herpetic neuralgia? Ocular herpes or even die or be neurologically disabled from viral encephalitis. And no these cases don't exclusively happen in the immune-comprised groups. Do you justify disclosure for that risk? I would love to hear an answer to this. 

Bottom line is life is too short to have herpes. It just takes away so much time and quality that really impacts the whole experience. Again it's not what I make of the situation because if your eyes hurt, vision continues to deteriorate, hearing and balance impaired and various parts of your body ache and burn most of the time then what else do you have to enjoy and be YOU for all the people in your life? To have the mental clarity to be productive. You can prove to yourself that you came out with the best results possible but again imagine all the potential you had without it. I wish I can be wrong on this one. 

[New2GH]

@benzgtx, Thank you for your real, raw, and honest post about the lesser heard of yet devastating effects this virus can have on some of us.  I myself have been suffering from neurological issues going back to about two weeks before diagnosis (eleven months as of yesterday and counting!).  To say that the past year has been a living hell for me is an understatement.  Prior to this I was a happy-go-lucky man full of life.  Now I'm just a shell of the man that I was.  This has affected every facet of my life.  I joined this forum and Terri's forum to learn all I can about herpes but also to see if anyone had gone through the symptoms that I have.  I did find a few but it took months as my herpes presentation is atypical.  However most of those people were no longer active on these forums so I couldn't get a hold of most of them. 

Anyway, yes herpes isn't necessarily just a skin condition for some of us.  I've read hundreds if not over a thousand posts at this point about herpes symptoms and if it is one thing I've learned is that all bets are off when it comes to this virus.  It acts in so many different ways in different people.  And yes, the psychological toll it takes is immense.  If I could turn back time, I would have just remained celibate to be brutally and truthfully honest.  I happen to be one of those that (because of fear of contracting an STD) didn't fully partake in all the sex that I would have liked to.  And still I ended up here.  My best friend spent the past two decades sticking his d*ck in any hole he can find and yet he gets to walk away unscathed!!!  Shows you how f*cked up and grossly unfair this world is!  Had I known that someone performing oral on me could cause infection even without sores I wouldn't be in this lifelong boat that's I'm in now.  

I get that we should be here to uplift and put things into perspective.  But it's also important to know herpes for what it is: a lifelong, incurable viral infection of the nerves/nervous system.  As such, neurological issues are possible/plausible.  Anyhow, I'll continue to hope for the best for both our situations.  And yes, in case anyone wonders, I've been to a bunch of doctors and specialists and gotten a bunch of stuff done (numerous labs, MRI, nerve study, etc.) to rule out other possible causes to no avail.  I am otherwise a healthy person that leads a very healthy lifestyle.

[Amando]

I totally agree with you that we were all better off not having Herpes but as we have, we have to deal with it as best as we can.

For most of us it is not truly that bad & gets easier over time but also you are right for some people it can be truly horrific.
Ezma can also be really bad for some people, cancers even worse, losing a limbs pretty bad too etc.
But should all the people going through that stuff, just give up?
Perfect Health is very rare, most people have got some problem or other, even when young.

We have to deal with the cards life has given us, & positivity is certainly the best way to go in my opinion.
I don't know how long you have had Herpes as you did not say but I would guess its fairly new to you (sorry if I'm wrong)
& all the things you have brought up are what most people think & some stuff you have written I never knew or even
thought about before, like dementia for example.

You say "bottom line is that life is to short to have herpes", I certainly can't say it has taken time away from me
but it did cost me a women that I felt was special but that may not of worked out anyway, who knows.

I do get where your coming from & we all have negativity in our lives in many forms but for most it gets easier to cope with
& from my own point of view, I've had it 8 years now & this year was the only time it really bothered me because of a rejection.

I hope you do get to a "realistic" better place, because you can live a decent happy life with this virus!

Good Luck  🙂

[benzgtx]

@New2GH You're welcome. You described a lot of what I feel for being a shell of the man I was like. I have a medical background and if I only knew the possibility of such effects occurring from sex I would have abstained from it because it's definitely not worth losing my old self to it.

I'm like you, been to many doctors and many specialists in each speciality without a clue. Everyone is denying the possibility of this being caused by herpes as I am perfectly healthy otherwise. If you read through the literature viral theory is getting more and more enforced but in order for it to be considered we will losing valuable time. Can you please tell me about the symptoms you're experiencing? Thank you for your reply. 

[benzgtx]

@Amando Thank you for your reply Amando. I hate to disappoint you but I don't consider having the virus for 3 years a fairly new situation and believe me I am not the kind of person who complains easily. 

Positivity is the way to go, yes but you need foundation for that. Not the same with you having severe ongoing symptoms. That will obscure your vision from seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Comparison however is a different thing. I won't feel better by seeing someone who lost a limb and think that I am in a better situation. That doesn't do it for me. I am a man of quality. When I say life is too short for herpes it's because it pollutes the good times I'm having. If I don't get to enjoy life then I don't count on the times spent suffering. 

You can read about ongoing solidified research on how herpes and particularly HSV1 links to and possibly cause dementia and about diminishing IQs in the affected persons on the years after the infection. That's in the general population of course. This is exactly what I see we're lacking here, a scientific approach to the disease and not just habitual coping mechanisms. I can only embrace a situation when I fully understand it and that's why I have done my homework on this subject. 

Sorry for your rejection experience. Do you agree with me that this condition cannot be truly described unless contracted? Knowing what you know about herpes can you justify disclosure for the risk of infection? 

Thank you and good luck to you too 

[Amando]

@benzgtx

For me, I am in the luckier category of having a rare OB once a year at most & fairly mild too, so I don't find it that hard.
I agree that it doesn't make it easier that there are people worse off in life but meant that they are things that are truly life changing.
For people like yourself who have it really bad, have bad OB's or constant ones I can understand that it can be horrific & is life changing in that case.

The Dementia thing is bad news to my ears but there is all kinds of stuff coming up about things that contribute to that at the moment & I'm not convinced they know much about the subject yet.

Answering your last questions:  

I would certainly say that people who haven't got Herpes, can never understand the despair that it causes in so many different ways to us.

&  on balance I can understand people without it not wanting to take the risk of contracting it
but will say at the same time, some of these people will date & have sex continuously without worrying about STD's unless they meet someone like you or me, who will disclose & as we are lead to believe, people get H more often from people who don't know or don't say they have it.

My current girlfriend works in the medical world, she is H negative but she is not that phased by it, in fact she is very blasé about it.
She may change her mind if she saw someone who really gets it bad but some people will accept it for love or whatever reason.

There's no wrongs & rights to dealing with this or in fact how you deal with life,  just hope we all have some happiness along the way!

[benzgtx]

@AmandoJust to give you more insight. I had one classic outbreak in the genital area and that's it. My symptoms are more related to the nervous system. My eyes have been affected by the virus as well as my ears, balance and more recently peripheral neuropathy affecting my whole body. If that's not life changing I don't know what is. 

You talk nicely about how people would accept virus positive partners for love but that's from their point of view. Having the virus and knowing it could behave differently from person to the other I'm not sure how we can justify disclosure versus risk. It's just unrealistic match to reality. We would be putting our partners under so much more than we disclose to. 

I don't think you had the chance to read about the association with dementia. I bet you would more convinced once you read about the subject. 

Thank you and I like your optimism. It reminds me of my old self. 

 

[My_dog_is_hungry]

I caught mononucleosis last year. I'm sure with your medical background you know that this is a herpes virus. This disease caused neurological issues for about 9 months afterwards.

My brother had a rare outbreak from chicken pox, another herpes virus (20 years after he had it) that resulted in encephalitis and permanent facial paralysis.

Yes, bad things can happen to healthy people. Yes, herpes-all strains of it, are still somewhat a mystery to the medical community. Why point the finger at HSV1 and HSV2? Why continue the stigma when ALL herpes viruses can cause these problems? Why make people feel worse and more fearful about something that they cannot change?

I had a friend who worked with genes, particularly faulty genes that caused fatal diseases. A lot of people who were at high risk for developing incurable, unpreventable, fatal diseases elected not to find out if they had the gene that would cause these diseases. Their reason, they wanted to live their best life without fear.

Even the most harmless seeming diseases can have devastating results, but I for one am not going to stop living my life to avoid them.

[Ishmael]

3 hours ago, benzgtx said:

 

Bottom line is life is too short to have herpes.  

Actually, the bottom line is that the people at this website do have herpes. Having it or not having it is not an option. The idea that for a small minority of people this is an extremely physically difficult ailment doesn't make it more of a problem for the people that don't have neurological disorders as a result of their HSV infections. The fact, and it's a fact, remains that most people do not notice their HSV at all. Also, I'm not convinced that you are taking an objective or scientific approach. For instance, you suggest that HSV1 is a potential cause for dementia, which is true, but some 80% of the population have HSV1, so it's not something you can do a lot to avoid if you want to have a sex life. Most people here have genital herpes and their virus hangs out at the base of their spines. HSV2 has not been connected to dementia. Also, there is already pretty good evidence that suggests how we might use antivrials to mitigate the this risk: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/07/180712100515.htm

When the authors looked at subjects who suffered severe herpes infection and who were treated aggressively with antiviral drugs, the relative risk of dementia was reduced by a factor of 10.

Why do you think you ignored this fact when relaying this information to the board? I think it has to do with a desire not only to be pessimistic, but to spread that pessimism. 

You have also decided, despite your claim that you are rigorously scientific, to attribute all of your neurological ailments to the HSV virus, even when medical professionals have told you that there are likely alternative causes. The fact is, there could be alternative causes, but you've already made up your mind and will simply dismiss their opinions. 

As for it being an opportunity, it's an opportunity in so far as anything that challenges you in a negative way is an opportunity to adapt to meet that challenge. That doesn't mean anyone has to be happy they have it, it's a way of talking about how we cope with the disease. I don't see you offering anything in terms of how to cope with the disease, except giving into despair. 
 

[Ishmael]

Frankly, I also have to question your motivation here. You are coming to a forum where people, many of whom are newly diagnosed, come to seek solace and a new understanding about the traumatic diagnosis they have received. What is it that you are offering them?

[My_dog_is_hungry]

39 minutes ago, Ishmael said:

Frankly, I also have to question your motivation here. You are coming to a forum where people, many of whom are newly diagnosed, come to seek solace and a new understanding about the traumatic diagnosis they have received. What is it that you are offering them?

I completely agree

[mr_hopp]

"It's not an opportunity" is an understandable reflex, but like @Ishmael pointed to, what narrative are you supporting in this? (For all of us and yourself.) And hey, I certainly didn't see herpes as an opportunity when I was first diagnosed all those years ago, so I get it. But I created this site to help us all continue to shift our perspectives toward Opportunity, to help us all use the hard stuff as leverage for self-introspection and building self-esteem, self-confidence and ultimately self-love. (More infectious than any virus, by the way.) 

Here's a blog article I wrote after someone sent me a similar message years ago: 
https://herpeslife.com/a-message-i-got-its-not-an-opportunity

So no, the herpes virus isn't some magical thing that creates opportunity in your life. You're the magical thing. It's ultimately each of our decisions which direction we go in. Toward opportunity or away. 

Also, be careful about the words you choose to use and the stories you tell yourself about what your future holds. You are creating your reality with every word. What we focus on truly does grow. Here's an article on the power of words:
https://herpeslife.com/herpes-wordplay-the-power-of-words

[New2GH]

@benzgtx,

Geez mister, you really ruffled some feathers with this post!  But as someone who also has HSV-related neurological issues, I can totally understand your frustration and need to vent.  Sometimes forums like these are the only places we are left with to do so.  Honestly, I scared most people in my personal life away (longtime friends, close family) when I tried to reach out and tell them what I've been going through.  It's sad, but most people are just not interested in dealing with such raw and real emotions, or dealing with anyone who is in the dumps.  It's a buzz kill, it gets in the way of a good time.  So it's no surprise you got some backlash. 

Basically people just want to conveniently water herpes down to just a "skin condition" and don't care to hear about the darker side of herpes since most people won't be as unfortunate as we both are to, not only live with the stigma, but live with HSV-related health issues as well.  Perhaps sharing atypical HSV experiences scares most HSV folks unnecessarily, BUT I think it also helps them to put things into perspective (that at least they don't have the issues that we have in addition to the usual things that come with being diagnosed with HSV).  I know that if I didn't have atypical symptoms I would have looked at your story in that way and been very thankful that HSV wasn't causing me so much trouble.  Also, I'm sure that down the road some other poor soul who's been atypically impacted by HSV might find your thread and reach out and you can help them out through their difficult time.  It is bound to happen and to me that would make your post worth it even if you aren't "offering" anything at the moment. 

But either way, it's clear that people want things to be kept light and fluffy in here.  It's okay though, I'm here for you even if you come across as pessimistic because I understand where you are coming from.  Feel free to private message me anytime, heck I"ll even give you my number if you ever want to talk.    I'm here for you and for what it is worth I hope that somehow, someway your condition improves so you can get back to a normal life.  That's all that I want for myself as well.  

PS..  As for you being called out for being pessimistic or negative just beware that some of these same people that are pointing the finger are downright condoning or partaking in non-disclosure, so I question their ethics.  I'm of the mindset that when someone points a finger at someone they are pointing three back at themselves.  If I had to choose between an unethical or pessimistic person, I would go for the pessimistic person any day.  But that's just me 🙂.

[Ishmael]

2 minutes ago, New2GH said:

@benzgtx,

Geez mister, you really ruffled some feathers with this post!  But as someone who also has HSV-related neurological issues, I can totally understand your frustration and need to vent.  Sometimes forums like these are the only places we are left with to do so.  Honestly, I scared most people in my personal life away (longtime friends, close family) when I tried to reach out and tell them what I've been going through.  It's sad, but most people are just not interested in dealing with such raw and real emotions, or dealing with anyone who is in the dumps.  It's a buzz kill, it gets in the way of a good time.  So it's no surprise you got some backlash. 

Basically people just want to conveniently water herpes down to just a "skin condition" and don't care to hear about the darker side of herpes since most people won't be as unfortunate as we both are to, not only live with the stigma, but live with HSV-related health issues as well.  Perhaps sharing atypical HSV experiences scares most HSV folks unnecessarily, BUT I think it also helps them to put things into perspective (that at least they don't have the issues that we have in addition to the usual things that come with being diagnosed with HSV).  I know that if I didn't have atypical symptoms I would have looked at your story in that way and been very thankful that HSV wasn't causing me so much trouble.  Also, I'm sure that down the road some other poor soul who's been atypically impacted by HSV might find your thread and reach out and you can help them out through their difficult time.  It is bound to happen and to me that would make your post worth it even if you aren't "offering" anything at the moment. 

But either way, it's clear that people want things to be kept light and fluffy in here.  It's okay though, I'm here for you even if you come across as pessimistic because I understand where you are coming from.  Feel free to private message me anytime, heck I"ll even give you my number if you ever want to talk.    I'm here for you and for what it is worth I hope that somehow, someway your condition improves so you can get back to a normal life.  That's all that I want for myself as well.  

PS..  As for you being called out for being pessimistic or negative just beware that some of these same people that are pointing the finger are downright condoning or partaking in non-disclosure, so I question their ethics.  I'm of the mindset that when someone points a finger at someone they are pointing three back at themselves.  If I had to choose between an unethical or pessimistic person, I would go for the pessimistic person any day.  But that's just me 🙂.

Who is advocating for non-disclosure? Certainly not me, and certainly not Adrial. That's a pretty significant accusation to make. Also, I have no problem with hearing about the darker side of herpes, or creating a forum that welcomes people who suffer from the effects of HSV to an atypical degree. When those people post at this forum, they are welcomed with open arms. The issue is not the extent to which the OP is suffering, but rather his invitation to comprehend HSV users as existing in a shared "hell" and to misrepresent what the symptoms of this disease actually are under the guise that he is being objective and scientific. He has neurological problems, sure. By his own admission, every medical professional he has talked to has told him that these problems are not caused by herpes, but he asserts that they are. Based on what? Based on the fact that he didn't have these issues back when he didn't have herpes. That's not scientific thinking. Neither is his idea that genital herpes causes neurological decay because of HSV-1's association with dementia. The idea that seeing the faults in his logic mean that I want to "water down" the effects of herpes or dismiss people that suffer from atypical effects doesn't carry water. Neither does the idea that potential partners can't make an informed choice about the risks. What his attitude does is unnecessarily amplify the damaging stigma that actually causes the most amount of suffering for the most amount of people. It's not like most people think herpes is just a skin condition. If most people thought that, then diagnosis wouldn't be so traumatic. 

[New2GH]

@Ishmael

As we know, a positive blood test for type one only tells us we have it but not where we have it.  And as we also know it is becoming more and more common to have type one genitally.  So there is no way to know for sure without sores and only a positive blood test for type one.  If I didn't already know I had it genitally, I would disclose that I have it and that it could be oral or genital.  I would want to protect the other 20 per cent that don't have it.  

[Ishmael]

40 minutes ago, New2GH said:

@Ishmael

As we know, a positive blood test for type one only tells us we have it but not where we have it.  And as we also know it is becoming more and more common to have type one genitally.  So there is no way to know for sure without sores and only a positive blood test for type one.  If I didn't already know I had it genitally, I would disclose that I have it and that it could be oral or genital.  I would want to protect the other 20 per cent that don't have it.  

Just so we're clear, I have HSV2 and always disclose and always will. I certainly don't think anyone who knows they have genital herpes should not disclose. My reply there was specifically about a scenario where you are HSV1 and have no reason to believe you have it on your genitals. 

HSV1, if you don't know where it is, is something the vast majority also have and don't know about, hence everyone that has sex with anyone should automatically assume that their potential partner likely has HSV1 already, because they likely do have HSV1 already. Anyone that has never been tested for HSV1, which is the vast majority of people, should also assume that they likely have it already, because they likely do. So should everyone disclose to everyone that they probably have HSV1? It must be troubling to live in a world where the vast majority engage in unethical sexual practices. 

 In the event that they have been tested, and they want to avoid it by limiting their dating pool to the 1 in 5 people that don't have HSV1, then they can ask their partners or make a point of getting their partners get tested beforehand. Having sex with a random person and then being upset that it turns out that they have HSV1 would be completely ludicrous. Of course they probably had HSV1. 

[Ishmael]

20 minutes ago, Ishmael said:

My reply there was specifically about a scenario where you are HSV1 and have no reason to believe you have it on your genitals.

Or even get cold sores anywhere. 

[New2GH]

@Ishmael, So the message you are conveying is that it's okay for someone who has oral HSV1 to not disclose since it's common in the population?  

[Amando]

In my opinion, I think this website is to shout or say whatever you want about Herpes!

I have no problem with someone being as negative as they want, if that helps them, so be it.

The emotions can change with things that happen in your life involving H & we all have had the anger,
disillusion & pain along the way & it can go & come back.

I will never make judgement of anyone on here, how they feel, what they say & if they disclose or not, right or wrong!

For me this is a place for support, whatever & there are some incredible people on here😉

[Ishmael]

10 hours ago, New2GH said:

@Ishmael, So the message you are conveying is that it's okay for someone who has oral HSV1 to not disclose since it's common in the population?  

Not at all. I think people who get cold sores should tell their partners.

I also think that if you meet someone and have sex with them, in lieu of them getting an HSV blood test immediately before you have sex, that you should assume that the person you are having sex with likely has HSV-1 and that it could be either oral or genital. I think you should also assume that they have no idea whether or not they have it. Because that's the reality. If that bothers you, then you should ask them to get tested beforehand. 

HSV-1 isn't merely common. A disease that affects 1% of the population could be described as "common". Asymptomatic HSV-1 is something the overwhelming majority of people have and it strikes me as a strange disqualifier when choosing sexual partners. But if it is a disqualifier for you, the onus is on you to ask and to ask for tests. As it happens, the medical community does not promote the idea of testing for HSV-1 without symptoms, in part because of the reasons I've stated. 

[Ishmael]

Also, I think anyone who has never been tested, meaning most people, should assume that they probably have HSV-1. 

[New2GH]

@Ishmael, so then people that don't get cold sores don't have to tell their partners even if they know they are infected with type one via blood test??  A yes or no will suffice.

[Ishmael]

1 hour ago, New2GH said:

@Ishmael, so then people that don't get cold sores don't have to tell their partners even if they know they are infected with type one via blood test??  A yes or no will suffice.

I specifically mention a scenario above where someone should still divulge in that instance. As for a yes or no,if I thought it was that simple, I'd answer that way. If that means you think I'm equivocating, I'm fine with that. 

[New2GH]

@Ishmael

You have been caught red-handed and you are just trying your best to save face here.  You could man up and admit that you did suggest to another user on this site (RainyGal, link to that post provided in this thread) that you would NOT disclose and instead carry on like normal if you were in her shoes (positive only for HSV 1 through blood test and never any sores anywhere).  It's as clear as daylight in your response to her.  Slice it any way you want. 

In my book this is something that is UNETHICAL and therefore leads me to question the ethics of the person who would suggest non-disclosure in this context, or any other context for that matter.  She cannot know for sure if her infection is oral or genital and she is contagious either way because of viral shedding.  Your response was the only response to RainyGal's thread and she may have decided to take what you said you would do in her case and run with it, putting others at risk.  Could her next partner be one of the 20% that doesn't have HSV 1?  Absolutely!  Doesn't that 20% deserve a voice here?  Heck, even if 99% had HSV 1 I would still advocate that the remaining 1% should still have a say.  But maybe that's just me.

ANYHOW, moving forward the whole reason I brought all this up was to convey to @benzgtx (and really anyone else for that matter) to not take to heart any advice or criticism that is coming from someone whose ethics are in question.  I know I wouldn't!  

@benzgtxI'm sorry that your thread was hijacked.  It most certainly was not my intention.  But for what it's worth you are getting a lot of views!  

[Ishmael]

8 hours ago, New2GH said:

@Ishmael

You have been caught red-handed and you are just trying your best to save face here.  You could man up and admit that you did suggest to another user on this site (RainyGal, link to that post provided in this thread) that you would NOT disclose and instead carry on like normal if you were in her shoes (positive only for HSV 1 through blood test and never any sores anywhere).  It's as clear as daylight in your response to her.  Slice it any way you want. 

In my book this is something that is UNETHICAL and therefore leads me to question the ethics of the person who would suggest non-disclosure in this context, or any other context for that matter.  She cannot know for sure if her infection is oral or genital and she is contagious either way because of viral shedding.  Your response was the only response to RainyGal's thread and she may have decided to take what you said you would do in her case and run with it, putting others at risk.  Could her next partner be one of the 20% that doesn't have HSV 1?  Absolutely!  Doesn't that 20% deserve a voice here?  Heck, even if 99% had HSV 1 I would still advocate that the remaining 1% should still have a say.  But maybe that's just me.

ANYHOW, moving forward the whole reason I brought all this up was to convey to @benzgtx (and really anyone else for that matter) to not take to heart any advice or criticism that is coming from someone whose ethics are in question.  I know I wouldn't!  

@benzgtxI'm sorry that your thread was hijacked.  It most certainly was not my intention.  But for what it's worth you are getting a lot of views!  

I've made my position pretty clear. I certainly would carry on like normal if I was in Rainygirls shoes and nothing I've said here suggests otherwise. If that is UNETHICAL (lol) to you, I'm fine with that.

As for her next sex partner being at risk, her next sex partner should assume that she likely has HSV-1. It's the same thing that they should assume when they sleep with anyone. If this is a disqualifier for him (or her) and they want to avoid having sex with someone who has the HSV 1 virus, then they should ask if she has it and/or ask that they both get tested beforehand. At that point, she should disclose. 

Question: Should people that haven't been tested (read: the vast majority) disclose that they likely have HSV-!? Why not? Aren't they putting their partners at risk? Sure it's slightly less a risk, but you should always disclose if you're at risk of giving your partners HSV-1 right?

It sounds to me like you are having some trouble coming to terms with your own accountability for your HSV.