mr_hopp
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Posts posted by mr_hopp
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Ah yes, now I see from your posts above that you said your wife was positive, too. Sorry I missed that. 🙂
I've been on daily suppressive therapy (Acyclovir, 400mg twice a day) for about a decade. No side effects for me. Of course my wife didn't take any herpes meds while pregnant since she doesn't have herpes, but Acyclovir and Valacyclovir (Valtrex) have been shown to be safe for babies and pregnancy. Your wife might want to consider taking the meds during the last trimester to minimize the possibility of having a genital outbreak before giving birth (which would require a C-section), but consult with your doctor for more specifics!
Here's an article to check out on that: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3076471
In short:
Question: One of my patients is a pregnant woman in her first trimester with a history of recurrent genital herpes. She is concerned about whether use of her antiviral medication will adversely affect her baby. What should I tell her?
Answer: Studies have shown that the use of acyclovir or valacyclovir is not associated with an increase in birth defects. Limited data exist for famciclovir and therefore it would not be considered a first-line choice for treatment of herpes during pregnancy.
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I completely understand your frustration, @worrieduser42! Dealing with recurrent herpes outbreaks can be challenging and unpredictable. The way the virus behaves can vary from person to person — and even within the same individual. And it's important to note, that for most people (regardless of the frequency and intensity of herpes outbreaks), they tend to die down dramatically after around a year. That's also what happened for me.
Stress is a known trigger for herpes outbreaks, so the timing of your symptoms after a performance review makes sense. It's like your immune system is weakened during periods of stress, allowing the virus to become more active.
The waxing and waning of symptoms can be perplexing. It's possible that during the calm periods, your immune system is suppressing the virus effectively. But when it becomes more active, the virus manages to overcome this defense temporarily.
The use of creams like Abreva and antiviral medications can help manage and alleviate symptoms during outbreaks (and daily suppressive therapy can help stave off outbreaks altogether since it brings down viral shedding 50-80%). Remember that herpes outbreaks can vary in severity, and sometimes, they can be more persistent than others.
Staying on top of your overall health, managing stress, and having a healthy diet can help strengthen your immune system and potentially reduce the frequency and severity of outbreaks. Don't hesitate to reach out to your doctor if you continue to experience recurring and bothersome outbreaks. They can provide more specific guidance and possibly adjust your treatment plan to better manage the virus.
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Hi @freestyyle1983!
It's great to see you taking a responsible and informed approach to this situation. It's totaly possible to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship when one partner has herpes and the other doesn't (called "serodiscordant"). In fact, my wife and I have been together for a decade and she hasn't gotten herpes yet (and we have a kid together). Communication and precautions are key.
Wearing condoms is a good start as they do provide some level of protection. Daily antiviral medication can also significantly reduce the risk of transmission because it brings down the rate of asymptomatic viral shedding (by 50-80%). Discussing this with your partner and ensuring she's taking the prescribed medication is a wise move.
In addition to condoms and antivirals, it's essential to be aware about any signs of an outbreak on your partner. Avoiding intimate contact during an outbreak can further reduce the risk of transmission. Also important for her to be aware of any potential prodrome symptoms and abstain from sex during those times as that may be a signal that an outbreak is coming.
There are many positive stories of couples where one partner has HSV2, and they have been in long-term relationships without transmission. It's a matter of understanding the virus, taking precautions, and being supportive of each other.
Remember, while there's a risk, it's not a guarantee that you'll contract HSV2. Especially since you're a man, you actually are 50% less likely than a woman to get herpes (the penis has less mucous membrane than the vagina, so more barrier to entry). Even without any medication or barrier protection, there is a 10% chance of passing herpes to a woman, and 4% chance to a man (per year). With medication and protection, it brings the chances of transmission down to 2.5% to women and 1% to men. See the free ebook and handouts for more details on transmission rates. (For comparison’s sake ... There’s a 2-15% chance of unintended pregnancy with condoms and a 1.8% chance of death from a car accident.) So yeah, it's a smaller chance than we might initially assume.
Many couples successfully manage the situation and have loving, fulfilling relationships. In fact, when I first got herpes, I thought herpes would be a big brick wall to intimacy. It's been anything but. It's actually been more of a doorway to vulnerability, openness and trust with my partner. Go figure. So keep the lines of communication open with your partner, stay informed, and make decisions together that you're both comfortable with. Enjoy!
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Thanks for sharing this @montereypop! What isn't captured in this is that daily suppressive therapy helps keep partners who don't have herpes safer since it cuts down on asymptomatic shedding by 50-80%, which is a super important consideration! That is the only reason I have kept taking my daily suppressive Acyclovir is to keep my wife from getting herpes. It's a personal choice for everyone to weigh all the pros and cons and make an informed decision.
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Riveting Ted Talk @worrieduser42! 😉
Your approach to getting follow-up bloodwork and consulting a dermatologist is a solid proactive step. Sometimes symptoms can be challenging to pin down — a lot of Venn diagram overlaps for sure! — and it takes a combination of tests and specialist insights to get a clearer picture.
The sensations you've described do sound unusual for herpes, and it's good to expand your view to explore various potential causes. While it's good to stay informed, remember that Dr. Google can be a paranoia monster and lead you down a rabbit hole of worry! Sounds like your healthcare team is on the case and will help ground you.
The symptom diary idea is excellent. It can help you track patterns and possibly identify triggers, which could be valuable information for your healthcare peeps.
I know waiting for answers can be tough, but hang in there. Keep communicating openly with your medical team, and hopefully, you'll get the clarity you're seeking soon. Keep us updated!
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Hey there @americanamadan!
Navigating the world of herpes can be a bit perplexing, especially when it comes to those IGG levels. IGG levels can vary from person to person, and they can change over time. High IGG levels often indicate a strong immune response to the virus, which is generally a good thing. It means your body is working hard to keep the virus in check.
However, in some cases, consistently high IGG levels might warrant further investigation. It could be due to factors like a recent outbreak or a particularly active immune response, which might not necessarily indicate an issue. Stress, illness, and even diet can influence these levels.
If your doctor isn't overly concerned, that's generally a positive sign. But if you're still worried or if these high levels persist, consider discussing it with a specialist like Terri Warren. They can provide a more detailed evaluation and help address any lingering questions or concerns.
Remember, your body has been handling this virus for quite a while, and while it might throw the occasional curveball, you've got a pretty resilient immune system on your side. Keep managing your outbreaks as you have been, and don't hesitate to reach out to a specialist for further peace of mind. 😊
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Hi @bd2nbo,
I'm really glad you reached out to the community for support and information. Dealing with herpes can be challenging, but you're not alone in this journey.
1. "Phantom" nerve pain is something that many people with herpes experience. It's often described as a tingling, burning, or discomfort in the areas where you've had outbreaks before. While it can be unsettling, it doesn't necessarily mean that a full-blown outbreak is imminent. The suppressive medication you're taking can help reduce the frequency and severity of outbreaks, but it might not eliminate these sensations entirely. It's essential to continue taking your medication as prescribed, even when you're feeling these symptoms, to help keep the virus in check. Transmission risk is lower when you're on suppressive therapy, but it's not zero. (Generally it lessens viral shedding by 50-80%, which is hugely helpful in minimizing transmission). It's still possible to transmit the virus to a partner, especially if you have intimate contact during an outbreak or when you're experiencing prodrome sensations. Using protection and having an open conversation with your partner about your herpes status is crucial.
2. Finding a knowledgeable and trustworthy doctor is essential when managing herpes. It can be frustrating when you feel like your healthcare provider isn't giving you the guidance you need. Unfortunately I hear about this a lot. There are just so many doctors who are just ignorant about how to treat herpes, and some who are outright stigmatized. Oof. For medical advice from a true professional, I always suggest booking a time with Terri Warren or asking questions on her forums; she's super knowledgeable in all things herpes. As far as finding a local doctor, don't hesitate to literally interview doctors on the phone to get a sense of how much they know about herpes or if they are awkward or throw any sort of stigma or shade in answering any herpes-related questions.
You're making great strides in your journey of acceptance and self-love. Keep reaching out for support, and remember that you have a community here to help you along the way. 😊
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Hi @brown-eyes!
I completely understand your concerns and frustrations about disclosing your herpes status to potential partners. It's a situation that many people with herpes can relate to. You're absolutely right; having herpes doesn't define you, and it shouldn't overshadow all the wonderful qualities that make you who you are.
@montereypop provided some excellent insights, especially about the timing of disclosure. It can indeed vary depending on your dating environment and your comfort level. There's no one-size-fits-all approach, but finding a balance that works for you is key. My answer to "when do I disclose?" has always been "When you feel you can trust this person with your vulnerability." That's huge. And it goes a long way to being an amazingly helpful filter to help weed out any potential crazies or those in it for the wrong reasons.
While it might feel daunting to bring up the topic, remember that disclosing your herpes status is a responsible and honest step. It's about letting someone get to know you for who you are, including this part of your life. You're not a walking dealbreaker; you're a person with a lot to offer. And you might be surprised by how often an honest and vulnerable disclosure conversation opens the other person up to be vulnerable themselves, which opens up a whole lot of connection.
One approach that many find helpful is having a conversation before things get too serious emotionally or physically. This gives both you and your potential partner the space to make informed decisions about your relationship. Honesty and openness can go a long way in building trust. One of my favorites is having a "pre-disclosure" ... here's a quick video on that: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/the-pre-disclosure-before-the-talk
And here's a whole slew of other videos I've made that should help answer a lot of the questions you brought up:
- https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/when-do-i-have-the-herpes-talk
- https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/how-to-be-fully-present-for-the-herpes-talk
- https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-talk-to-script-or-not-to-script
- https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/vulnerability-as-strength-in-herpes-disclosure
- https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-rejection-as-a-relationship-filter
Lastly, don't lose hope, for gosh sake! There are people out there who not only will accept you for who you are, but see your deep beauty and say "Ah, I found her! The diamond in the ruff!" 🥳 In other words, it's not herpes that's going to ultimately divorce you from finding love; but your open-hearted vulnerability will be an electromagnet to the kind of man who is ready for a real relationship. Finding the right partner might take time, but when you do, you'll know that they appreciate you for your honesty and the amazing person you are. And that is the stuff that builds true, long-lasting, deep and intimate relationships.
Stay strong, and don't hesitate to reach out if you have more questions or need support along the way. You're not alone in this journey. 💪😊
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Hey there @montereypop!
Thanks for sharing your experience and questions. It's great to see you looking for help while also wanting to contribute to our community. Much appreciated!
Your situation with herpes and medication is a thoughtful one. Valacyclovir, as you know, can be quite effective in managing outbreaks and improving overall well-being. The decision to switch from a daily suppressive therapy back to episodic treatment might have a few reasons.
Firstly, doctors often consider the overall health and medical history of the patient when prescribing medications long-term. While valacyclovir is generally considered quite safe over the long term, like any medication, it can have side effects or interactions with other medications you might take. Your doctor may have wanted to reassess your specific case after a year to see if the daily therapy was still the best fit for you.
Secondly, herpes medications are typically well-tolerated, and the virus doesn't easily develop resistance to them. However, there might be concerns about long-term use and potential side effects, although these are generally rare.
There's also the consideration (assuming your wife doesn't have herpes) of protecting her. Episodic treatment won't do that, but daily suppressive therapy brings down asymptomatic viral shedding anywhere from 50-80%, which is huge in minimizing the chances of transmitting herpes to your partner.
Remember, you should make choices that align with your comfort and health needs, while also balancing keeping your partner safe. Whether you continue with daily suppressive therapy or opt for episodic treatment, your family's well-being is the priority.
Good luck with your future plans, and congrats on moving into such a sweet phase of life together! Feel free to share more insights or questions with the community as you continue your journey. See you around the forums! 🙌
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You're welcome!
It's totally understandable that you're eager for this ordeal to be over. Dealing with cold sores/shingles can be quite a journey, and it's true that the first experience can be more intense for some folks. Our bodies can react in unique ways to these viruses, so what you're experiencing may not be entirely out of the ordinary.
You're right that Prednisone can sometimes affect the virus, potentially making it more active. But hey, hindsight is 20/20, and you were just following your doctor's advice. Now, you're taking the right steps by adjusting your treatment plan to get this under control.
Hang in there, keep up with your healthcare provider's recommendations, and hopefully, this episode will go back into hiding.
Here's to better days ahead!
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First off, big kudos to you for sharing your journey with such openness and detail. It's not easy, especially when you're dealing with something as frustrating and mysterious as cold sores.
The sensation you're feeling around 30 minutes after taking the Valacyclovir (the heat/burning) isn't uncommon. It could be your body's way of reacting to the medication as it gears up to fight the virus. Medications like Valacyclovir aim to suppress the herpes virus and can sometimes trigger sensations like this.
The switch from thinking it's cold sores to potentially being shingles is interesting. Both are caused by different strains of the same family of viruses, and they can sometimes have overlapping symptoms. It's not unheard of for someone to have both at the same time, although that's relatively rare.
Going forward, seeing a dermatologist is a good call. They can provide a closer examination and perhaps more clarity on what's been happening. Keep following your healthcare provider's advice and let the medication do its thing.
Remember, you're not alone in this. Many people deal with similar situations. Stay positive, and I hope your upcoming appointments provide the answers you're looking for. Here's to getting things back to normal!
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Hey there, @sunshine367!
No worries, no judgment here. This is a safe space to share, and it takes a lot of courage to share as you have. So kudos to you.
I can totally understand how this situation can feel incredibly confusing and frustrating. First and foremost, remember that you're not alone in dealing with this. Many people have faced similar uncertainties when it comes to herpes, and it can indeed be a puzzle.
As @AlliKat12 mentioned, herpes can sometimes be asymptomatic, meaning people may carry the virus without even knowing it. This adds an extra layer of complexity to figuring out the source of infection. It's also possible for the virus to remain dormant for years and then manifest with symptoms much later.
In your situation, considering the close timeline between your encounters, it might seem like a rapid transmission, but the reality is that herpes transmission dynamics can be unpredictable. Asymptomatic shedding can occur at any time, making it challenging to pinpoint the exact moment of transmission.
The most important steps now are to focus on your health and well-being and to disclose your diagnosis to any current or future partners. Knowledge and open communication are key to informed decisions regarding sexual health. The H Opp ebook will help get you kickstarted on how to disclose in a different, connecting way: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook
Remember, this virus doesn't define you, and with time, you'll gain more clarity about your own situation. In the meantime, try not to get too caught up in the "whodunit" aspect of this puzzle, as it may remain unsolved. What's essential is that you're taking proactive steps to manage your health and make responsible choices in your intimate relationships.
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Hey there @sunshine367,
Sorry for the late response, our whole family is just getting over our first bout of Covid. Oof!
I can understand your concerns about how herpes can be transmitted, especially when you're still getting familiar with how HSV1 and HSV2 work. It's great that you're seeking information and clarity.
As @AlliKat12 mentioned, HSV2 typically prefers the genital area, and it's quite rare for initial outbreaks to occur on hands or fingers. Plus, the virus doesn't tend to thrive on skin surfaces like the hands. It's more commonly transmitted through direct genital-to-genital contact or genital-to-mouth contact (more warm mucous membranes), especially during outbreaks or asymptomatic shedding.
HSV1 is often associated with oral cold sores, but it can also infect the genital area through oral-genital contact during an active outbreak or asymptomatic shedding. (More than 50% of all new genital herpes cases are HSV-1, transmitted via oral sex when the giving partner had an oral outbreak and went down on their partner.)
When it comes to transmission, while it's important to be cautious, the chances of spreading the virus are relatively low, especially when you take preventive measures like using protection and avoiding contact during active outbreaks. For a detailed breakdown on transmission rates based on outbreak location and type of herpes, get the free ebook & handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook
Seeking knowledge and understanding about herpes is a great step toward managing it and making informed choices in your relationships.
Feel free to ask more questions or share any concerns you have; this community is here to support you. You're not alone in this journey!
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@AlliKat12 is spot on. If you don't have oral herpes, then you're good to go with all the kissing that you want without risk of transmission. 🙂 Herpes tends to stay in the area where your primary infection was and doesn't tend to travel.
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Hi @mz.bigred
Sorry for the late response, our whole family is just getting over our first bout of Covid. Oof!
Finding out you have genital herpes can be incredibly daunting and emotionally challenging. I'm glad you recognize that having herpes doesn't define your worth. You're absolutely right; you are not disgusting, dirty, or worthless because of this.
(And thanks for your awesome response, @AlliKat12! Great advice.) 👌
When it comes to love, trust, and relationships, it's perfectly natural to have concerns, especially considering your past experiences. Take your time, and don't rush into anything. Your health and well-being are top priorities, and the right person will understand and accept you for who you are, herpes and all.
In the meantime, focusing on yourself and your daughter is a fantastic approach. Self-care and self-love are foundations for any successful relationship, and they will help attract the right kind of love into your life.
Whenever you're ready, feel free to share more. We're here to support you through this.
Take good care of yourself.
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Hey @bingus1000, good to see you again. Did you look into getting a Western Blot like I mentioned in your last post? That's going to be the definitive test for you to get the answers you're seeking. 1.62 is still considered in the low positive range, so it can't be counted out. IgG results can be pretty confusing/frustrating with a lot of gray area for interpretation. And they're rife with false negatives/positives. And about the Valtrex, it's pretty well-tolerated for most folks, so you should be good to take it if it helps ease your mind in this middle ground as you seek out a definitive test result, but ask your doc to make sure.
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The risk of contracting herpes from the scenario you described is extremely low. Facial herpes (typically caused by HSV-1) is typically transmitted through direct skin-to-skin contact, like kissing or oral sex with someone who has a history of herpes outbreaks in that area.
In your case, you had a lap dance where the dancer's breast briefly touched your face. This kind of contact is not a common way for herpes to spread. And herpes outbreaks rarely happen on the breasts (the skin is too thick to accommodate a herpes outbreak). Plus, the appearance of a small bump on your lower lip without any other symptoms doesn't necessarily indicate a herpes outbreak. Many things can cause minor skin irritations or bumps.
However, if you're concerned or the bump persists, you can get the bump swabbed and PCR tested to help put your mind at ease. But based on what you've described, the likelihood of contracting facial herpes from this encounter seems very low.
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Hey @afraidofheights,
I can feel how tough things have been for you since your diagnosis, and I'm really sorry to hear that. It sounds like you've been through a lot, and dealing with herpes can be a real rollercoaster of emotions.
First off, let me reassure you about something: Herpes generally doesn't spread to different parts of your own body by touch alone, especially not in the way you're describing. The virus usually stays where it initially entered. So, while those bumps on your hands and feet are definitely concerning, there's a big chance they might not be related to the herpes on your genitals at all. And yes, whitlow is a thing, but the reason it's rare is that the way it's spread tends to be the perfect storm of touching an open herpes outbreak (the liquid inside) with a place on your finger that has cut/abrasion before your body has built up immunity to the virus. Even then, herpes really doesn't prefer to be on the fingers or anywhere with non-mucous membranes. It prefers moist, warm places, which is why the vast majority of herpes outbreaks happen on the genitals and mouth. So even in the slight chance that you have whitlow, the chances of recurrences are very low.
Now, about those bumps, you mentioned a history of rashes and sensitivity to certain things like fragranced soaps and grass. That's a valuable clue. It's possible that these new developments could be linked to some kind of skin sensitivity or stress-induced reaction, especially given the tough times you've been going through. Stress can do some pretty weird stuff to our bodies.
I also want to say that the shame and fear you're feeling are completely valid emotions, but they don't define who you are. Having herpes doesn't diminish your worth or your ability to connect with others. It's more common than you might think, and there are understanding and compassionate people out there who won't judge you for it.
Regarding intimacy, you're absolutely right. There are countless ways to connect with someone you care about that don't involve penetration. Holding hands, cuddling, and sharing deep emotional connections can be just as fulfilling. But also sex. Sex itself still carries a low risk of transmission to your partner. (See the free handouts with the ebook for all those details.) So please keep all of this in perspective and don't let the anxiety freight train run off with your mind. It's totally on the table to have an incredibly fulfilling sex life with a partner. Herpes doesn't take that away from you.
For now, hang in there, and please try to see a healthcare professional when you can. They can provide you with the best guidance and support tailored to your specific situation. In the meantime, focus on self-care, stress management, and remember that there's a community here to lend an understanding ear. You've got the strength to navigate this journey and find happiness and connection along the way.
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What??? Sorry, I misread your post at first. That makes me so angry. Definitely get a new doctor. You deserve to be treated, not minimized. You should have immediately been put in a regimen to help treat your first outbreak (which is a larger dose than episodic or daily suppressive treatment). That would have drastically shortened healing time and lessened the pain you've been going through. I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better.
I understand your concerns about returning to work while still experiencing such discomfort. It's essential to prioritize your health and well-being, so if it's possible, consider having an open conversation with your employer or HR department about your situation. They might be able to offer some accommodations to help you during this time. That's what they are there for.
Also, remember that the first outbreak is typically the most severe, as your body is still building up some level of immunity. It can take a while to heal completely. Over time, outbreaks tend to become less frequent and less severe for most people.
While you're dealing with the physical symptoms, it's also essential to continue taking care of your mental health. A herpes diagnosis can bring a lot of emotional challenges, and it's okay to seek support in that area too, whether from friends, family, or a mental health professional. I also provide one-on-one coaching.
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Hello @Angelinc,
I'm really sorry to hear about the tough time you've been having recently. Getting herpes can be hard, especially when it brings symptoms like yours. It's a lot to handle both physically and emotionally for sure! We can all relate in our own ways.
And I completely understand that when you're in such discomfort, you might start searching for anything that promises relief, even if it sounds too good to be true. But it's vital to approach these things carefully, especially when it comes to products or websites claiming to have a "cure" for herpes. Right now, there's no known cure for herpes, and many of these promises turn out to be scams or unproven treatments. Even if it comes with a "guarantee" you really don't know what you're putting in your body.
Stick to what your healthcare provider has advised for managing your current outbreak. Things like rest, good hygiene, and any prescribed medications or creams can help with discomfort. Remember that for the majority of folks, their first outbreak is by far the worst. Over time, herpes outbreaks become less frequent, especially with genital HSV-1. The viral shedding tends to be lower, which means fewer outbreaks overall. So while this might feel overwhelming now, there's hope that things will improve with time and proper care.
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Hi @dd123
Thanks for sharing your experience with TENS (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation) as a potential way to manage herpes outbreaks. It's really intriguing to explore different methods for dealing with herpes and its related symptoms.
There's a study from 2015, "Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation for chronic post-herpetic neuralgia," which delves into the use of TENS, but there's a slight twist. TENS is typically used to manage chronic pain conditions like postherpetic neuralgia (PHN), often associated with shingles (a different virus than genital herpes, HSV-2). PHN can bring persistent and sometimes severe pain to areas previously affected by shingles.
The study demonstrated some promise in reducing pain for PHN patients, suggesting the potential of TENS in managing specific herpes-related complications. However, it's important to note that while genital herpes and shingles are distinct conditions, they might share a common viral origin.
Before considering any experimental alternatives, I'd strongly advise you to have a conversation with your trusted healthcare professional. They can provide you with personalized guidance and explore various strategies for managing both the virus and any associated symptoms.
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Hey there @Milkofamnesia, (great screen name, by the way!)
I can totally feel your frustration, and I appreciate you reaching out to share! Dealing with recurrent infections on top of managing herpes can definitely feel like a never-ending cycle of frustration and discomfort. It's great that you're already taking proactive steps to manage your vaginal health with probiotics, proper hygiene practices, and even seeking treatment. It sounds like you've been thorough!
It's important to know that herpes, like any virus, can influence your body's overall immune response, which might in turn affect your susceptibility to other infections. PSA: Although I don't have a vagina, my wife does. And she has had similar issues, and she doesn't even have herpes, so it's hard to pinpoint what's what when there are so many inputs to consider.
If your current doctor is struggling to provide effective prevention strategies, seeking a consultation with a specialist might be a good idea. Infectious disease specialists or gynecologists who have experience with herpes and related infections might offer fresh insights. Terri Warren is a great medical-related resource.
It's unfortunate that some people in healthcare might still harbor stigma around herpes. Remember that you're not alone in this journey, and there are many understanding healthcare professionals out there who can provide the care you need without judgment. If you get any ounce of judgment, move on. There are plenty of great, understanding folks out there to choose from.
Strengthening your immune system can potentially reduce the frequency of outbreaks and other infections. A balanced diet, regular exercise, adequate sleep, and managing stress can all contribute to overall immune health. They're all the basics that we already know, but they're your first line of defense to give your body the support it needs to help keep you healthy.
Remember, you're doing your best to manage your health, and it's okay to ask for help when needed. Keep advocating for yourself, and don't hesitate to explore different avenues of care until you find the solution that brings you relief. You're stronger than you think, and your determination to seek answers speaks volumes about your resilience. Hang in there!
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(It's all good! Bring your negativity, we've all been there, so you're in good company. 😆 Just be open to seeing things positively, too!)
"I'm so happy I got herpes! Yay!" — Said no one, ever.
I totally get it! On its face, it doesn't make any sense to call herpes an opportunity. An affront to supposed common sense, right? I'm with you, two decades ago I certainly wouldn't have called it that (and I would have gotten very upset at anyone who might have insinuated anything of the sort!). I got herpes from my then-girlfriend who cheated on me with her ex over Christmas holiday. So I also understand the anger and the feelings of unfairness that we have to disclose when we never got that common courtesy to make our own decision to take the risk or not. (I once got an email from someone saying "It's not an opportunity!" if you'd like to read a more in-depth response to that.)
But here's what I've come to realize: It isn't reeeally about herpes. Herpes can be a powerful catalyst for cultivating our self-confidence, our self-acceptance, embracing our vulnerability (and finding others who will do the same). And the biggest payback to the person who was dishonest with us is to be a better person, to feel the goodness that comes with disclosing (flip it from it feeling like a burden to feeling empowering). So yes, there is a physical/medical part of this, but there is also a much bigger emotional/perspective piece, and that is the piece that is ironically the most painful to most people. It's the behind-the-scenes stuff that runs over and over through our heads.
And the great news here is that you have control over that perspective; you have control over how you see yourself and how you feel about being a person who has herpes. Does having herpes mean you're dirty, unwanted, a castaway, unlovable, etc.? Or does it mean that you are someone who does the right thing even when it's difficult, someone who is considerate, honest, authentic and real? We get to create the meaning. Not society. Not the stigma. You decide for yourself, then act accordingly. (This perspective shift is what the free e-book is all about.)
And here's the kicker: Dating only others with herpes is a form of pre-rejecting yourself. You're cutting down your viable dating pool to only a small fraction of what it actually is. All those fish in the sea becomes a teeny tiny puddle (roughly 2% of the eligible dating population — I crunched the numbers). And it's all based on the premise that you'll probably be rejected anyway by those who don't have herpes, so why bother, right? But that couldn't be further from the truth. So much of whether you are "accepted" or "rejected" is either 1) that it's not meant to be anyway and we aren't a good match or 2) you smuggle in unfair judgments about yourself and what having herpes means, so you paint the situation in a negative light and create an unfortunate self-fulfilling prophecy (in short, you think and act as if they'll reject you anyway, so they do). Read this article for more on that: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-dating-sites
So yeah, it's not about herpes itself being the opportunity; it's about who you are in the face of life's challenges. You are your opportunity. We don't celebrate herpes; we celebrate you! We celebrate how you choose to let this define you, how your challenges can help mold you into a better you ... and the courage and strength that takes. Just to put this in perspective and bring it full circle, the day I disclosed to the woman who is now my wife (and mother of our 6-year-old) was a beautiful day of connection and vulnerability in both directions. It was a step in us falling deeply in love. It didn't feel like a burden. And it wasn't about herpes. It was about us being human together, and all the beauty that vulnerability and authenticity can bring.
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I'm really glad you found the responses helpful. It's true, herpes can sometimes take unexpected turns, and understanding that outbreaks in new locations are often related to the same infection expressing itself along nerve pathways can help make sense of it. And hey, knowing the nuances doesn't necessarily make it better or worse, just a bit more understandable!
I hear you about feeling down – it's completely understandable. Dealing with frequent outbreaks can be incredibly frustrating, and it makes sense that it's affecting your outlook. It's okay to have moments of doubt and frustration. And remember, everyone's journey with herpes is unique, and timelines for improvements can vary a lot.
As for the impact on your sex life, that's a tough one. It sounds like you and your partner are really understanding of each other's needs and limitations. While things might not be as spontaneous as you'd like, your connection and intimacy are clearly strong, which is amazing. And it's okay to not want to take daily antivirals if they're not giving you the results you'd hope for. And if you'd like to give it another go, you might try a different antiviral to see if it works better for your body.
It's true that averages don't tell the whole story. While some folks do experience decreasing severity and frequency of outbreaks, it doesn't mean that everyone follows the same pattern. Your frustration and doubts are completely valid reactions. But — and this is important — it doesn't mean there won't be better times ahead or that new solutions won't emerge. Sometimes it does take longer for certain immune systems to catch up and keep the virus more at bay. And medical research is always evolving, so who knows what might be on the horizon.
Keep reaching out, keep sharing your feelings, and keep taking care of yourself. You're not alone in this journey, and while it might feel tough right now, remember that your experience is just a part of your bigger story. Feel free to ramble here anytime – sometimes getting those thoughts out can help ease the weight.
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Recent HSV2 Exposure and Symptom Questions
in Herpes question(s)
Posted
Hi @Soupdujour!
It's great that you've reached out here for advice and support. First and foremost, remember that you're in a safe and nonjudgmental space here, and your questions and concerns are totally valid.
Regarding your situation, it's important to understand that testicular pain can have various causes, and it doesn't necessarily mean you've contracted HSV2. People can experience testicular discomfort for a variety of reasons, and it's crucial not to jump to conclusions. However, it's also wise to monitor any unusual symptoms and seek medical advice if they persist or worsen.
As @montereypop mentioned, prodrome symptoms for HSV can vary quite a bit among herpes-havers. The first outbreak (if it even occurs — 20% of HSV-carriers never have a physical outbreak) is typically the most severe and often comes with noticeable sores or lesions. It's good that you've undergone testing for STIs/STDs, but it's essential to keep in mind that HSV blood tests require at least 12 weeks to become accurate like you said (so enough antibodies can build up in the bloodstream to become detectable on a test). So, consider getting retested after the appropriate waiting period to confirm your status.
As for your mouth question, HSV-2 is rarely transmitted orally (only 2% of all oral herpes cases are HSV-2), so it's a very low probability that she would have transmitted it to you via her mouth to your genitals. And since viral shedding generally gets passed via direct skin-to-skin stimulation, the possibility of it being hopping from her to you based on your friend carrying HSV is slim to none.
In any case, I recommend keeping open communication with your friend and the girl involved, as they might have valuable insights or information to share. If your symptoms persist or become concerning, consult a healthcare professional for a thorough evaluation.
Remember, like you also said, anxiety can sometimes amplify physical sensations, so try to stay as calm as possible while awaiting test results and further guidance. We're here for you!