Aerial2013

Hope75, we r kindred spirits on the belief that forgiveness frees us! Don't ever apologize for "sabotaging" a post! I LOVE reading what you write! MAN, this has been an awesome thread! Thank you, duppystrangler for letting us all into your journey!

Also, remember this episode where 200 men stood on Oprah w/Tyler Perry to shed the shame and stigma of having been abused? I have SO much respect for these men! Notice how they hold a pic of themselves as children? I'm truly not sure how that would work if everyone came out of the H closet at once like that...would we hold up a pic of the person who gave it to us?!?! HA! Yeah! Again, that might not represent a healthy "moving forward" kind of journey, you know? Just sayin'! LOL! http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Full-Episode-200-Adult-Men-Who-Were-Molested-Come-Forward-Video#comments

I LOVE this! Thx for sharing!

@WCSDancer2010 "PS: I know when you are young, you think us "old folk" don't have mad crazy sex or we don't have sex on a daily basis, but some of us *would* if we had a great man in our life! So I totally get your frustration. I'm still waiting to find "him" .. AMEN!!!! :-D

OMG... NexisLexis, thanks for being SO real! I survived my most recent o/b symptoms with exactly the mens boxers you mention! And, like you, I am no cross dresser! LOL! The o/b symptoms were mild, but more sore this time than before, and I'm now looking for those boxers in white so that I can bleach them when I wash them. Sab123, I really LOVE my best fitting jeans, but wasn't able to wear them last week at ALL! I was too sore! I'm getting to know someone right now who is also H+ and he mentioned these briefs he wears sometimes that he LOVES because they have an extra sort of "pocket" in the crotch area. It allows more room for movement in that area w/out having to deal with the leg openings or waist being too loose! Ladies, don't laugh, but if I have more o/b symptoms, I'm getting some!!!

"...to take care of you and your health and be responsible from this point onwards..." @WCSDancer2010 That's exactly the wake-up call my H symptoms have given me. What a shame that more funds can't be funneled into more accurate tests, perhaps even a swab test that could one day be available OTC (like a pregnancy test). Perhaps one day, such a test could have this website listed for support! Ok, dreaming, I know...but hey, why not?!

ShakiraShakira, glad you reached out! I sure hope you find the answers you need here! I'm very new here too, and I can't speak to the sex / sex pain after H issue you're having, because I actually haven't had sex since my first o/b symptoms . There's been too much other stuff around my dx and tests. So why on earth am I presuming to say anything here?! You asked, "Do I just need to give myself more time?" I can only answer for myself, and I'm sure it's a very individual thing to evaluate time to heal...but I CAN tell you that I've had inner healing that has come to be paramount even to the physical H symptoms. For me, two weeks would not have been enough time to look at the peripheral issues shaping my sex life. Some of those issues for me involved my inability to set boundaries without feeling guilty. I am REALLY thankful you posted a question asking specifically about this topic, because I'm hoping to not HAVE to face an even more prolonged time of abstinence! I'm just thankful that my H symptoms made me stop and take a close look in the mirror, to finally see the person in me not defined by my sexual activity (or lack thereof), and I am hopeful that whatever relationship may unfold in the future can be based on an even deeper intimacy than sex alone! Best of luck to you, and thanks for asking this question!

Yes, she's FP. I'd call and get in with my OB/GYN after Thanksgiving, but probably better wait til it happens again, this most recent episode is cleared almost completely. I just assumed a test is a test, have always loved my F Dr., and my OB/GYN is much farther away. Nexis, was the culture you had done available immediately through the hospital, or did you have to wait?

Thanks guys! I looked at some of the previous stuff mentioned, and you know...it is SO easy to give into the unhealthy worrying around this. I hope in time my occasional worrying about inadvertent transmission goes away.

Thanks guys! I looked at some of the previous stuff mentioned, and you know...it is SO easy to give into the unhealthy worrying around this. I hope in time my occasional worrying about inadvertent transmission goes away.

Thanks guys! I looked at some of the previous stuff mentioned, and you know...it is SO easy to give into the unhealthy worrying around this. I hope in time my occasional worrying about inadvertent transmission goes away.

I will find out which blood test was done. The range for results shows levels < .9 are negative, .9 to 1.0 are "equivocal" , and >1.0 is positive. My result was .9 @ about 2 months out from initial outbreak. I don't yet have the printout from the swab. And btw...u r clearly the brains around here! LOL! Who else goes around talking PCR vs Serologic? LOVE it!

I hear you! Just had a 45 minute conversation w/my Dr, (our second conversation of the day) who btw is an awesome woman. My issue hasn't ever been with her, I've just had alot of confusion over test results. I was told to still proceed as though positive even though swab came back "inconclusive". I told her I was confused by her saying that because she reported "negative" to me earlier today. She confirmed that was what the actual lab report said, but she had no explanation whatsoever for the blisters other than H and wanted me to proceed as though positive. Her concern at this point is with the labs handling of the sample, as well as for me to be able to get the anti-virals paid for by my insurance.... And so it seems this will continue w/out anything definitive in terms of the tests. Talk about a lesson in waiting patiently...ok, maybe not so patiently at times! HA!

Speaking of spreading, peach, would you have concerns about slow draining showers we share with family during OBs? Should I take special precautions if kids have anything open on their feet, toes, etc? My one child is on her feet constantly and had rubbed a blister from her boots...I felt nervous and cleaned the shower before she got up one morning because I was having an OB. Am I being paranoid?

I'm visiting my mom, and she thinks Dr. Oz is a god! So today, when he suggested a sure fire way to avoid razor burn included a single blade razor, I had to walk away! If a man uses four and five blade razors on his face, why exactly would I use ONE blade on my....well...YEAH! HAD to laugh! My most recent "OB" (I put quotes because of ? surrounding my tests) is almost ccompletely clear, and I can't WAIT to shave! My dr said most important thing is not to skimp on using a new blade each time. I've decided to use cheaper razors everywhere else, and am also going to try the advice of @peachyogurtisawesome above and dip my fresh blade in boiling water after using it down under so I can feel safe using that blade elsewhere while it's sharp enough. That way, my frugal side is satisfied while still being sure to use a new blade each time where it's really important not to break skin.

Found it...and she didn't exactly call it "two for one special" but close... http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1132/herpes-can-find-you-the-right-partner/p1 Hope the link is allowed.

@duppystrangler , it takes alot of courage to talk openly about things that just one generation back were unmentionable! BRAVO, lady! I am to be 44 soon, and learned to talk about my own childhood abuses, incest, rape and other horrific experiences long before my recent experiences w/this H journey. Though my recent experiences w/H are at best likened to a "blender" (as I like to call it), I am thankful to have had the opportunity to at least begin to see myself apart from all the "stuff" that happened TO me. I don't know what your experiences on this site will be like, but I can tell you that for me, I am thankful beyond words for a place to be THIS real! This is truly as real as it gets, and I have yet to find anything as refreshing! I can tell you, though, that just when I thought I had truly come to terms with all the shit mentioned above, this H journey started taking me to even deeper vision. It has made me pause and look first and foremost at my view of myself in intimate relationships. My intimate relationships have always defined me somehow, almost like I lost myself once I was connected intimately to another human being (which, for me has been male). My deep attitudes toward men that were shaped by the men who hurt me as a child, and my absolute FEAR of being alone is what I now am looking closely at because of the last few months navigating H and the associated tests w/my dr. I wanted to tell you of a woman named Lelani on this site who posted publicly her very inspirational story navigating what she called the "Two For One Special". I don't know if ordinary members are allowed to post internal links, but I'll try. You may not find hope in it yet, but please, from one survivor to another, don't give in to the idea that it's not at least possible, ok?! Again, BRAVO, lady! It is my hope for you that you come to terms with the reality that you are "More than the choices that you've made, and MUCH more than the choices of others that tried to make you."

WCS, I wish we hadn't missed your post on here, but thanks so much for your response...Actually, my first and both subsequent "OB"s we're in the exact same place, same appearance, and yes, they did open up, and even get a scab like appearance as they healed. The dr called them mild because the two OBs she actually saw only consisted of 3 blisters. I went in before they did, though, and then couldn't swab later because she was out of the office for an extended weekend. I was thinking about the allergies, and I haven't changed any personal products or laundry soaps, etc. Have u ever heard of false neg swabs, WCS?

I thought we did the right thing not swabbing until the blisters were "open", and I also thought we did he right thing waiting a good spell after initial exposure for blood tests. With both reporting negative results for everything, I just don't know what to think! Peach, the Dr actually said she was sure it was H, and that we probably needed to repeat labs so that antibodies were high enough to register. She actually thought the swab was going to be conclusive. I hate to think of anyone else going up & down w/the diagnosis yo-yo, but would like to know of anyone's exp w/early false negatives, particularly w/swabs.

Can I trust ANY of them? My first "outbreak" was mild, and I went in to my Dr before the blisters were open, so no swab could be done. Diagnosis was H though unsure of which type, and Dr said it was "certainly Herpes". The blender was turned on and my whole self image as in it! I found this site and began to look inward as I got educated. Less than 3 mos after that "mild outbreak", had another couple blisters and some mild discharge, so went in for labs and pap. Again, couldn't swab because blisters weren't "open" according to Dr, but we drew all labs. Again, she said it was certainly Herpes based on what she saw. We looked at every possible 3 letter acronym you ever hoped to avoid (and yes, I HAVE to laugh here :) and ALL labs/pap smear came back negative...YAY, right? But what was this "outbreak"? She told me to move forward as though positive, with continued efforts to reach out and shed the stigma, as well as the responsibility required of an H+ woman. When I had an "OB" last week, I waited for the blisters to open, and went in for a swab. Just got the call from my Dr that the swab is negative! I swear...do I laugh, cry, or WHAT?! I asked my Dr, "So WHAT he hell am I dealing with here. Because, you have now told me THREE times that these are "outbreaks", and it's been a pretty tough few months to now not know wtf I'm dealing with"! She said, "Well, could be some kind of 'allergy', but could still be Herpes. We'll swab again when it comes back." Notice she said "when"? Has anyone out there had a false negative on an actual swab? My Dr says she has only seen a false negative when the lab reported an error on their part, and it's only happened twice in her career. I swear, it feels like I no more than come to terms with things, and these tests don't match what the Dr says!

Adrials comment on accepting and loving oneself made me want to share the choice I made over self-loathing and failing to enjoy the moment... I am fairly newly diagnosed and have made one very important decision for myself right now...absolutely no major changes without very careful consideration. Now, there are things that were already happening that likewise I haven't "stopped" because that would be a major change also. But all things are moving slower to protect my most valuable asset...ME. I've decided that if I don't care for and protect myself, I am really not helping ANYone else either! When I feel tempted to make a move to do or say something that has even a hint of moving too quickly, I pause and remind myself to take a few days or a week. If I still feel the same then, and usually I don't, THEN I will act on it. Most of the time, if I get that little prick that says "too fast", it's a good idea to listen to it. Only the most consistent and solid things survive the blender that's whirled my emotions since being diagnosed. I wanted to move to a new town, sleep w/my new friend, go back to school, tell the whole world, etc, and am now very glad I didn't!!!

"...just glad I can be myself..." ABSOLUTELY!!! I don't know what it would be like if I hadn't found herpeslife.com!

Taylormade, I couldn't agree more! I don't personally care for thongs, but don't like the granny's either, I just wish someone would create a more cotton like lace in a boy short! I have to say, I'm fairly new to the journey w/H, but OMG, I do NOT want to have to give up shaving! I knew better than to try to shave during an outbreak, but had not read it could trigger one :(. I REALLY hope that isn't true!!!

Just four months ago, I wanted to DIE! Now I can not only talk about this virus, but I'm able to hold my head up without shame! What a gift! I didn't believe you, ya know?! Now here I am with mutual interest, attraction, and respect between myself and a potential partner who is not only functioning as an independent and whole person, but one who also respects my own need to be that for myself. I just can't thank you enough for this site! Please forgive if this wasn't a good thread to post this on.

Never mind....just looked closer at the previous link... I LOVE this site! Thank you SO much!!!!