Aerial2013

Wow! yes Yes YES! :)

Look out everyone, it's VERY clear that our WSCDancer is PHENOMENAL at research!!!! :-D YAY! We ALL benefit!

Ugh...intense itching, my lower back hurts badly, I have general body ache, and I can't sleep. Lesson learned...don't assume sleeping is easy during an o/b just because I feel tired! Awake for an hour now, and up for work in another hour.

"Damn you woman damn u and ur evil sex drive" ~ @peachyogurtisawesome LMAO Meanwhile, somewhere on the planet, a penis says, "Bless you, dear woman, bless you and your evil sex drive"! Whew, am I ever thankful that libido isn't evil! If so, some would be walking around with horns, tails, or the like! And what a blessing that this site and these discussions are helping to more deeply heal the heart and mind behind the libido! DAMN, just think...we are going to be even MORE fine on the other side of this part of our journey! WHAT a catch, to find ppl like us with sex drive AND healthy hearts/minds!!! :-D

@Ponce44, You ask, "So why do I feel so dirty and why did I lose all hope and confidence in ever finding someone who will want me?" I felt "dirty" because of the stigma. I replaced the stigma with education and true knowledge about H, and have begun to see the reality that I WILL find someone who will want me! I just have to be about the business of being the best version of me ever to walk the planet! That's good for me AND my future man!

hope75 ~ "spiritual connection" Spot on!!! :-)

Well, thx ladies! I know not to ever wipe forward, but wasnt clear about the wipe vs pat, whole swipe vs stop at peri area. cc123, you do NOT sound like a 15 yr old! OMG, you are just fine...afteral, I started a thread telling the whole world what I just did, and lemme tell ya, I am THANKFUL that I didn't say one negative thing about myself or apologize for asking a question that feels important to me! To respond to your question, cc, I've had mild discomfort/itching in between all of mine so far...and so far (at least for me), it was dominantly in the peri area, and that isn't where my blisters appear. I wonder if it's not just some shedding going on, even in the absence of blisters, but of course have nothing to base that on but curiosity.

I'm starting my fourth o/b, and at least feel a bit more prepared than with the other 3, so here goes a VERY straight forward question: If I wipe straight from the front of my labia all the way back to my anal area, do I risk spreading H to my anal area during an active outbreak? So far, my o/b s are tightly clustered along one side of my outer labia, and if there's a risk of spreading it, I really want to know. I am to be 44 [TOO] soon :), and had 2 very large babies, leaving me with a small hemorrhoid that can flare up sometimes, so could I spread H if that is flared? Whew!!! How's THAT for real?!?! LOL!!!!

If I could be there with you right now, I'd bring you my softest, coziest blanket (it's cold where I am), I'd find out what your favorite comfort food is and bring it to you, I'd find out what you like to drink and buy you the best coffe, tea, H Choc, soda, alcohol....whatever you want, and I'd just SIT with you and listen. If you didn't want to talk, we'd watch a movie, listen to music, or whatever. Alas, we must be friends, here in the online place where we met, so PLEASE do NOT think you are alone or defeated just because you are there and all of us aren't. Hang in there sister! This will pass and you WILL have better clarity and vision...AND...I think I'm starting another o/b, so I need you to hang in there, because I WILL have more days of crying buckets, and I find hope knowing that women like you are surviving and thriving! Hang in there sista!!! Some day, I'll be reading of you discovering a love you never dreamed possible, and us gals will laugh and find comfort that truly good men ARE still alive and well!

Here's a thread I started with the same confusion... http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1823/ugh-these-herpes-tests#Item_15 There is good advice in here from some who have walked this road much longer than me. I think I'm starting yet another o/b, so I will follow up if I end up @the doctors again. I really feel your frustration. Know that you are not alone in this. Perhaps in the future, those of us going through this now can help change these kinds of things from continuing.

Wow, Xtina420! HOPE...mmm, wow! To know men like this are out there!!!! You are both so blessed to have each other! Congratulations!

OMG...to wittness and be a part of SUCH an amazing group of men and women...I am absolutely speechless! Well, not so much, LOL! It is afterall, the curse of estrogen to never be w/out words!! :-D I wasn't your age, SG, when I was diagnosed. In fact, I'm definitely more than old enough to be your mother, so I hope you won't disregard me adding that while H didn't leave me on the edge of self destruction @ 20, another very particular life trauma did. I was convinced that my life was completely over, my freedom was robbed, my body would forever be a sort of prison, true love would never find me, and that in order to protect myself I must adopt a "hurt them before they have a chance to hurt me" philosophy. Of course, when I had my first o/b 4 monthss ago, all of those feelings and more came to the surface of my existence. Had I found a place like this @20 to be completely open and real about my true feelings, it would have saved me 24 yrs of living in a prison without bars. H has literally provided me with an Opportunity to look at and get real about my deepest feelings. Stuff I thought I'd dealt with is now coming to the surface for me to take a new look at. I have a "friend" I'm getting to know, and it is by far the most genuine I've ever been in that process. I know for a FACT I would not be ABLE to engage in such a genuine way with this man if it weren't for H. I felt a deep ache in my heart for you as I read through all of this, and I have tears in my eyes to see just how many posts came through so quickly to reach out to a total stranger we view as a "friend" because we relate to what you have shared. We may not have all been at the same exact stage of life as you, certainly aren't from the same place in the world, and could list a whole plethera of things we may not exactly have in common. BUT, what connects us are the FEELINGS. They are ageless and timeless and know no borders. Our prisons of shame, defeat, isolation, anger, bitterness, revenge, hopelessness, etc....these are what we share. So welcome, new friend! You WILL navigate this in a way that is positive and appropriate for your journey. You will find value in yourself that transcends all the things you thought were so important before H, and you will continue to find friendship, purpose and meaning should you choose to keep searching here. WOW! I am SO glad you reached out with the kind of brass honesty you did. You, dear friend, actually do have a warriors heart!

Adrial has a youtube video about H as a relationship "filter"...the more I read posts like this, the more real it becomes. I am truly sorry that this man apparently doesn't see himself being with you apart from sex. While you feeling crushed makes perfect sense to me, I can also see how this man would have been the wrong companion, let's say...if a car accident, surgery or other trauma robbed your sex life for real. These realities put it in perspective for me sometimes, you know?!

Oh, I hear ya loud and clear! ditto!

I was in a restaurant/bar recently having dinner with family and noticed some people on the other side of the bar throwing darts. I didn't even know establishments were allowed to have those anymore, but it was really quite fun to watch! One of the ladies was REALLY terrible, and kept missing the target and hitting the wall around it. The owner of the bar yelled, "Hey, if I take the target down, will you stop trying to ruin my place?" The woman laughed and said, "Don't blame me, YOU gave me the target, and YOU'RE the one who gave me the darts!" If I remove myself as a target, and stop speaking negative things about myself to others, I take away their darts. I stop giving life situations and people permission to "ruin my place". Sab123, I think bad can follow good, not because your "luck is horrible" and you're "always being knocked down", but because we live in a world where bad sh@* just happens. Knowing that, I am choosing to take away the target and the darts and stop making it easy for people and situations to "ruin my place".

I have a friend on here who e-mailed me about using coconut oil mixed with tea tree oil to "slather" on blisters during an o/b and she says it works REALLY well. I asked her about proportions and how she mixes/applies because coconut oil is solid at room temp. When she responds, I'll return to share. Also, brokencastle, there's a thread on here for ladies discussing shaving (among other things, lol :) ) Check it out... http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1769/ladies-thongs-shaving-and-herpes/p1 I got some good ideas, and laughs :), that I'm going to try, and you know what? It helps keep me from feeling overwhelmed about the whole thing. Sometimes, I just need to lean on someone else's laughter and lessons learned until I get it for myself again. I LOVE your screen name...brokencastle...there's a castle in my hometown that was falling apart and run down. A wealthy gentleman bought it, restored it, and every so often opens it to the public for tours. It's BEAUTIFUL!!! Even broken castles can be restored, right?! And often, they are restored to a condition MUCH better than they were in before! Check this out: http://www.berkeleyspringscastle.org/castle/history.html Blessings to you, brokencastle! Your new friends here look forward to your own restoration!

Fear of Rejection. It's been the root of SO many things I've done that I didn't really want to do. It's been the root of SO many things I didn't do that I really wanted to. It's been my constant companion since my earliest memories of being very afraid that I wouldn't be loved if I dared tell the truth about myself. My closet has never been about the issues most people think of when the word "closet" is mentioned in social terms. My closet has always been about hiding the WHOLE me, the REAL me, the TRUE me...because I just couldn't bear risking someone proving me right...that I'm truly not lovable. WHAT a lie! It took being exposed to H, having 3 o/b s, and getting my proverbial hands dirty in the muck that has plagued my heart and mind for so long... I'm truly starting to get it...I project onto other people my belief system about myself. They, in turn, can only love me in so much as I'm able to love myself, receive their efforts, and love them back. It's all intricately connected, but it all begins with me loving and placing value on myself. H didn't CAUSE me to be "unlovable"...H was a convenient opportunity for me to place blame for something that was there all along. It gave me an opportunity to justify something that I haven't wanted to face. However, the opportunity, as this site and the founder point out so well, is also there for me to go deeper inside and be more open, more real, more truthful than I ever imagined possible! My value is no longer found in whether or not another human being loves and accepts me. My value comes from something deeper and something bigger than myself or others. So, rejection is losing its long held grip over me, and I'm VERY thankful!

thiscantbelife, Hello :-) and thanks for sharing these concerns. I was in the exact same boat you describe. I nearly wore myself out in just under a month scared to DEATH that I would miss cleaning the virus from some surface somewhere and one of my kids would get it. I bleached EVERYTHING almost every day of an o/b, kept my dirty towels & washcloths seperate, and even felt too much fear to sit on my sofa or loveseat because I couldn't wipe the surface of those after lounging. For me, I found a happy medium. Many advise me not to worry at all. And I supposed worry is what was driving me the craziest, so that is VERY good advice! But I am still cautious during active o/b symptoms. There is, however, only one thing I do on a regular basis now in between o/b s...I keep my towels and wash cloths in my own hamper in my room. I just feel better knowing that they aren't getting in the shower right behind me and using those. During my most recent o/b, I did three things...none of which involved me killing family lungs with bleach! LOL! I kept my towel/washcloth separate, wiped the toilet seat (esp on days we were all home together all day during my o/b), and washed my hands really well. What struck me most about what you said was "...I want to make sure...especially my children are not affected by my poor choice." This is what I have battled even more than the shedding symptoms of the virus...the shame I feel when I think of the kids finding out about my own "poor choice". Recently, however, I'm coming to terms with the reality that choices are simply choices. Some have more life changing consequences than others, for sure, but a choice is not made poor simply because of the end result. For me today, a choice is made "poor"ly if it's made in such a way that is intended to hurt myself or someone else intentionally. It may not have been wise for me to ache for a man to make me feel young, beautiful and alive again, and It may not have been wise for me to ignore the red flags around this particular man...BUT, I didn't set out to hurt myself or anyone else. I set out to feel loved, valued and accepted. The choice I made has inevitably led me to discover the source of that deep emptiness and begin to heal it, so I can say that it's getting harder and harder for me to label it as a "poor" choice. While I understand what you mean, and don't intend to invalidate those feelings at all, I want you to know that at some point loving and forgiving myself actually became the best thing I could do for my kids, even above making sure my bathroom was clean! :-). I haven't told them yet, but the day will come when I'll tell them, and I am VERY thankful that it will be without the guilt and shame that began my journey to this site. ~Many blessings to you on this journey~

Adrial, and this amazing site serving to connect us to each other has helped/is helping all of us think a lil deeper, thank goodness, huh?!?! :-)

"I just pray that when I go thru this again, I do my best to remember" ~ lamme34 It's been said that "to reach into another persons suffering means to keep ours in perspective" When I share from my own experiences in first person, when I offer someone positive, validating truths about themselves when they cannot see them, when I allow myself to give instead of always receiving, I realize that everything that feels overwhelming on my journey can be used for good, so it is never completely "bad". I may not like feeling lonely at times, but I don't ever HAVE to be alone unless I choose to be...esp when it comes to H. What a blessing this site is! Welcome, friend!

WCSDancer2010 - "Rather than "waiting" for the next outbreak, hows about just trying to "forget" about it and do whatever you can with diet/stress/etc to reduce the chance of a reoccurrance? That way you are focusing on the positive and being in control of the situation rather than waiting on - er - pins and needles - for the next OB..." This is where I am staying, because it's leading to a better existence for me than constantly waiting and wondering. It's hard, though, some days. Other days, it's natural. I suspect once the research is done properly in perspective to the rate or occurance world wide, we will find that the immune system of the individual is the key. I suspect we will find that to be the reason there are such fluctuations in o/b severity, timing, etc., because the same is true for almost every other virus humans deal with.

Ok, folks...oral sex thread here, so I'm just gonna add my 2 cents worth... disclaimer...this is strictly my opinion... My local health department has an informational track that says that if you test positive for HSV1, have your man use a condom when "engaging in the practice of oral sex". Or, if you're a man, use a dental dam on your woman...... O....M....G.... I would choose abstinence first!

I know...me too. Maybe someday though!!

"I chose to have unprotected sex no matter how safe I felt" Amelia, I hear ya girl! Me too. I knew he had it, he said he'd use a condom, so we made our plans to be together. When I got there, he had "decided" that he didn't want to use a condom. I didn't have enough information to ask the kind of questions that MIGHT have actually been a bit more protection...when was your last o/b? are you on antivirals? if so, what dose? etc I found out later, he'd had an active o/b just one week before we were together and didn't tell me. I also found out later he's never taken antivirals and has had it for a VERY long time. There are two things that have proven to be the most difficult part of my journey so far, and after 3 o/b s they are not what you might expect. They have been 1)forgiving myself for choosing to "have unprotected sex no matter how safe I felt" and 2)forgiving myself for engaging in what I now know was a form of "degraded love", based solely on the heat of a moment. Welcome to the discusion, Amelia! For now, try to hang onto the promise that many here will make that someone WILL want you....and the better you know the YOU that comes to the relationship, the more deeply intimate it can be for you AND your partner in the future!

@Josie - "that I don't have to 'fix' anything. I can just be" As I learn to walk in the reality that is exclusively "me", these words ring as VERY true! Thanks Josie!