Aimee (previously baffled1

Part if the negotiations that we are asking is that he makes a list of all former women he was since he was diagnosed with HSV2 in 2006. (Keep in mind he was exposed to it back in the early 90's when his now ex wife found out she had it.) to the court and officially notify them. also asking that he he court ordered to notify any potential partners. i learned abiut what exactly happened the night i was so drunk about a week or 2 ago when i confronted him on things that didnt make sense and the sudden appearance of my strange symptoms

Jones, so you do have it, you had not disclosed you have It. To me, It doesn't matter if you are a man or woman, no one has the right to take another person right of choice away. It would be a different story if he truly didn't know he had. What I don't get is even after you read my "new twist"thread, you were still a jerk about it. Just because it maybe "no big deal" to you and other people. You have to recognize to many others it IS A BIG DEAL!!! For me,it is a big deal and has alter my whole life and stripping me of having what iI believe to be a normal life forever. There are many others who feel the same way. In time, maybe my view will change and maybe it won't. I do know that i won't let him succeed in stripping anything else from me and my life. The attitude that herpes cant kill you, whats the big deal that my ex and others have is appaulling. There are other medical conditions that can complicate herpes virus and vice versa. there are auto immune responses from herpes that lead to cancer

Dr. H positive, if you read under the discussion started by someo else struggling with herpes diagnosis, " can't get over his lie" Jones has some things his life that has happened to him that he hasn't dealt with that have absolutely nothing to do with herpes, this forum. In fact, no way does TJones say he has even has herpes. His post is has some horrible things in it. If it bothered me, i can only imaginee how the person who started the post who given this because someone to them. I hope TJones can work through his things to find a better place for himself.He has a lot of anger about things in his life You are so right about the problem isn't having herpes but not disclosing to potential partners is the problem.

tjones, i can tell for sure we disagree. im sorry i dont see how comparing a death, which horribly tragic and an accident and the death of your father to cancer to this. what my ex did was cold, calculated, and malice. which is also illustrated in the 2nd part o f my story in the "twisted part wthell " post. when i had sex with him, i agreed to have sex not agreed to be maliciuos exposed to an incureable virus. In my case, I know it was him who gave it to me BTW, I lost 500,000.00 in the market crash. I lost bith my grandmothers, my grandfather, and great aunt to cancer. my best friend who is only 36 has breast cancer. My other best friend who is 40 with a new husband, a toddler , 2 other kids, a grandson,and a granddaughter due any day just tested positive for a cancer that killed her mother 4 months ago. When i was 19 and 20 i lost my 2 good friends who were twin sisters to a drunk drivers that killed them 1 year to the day of the 1st twin at the same intersection. youmarried the wrong woman, guess whati married the wrong man in my 20's who cost me 1000's and 1000's of dollars. You clearly have some serious issues u need to work through and i hope you do. funny, I didnt read where you said you have herpes. what right do u have to tell me to get over it and minimize what i am going through. You know we disagree and thats ok. None of those tragic experiences have anything to due with this and have no bearing what my ex has done to me. i wont get rich from any settlement he and i agree too. He is definetly liable. i am showing him mercy when he in no way shape or form deserves any. i am only 1 of many, many women to he didnt tell he had herpes before sleeping with them. im the reason the Da is holdiing off on pressing charges on him until he sees the suit even though my mom ,who is very politically connected is urging him. i just dnt see where losing his 26yr police career and 20yr military, serving prison time, paying a fine, and being put on the sex offender registary would be benificial. he does have a 12yr old son he supports. His son should not to suffer because his father is neglent, careless, and reckless in his personal life. Like i said before, my ex is 99% responsible in this and should be resonsible for providing any and/all care relating to this. . heres my part, i should have made him show his tests results and/or retest. but i didnt i believed because he put police and military uniform that he lived by the loyality, intregity, and honor instilled by both organizations. Being a veteran myself, i understand the meaning and value of those 3 things. I will never beleive that there is ever a good reason to not tell someone about having a communicable disease before intimacy.its immoral and in my state and 36 others its illegal. That is how i feel right,wrong, indifferent about that. i do hope you work through the issues that plague so you can find a peaceful place in life. i know in time, i will find my peace and happiness for myself and for simple reason that he thought that deliberatley doing this to me would make me be with him and keep anyone else from wanting me. Thanks, Aimee

Dr. H. Positive, Thank for sharing your thoughts and support. :)

I believe his intend was malice from the get go. He had plenty of opportunities to tell me instead he waited over 2years. my opinion, no matter the reason, to not tell someone before exposure is intend on bodily harm/malice. I know that's where we disagree and this OK :) :) The only reason he is not charged right now with this is because of me, despite the intense urging of my mother. If he ccharged and would be convicted, he loses jod civil service job and discharged from military. In Louisiana, he would go to jail, pay a fine, and go on the national sex offender list. Sounds great idea, right? Maybe, but not to me not really, Why? Although he deserves it, it would ruin him. Making difficult to provide what neccassary for me also for it 12yr son. So the DA's stance on it right now is this. He wants to see the civil agreement. Well he will anyway because he will have to justify his reason based on the civil agreement to the court why he wouldn't be pursuing charges.

Thanks, Perhaps it sheds more light on why I'm intensely angry

I wanted to add this thought. To him, this was like a game. His reasons for not telling before was "he was scared. Didn't think I would love him, didn't think I would stay with him" and then the recent twist in mu story with him, his reason is "if I ended up with it, I would have to be with him because no one would want me and also too if he can't have me, no one else can" so ifI taje his logic or game,about this, the way I see it. I have. Ways to play this. 1. Sit back, spend the rest of my life in denial, disbelief, anger,and some form of depression about it or 2. I show him (for myself) that try as he might to destroy me, my self-worth is more than he could ever be and/or destroy. I can show him isthat despite him, I will do, experience, and see more than he ever will. The right person for will come into my life when its the right time. So from his "game" point of view, if I chose ,choice 1, he wins. But choice 2, I WIN!!!! I will be dammifif he wins!!! the truth is if he would have given me the chance to make an informed decision, and not knowing now that he is liar and a life long cheater, I might have choose to stay with him.

Sad woman. Everyeone here can relate and understand frustration and anger. i got HSV 2 from my ex.I was recently diagnosed in November this year. He knew for years he had HSV1 and HSV 2 and has never told a single woman he knew he had it before becoming intimate with them. I didnt see where you said you were from but in my stae, Louisiana and 36 other states it is a crime. The law here is that if someone has a communicable disease that is spread through sexual contact, they must tell potiential partners before hand. It does not matter whether the person they expose becomes infected or not, its a crime. A person only has to prove that other person had prior knowlesge of their disease(s): there are not enough words to describe my anger but even with all the new twists in my story that fuels my anger, i realize this, It wont change what he has done but holding accountable is what i can do. This is what i am doing. He and i are going to civil court. He is and will be paying any and all medical care relating to this and any other medical issues that could be incurred from this. Along with counseling. This will go on for the rest of my natural life. If he dies before me, his estate will continue care. Negotiations are still on going.he has already started paying me back for exspenses so far. I know many here disagree with the court thing and that ok. If your curious what the law is where yyou from, research it. Many are not aware. My ob/gyn who is addiment I have it didn't know about Louisiana law. Im Not pursuing court for revenge. For me, its about responsibility and accountability. Any one can get this at any time, its doesn't discriminate. I happen to know it was him and that he knew he has been having it. He took my right of choice away. It has permanently altered my life. If by taking him to court, I can stop him from putting at one woman at risk without her knowledge, then besides providing for my care, I have accomplished some positive out of it. Spreading it to people knowingly is worse than not knowing someone has hsv. If he didn't know he had it would be different story. Although i feel he is mainly responsible, there is a level of resonsibilty from me. I should have made him show me test results and/or get tested and show me. I didn't. Why? Because he is 26yr member of a police force and 20yrs Air Force. As an Air Force veteran myself, i believed tha t because he wears those uniforms that he lived by the loyal, intergrity, and honor that both organizations push and instill in a person. It is a mistake iI will never make again. Counseling will help you and this site will help you as well. I agree with Adrial, at some point forgiveness has to come into play in someway. I will say this, i will never be able to forgive him for what he did or myself but moving forward is the key. For me;, forgiveness on this matter will be just as my counsel said, Forgiveness is giving up on the hope that the past can be anything different. My lifes' journey has a new direction to take. Where it goes, how I get there? Well that's mystery to solve. There is a song that I listen a lot lately when find all the crazy, emotions of frustration, anger, and sadness starts to over come me. Its called "So Small" by Carrie Underwood. My favorite line in the song is " Sometimes that mountian you.ve been climbing is just a grain of sand." Dealing/coping with this at times seems like climbing a never ending a mountian, like a moutnian range sometimes. But I know that some point in time, it will be that grain of sand. I hope i have something that helpful for you. We are all on the same journey which brings comfort in that you, me, we are not alone. Everyone is at different levels in their journey which makes giving support more enriched.

Loss of words, I totally understand how you about being happy and mad at the same time. My diagnosis is very recent, I had dated someone in the summer so I called him, explained what was going on so he could get tested. He did. He came back negative. I was happy for him but mad at the same time he was negative. To me, it just ddidn't seem fair. In my case, I know who gave it to me and if my job/gyn is right it was recent from my ex, after the guy I dated in the summer. We are human and have human emotions. Learning to ask, cope/deal with H (at which I haven't and can't so far), will manfest a range of emotions that may make sense or make no sense. All part of the journey i guess. It seems to me for a have wonderful, loving husband who supports you, maybe that love and devotion to you can help you through this.

Well, having this is difficult enough, getting it from someone who didn't know they had it its tough, and acquiring it from someone who knew they had it but didn't tell u before being intimate makes it even ,more devastating to me. Those who know my story know how it happened for me.Although II'm still not entirely convinced I have it but here the WTHell part: If I were to believe my OB/GYN, who firmly believesI have HSV 2, based on those blood work results, i would have just recently infected by my ex. This left me completely dazed and confused. Why? Because my ex and I had been split up since May. Ok, so the week before Hollween is when i started having sypmtoms out of the blue. Oct 9, I went out with my friends to celebrate of their birthdays. Im not a big drinker anymore but this night i got wasted like crazy. We were partying in the district my ex wworks in so when he was done working he took me home and stayed so i would be able to get me car in the morning and he had an early detial. The funny thing is i real. Remeber nothing after a certian point from that night, like him taking home, picking up my car and driving it home at 6am and pretty much sleeping the entire next day. which is not like me ever!!! When i told my doctor this, we determined that it was.likely I had been slipped something whileI was out. I asked him, wouldn't. I have noticed? Because that has happen to me before and I knew right away and went straight home before it took effect. My doc said I probably had too much to drink by then to notice. Still bothered and confused about him thinking my being infected was recent, a week or so ago,I asked my ex about that night...What he said floored me and sent me in a complete state of shock!!!!! He said WE HAD SEX THAT NIGHT!!!!!!!!!! He was surprised i asked him that question but then he did find it funny that i didnt talk about it. I said, WELL OF COURSE, I DIDNT TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE I HAVE NO MEMORY OF US EVEN HAVING SEX!! Who does that?????? Who has sex with someone while they are highly intoxicated and barely functional???? I cant say he raped me because i dont remember any of it, so i cant say i didnt agree. But REALLY??? Who does that? Based on that new information, it was a week or so after that night when my symptoms just appeared. IIt after Halloween is when he finally admit that he knew for sometime he has HSV1 AND HSV2. I'm already furious and devastated the he withheld his hSV status from be before becoming intimate,having sex with me when iI'm so drunk I can't do a thing for myself and have no memory of much of that night is more than just putting icinsalt in the wound. I asked him when he had , had his last outbreak, his answer; "oh about a week or so before that night." whenI asked him why he never told me from the beginning and why he took my right of choice to make an informed, educated decision, he said " oh I don't know. I was scared , didn't think you would love me" that was his reason for knowingly exposing me to this virus without my knowledge. Then i asked him why he would have sex with me when im take drunk and plus he knew the virus could have still been active. He said,ok OK are you ready for this answer.... he said, " Because he wanted it and if he gave it time me then that would mean I would be with him because no one else would want me." So he thinking is , "if he can't have me, give me a life long incureable disease so no one else would want me. For that reason i would have to be with him" Please tell me, how does some one cope with that?? HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO COPE WITH, COME TO TERMS, SOME PLACE OF PEACE WITH THAT???!!!!!!

Thanks

Hello, I want to change my user name to my first name. Does anyone know how to do that? I tried clicking on edit my account but it won't click on username space. Thanks. :)

Nic497, Your post is the most moving thing I have on this site. Like everyone else, this has been a real struggle for me.in any other circumstance, your words would be something I would say myself. Thank you for such a beautiful, meaningful post! God Bless Aimee

Wscdancer2010 I feel the way I feel and you feel what you feel. i said my peace and you said yours. It is what it is. But I know wanna know one thing, you said my tnerapist for be fired for the idea of forgiveness that is different then you, where is your doctor degree in phsycology, board certification and years of experience for your justification of you statement? God bless

Wscdancer2010, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE COMPASSION, ETC. YOU SHOW NONE WITH ME EVERYONE HAS THEir OWNS WOUNDS AND MOVES FORWARD IN THEIR OWN WAY. CLEARLY YOU DONT AGREE WITH MUCH THAT I SAY WHICH IS YOUR RIGHT BUT YOU ATTACK PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I.SAY!! IF YOU CANT HAVE SOMETHING POSITIVE AND PRODUCTIVE TO SAY TO SOMETHING I SAY THEN DONT COMMENT PLEASE. YOU ARE COUNTER PRODUCTIvE TO ME. I SEE IM THE ONLY ONE YOU DO THIS WITH ABD IT LEAVES ME DUMB FOUNDED.. IM HERE TO LEARN, GROW, EXPERIENCE, HEAL, ETC. YOU MAKE DEALING WITH THIS DISEASE WORTH THEN THE DISEASE ITSELF. WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE WHAT IS RIGHT OR WRONG ON MY FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS? AT LEAST IF I DISAGREED WITH SOMEONE I STILL VALIDATED WHAT THEY SAID, YOU DISAGREE ABOUT MY THOUGHTS ON FORGIVESNESS. YOU DISAGREE WITH MY THOUGHTS THAT THIS DISEASE IS A VIRUS. YOU DISAGREE WITH MY THOUGHT ON THAT THIS VIRUS CHANGES YOU FOREVER.. I DOUBT YOU ARE THE SAME PERSON YOU WERE BEFORE YOU GOT THIS DISEASE TO NOW. YOU DEFINETELY DISAGREE THAT IM TAKING HIM TO COURT. WELL HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS IN MY CASE AND SHOULD BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS. HE WAS RECKLESS AND NEGLENT. IF WAS FOR REVEMGE AS YOU SAY IT IS, HE CASE WOULD BE CRIMINAL AT THIS POINT. ITS NOT CRIMINAL BECAUSE OF ME. IF IT WERE CRIMINAL HE WOULD GAVE BEEN DISCHARGE FROM THE MILITARY OF 20YRS AND LOST HIS JOB ON THE POLICE FORCE of 27yrs . HE WOULD Be IN JAIL, PAYING A FFINE, AND LISTED ON THE SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY FOR LIFE. THE DA AGREED NOT TO DO CRIMINAL IF HE COOPERATES IN CIVIL WITH ME AT LEAST AT MY REQUEST!!! HE HAS MANY OTHER WOMEN THAT COULD PURSUE THEIRS IF THEY CHOOSE ONCE THEY ARE INFORMED. THATS GIVING HIM COMPASSION BECAUSE HE DOESNT DESERVE. HE SURE DIDNT SHOW ME OR ANY OTHER OF THE MANY WOMEN HE KNOWINGLY EXPOSED BOTH TYPES OF THE HERPES VIRUS TO WITHOUT TELLING ME/THEM. HERES MY RESPONSIBILITY IS THIS: I SHOULD HAVE MADE IN PROOF HIS STATUS BUT I DIDNT I HAVE THAT DEMON FROM THIS TO DEAL WITH. I DIDNT BECAUSE HE IS A POLICE OFFICE AND HIGH RANK IN THE AIR FORCE. BEING A VETERAM MYSELF, I BELIEVED HE LIVED AT THE STANDARD OF MORAL, INTEGRITY, LOYALITY ETC, TAUGHT AND PUSHED BY BOTH. MY MISTAKE TO BELIEVE THAT. I WILL PAY FOR THAT MISTAKE/MISJUDGEMENT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

abc123, i have always tnought of forgiveness as forgiving others and/or myself for things. the reality is there will be things people will do that are Just unforgiveable. My therapist gave me a different perspective of forgiveness especially when those unforgiveable things happen. She said: "Forgiveness is giving up on the hope that past could be anything different."

cc123, Good luck, :)

Imma34, yes, there is a risk whenever you have sex with someone. If I agree to be intimate doesnt mean i agree to be blindly exposed. In my case, i can prove it was him who exposed me even i dated someone after we split. i always got testedand was always negativebefore him.. I was negative short after my ex and i got together. The person I dated is negative and has a record of being negative in his past. In louisiana, I could still be clean and take him to court for knowing and withheld. i know some people dont and wont agree with taking him to court. now im not asking money like that. im just asking for life time care/cousneling relating to this.

wcsdancer2010 i cant judge whether how you feel is right or wrong because its how you feel. No, it wont change the fact of having herpes, but its about accountability for me. Its just plain and simple for me, if a person knows they have it, they have at the least a moral obgilation to tell a person BEFORE intimacy. If a person doesnt know they have it, thats different.

lamme34 I am so sorry about what happened to you. it takes great courage, one to open up about having herpes but even more courage to open up about a sexual assault. i took nothing you said in a wrong way. comparing stories, experiences, thoughts with each other is in my eyes a way to heal, give different perspectives, and learn you are not alone in this.

i agree with her getting money. I have been learning of my status over the last3/4 weeks with test after test. i have because my ex knew he has oral and genital for years and did not tell. in fact im only 1 of many he didnot tell. Inlouisiana it is a criminal offense to withhold health status of acommunicable disease from a poyeintal partner whether or not the partner becomes infected.THANK U LOUISIANA!!! my ex and i are going to civil court. he will be paying for my cousenling, medical costs/treatment relating to this, a portion of my health insurance, for the rest of my natural life. if he dies before me, his estate will conitnue to provide. he will also be court ordered to notify every past parnter and every future potential partner. by getting a court order instead of just a signed agreement, it protects against him from including it in a bankrupcy if he ever files and ensures his estate continues care. Whether it goes criminal, not for me to decide.he is a cop and military so he is praying it just stays civil. louisiana is 1 of 36 states with laws like this. Thank you La. There must be accountability for ones actions. i have a hard reading that people are having sex with out disclosure. Its like someone saying " sorry i cheated on because i drank too much.", most people wouldnt accept that as an ok reason for for cheating.Most would say, " no yoi choose to drink, you chose to get naked, and sleep with someone else." My thoughts and mine alone: there is never an excuse/reason not disclose. Its not irresponsible, cruel, and immoral. I understand the fear, fear of rejection, and shame about having it but each person has the right to choose. No one has the right to take that choice away.

I have just bought some camu camu from Amazon. I will get by Thursday or Friday. I cant wait to try it!!

One would think that for a virus like herpes that has been around long before humans were that doctors would be more knowledgeable; 3 doctors 3 different diagnosises. When I talked to my OB/Gyn on the phone today; (btw he is the doc that he believes about 98% I have herpes even with lab calling him yesterday to tell him that it was possible my lab culture is a false positive.) He was shocked to learn that Louisiana is among the 36 states that make a criminal action to withhold communicable disease statuses to potiential partners whether the person gets infected or not. Knowing the type of doctor he is, I would bet that he will start sharing this information with his patients.

Wscdancer2010, No no acne down there. Since only one says I dont have it and the other do say I do on some level, I have to assume they are the ones that are right. Bacterial was negative. From those 2 doctors we known what type it is. Your thoughts: How could my body be fighting it generally well if its been 3 months of symptoms that dont behave like herpes?