Ihaveittoo1975

Keith, FYI, I had nerve pain in my left leg and buttock during my initial ob. Started to feel the pain just shy of two weeks post exposure. Ghsv2 I understand you are hoping that you have remained uninfected, but should you have contracted H you should feel comfort in that there is no risk passing it on to your wife. It may actually be tougher on her should she have infected you.

Ok, so I have some time to kill between flights and figured I'd add to my posts. First of all, when I say "perfect life" it obviously never was perfect per definition. I doubt many feel their life is perfect all the time. What I mean is, in hindsight, I really didn't have any reason to not be happy with my life. Sadly I often wasn't grateful for everything I had. Sure, there are things I miss in life such as having kids, which is one reason for my seperation this year which will most likely soon end up in a divorce and although I love what I do for a living it can be very frustrating at times, but in general I should not complain about that either. But all in all I really didn't have a reason to complain, and in many ways post H I still don't have a reason to complain. It could be a lot worse. Waiting for weeks to have my HIV test done post H exposure was probably the most nerve wracking thing I have gone through. Back then I was thinking more about the possibility of having HIV, than a life time with H. Once I got the negative HIV result I again shifted my focus on H, bringing down my mood some again. What getting H has done to me is to realize that things really weren't so bad after all. And again, they could still be a lot worse. H has not brought on as bad symptoms as some here are going through, except that my only trigger so far has been sex. I got back into the sack too soon (six weeks post exposure) and should have given my body a chance to adjust. By time I hope having sex will be a non issue as far as ob's, if not it will be quite devastating. I mean, who doesn't enjoy sex? If I can stay relatively ob free I don't think my life will change too much, but, it will be tough if/when I meet someone who is ok with my condition as I really don't want to pass this on. I am sure all of you with a H- partner feel that in one way or another. Even now when I know 10000 times as much about H as I did two months ago, I can't say for certain how I would react if I was H- and met a woman with H. Something I actually feel bad about. I obviously don't want to be judged/rejected by someone for having H, but maybe I would do the same if I was faced with the same decision. I think a big part of why I am having these thoughts is that I had initiated a life transition by moving back to my homecountry in Europe this past spring, and I had already planned for a move to a new country this fall. I am still going through with that move, in fact, that's where I am headed now to look for a new home. Since six months I have not had my own place and I have not really been able to live my own life. Getting H even delayed the start of my new life, which was frustrating. I was really ready to move on and explore a new and exciting city, and then I put H on my resume. I am still looking forward to my new life, but I obviously much rather would have done it without H. There's nothing I can do about it now, but I still think about how even more excited I would be had it not been for H. I realise the best thing for me is to try and forget about it as much as possible, but it's still a too new addition to my life for me being able to do so. I know that with time everything will be just fine, but right now it's a bit scary not knowing how H will affect my life, physically and relationship wise. This turned out to be mostly a rambling post and maybe not so much about a "perfect life", so thanks for listening. Now it's time to get back to my drink before I get on the flight to my new city. Ciao!

@positive As usual you write very eloquently, you have a great way with words! Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I don't have much time to reply right now, I hope to be back shortly for a reply. Leaving Dubai for Siberia, and then straight down to the Maldives. Tomorrow it's time for Barcelona, and then back to the Maldives a few days later. A sample of my working life. No rest for the weary. :( I can tell you guys it's not easy keeping your body in a good condition all while dealing wtih H as one criss crossing the planet like this.

Dancer, I too know that I will find love again. Problem is I have always been a "I want it now kinda guy". I can have extreme patience with certain things, but with other things I want it right away. I guess my generally good life has spoiled me, and having setbacks like this has mostly been absent in my life. I don't want to live my life alone (who does?), and I really want a family to put more purpose into my life. Career and money has prooven to not provide the happiness I for a very long time thought it would. As far as feeling lovable it's actually the opposite. I am the one who filed and she still doesn't want us to go separate ways, despite me acquirring this gift while we have been separated. It's been tempting to stay with her as we still get along wuite well, but I still don't think my marriage would give me the happiness I am looking for. As far as my possible developing hemorrhoid (another great thing starting with an "h") it is more than likely the stress I have put myself through since the diagnose, on top of a divorce, dad going through cancer treatment and a few stressful weeks at work and a messed up sleeping pattern for the last week due to jet lag. I guess the bright side is that stress does not seem to be a trigger for ob's for me. Gotta try to look for the positives in this mess.

My second, and so far last ob was caused after having sex for the first time post diagnose. That was a real mood killer as it seemed I could eat just about anything without it causing ob, but sex triggered it. I am hoping by time that will not be the case. Once that ob had cleared I got a small zit looking thing on the tip of my penis head that just won't go away, no matter how many times I squeeze out whatever is in it. It's been three weeks now. I have been on the road for a month and have a couple of weeks to go so seeing a doctor has not been an option. At least it doesn't hurt. To top things off I think I have a hemorrhoid growing, something I had once in my late teens. I am convinced all of this shit wreaking havoc in my body is caused by stress from the last couple of months. Up until H I have had very few physical problems, now it appears to be one thing after another. All of this is starting to become very frustrating. I am just happy I am psychologically strong and can handle my emotions pretty well.

Thanks inka. It's good to hear that you feel that your life hasn't changed a whole lot due to H. Again, I fully realize that overall my life is quite good and I have little to complain about. What really gets to me though is that I didn't appreciate it as much as I should have pre H. I know I can't beat myself up for mistakes made in the past, but it's sooo easy going back to those thoughts.

Looking back, do you guys feel that your life was pretty much perfect pre H, even if you didn't feel that way at the time? I have always been a bit ungrateful for the life I've had and always been looking for what could make it better. I had a good childhood with a loving family, got to see the world early on in my life on nice vactions, went to good (public) schools, was able to realize my dream profession (still doing it, not always living the dream though), Many would kill for doing what I do for a living, I have stable finances, considered attractive by others, generally a good and easy going personality and my last long term relationship was with a very beautiful woman with a great personality. Despite of all the good things in my life I was never fully happy or satisfied, something I now have come to realize over the last six months (even pre H, exposed and diagnosed two months ago) was stupid. Many would kill for my life. Although I don't necessarily feel like my life is over due to H, as I do have many good things going for me, I do get upset with myself for not appreciating the good (not perfect) life I actually led. I do lots of traveling all over the world through my job and we often stay in interesting places and nice hotels. At the moment I am in Dubai where the party life is quite cool with lots of beautiful women running around. I used to quite enjoy a night out on the town, although the last few years there's been less of going out being married. Now when I have been out post diagnose it's quite depressing sipping on a beer and watching people really enjoy them selves, and thinking every time a pretty lady walks by thinking "she'd probably wouldn't give me a second look had she known my sexret". I am fairly newly single after a nine year marriage, and it's giving up on that relationship which got me into this mess. Honestly I do feel I will eventually be able to find a good girl who will accept me for who I am, but it's still a constant worry in the back of my head. That I won't. I am at the point in my life where I am ready to have a family, and although I am not necessarily old, the years are racking up and the majority of my friends are married with kids and which is adding stress to my life. I'm pretty sure many here feel/have felt the same as I do. I just hope as time goes on that my thoughts and mood will brighten up. I definitely don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. Those of you who have had similar thoughts but are now back to enjoying life, how did you get back to that happy feeling? I'm guessing that when I meet someone new who likes me for me things will start to turn around. Thanks for listening folks.. Btw, although I have ghsv2, I am interested to hear from all H categories.

Already filling back up again. What the hell could this be? I'm two months plus since I contracted H. Could I have been given a second gift from her as well? :(

Ammonium alum, that what it says on the bottle. Just really surprised I have no sensation whatsoever when I apply it.

Went ahead and popped it and then put the alum on it. Again, couldn't feel a thing. I'm starting to wonder if I got the correct alum. I ordered it from one of the Amazon links you posted. It says (NH4)Al(SO4)2 and the brand is LoudWolfLimited, a 4oz bottle. Is that the one you use? Will report back tomorrow whether or not the white head stays away or not.

Will do, too bad I'm at least a week away from being able to see a doctor.

I may just have to try opening it up and pour the alum in it. I have never ever had a spot on this location before so I automatically assumed it was H. It has varied back in forth in size a little. Can a herpes blister "refill" after it has once been opened and cleared? This one refilled within 12 hrs after it popped the first time. I'm just baffled it has lasted this long.

Alrite, so on day nine now with this shit. I know you are not supposed to pop them, but I am at the point where I am sooo tempted doing just that. What are possible repercussions for popping it and then throw some more alum into the spot? I have tried just about anything but pretty much no change. I had high hopes for the alum, but not even that does nothing. Probably because it can't break through the skin. As soon as the spot seems to get smaller and almost disappears, it appears to find new strength. I have no physical symptoms what so ever, but mentally it's frustrating to see it every time I go wee wee. Is it normal for one single, small "blister" to last this long?

Ok, thanks!

Bit the bullet. I first dipped a q-tip in some water and then dipped it in alum before applying it to the bump. Didn't feel a thing, nothing! Then decided to go all out and put it on non-diluted. Again, nothing. Nada, zip, zilch nichts! Either I am super human and resistent to everything, except H of course, or it has to do with that the skin is not broken and the alum does not reach its target. What else can I do? I'm out of options.

The sore is not open, it still has a white head. Does that make a difference?

Thanks Dancer, I will give it a go. My threshold for pain is rather high, but even if it will sting like a mofo it will be worth sending this sucker to its death.

A week ago I developed a single, small pimple like spot on the tip of the head (the small head to be clear). I left it alone for a couple of days hoping it would go away by itself. Only thing I did was starting taking Acyclovir.it doesn't appear to do much. After my first ob when I took Valtrex I had not taken any medication. After a couple of more days I decided to attack the spot with topical zinc in an attempt to dry the sucker out. Didn't seem to have much of an affect either. Two days ago it finally burst and I thought I would be homefree. I put zinc on it again over night only to wake up to it being filled up with puss again. I then tried with hydrogen peroxide which didn't do shit either, and lastly I tried to draw it out with a melaleuca based gel which I used on my initial ob and which seemed to help then. Ghe spot did raise up a bit looking like it was about to burst again, but then it settled back down again. With this little annoying thing still rearing its ugly head a full week later I am at loss on what to do. I did buy a bottle of alum which Dancer so highly recommends. I am just a bit afraid of putting it on one of the most sensitive areas on my body. Is it safe to use alum in this particular spot? Also, Dancer, I didn't realize the alum comes in powder form, I thought it was a liquid. Do you dilute it in water before applying it, or how do you do it? I really want this sucker gone, as it's my only visible reminder of H at the moment.

Can't give you a number on it, but everything I have read indicates to there being a very, very low chance of transmitting HSV2 during oral sex. I say have at it and enjoy!

Guys, you are definitely not alone feeling this way. I'm two months in from contracting it and after the initial ob when I was ob free for a few weeks I felt pretty good. I got back into the hay too soon which triggered a second ob. As soon as that ob sttled down I spotted a single spot on the tip of my head which has now lingered there for five days despite topical treatment and antivirals. This has caused my thoughts to get back into the mode of constantly thinking about it when I am not busy at work. Yesterday I even broke down crying when talking to my ex. I have no pain with my ob's, but they act as a constant reminder of H. I realize that it's likely that my number of ob's will settle down as time goes, but as I was doing quite well staying clear after my first ob I was hoping I would be one of the lucky few who would have very few ob's. It doesn't seem to be the case now, and it has hit me pretty hard. I might have gotten nonchalant with what I eat as it seemed initially I had no food triggers, now I am not so sure. This thing sure is hard to figure out. As far as dating, my advise is to put that on hold and figure things out first and focus on yourself physically and emotionally. You will be more likely to have a succes story to share with us if you have things under control.

John, I think having someone to open up to is huge in being able to move on. Be it on this or other forums, or with a friend or family member. Although I definitely find great support here, what works best for me is to talk to a person face to face. It's something comforting about having someone in front of you in who you can confide and trust. Have you checked if there are any support groups where you live, in case you don't feel comfortable disclosing to someone you already know? Getting over H is a process (which I am still in myself with less than two months in it) and part of that process is getting out of your system and look for support from others. Best of luck John.

Yes, I used a Durex natural rubber/latex condom. Not sure if spermacide or not. I was thinking that the condom may have contributed to the ob, and out of a pure friction standpoint going "naked" might have helped. But then obviously I would have risked infecting her even more, something I obviously don't want. Talk about a catch 22. :( And yeah, we talked about it last night and we both agree that it's not worth to either one of us to keep having sex as it's not a committed relationship. I am going to give my body time to adjust to this and wait until I am in a solid, committed relationship again before getting into the fun again. It definitely sucks, but I have to face the consequence of my careless action a couple of months ago.

murbs, It sounds to me like your feelings are with your ex a lot more than your current guy. In my opinion I don't think you should settle for someone just because they accept your condition, when you don't feel like you're there emotionally otherwise. Even if you were to break up with your current guy and disclose to your ex, and he can't handle it (which from how you describe him doesn't sound as that would be the case), you will know that you gave it a try and since things didn't feel right anyways with your current I see it as you have nothing to lose. I am sort of in a similar situation, except that my ex knows about me having H and still wants me back. In my case it is me who can't decide if I want to go back even if I know it's a safe bet and she is a great woman in most ways, but there was a reason why I left her, and I don't want to go back and then regret doing so. Best of luck..

I'm far from an expert, but doesn't sound like herpes to me.

If it's the same cure posted on another forum, then I can tell you it was shot down as a scam. Sorry..