ivoryrain

@WCSDancer2010 I'll probably go to counseling on campus. I'm already in a sexual violence awareness/support group, so I have that as well. I would love to go, but I don't think I'll have 3 days of personal time accrued by then. I just got my permanent position at work, so I'm just now starting to accrue time off ha. I love my school. We all stick together when something bad happens. I think that the CAMPUS would support me, but not the general public. If you accuse a football player of rape here, it's going to make state (perhaps even national) headlines because of how successful our football team is. (Trying to not give out TOO much info about where I go to school just in case haha.) Any time one of our football players screw up, it's all over every channel and paper, and if it's serious enough, it makes national news. I had a hard enough time in high school with the local coverage of my sexual assault case (because the main guy was the prosecutor's son), and people were so cruel. I can't do it again. I do worry about if he's done this before, though. I try not to think about it. I'm sure he can easily get away with it because other girls would likely be intimidated to pursue anything like I am because he's a student athlete. That does bother me. I know that I don't have any hard evidence even if I did decide to proceed criminally or with student conduct. But I also know that it only takes one person to step forward for others to come forward too. Idk. I'll be more certain about how I want to proceed once I meet with student advocacy.

@whitedaisies I'm supposed to meet with the sexual violence coordinator in Student Advocacy. She isn't a therapist, but she's there to talk things out and advocate if you're missing class or assignments. I didn't see a therapist after I was raped last year. I had extensive counseling when I was younger, so I was able to cope decently well. I may look into it this time, as my rapist is obviously on campus with me, but I'll probably never run into him.

@whitedaisies @cariboo @WCSDancer2010 Thank you, everyone. I'm not going to press charges. I go to one of the largest universities in the US, and he is a football player (which football is obviously a big deal here at a D1 school). That would be painting a huge target on myself, especially because I did not have any physical injuries. I went to the campus student health center, but I refused to go to the hospital for a rape kit. It would be he-said, she-said and would never stand in court. I just can't go through the criminal "justice" system because I got screwed over by it as a young teenager the first time I was sexually assaulted (I clearly have a long history of sexual assault/rape). I could potentially go to Student Conduct where they only need a preponderance of evidence to administer punishment, but, again, that would be painting a huge target on myself. Not to mention, I'm friends with one of his teammates and a few other people, and I don't want to jeopardize those friendships. These are probably BS reasons in most people's eyes, but it's just not something I can go through again.

Early yesterday morning I was raped (again...like wtf is wrong with me and why can't people just leave me alone???). Now that I know I have H, I know I have a higher risk of contracting HIV. The doctor did not see any breaks in the skin and said that my risk is likely very minimal, but she gave me HIV post-exposure prophylaxis drugs to help give me a bit more peace of mind. These are antiretrovirals. I'm not sure what the difference is between antiretrovirals and antivirals, but does anyone know if there is anything I should be concerned about with taking HIV PEP and having H? The PEP drugs are the same drugs that people who already have HIV take daily (Isentress and Truvada). I assume if anything it may prevent an OB, but I just want to know if there's anything I need to know. Idk if I'll even be able to do the full 30 day dose because of the nausea ugh.

This makes me so happy to hear! Congrats! :)

I don't mean to defend his method of going about this, but I'm not sure it can be considered to be 100% his fault. I blame the doctor. Many doctors (especially your non-specializing family doctors) have very inaccurate information about H and other STDs. You CAN have a healthy intimate relationship, and imo it would be healthier than with someone else because you're going to be much more cautious obviously. Many discordant couples stay together and never transmit the virus to the H- partner. I think his doctor scared him. If you still think he's worth it, then try directing him to this site (or print off the pamphlets if you haven't) or to a more specialized doctor (i.e. OBGYN, someone from Planned Parenthood, etc). However, I do think it was a sign that he chose to tell you by text and didn't have the guts to at the very least call you.

I said I would only date someone who was HSV+ because I'm selfish and don't want to do suppressive antiviral therapy. Well, it's funny how life and people change things. You shouldn't let H decide who you can and can't date. I've found that when it comes to disclosing, if you're like, "Hey, I have this inconvenient virus, but it's really no big deal since I know this, this, and this about it," people are much more accepting than if you're like, "I have this god awful incurable STD that everyone is terrified of" lol.

@whitedaisies @WCSDancer2010 You two are right. He invited me over again and I spent the night. We talked more about the possibility of sex in the future, and he's cool with it when I'm ready. I don't necessarily feel comfortable with it until I start suppressive antiviral therapy since I'm still in the first year, even though my OBs are already becoming less frequent as I learn how to better manage my stress levels (which has seriously been the best thing about having H lol). Obviously I can have no idea what the future holds for us, but at this point, I really don't care because I really enjoy how things are going right now and so far we've really liked each other's company :)

@chikitta13 @MissingMe @whitedaisies @WCSDancer2020 Thanks for your replies, everyone! I decided to give it a shot. We hung out last night, and I'm so happy we did. I'm usually really uncomfortable hanging out with guys one on one the first time, but I was surprisingly 100% comfortable. Usually I'm super quiet, but we didn't run out of things to talk about. We watched TV and cooked dinner together lol. He respected my boundaries. We both had a really good time. The only thing I worry about is he actually forgot about me having H. Idk if that's good or bad lol. I didn't plan on staying as long as I did so I totally forgot to bring my birth control. He was like that's good you're on birth control blahblah. When I reminded him we still need to use condoms if it gets to that point, he said, "Oh, that's right. I actually forgot." We didn't discuss it any further, but I worry he'll drift away now. I'm pretty sure he hadn't forgotten when he texted me earlier about wanting to give things a chance, though, so idk what to think ha. Obviously I'm not ready for anything too serious right now, but he's definitely someone I'd be interested in in the future.

I posted about a week ago about my first disclosure/rejection and not caring, etc. Well, surprisingly, the guy texted me 6 days after the disclosure saying that he wanted to give things a chance if I were still interested and that he didn't want to close any doors without giving things a chance. I don't know how to feel about this. Of course I'm happy that he was able to see past a pesky little virus. I think I just overwhelmed him with information, but I also kind of feel like he was more into the casual sex side of things, even though he said he's "not the hit it and quit it type" and is "looking for something more serious." I mean casual sex is cool and all in the right circumstances, but I don't know this guy well enough for that. Plus, that would probably be a bad idea after just breaking up with my boyfriend and being emotionally unstable haha. In the same sense, he probably wouldn't waste his time on an H+ girl (assuming he's H-) if he were just in it for sex. Anyway, this was just kind of an update for anyone who is interested in knowing how that all turned out, but if any of you have magical male intentions decoding powers, that would be fantastic.

@shocked80 Glad I could help. Let me know if you have any more questions or feel free to private message me if you think of any down the road :) Us latex-allergic and extra-vaginally-sensitive ladies sometimes have our hands full! lol

@shocked80 Yes, I've used them a few times. I think they feel better than a male condom, but I have a little trouble putting it in due to the lubricant on them. It has a ring that you pinch and insert - it's almost like NuvaRing with a condom attached haha. Practice makes perfect! Any type of sexy times practice can be fun ;) I had a UTI with my first OB. May have been related, maybe not. It doesn't seem to be uncommon, though. Hope things improve for you!

Hey there! I apologize in advance for how long this is, but I feel that you could really benefit from hearing another young person's point of view. I'm sorry you feel so miserable! BUT as @fitgirl said, this is the hardest part. I hope I can give you a better perspective because I'm young as well (19). The psychological effects are the worst part, but you can work through it. I understand that disgusted feeling. I was raped and made a string of bad decisions, including having sex with someone I didn't know very well without protection in my desperation to prove sex and life could be "normal" again. When my ex and I got back together, neither of us bothered getting testing done, which probably resulted in one of us giving H to the other. But why should I waste energy beating myself up? It's completely possible I contracted H from my ex when I lost my virginity to him before all this. He is asymptomatic and had no idea he had it until he had to be tested after my first OB. It can be difficult to stop worrying about future rejection. Someone WILL want to be with you. H is great for weeding out people who just want to have sex or who don't care to know the risks. These are people you shouldn't bother with if you don't want to put yourself at further risk (of both other STIs and heartbreak). My ex and I broke up because I found out he cheated on me this second time around. I recently disclosed to the first time, which resulted in getting the truth out of the guy that he 1.) "just wanted to have fun sexually" and 2.) he didn't care to listen to all of the facts that I feel I need to tell someone to avoid feeling that they will blame me 100% if they, in the unlikely event, contract H from me. H is great for getting the truth out and making people show their true colors! If someone rejects you because of a pesky little skin condition, it says everything about them and nothing about you. H is also great for getting to know your body and learning how to take better care of yourself. Are you too stressed? Not getting enough rest? Eating too much junk food? Well, if you're having an OB, something may be amiss with you. Girl, sit back, relax, take a deep breath, and make some me time. H can be a sign that you need to make some lifestyle changes - sexually, emotionally, and/or physically. So you have H. Big deal. By age 25, 1 in 2 Americans will have/have had an STI. STIs are about as common as respiratory illnesses. That's pretty damn common. As for H specifically, even if you can never find an H- person who will love you (which is preposterous, but for argument's sake) your pickings are still pretty good. 1 in 6 men are affected (and 1 in 4 women, in case you swing the other/both ways). With antivirals and condoms female-to-male transmission is 1%. To put that into perspective, a guy is more likely to die in a car accident this year (1.8%) than contract H from you. You're more likely to get pregnant on the pill than transmit H. I know that it is easier said than done to see everything in this light. I was extremely depressed when I found out. In the past 4.5 months post-diagnosis, I have gone back to feeling almost normal. I don't really think about H unless I'm having an OB. Several of my friends and my mom (who is also H+), brother, and cousin know I have H. Absolutely no one judges me or cares. They aren't afraid to use my towels or toilet or anything like that. (I change my towels for people anyway because who wants to potentially dry off their face where I just dried off my butt lol) Just try to keep your head up and remember that it's not that bad. Feel free to message me anytime for anything! Personally, I don't use any home remedies really. I just use antivirals when I have an OB because mine aren't very bad. I always dry off after showers with cool air from a hairdryer though to make sure everything gets nice and dry. That's more because I'm prone to yeast infections though ha. The vets on here have tons of tips, though! I hope you feel better soon!

@shocked80 Hey there! I'm allergic to latex (sounds like you may be as well if you believe the irritation was from the latex), so I use polyurethane condoms. Lambskin is another alternative, but they are not recommended for STI protection as they are porous (if you end up with someone H+ and just want to prevent pregnancy, this may be a good option). Polyurethane is technically just as good as latex, but it is trickier to work with because it doesn't stretch as much, making it more likely to slip off. It may take a couple different brands to find one that works well for you and your partner. There are also female condoms (assuming you are a heterosexual couple) called fc2, which are also polyurethane.

Hoping this will be a pick-me-up for anyone facing rejection. My boyfriend and I broke up - I found out he cheated on me. Ouch. I've been playing the field, nothing super serious, but there are some guys interested in me. I decided to experiment with disclosing because that very first one is the scariest. I disclosed to someone who I didn't really know very well, assuming he would probably reject me. We had plans to hang out at his place, and he had indicated that he wasn't trying to hit it and quit it. I was suspicious because he had asked my feelings regarding casual sex, etc. I figured while we were on the topic of sex, this would be a decent opportunity to disclose. He didn't reject me at first...not until I kept spitting out stats. He then said it was too much, that he just wanted to have fun sexually (there it is! I got the truth out!) and in general, and that he didn't think it would result in a sex ed class. I thought I'd be devastated about a rejection, but I really don't care. I was disappointed, yes, but not offended or anything like that. I figure anyone who is worth my time will listen to all that I have to say because they care enough about my health and theirs. Clearly he didn't, so I'm better off without. I refuse to put myself at further risk or allow anyone to put themselves at risk without knowing all the facts. If someone rejects you, it says everything about them and nothing about you.

Okay, first of all, take a deep breath and breathe! You made a mistake that many people make. This doesn't make you a terrible person; mistakes make you human. Now you need to fix it. I never personally been in this situation, but there are people on here who have. Give him the facts first (maybe print out the handouts or direct him to this site). You should explain to him why you didn't disclose and that because you took both precautions, his chances of contracting it are about 1%. Let him know how sorry you are. Be sincere of course and try not to get defensive. He will likely be angry, but if he respects you as a person, he won't say anything cruel. I hope everything works out okay for you.

Rough sex is a trigger if there's too much friction for me. General rule of thumb is that if I'm still sore 2-3 days later, I'm probably going to have an OBOB within another couple of days. I just try to make sure that we use enough lube, and that usually solves the issue. I use a silicone-based lube, which is longer lasting. I think it's called Pure Pleasure by Pure Romance, and it's advertised for all nighters haha. It's pricey, but I highly recommend it. It lasts a while, anyway, because you don't have to use as much or reapply constantly.

Hi there! Suppressive therapy may be a good option for you to get you through the next couple months. There are plenty of ways to disguise your medicine. Take the label off, put them into an empty OTC bottle (just make sure no one mistakenly uses it!), hide it in a drawer or a separate pocket in your purse, etc. You can always say you have bad oral OBs that require medication since the medications are the same. But seeing as your friends are in the medical field, they've probably seen it all and wouldn't think anything of it. If they would judge you, then they probably aren't very good friends. As for being angry with yourself, cut yourself a break. I was furious with myself because I knew about STDs, my mom has HSV-2 and warned me, and I have was inconsistent with condoms because I have a latex allergy. However, I didn't have all the facts I needed, and I could've taken every precaution possible and still contracted H. Being angry with yourself doesn't change anything. At the end of the day, you still have H, so why waste energy being angry?

I've had HSV-2 (FINALLY went and had a type-specific test done lol) for at least 3.5 months. About an hour after sex, two of my fingers started tingling and aching - the ones that would be most likely exposed during clitoral stimulation. I don't believe I've ever had sores up by my clitoris, and I'm probably just being paranoid. The tips of my fingers do tingle occasionally because I don't have much feeling in them. I'm more concerned about the aching, but I doubt that symptoms would start within an hour, especially when I've had H for a few months. I should mention that I may have been exposed to MRSA on my hands/fingers (one of my residents has it and dug her fingernails into my skin, breaking the skin/taking a small chunk out of my finger, no where close enough to be exposed to a potential sore, but that's another story lol), so I'm being treated for that. If I was infected with MRSA, that would explain the aching. So what are the odds that I have autoinoculated/will eventually autoinoculate my fingers? I don't really masturbate and when I do, I usually have a square of tissue or something in between my skin to be on the safe side for now. I dont do that during sex obviously, but I have a relatively low sex drive, so it would only be a couple exposures a month (my poor boyfriend :( )

With my first OB I had that (except it was pale yellow). I would soak through the overnight maxi pads within a few hours. It irritated my skin once that started because it was never dry. It may help if you rinse off in the shower and then blow dry. I did that at night, and it helped cut down the irritation. A pale green discharge sounds like some type of bacterial infection.

No. You have to touch the fluid from the sore or the skin during viral shedding. If it were present in other fluids, I probably would've contracted it on my thighs/stomach by now, especially prior to my first OB/early on lol (bf's semen burns if he doesn't pull out, so I have him finish elsewhere).

Hey there! I hope you get feeling better soon! My first OB was painful, but very manageable pain-wise with the exception of excruciating nerve pain in my left hip. There was one day where I was throwing up, too, but it's hard to say if it was H itself or all the medications I was taking (had a UTI, bacterial, AND yeast infection during my first OB...when I get one infection, I get at least one other lol). Women's OBs are typically more severe than men's. While I have OBs every so often, my boyfriend is asymptomatic. Had I not had my first OB causing him to get tested, he would've likely never known since we didn't realize H wasn't included in our routine screenings we had. H is tricky since everyone reacts a little differently.

Hey there! I found out that I had H back in October after being with my boyfriend, who also tested positive, for nearly 11 months. I felt guilty that I could have given it to him since neither of us had experienced any symptoms prior to me having sex with new people when we had broken up. I lost my virginity to him and hadn't experienced any symptoms then, so I had to have gotten it from someone else and then given it to him right? Wrong! That's the tricky thing about H - it's entirely possible he gave it to me back in June-October 2013, I had sex with other people (one of whom tested negative; idk about the other person), and I didn't have my first outbreak until October 2014. My point is that it's impossible to know who gave it to whom, and feeling guilty about it just isn't productive (or healthy) at all, especially when neither of us had any clue that H wasn't included in our regular screenings.

I agree with what everyone else has said, but I wanted to add to the lawsuit commentary. I'm a pre-law student who has also gone through both the criminal and civil court proceedings for sexual assault. A case such as yours isn't really much different than mine in theory. It's an extremely brutal thing to go through. I was 14/15 during the criminal case; 17/18 during the civil. This means that I was granted special legal protection due to being a minor on top of the rape shield law protection, etc. It was all still extremely brutal - so brutal that I refused to press charges against the guy who raped me less than 48 hours after the end of my civil lawsuit. Now, take all of those protections away (depending on your state...I don't believe most states handle these cases like sexual assault cases, but some do). It's not worth it. The defense would likely be permitted to ask questions about sexual history because it's relevant since someone else could have given you H. Your name would likely be public, as it can be difficult for even sexual assault victims to be granted psuedonyms, so everyone could potentially find out every intimate detail of your life. These kinds of cases are good shock value, so there would be the potential for publicity. Then top it all off with the fact that it can be pretty damn near impossible (and expensive) to prove that he knew because you need medical records, etc. All that a civil lawsuit can get you (usually) is money, which generally the amount is based on financial damages (i.e. medical bills, etc, so there's another thing you have to prove). To prove pain and suffering damages, you would need to have a history of therapy, etc. Is money going to take away all of the negative emotions? Probably not. [side note: The only reason that I chose to file a lawsuit was because the criminal case gave my abusers some bullshit charge that wasn't even a sex offense; I wanted it to show up on their records that a lawsuit for childhood sexual abuse was filed against them. I couldn't give two shits about the money because pain isn't something you can put a price tag on.] That's probably way more info than you care to know, but my point with my little side note is that civil lawsuits are really only worth it if the criminal system fails you. I really do hope you can find peace soon. H can be a bombshell, but it's not the end of the world (or your love/sex life). Step 1 is to love yourself.

I don't think that there is a clearcut way to research that because so many people are undiagnosed due to being asymptomatic or having extremely mild outbreaks. Personally, assuming my boyfriend didn't cheat on me (which I have no reason to suspect) and I got it from him, I could have had it up to 17 months before my first outbreak. Assuming I got it from someone else, I would have had it 11-12 months before my first outbreak. I don't know if I have 1 or 2, though. My mom has it as well, and the doctor was pretty sure she had had it for a long time (up to 8 years!) before her first outbreak. @WCSDancer2010 knows someone who had it for 30 years - though I'm not sure if that's 1 or 2. Basically, a lot of things come into play. Your immune system is a big one. If your body can keep it in check, you may never have an outbreak or it can be many years before the first one. The general rule of thumb is that the older you are, the less severe it is. For example, my mom has had diagnosed with HSV-2 2.5 years ago and has had two outbreaks. I was diagnosed 3 months ago and have had 3 definite "outbreaks." If I take my antivirals when the blisters are just starting to rise, they disappear without bursting within a few days - my first OB was the only full blown OB where the blisters popped and everything. I've had a few other times where I was unsure if it was an OB and took my antivirals anyway. Every person is different and H affects everyone differently, so I don't think drawing a hard statistic for the likelihood of when the first OB will occur, if ever, would be accurate.