NothingGoodGetsAway

Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with them. When I was first diagnosed, I looked on a herpes dating site, and I was surprised at how few people showed up! Agreed with @2legit2quit, the no picture thing is understandable but makes it a little more difficult... If you want to try them, go for it. Just remember this, if the pool seems really shallow... 1 in 8 men have HSV-2 (and then add in GHSV-1), but only 20% of those men know they have it. Then only a % of those men are looking to date, and even smaller % might join a positive website... I don't say this to dismiss the sites or make it sounds dire! Remember, there are many (-) men out there that would want to be with you, too. So, try out a positive website if you'd like, but don't close yourself off from other opportunities 🙂

First of all, remember that, while it would have been amazing to get the job, it was a GREAT sign that they loved you and wanted to hire you. That's a good sign! It means you're valued and valuable. It will happen again. Second, self forgiveness and self appreciation are some of the hardest things to do! So I have some tips that I try to follow... The next time you speak to yourself, ask "If I heard a man say this to his wife in the grocery store, what would I think?" or "If a friend did the same thing I did, what advice would I give them?" or even "If there was a little girl in the room with me, someone that looks up to me, would I let myself say this out loud?" The chances are, you're saying some things to yourself that you would never let anyone else say about your friend, or even a stranger about another stranger! BE KIND to yourself. We are human, we will be sick. We will fall. But we will also succeed and find ways to survive. You are positive for others, why do you yourself not deserve the same treatment?! And let your boyfriend's actions speak for him...it sounds like he's there to support you, so you can focus on how *you* deal with this, and if you're dealing well, he will continue to do so too :) He will pick up on your vibes, so send positive ones instead.

First of all...breathe! You don't need to go to PP, because it's only one of two things: 1, cuts from sex, or 2, an OB maybe triggered by sex. PP might not swab them because you know you already have GHSV-1, and they'll probably either dismiss you as "only cuts" or "probably outbreak." Save your moolah (speaking from experience :) So you know it's only one of two things. So what is stressing you out? (Seriously, what is stressing you out? Not a rhetorical question!) True to form whenever I calm down, this stupid virus loves to toy with my emotions. The fact that it's mild physically but such a turmoil emotionally is the worst thing about this silly little virus. Don't let two tiny cuts get you down. Otherwise I wouldn't even know they are there. Could this just be from sex? It's super tough to say. And no one can say for sure! But...did you have any prodromes before sex? Did you feel anything funny or itchy down there during or just after? If so, then it probably is an OB. I experienced that exact scenario and was like "ohh that's what an OB from sex feels like!" If not, then they might be cuts from sex. Especially if they're not hurty/burny/etc. My advice is to watch them, treat them how recommended above, and see if it turns into an OB. Cuts or shaving, etc, weaken the skin and allow virus that would have otherwise chilled beneath the surface to rear its head. So if it starts to itch, gets worse or more painful, then you know you have an OB on your hand. I will echo advice that @wcsdancer2010 gives - regardless of whether it's a known OB or a suspected cut, give yourself time to heal before you jump back on the horse, so to speak.

I'll echo @2legit2quit and say good for you for planning to disclose! That said, it sounds like the Christmas party is kind of far away (at least December, right?). Will you see him again before then? I would just be cautious about disclosing after a full night of drinking at a company party, as you do not want to disclose to someone that is impaired/drunk (even if he would be cool with it sober, it's just a complication that you might want to avoid). ALSO it sounds like "he might try to have sex with you". Well, sure, that might be what HE wants to do, and he can sure try, but take yourself into account too! Just because he wants to, doesn't mean you have to :)

Thank you @wcsdancer2010 and @2legit2quit! I went to my gyno, who looked at the 2 areas I had concern about. She said that it was definitely scarring and nothing to worry about. I thought it was "bad" scarring, but she said she could barely see it, so sometimes that 10x magnifying mirror might not be my best friend!

First of all, no cause for concern really, no matter what! Read on :) I'm at the doctor so I might need to be brief, but just for your information, the type of hsv (1 or 2) can live in either place, but it has well preferred "homes". Hsv-1 prefers the mouth, so if it's contracted genitally it recurs less often. Most will get their primary outbreak of hsv1 genitally and not have too many more symptoms. So, the same is true of hsv2. Yes it can be contracted in the mouth via oral sex, but it doesn't really like it as "home". If it if it's hsv2 on your mouth, chances are high this will be the only time you saw it there THAT SAID; hsv2 is rare in the oral region - less than 1% of oral herpes will turn out to be hsv2. You have a better chance of it being a stress pimple from everything. My advice would be to watch it - messing with it or popping it will only make it seem more cold sore like. If it looks and feels like a pimple, then it will either form a white head or go down. If it is hsv2, it might get a little blister and then scab over. If it does blister, then you might want to head to the doc and ask for a swab. Ps regardless of location, hsv 1 stays hsv1 and hsv2 stays hsv2. You might see phrases like ohsv-2 or ghsv-1 - "o" is for "oral" and "g" is for "genital"!

@2legit2quit thank you for this answer, I missed your response initially! I was so sad to hear that maybe I'd been suppressing my immune system - ugh! It's so helpful to hear how valtrex actually works, I never knew that before!!

@2legit2quit I don't have any other health issues going on...that I know of. I have reynauld's disease, which means I have poor circulation (but for me it's usually just cold fingers every now and then, really nothing terrible). I had my 3 month STD test (conclusively negative for all), and I had constant summer tonsillitis that resulted in a tonsillectomy September 24. I've been off antibiotics since October 2, but before that I was on them almost constantly for 90 days. Couldn't go off them without it coming back. With the tonsillitis / antibiotics combinations, I also had several yeast infections, and several issues with IBS. I also had an abnormal pap 3 weeks ago but the biopsy was normal (phew). Since my last course of antibiotics, I haven't experienced another yeast infection or bout of IBS. So, my immune system has taken a beating, but I really honestly think it's from the antibiotics and my body trying to fight both tonsillitis and H. Now, though...my body only has the H, and it's not fighting it as well as I would hope, considering I have no other outward symptoms, that I can tell, taking my immune system's attention... I'm not jumping to any conclusions, and trying to not let Dr Google do the work of real doctors, though! I just really wanted to see if anyone has had more or less success with "real" Valtrex in case she offers that as a suggestion. I do know that she (and my urgent care doctor) were puzzled that I had breakthrough OBs even on suppression. BUT, based on what I've seen on this forum, that's quite "normal" for the first 6 months, right? I have a tendency to shush up when a doctor says something, and I don't press for more information. Whatever she prescribes, I'll probably think about a second opinion. Will report back shortly!!

@whitedaisies I know it's a really scary world out there! I'm new to dating myself. I had a few (very) long term boyfriends that I met before "online" dating was a real thing - and I met them in high school or college! This was my first experience dating, and I had my hackles up. Especially since I was on Tinder, I never really expected to find such an amazing guy. The advice for regular dating still applies with you - it's just something personal that you should not feel that you have to reveal until you're ready. You wouldn't talk about your family's history of alcoholism, or your true thoughts on religion, or even politics the first few dates. You talk about your jobs, your humor, your shared interests. It's only his business once one of two things happen: 1) You're ready (REALLY) ready to do the deed and you want to tell him or 2) You're not ready to do the deed, but you trust him and want him to know so you can share the experience together. Either way, this is your decision and when you're ready to tell him. This is not first date stuff. This is weeks (or months!) of knowing each other. And yes, you run the risk of really liking someone, and having him decide to not continue to pursue a relationship. But, you also run the bonus of really getting to know someone, on a big level, more than other people in this day and time. Looking back, and speaking with my friends, we are all way too quick to move to sex. We put the "chemistry" of sex at the forefront. We have sex before we know each other's last names. I think it's why I still have residual anxiety over how "little" sex I'm having. Because it's the most important thing for everyone, right? Wrong. It's simply not true. Please don't let this get you down when it comes to dating. There are so many other reasons you might or might not work out with someone, and they're way more fundamental than this. Plus, and I have been trying to live this as often as I can, there are tons of ways to have fun without having actual sex. I've never had to be more creative!

My boyfriend has been absolutely incredible. I was diagnosed in early July, and met him really really soon after that. He's been completely, mindblowingly patient with the situation. I shouldn't say mindblowingly - I'm an awesome chick, I do incredible things for him (both in and outside the bedroom!) - but I never thought I would find something quite like this, even before H. I'm far from asymptomatic - I'm still in the early months, I'm on 1g of Valacyclovir for suppression, and I still have near-constant symptoms. Or rather, I have symptoms, clear up, and then a new symptom will start. Since we first had sex in mid-August, we've taken every opportunity to have sex when I've not had symptoms. I can still count the number of times we've had sex on my fingers (!) I abstain with any tingle, OB or even a cut from shaving. And yet, he's still understanding. He's not afraid to get it, but he doesn't want it. We both talked the other day about how, in a way, all of this would be easier for me if I didn't have him. The constant symptoms wouldn't stress me out - I constantly have a clock in my head, telling me when I'll be "safe" to have sex - I wouldn't worry about him getting anything, and maybe I would have less symptoms (since I tend to tear after sex). But we both agreed that our lives are a million times better with the other person in it, minus the 5% of the week that kind of sucks because I am hurting or I'm mentally hurting. I'm so happy that I bucked up and gave my guy the chance. He said we both passed a "test" with H. I said I think he passed the test (accepting it), and I didn't have a test. "Sure you did," he said. "You didn't have to tell me. You could have decided I wasn't worth the stress and ran away. But you chose to tell me, to go through this with me. I don't have to deal with hardly anything. Maybe a little less sex, with more condoms than 'usual,' but you're the one going through everything." Here I am, sometimes thinking he's a saint, where he's sitting there, equally amazed by my strength. I would say that you actually have a better chance of finding a guy that wants a relationship with you with this...meaning, he's ready to make a commitment, which also includes a risk to his health. That he's willing to see you for you, and know that time with you (regardless of how much sex you have) is precious and he won't get enough of it. You should not judge a book by it's cover. Especially with online dating! You could meet up with the guy and realize he's not worth your time, even before you'd get to a point where you'd disclose with H. Don't use H as your wingman to discount everyone - that's not fair to your potential partner you just lost, and it's not fair to you. Sure, if in his profile it hints that he's "looking for dat hookup" then maybe steer clear. But otherwise, try to get to know him first. I think @2legit2quit has made the point a few times that she'll go on dates and realize it's not worth disclosing, even though she was worried the first 1-2 times she met up with and liked the guy. Then by like date 3 things fizzled. You're looking a bit too far into the future here...just date like you normally would, listen for any red flags (OUTSIDE of H too!) and see where it goes. PS, not necessarily for your situation, but I just love this post. It gave me some real perspective as I was rushing through thinking how to disclose: http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2014/02/dating-with-a-std.html

Hello squad. I'm going to the OB gyn tomorrow, and after having about 5 confirmed breakthrough outbreaks, despite being on 500mg 2x/day (and 5-6 other cut-like-could-be-outbreaks-but-never-know), I'm going to investigate why this might not be working. I do NOT want her to tell me to just go off of it. I'm still in a new relationship, and that would basically be like me telling him that I don't want to protect him. So, should I ask to try regular Valtrex? I have great insurance, I've met my deductible for the year and honestly cost is not a concern for me at this point if we're talking a few hundred dollars... Any experience between generic and brand? I've seen a few places online that actually have spoken about how Valacyclovir didn't work for them...

I'm in your same boat Brit (only I have hsv-2). I tear after sex almost every time. I even have little white scars from it! I'm going to the obgyn tomorrow - I was having a bad yeast infection and thought that had weakened my skin, but the yeast has been gone for 2 weeks or so and I tore last week. Most of my tears are totally painless and not deep, just reopening scars ugh! I will report back.

@2legit2quit I am. I *think* it's helping. If I look back since I got this in July, I can count 3-4 times when I felt "something" there - itching, burning, prodrome - and then got a lesion or blister. It still feels like alot of breakthrough OBs, but I am still so new that I'm hoping it will calm down. HOWEVER, I'm having near-constant "other" symptoms that reset my "clock." I would bet that 90% of these are not H-related, but I understand that they could flare an H so I treat each one like a small outbreak: tears that happened during sex (felt the "rip", consistent scarring), a 3 week long, awful yeast infection (thanks, antibiotics post surgery), a pap, a biopsy where I couldn't have sex for 2 weeks, a burn from tea tree oil, a rash near my bum after wearing a thong and working out. I have a meeting with my obgyn on Tuesday to discuss. I really don't want to go off suppressives, but an urgent care person said that the Vacyclovir can "suppress my immune system" and make it actually harder for my body to fight the virus. Is that true??

Just a venting moment for me, and wanting to see if anyone has some tips on what they do to not think of this so much... In my old relationship, my boyfriend "needed" sex everyday (yes, he actually said that. yes, I complied. yes, I am so glad I'm out of that relationship now!). My new boyfriend of 4 months is totally fine with whenever he can get it - I keep him happy in other ways, and he's mostly just worried when I get stressed out when I have a symptom. And most of my stress comes from "the clock", and it's seemingly continuous resets. For example, I had a small tear from sex Tuesday. So in my head, I think - alright, assuming it's H, give it 3 days to heal, wait 5 days after that to be safe. Then Wednesday - doc says he sees a lesion. Well, reset that clock. Then this morning (Friday), I wanted to trim my hair with scissors (trying to avoid shaving irritation), was an idiot, and cut myself. Restart the effing clock, once more. Then it's just like...who knows what's next?! I feel like I have a timer in my head that I can't ever seem to get to zero with. I recognize this as a problem, and I'm trying to keep this in perspective. Hey, if I broke my back being hit by a cab tomorrow, I wouldn't be having sex for months, right? We're talking a matter of days.

@2legit2quit it is at the bottom of the opening, but a little down and to the right. It's never painful, never itches, and always happens during sex. I see a scar there all of the time, and I know if I stretched my skin it would tear. I gave myself a month long break from sex, and it still happened. Going to the gyno on Tuesday, so I will report back with details. I'm hoping there's a cream or something that can make my skin feel stronger - it just overall feels brittle, and I have white scars from various H tears (months later). She mentioned lichen schlerosus and I think there's a biopsy they can perform to see if that's what it is.

Well here's my situation - I had a sore that I didn't even know about! I went to the doctor today to swab a cut that happens every.single.time after sex, and I wanted to be able to talk to my Gyno next week with more details. So I sit on the table, and he immediately says "that's a lesion" (he's not "in" anywhere, looking with a light on my external parts. On the left? I asked. "Oh no, the one on the left looks like a cut. I'm talking about the one on the right" EFF. I check myself every day, with a mirror. I feel for any itching or bothersome things and abstain when that happens. And yet somehow, I have a lesion that I didn't even know about! I checked with a mirror later, and I STILL don't see it. These fuckers are so sneaky. I consider myself very on top of it, how could I ever claim to be symptom free if a lesion is there and I don't even see it?!

Thanks everyone! @wcsdancer2010 I've mined that list, that's how I knew about the calendula stuff thank you! I was just more wondering if anyone had experience with this stuff while not on an outbreak - I think I'm nervous that if I add anything "down there" while I feel fine, then I risk an outbreak!

hello h squad! I wanted to see if anyone has experience with an H scar. In August, I got a large, 1 inch long paper cut on the left side of my clitorous. It was pretty deep, and bled. Then, in September, the exact same scar reopened, but just a portion this time thank goodness. Now, it sits there, kind of shiny. It's not bothersome, really just feels kind of a thin part of my skin. I actually have a few more of these scars on my vaginal opening, too. They reopen with sex sometimes, and look a little bit white (even after over a month of no sex). So, can I assume that this is a scar, and unless it's itching or is reopened, that it's not active H? My boyfriend and I are eager to try oral, but having this scar there (and it has never faded) weighs on my mind.

I have gotten swabs at something in my city called medrite urgent care. I wanted a canker sore swabbed (hello paranoia!) and even though the doctor didn't think that's what it was at all, she did it. I'm very surprised that your dermatologist wouldn't swab it for you. That's kind of crazy, if you want the test for peace of mind they should have done it!!

Hello team! I was hoping the vets (or newbies!) on here might be able to help me... I had some itching last night, so I applied tea tree oil. I think that was a mistake, because now both sides of my inner labia are highly irritated. It's like I rubbed it raw, but I definitely didn't. No idea if it was the TTO that did it, but regardless, it's there! I don't think it's an OB, but at this point, I don't care haha. Any advice for soothing chafed/raw skin? I don't want to "dry" anything up - if anything, I think a nice lotion or oil would feel amazing. Aloe vera cream (not gel)? Diaper rash balm? I have something called diaper rash baby balm with chamomile, but I feel like anything that's not 100% natural isn't going to help... Also, any advice on moisturizing? So much I see on here is about "drying them up", which is very helpful, but for those in-between times, I would like to put something calming and moisturizing on my bits. I've also had problems with tearing, so anything to make the skin down there more supple would be amazing. I've searched the forum and couldn't find anything quite on this, but here's the ingredients that look like they might be helpful, but I just don't know experience! Aloe vera cream Calendula cream Cold pressed coconut oil Vitamin E (what form?)

My swab took 5 full days to come back (Thursday night to Wednesday morning).

As an update, the rash is now on both sides of my bum! Again, I'm going to keep an eye on it and update - I'm having to wear a pad instead of tampons after my biopsy, and it's been super uncomfortable! I do now wonder if it's a little "diaper rash". Ah don't you love being a woman?! Either way, I'm just glad I've got a whole lot going on now, and the doctor told me no sex for 2 weeks post biopsy. Takes the pressure off of the "oh goodness is that contagious" and let's me watch with curiosity rather than pressure haha! (I did find this from Dr. Handsfield, which of course I take with a grain of salt... The on and off sorts of symptoms you describe do not suggest herpes. And your premise about unilateral versus bilateral symptoms is correct: latent HSV typically involves a single nerve root on one side of the body or the other, and bilateral symptoms are further evidence against HSV as the cause. The same applies to recurrent genital or oral herpes; amost always recurrent outbreaks occur not only on the same side of the body's midline, but typically within an inch of all previous outbreaks.

This is totally your call, and if you think that your body is handling this well on it's own then that's great! But, it does sound like the itching and tingling are kind of getting you down- especially when it comes to sex. I've had good results with suppressive therapy, though I've had a lot going on with me (yeast, antibiotics, tingles, itching, etc) so it's hard to tell. BUT i have had weeks with no symptoms so that's great (I'm 4 months out) I might do the following: - Try suppressive therapy for a few weeks, just to see if it helps with your symptoms. If it does, then you can know that it works for you. Then you have a choice: continue the meds because you like having less symptoms, or go back off of the meds to let your body handle until you meet someone. Then, you can meet someone, date for a bit, decide you want to have sex with them, and start suppression therapy 10 days before you'd be ready to get between the sheets (that's how long suppressive therapy works). Remember: Suppression meds don't just suppress symptoms, it suppresses asymptomatic shedding which is how this so often spreads. I think it's important to note that even if you're not in a committed relationship, if you're planning to have sex, even casual sex, it would be great of you to be on suppression meds. It's important to do all we can to protect our partners, even those we're not committed to :) and if you don't do suppression med with casual partners, make sure they know that you're taking precautions but not on the meds, maybe. Good luck!

First of all, welcome back (glad to hear you've had some much-earned time off from thinking too much about this and needing a consistent support group :) ) Hmm...I'm sure others will have a more expert opinion, but I just did a bunch of research on this since I shaved an OB in my anal region and then shaved my outer labia (my OBs to date have all been on inner labia/opening of vagina) and I am all like AH AUTOINOCULATION. What I will say is, from my research, that the virus infects your nerve ganglion that serves up that "boxer shorts region." I found a neat little map that shows the specific nerve and the specific region it controls: http://projectaccept.org/all-about-herpes-human-dermatome-map/ Now, I wouldn't take this to the extreme and say "if I only have H on my lower back, I must never have it in my vagina!" BUT what it does show is that the vagina clearly shares the same nerve ganglion as the anus. My primary OB (HSV-2) was both the lower part of my vagina and parts of my anal region, and i didn't have anal sex. So, taking that into account, it really was that point-of-entry nerve ganglion that really mattered. And the vaginal sores and anal sores came out at the exact same time, so it's not like I had a primary vaginal OB and then autoincoluated my anus. Nope, I'm just one of those lucky gals that get it everywhere, and (to date) you've been one of those lucky gals that gets it in a "known" location! We're all lucky! So, I do NOT think that you reinfected yourself after 3 years. Think of folks on the boards that have had this for YEARS, dormant, and suddenly they have their first primary. So this is kind of the same thing for you. For some reason, your H "likes" the vagina. But perhaps the anal sex last week was too rough, not enough lube, you were slightly allergic to the condom, or the wind blew the wrong direction, and you had a big OB on your anus. This is just my thoughts from my super recent research, but if anyone else can chime in, please do!! This virus is super frustrating, but all we can do is try to do our best to keep it under control, and keep our minds from wandering.

Thanks @2legit2quit I thought you might be one to help me through this! Glad to hear you've had a similar experience really recently! I do know you've had yours for a bit longer, so I will certainly keep an eye on things and report back.