NothingGoodGetsAway

I'm sorry this is happening to you! Completely agree with @wcsdancer2010 to not only hold your head up, but call these folks out for looking at you or talking about you. Ask "Is there something that you'd like to ask me? I'm happy to help you understand a bit more if you have questions." Love the addition of "chances are you have it too!" Most of these folks are fascinated by something that they don't quite understand, and they're not thinking at all that you're a human person with emotions and they might not even realize that they're being disrespectful and mean. And if they're purposefully being disrespectful, then chances are they're cowards and will be shocked that you had the guts and bravery to stand up for yourself and call them out on their small town gossip. If they're gossiping, remember that they're probably doing so just to make themselves feel better about their own crappy lives... I heard this song this year - mind your own biscuits - and I thought it had some good thoughts:

Hello and welcome back (thought wish it could be under better circumstances) >No, the suppression meds shouldn't cause any sort of resistance in the virus. It's not quite that smart :) > Can't really say how many OBs people get on average. But, since your body has been OB free for 3-4 months, and you just had a big one because of stress, chances are the meds should help you calm significantly. Remember, it won't stop them all together, but it should help > I've not experienced side effects, but some do get headaches or some fatigue. That seems to go away after a little while from what I've read on the forums (maybe others can weigh in here). Just drink plenty of water, since any meds that you take process through your kidneys and water is always a good thing to drink! But studies have shown little to no ill effects on kidneys/liver/etc, even for those with Shingles that are on 2G / day. > It not only reduces the severity of your OBS, but it cuts asymptomatic shedding by about 70%, which is really significant and is the most important part of the protection. You can tell when you're having an outbreak or other symptoms, but asymptomatic shedding is the stuff you can't tell that it's happening. The suppression meds cutting that help cut the risk. So, if you took nothing and took no precautions except for abstaining from sex when you're having an OB, you have a 4% chance (per year) of transmission. Condoms cut that to 2% and meds cut it again to 1% chance. Pretty good!

You might want to consider suppressives if you have a partner to protect, or if the OBs are really getting you down, are very frequent or are bothersome. You've had this for 3 months, so I think it's fairly common to have a flare up now and then. Suppressive meds are "recommended" for those that are having up to 6 outbreaks within a year, and you're on your way to that number. But really, suppressive meds can be used with any number of outbreaks if they're bothering you. I've not found a specific food that triggers it, but if you want to go a more natural route, add some L Lysine (vitamin) to your morning routine. I take it every morning, and I can't tell you if it helps necessarily, but I can tell you that it makes me feel better if I'm eating a burger to know that I've counter balanced the Arginine in the bread with a little pill in the morning!

Hey, well the doctor saying that it doesn't look like H is very encouraging. I know that H can look and feel like anything, but I had two doctors look at me and say "yeahhhh...that's H" and it was confirmed by a swab. They even gave me valacyclovir on the spot, before I was even confirmed. The fact that your doc didn't do that is reassuring, too. So please, just put this from your mind for a few days. You'll get the results by next Monday, you've already had a doctor say that it doesn't look like H, and there's nothing you can do but wait. The other thing you can do is just don't touch it, try not to mess or squeeze it, and wash your hands after you go to the bathroom or touch yourself, just in case. Other than that, have a beer or go for a run or something. You need to get your mind off of this!

Agreed with @2legit2quit - asymptomatic means you have had basically zero traditional symptoms, or no symptoms at all. That's the 80% of people that don't know they have this. Once you have an outbreak, you're one of the 20% of people that know that they have H, because you had some sort of symptoms that made you talk to your doctor to get tested. BUT that doesn't mean that your body isn't handling this beautifully! Which, on that, a big congrats. Keep your immune system up, and, more importantly, keep your mental health up. If you DO get a tingle, or a little outbreak (and, you might - most cases, I don't know the percentage, will have a recurrence within the first year), don't let it get you down if it does. It just means your body is a little bit tired of working and it's taking a little break :) Be kind to yourself. I'm going to comment on the HIV concern on your older post, just to put any information I have in that thread so it's easier for other to find, if that's okay! (your original post: https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7124/herpes-and-hiv#latest)

::raises hand in paranoia club :: I was in your same boat until I did my 13 week confirmation test. I had recurrent tonsillitis, a few joint issues and tummy troubles. Almost every single thing I had was coming from the antibiotics from tonsillitis, but I had that EXACT thought - "if I have hsv-2, couldn't I have gotten HIV too?" Again, not much I can say to change your mind except to say that hsv-2 is a hundred times easier to contract than HIV. So just because you got hsv, it's so much harder to get HIV IF IF IF the other person was infected. And the chances of that are very small, with the exception of intravenous drug users or high risk (Male to Male) populations. Some things I learned: 4th generation tests (tests for antibodies and HIV virus) are pretty much 100% at 4-6 weeks. So you could get one of those much sooner. Rapid tests and antibody only tests are generally accepted at 6-8 weeks, but a negative at any of these points are really really really unlikely to change. Also, no one is ever diagnosed by symptoms, so don't start psyching yourself out. GOOGLE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. WEB MD IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.

Well said @hippyherpy I had these same thoughts when I was going through my diagnosis. People would say "well it's not Y or it's not Z" and all I could think was...well if it was, I would be able to deal with those, too, right? Because if you tell yourself you're strong enough only for X, what would happen if Y happens? We need to tell ourselves that we are, can, and will deal with whatever comes our way. And learn to cherish those things that are still very positive in our lives...whether it's our parents that are still alive, amazing friends, a steady job or a flourishing romance...and realize that, though we might not have realized it before, we lead great lives. And maybe if the one thing that came out of having H is realizing that our bodies are something to cherish, and that we are lucky in so many other ways, maybe we can turn it into the "opportunity" that this site stands by :)

@2legit2quit there's like a ring at the end of it (kind of like the nuva ring) that is supposed to go in and anchor the condom. But then, I would stick the ring in, and it just felt like the condom was twisted inside of me. Maybe I was too concerned with getting the ring "straight" inside of me? Also, I couldn't get it far enough in, and it just felt like more than half of it was sticking out of me. I think a big part of it was I tried to do it right as we were *ready* to have sex. So here I am, in quite an unflattering stance, and he didn't know what to do or how to help! I might use one of the other ones for practice, because the benefits (protects more of the area, supposed to feel better / more real for him, non latex, can insert before sex is even really really on the table) sure do sound good. But in practice, on that first day, it felt like I was trying to jam a grocery bag all up in there. So, for like $3 for one, you can try it out in the privacy of your own home and get better at it than me at sticking it in. Might as well try it out!! And then you can be a pro by the time you try to use it with your man :) I was also thinking that if you have a "toy", you could use that to put it in, and make sure it's straight in there...I was half tempted to put it on him just to get it in me. And in truth, it might not have been crooked at all, I just was frazzled and didn't know quite what to think. We switched to a regular condom that night needless to say!

For more information, here's some posts that cover some more answers to this! http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1705/another-herpes-outbreak-and-scared-how-long-to-wait-to-have-sex-again https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3246/getting-back-on-the-horse-how-long-to-wait-after-herpes-outbreak-to-have-sex https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/589/nervous-about-sex-after-first-herpes-outbreak I think @WCSDancer2010 gave some great advice in the post just above: "If you are having really rough OB's it might be longer so the skin can heal and recuperate (I think one of the reasons people get OB's right after sex early on in their initial months is because the skin has not had a chance to fully heal from the firs OB's). The bottom line is: Use common sense. Wait until your body feels like you are healed. Don't rush things early on because in the first 6 months your body is learning to deal with the virus, so while I know it may seem tough, try to find other ways to be intimate. I'd also use a lot of lube to start, because the friction often aggravates the skin and allows the virus to gain the upper hand. Go slow. No rough sex at first until you figure out how your body responds. The problem is most people want "instant gratification" and don't listen to their bodies. This is an opportunity for you to learn to listen to yours, AND to adjust your actions to work WITH it. Over time things will get better, and they will get better faster if you work with it now... ;)"

(editing) CONGRATS! ~ALSO~ YAY ORAL. I've never used condoms for oral sex (I have type 2, I think I'm getting close to it with my boyfriend, we just have to find a day where I'm having no symptoms and his lips aren't chapped!) I've done some research though! (here is an article supporting the use of cling wrap. Honestly, I'd rather use that, since they can see right through it and it seems thinner. But make sure it's not microwaveable. Also, a tip I read said to put some lube on the side that's place on you, so it'll be good on your side too: https://www.optionsforsexualhealth.org/sexual-health/sexually-transmitted-infections/barriers/oral-dams). But hey, totally understand wanting to start with tested condoms, and you can work your way here! I do use the skyn condoms (non latex) and I've noticed they don't have a smell/taste to them like latex condoms do, so that might work if you cut that. There's also these, which say that they're bigger and thinner than dental dams: http://www.amazon.com/Sheer-GLYDE-Assorted-Colors-Flavors/dp/B00015QD8C I bought the F2C condom, and I couldn't for the life of me figure it out. It also wouldn't be big enough for oral, and there's like this ring that is along the outside that would get in the way of oral!

Soonest you could do blood tests would be 6-8 weeks...but only something like 70% of people who are positive will show positive (I was showing negative still at 8 weeks, but I know I have this because I got a swab the day the blisters appeared). So really, the soonest you can conclusively know you don't have herpes is 4-6 months. Really try to see the doctor and get a swab, it's the only way to know this soon.

And this is up to you to disclose that you kissed someone else. We all make different judgement calls for the situation at hand, and you made that decision then. HOWEVER, you have no way of knowing that you even got this from that ex back in April. I'm telling you, I never really noticed how often I share food / drinks with others until I was diagnosed with HSV2. I sat and watched 6 girlfriends pass around a cider beer as a kind of "going out pregame", and took a swig myself (hell, what can it hurt at this point right??). You may not have even really remembered drinking after someone, but there are a TON of days and nights between May to now (your potential exposure window). Hell, someone could have stolen your drink at the bar when you were in the bathroom on a dare. Who knows! But the point is, you can get this from anything. So, it's your call if you want to come "clean" about the kiss in April, or stick to your guns and not let this come out. As far as location, the good good chance is that you've got this orally (and if you've got it genitally, then it's 100% your boyfriend and so that problem is solved!). This is why most practitioners won't give blood tests to someone that's not showing any symptoms...because you don't know "where" it is, and you've never shown symptoms, it messes with your brain. This whole herpes thing is a total mental game. At the end of the day, for most of us, it's a little itch, tingle or blister in an inconvenient (genitals) or conspicuous (lips) place. For you, seems like it's a nothing at all, and your body is just fighting it off like it should.

First of all...breathe! Going to your doctor tomorrow is a great idea. You should go and get tested within 24-48 hours of bumps appearing. Symptoms usually appear 2-14 days after contact, with most of them appearing in 4 days. It doesn't rule out your first potential exposure (oral/something on her lip), but that seems kind of a long time to pass. Then, your exposure Saturday night, and now it being Monday evening, is very quick to already have bumps ("symptoms" being usually tingling/itching, which turn into bumps). Unfortunately, we can't rule anything out for you, and can't diagnose you here. I would say definitely go to your doctor. So, first thing first...go to your doctor. Get it looked at, and get a *swab* test. If your doctor doesn't do those, call an urgent care or planned parenthood. It's the only way to get a test this early - blood tests can take up to 4 months. Whatever you do, do not let them give you a positive diagnosis without a swab test. NO DOCTOR CAN SAY YOU HAVE HERPES JUST BY LOOKING. Beyond that, certainly no doctor can tell you which strain of the herpes virus you have (HSV1 typically being the "oral" herpes, HSV2 typically being the "genital" strain). If the doctor tells you it's something else, it's possible, but don't let them dismiss you. You're not the only one in this situation...many, many of us on this board come from a "safe" (or at least unprotected) sexual relationship, and we get used to not using condoms with that person. It's second nature for us to not use condoms, and that carries over to the trust of a friend or even someone that claims to have been tested. We "baby birds" that are newly out of long relationships don't know the dangers that are out there in the world, and we trust blindly. You are strong enough for this. I'm hitting my 5 month diagnosis this week, and it's tough. It is. But many of us (including myself) have found wonderful people that this silly little skin disease doesn't even phase.

Two ways to know... First of all, if you've decided to take suppression medication to protect your partner, you need to be on at least 500mg of Valacyclovir/Valtrex for 10 days for the suppression to kick in. Second of all, you shouldn't be feeling or seeing anything funny or off...no tingles, no redness or sores. Then, once you've felt "normal" for ~5-7-10 days (everyone on the board has a different perspective here), it would be considered okay to have sex. Remember, you're shedding virus the most just before an outbreak, during an outbreak, and just after one. Have you decided if you will be using condoms and/or suppression medication? Male to Female transmission rates are 10% (over the course of a year) without any protection....down to 5% with a condom, and then down to 2.5% again if you use condoms and suppression meds. This assumes no prodromes or outbreaks. Lastly, since this is your first outbreak...give your body some TIME! After my primary, I was still getting tingles and an OB for the first 2-3 weeks. Maybe do a test, and try some self-play to see how you handle the friction. Channeling @wcsdancer2010 this is an opportunity to find some new ways to play with your partner... :-D

So, you're right...if you got a blood test, and it was negative in June, then that means you got this recently...which means you would have gotten it from your BF or potentially that quick kiss in April. I think the question is...what are you *really* worried about? 80% of the population has this, so almost everyone you are or will be with also has this. Was the kiss in April while you were dating this guy still? If so, maybe your concern is more about doing something "wrong" and feeling "guilty" about it. Have you shared that you kissed someone else (even if you weren't together at the time?). Sometimes, boys *hate* to hear about you kissing or doing stuff with any other man....that could make him jealous even if you weren't together. Just so you know, people can get HSV-1 from sharing sodas with other people, let alone full makeouts. You could have even gotten it from a girlfriend you went to the movies with, there's just no telling. Either way, we all go through the feeling that we could have "changed" something about our actions and what we did. I do not think your guy was checked for "everything" in January. The person I got HSV2 from was "clean" but had never been checked for herpes. So that's always a nice surprise, right?

Most blood tests don't include HSV because so many people have HSV1. So no, you wouldn't have tested positive for this before because you probably weren't tested for it!

So, my giver was a close friend of one of my best friends. We had a mutual attraction and had made out once before the fateful night this year. We were there for each other this summer, as he went through his diagnosis and a move and as I went through my primary. We talked a lot for those first few weeks. Since then, I've fallen in love, with a wonderful man. He's all the support I could ever need, and I don't think it's appropriate that I talk to my giver. We weren't close before, and though we shared a crisis experience and got closer, we haven't spoken since September (brief check in). He just reached out as he's in town and wanted to see if I could meet up. I told him I couldn't, that I had plans this weekend. He asked if we could talk next week. I honestly can't, I'm fully booked. But the truth is...I don't want to talk to him. I think it's unfair to my current partner, with all the support he gives, to kind of go behind his back to talk to someone I don't really want to talk to. My giver is a great, nice guy. But I just don't want to share anything more with him, and I don't want to be his support. (I'M A NICE PERSON THIS SOUNDS SO AWFUL). Can anyone advise a nice, straightforward way to tell him this? Or is it okay to just tell him I'm busy, that I hope he's well, and that I'm doing good?

HSV1 sheds in the genitals about half as much, so the transmission rates would be about half that of HSV2. (That's also assuming that your body/immune is handling it as it should) I believe it's this forum's perspective (and my own) that disclosure when it comes to anything sexual (more than kissing or anything pants off/below the belt) is the way to go. They ARE the same thing. We don't have a group for GHSV-1 and GHSV-2. It's genital herpes. The only reason we ask about the difference is it helps change how the disclosure goes, and the relative risk to partners. See below, even the WHO calls it genital herpes. I think that differentiation - that "cold sores" *are* the same as "herpes" speaks to the need for education. People even say "I have a cold sore" and if you tell them it's herpes it's like "no, it's a cold sore." I think the thing to say would be to stop calling it "cold sore" medication - Abreva should be required to call it herpes, and suddenly now the stigma goes down, 'cause there's Aunt Peggy buying Herpes Treatment at Rite Aid. 50% of new Genital Herpes cases are HSV-1. The WHO just released numbers around this, which I think you've seen. They're trying to get the word out: The new estimates highlight, however, that HSV-1 is also an important cause of genital herpes. Some 140 million people aged 15-49 years are infected with genital HSV-1 infection, primarily in the Americas, Europe and Western Pacific. Fewer people in high-income countries are becoming infected with HSV-1 as children, likely due to better hygiene and living conditions, and are instead at risk of contracting it genitally through oral sex after they become sexually active. “Access to education and information on both types of herpes and sexually transmitted infections is critical to protect young people’s health before they become sexually active,” says Dr Marleen Temmerman, Director of WHO’s Department of Reproductive Health and Research.

@officer195 if you were diagnosed in January 2015 (by blood test it sounds like), then there's a chance you had it before December of last year...it takes a few months in most people for antibodies to show up. Not sure if that makes you feel better, but try not to kick yourself for the past decisions. That's a good medication, but the meds tend to work "better" if taken within the first day or two of an OB, and then after that it does help it heal faster, but it wasn't able to prevent it from doing the initial damage, if that makes sense. Also, if this is really your primary, the dosing may need to be higher (http://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/valacyclovir-oral-route/proper-use/drg-20066635). Worth speaking to the doctor about.

@livelifegolden You are not alone in this "the unfairness of it all!" I had a VERY similar situation - I'm almost 30, and spent 4 years with the man that was my first. I had a protected experience with someone, and then with a very good friend of mine had an unprotected experience. The "unfairness" comes in when we feel like we know all of these other people that have done the EXACT same thing as us, and didn't suffer any consequences. I've told my story to nearly all of my girlfriends, and ALL of them have had unprotected encounters with someone that they trusted. They never got anything, and they've had far more partners than I have. You're right, it's not fair. It sucks. But H doesn't come as a "punishment." It is not a something that you get because you had many many partners - it's something that you get because in that moment, on that day, the person you were with was either having an outbreak or shedding. And that is literal luck, and that is the definition of being unlucky. It's not fair. And it's okay to feel that way. But there is a ton of unfairness in life, and this helped show me how lucky I was in other ways. The fact that I've had love, that I have a great job, amazing friends, and my whole family. Everyone I know has their health, including me (minus my little friend). I totally agree with you trying to find positivity out of this. Try to find all the things in your life that makes your life great, and cherish those things like you didn't have a chance to before. I'm sorry that your friend is retreating back to his ex. It sounds like he's ashamed, embarrassed, and honestly probably afraid of his own diagnosis, so he's going back to the familiar (even though he knows it's not right).

(Preface: this is the problem sometimes with a forum - no one should be diagnosing on here!)....but there are alot of other things it could be. I think that we tend to hop to "herpes!" often, and sometimes that could be preventing us from finding out the real culprit... I just did a quick search and there's something like an eczema that isn't contagious, isn't serious, and is possibly an allergic reaction, and it appears on the fingers and the palms. Kind of even looks like what you've got, and the healing time is "usually 3 weeks." Would even help to make sense of why it's on different parts of your finger... @wcsdancer2010 I hope this isn't against the rules (and I apologize if it is, but I wanted to share because I think this is helpful): NOTE: I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS WHAT IT IS! Just an example of what else it could be, especially since whitlow *should* be less common with an established infection and *should* heal quicker than is happening here... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyshidrosis https://nationaleczema.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/DermatitisDyshidrotic_1.jpg

We might see a decrease in herpes until some parents decide that it's poisoning their kids and you suddenly see a resurgence (see- measles today!)

My doctor says it's one of the safest drugs on the market - people with bad cases of shingles take it four times a day for years and years with no ill effect. All this discussion has me thirsty - need to drink some water!! Came across this article. I think it's helpful, from a medical factual arena. http://livertox.nih.gov/Valacyclovir.htm TLDR: liver effects are rare, and if they happen if you get off the meds the rare effects aren't permanent

This is totally normal - they're called fordyce spots :) I know what you mean about not knowing what "normal" was like before. But now, 5 months after diagnosis, I think I now know what "normal" is like for me. So just keep a look at it, don't panic, and then if it's still there after like a week, you know that's "normal" for you! It takes time to get there, and even now I'll see something and be like "wait, what is that?" Then, I just give it a few days (if it's not "feeling" like anything) and I'll realize oh, that spot must always have been a little white!

Well first of all, relaxxxxxx. That will help! I think there's alot of reasons you might be feeling run down besides caffeine (as you know and listed!) One of the reasons that caffeine is a "no no" is because it lowers your immune system. BUT. Not sleeping lowers your immunity way more than caffeine. I know this might not be the answer, but I would strongly recommend a few restorative "cat naps" (there's documentation over the optimal amount of time to nap to get the most energy out of it). Try a nap, and you might even find that you don't need caffeine! Another suggestion might be to try decaffeinated tea or a fizzy water - maybe you can trick your mind into thinking it's awake. I also haven't noticed coffee specifically giving me any symptoms (I do a cup a day), but I know some people do. Honestly, I might try to use caffeine, a nap or two, and meditation to try to get yourself through this stressful time.