NothingGoodGetsAway

ugh ugh ugh So I haven't shaved in a few weeks for fear of triggering an outbreak. So, when I went to the doctor yesterday to get a biopsy after an abnormal pap (fun fun), I thought I'd take today and shave a bit, figuring it didn't really matter if I broke out since I can't do sexy time for a while and this was a good time to trial a shave. I was shaving around my bum when I noticed a little sensitivity. I should have stopped there, but I honestly just didn't think anything of it for a few seconds and continued around my area. Only when I looked after, I saw a rash on the sensitive area. I used plenty of soap, but now I'm afraid that I just shaved during an outbreak and will spread it to my labia!! I've only ever gotten outbreaks on my inner labia (and anal area, unfortunately), never on the skin. I kind of just want it to not be freaking everywhere. Did I just autoinnoculate myself?! It's been 4 months today that I got this, and again there was plenty of soap present and no cuts that I know of, but I know microcuts are a thing. Any experience shaving during an outbreak?? Or just words of comfort? I'm so careful with trying to not spread this to myself but having a moment right now.

I'm glad reading some of the stories was helpful! I just wanted to write in and say welcome back to the boards. That sounds weird, but none of us want any of us in a relationship that's not making us happy, right? If I had to choose H or being back with my ex, I would choose H. And he wasn't even a bad person - we just didn't work, and we had a pretty amicable breakup. The fact that I got H only a few months after breaking up with him (and he was my first, the irony!!) kind of sucks, but I've looked back and thought "Would I go back?" and the answer is "hell no." The person that you end up with will be the most supportive, amazing person. You're just coming out of something long term, so now is the time for you to figure out what you want, and what works best for you. The best recommendation I would say is to take it slow. I met my current guy (he's amazing) just after being diagnosed. I was so nervous for the first few weeks to tell him, but as the weeks went by, I came to realize that he was really liking me for me. In another situation, I might have been nervous to tell him, and then quickly realized he wasn't the one for me... I wanted to share a blog post that was very helpful to give me some perspective. Warning: There's some strong language, and it's definitely a "no holds-barred" approach. I didn't follow the "3 month" rule (I did 6 weeks), but this really puts sex and disclosing into perspective: http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2014/02/dating-with-a-std.html The biggest thing I took from this is that you wouldn't share your deepest darkest secret early in dating - so why do we feel like we have to share an H status with someone whos middle name we don't even know??

@desertlove that's what my gyno said! She mentioned that it might come back negative but that means nothing. @2legit2quit definitely have been paying close attention to that. At the worst parts, it was itching EVERYWHERE. This might be TMI, but I'd wipe, then walk around for a little bit and suddenly have a SEVERE burning/itching in a pretty large area (2-3 inches). I'd look in the bathroom, and sure enough it was the discharge coating right in that spot. Once I'd wiped it away, the spot wouldn't be irritated anymore. I think in my case, because I was tearing due to dryness and irritation, to not take the epsom salt bath. Especially since she was treating me with antibiotics and a topical solution, she recommended just a normal bath so I don't get dried up more. Am also taking a probiotic, as all the antibiotic use this summer had me scared at a point that I had C Diff :/ So frustrating, because I know the symptoms can be similar between H and yeast, but there is really no way that this is *only* H causing my symptoms. Not to say H isn't hiding somewhere around me - and I'm not engaging in anything sexual until this clears, and washing my hands as if I'm having an OB. It's just so important to figure out what is the real problem, so we're taking the right things to treat it!! I have been on antibiotics all summer due to tonsillitis, and then I just came off of my last round following a tonsillectomy. Sure enough, the next day, yeastie has reared it's ugly head!! So the timing (antibiotics) and symptoms (thick discharge, burning, overall itching - not in one place specifically) make both me and my gyno highly suspicious of yeast. I've taken round of flucanozole and cream, and it seems to be helping but not getting rid of it completely. So here's hoping the next round fixes me right up!!

I've only seen a few blisters (I've never had an external OB to my knowledge) and it was clear fluid. The rest are spots of red or little open cuts, as they didn't last long as a blister.

So you had a culture of your knee? Or a culture of your genitals only? I would say you can't know what it is (especially if it's in an atypical place!) without a culture. I had a worry about a canker sore in my mouth, had it swabbed immediately that day, and it came back negative. So that really helped me understand what was going on.

I haven't noticed a correlation (it's only been 3.5 months though), but I would think that the regulation of birth control would help with outbreaks. Meaning, it keeps your hormone levels more consistent than if you're letting your body regulate the hormones.

@desertlove can I ask how you were diagnosed with yeast? I'm going through something VERY similar - constant itching (all over), discharge and some tearing when I'm itching. Waiting on results from my gyno, who actually said that Epsom Salt baths were VERY bad for the yeast, since I was experiencing some bad dryness and tearing (which, if it were herpes we'd want to dry it out, but if I'm tearing due to dryness/yeast, we want to keep it moist!) So hard to pinpoint, but just a reminder that we need to make sure that we're treating the root cause (rather than doubling up on Valtrex or taking unnecessary antibiotics like Diflucan).

Whew, welcome to the club lady! I think we all have these paranoid thoughts - I know I do! We want to protect those that we love, and we don't want to be the one to do anything that would harm them. I get that. But your boyfriend is making a (very rational) decision to be unfazed - the numbers are definitely on his side in terms of transmission, especially if you're watching your symptoms (and it certainly sounds like you are!). I thought the same thing the other day - my boyfriend said "and even if I get it, it won't be a big deal. It won't be your fault. And it would even give us something to share" (what a sweetheart). Put yourself in his shoes - knowing the mild symptoms you've had, if the risk were reversed? What would you do? I would absolutely, 100% take the small risk of contracting this to be with my boyfriend - in a heartbeat. So why do I get to be able to make that judgement call, but assume that he's not feeling the same way? Trust him that he is making his own decisions because he cares for you, and won't let some silly skin disease in an inconvenient place change his feelings for you. Also, agree with journaling - or at least looking at your symptoms from a scientific point of view. I've never had an external outbreak - I've had razor burn throughout my life and suddenly now I'm questioning it. But after 2 more razor burn times (once I posted about it here :)), and letting it fade away in the ~1 day that it usually always does, now I know it's razor burn :) Okay. Check that off the list. Now, what about that itch? Oh it's all over. Okay. And some discharge (TMI). Well I did just finish antibiotics last week. Ah okay yeast infection. We tend to blame EVERYTHING on herpes, but the fact is, it's a good chance it's not. It doesn't mean you're "safe" - anything that can weaken you down there can give H a way to rear it's head - but it does mean that you can treat it the way you'd usually treat it - a razor burn cream or Diflucan for a yeast infection. We need to be patient with our bodies as we beat down the beast of H. It will happen. We can't force it. But it will happen. Hang in there!

I think you had zero risk - the thigh is a pretty rugged (thick skinned) spot, and herpes takes a vigorous rubbing to get transmitted. Plus, it's pretty fragile, so a few seconds in the air, floor and lube would probably kill a ton of the buggers. I would move on your merry way and just check your thigh area in a week or so - I highly doubt anything will be there!!

Ah that's so frustrating! I think you have to be honest with him, tell him your status but also thst you're trying to get it under control- but that your body just isn't cooperating. Then you can talk about the risks with sex - that any "iffy" feelings are considered contagious, and that you want to be honest and say that you haven't been clear of any of those feelings since contracting it. Then, he can process - first, the (hopefully near!) future where you can be together with lowered risk (suppressives, condoms) and then second the immediate future, where he may Need to be a bit patient for a while!

Thanks @wcsdancer2010 ! I've seen that video, but the few times I've gone back to try to find it I couldn't find the exact part. For those of you wondering - it's at 19:53 :)

I hear you! I think overall I'm not giving my body time to heal - I tend to be a bit of a pusher of myself and striving for the best - and this is just one area I can't force it!

(An addition) I think one of the reasons I'm asking this is that I'm still a bit timid with the sex - I'm afraid to get on top or try anything too fancy because I am tearing easily. I think if I knew that the tear was just a tear, I might be able to show off some more of my skills :-p

Not black and white is so right! My initial ob was a fissure (pretty sure that was the point of entry) but the rest were numerous more traditional sores. I do think I'm starting to figure out my body, and it's kind of exciting! I've gotten several "outbreaks" (not related to sex) and I get the traditional tingle/itch and then it shows up a little while later as a blister-like single outbreak. I definitely consider those outbreaks! But then there's the fine line - I've had sex with my beau a few times, and *during* the sex I'll feel a little "ouch!" (The first time was a big ouch - tried to show off my flexibility, bad idea!) right where my big fissure was. So now, I'm left with really believing that this is a tear, but paranoid that it could turn into something more. I know herpes can thin the skin and increase tearing, but when is a tear considered outbreak? I had a similar question about "when is razor burn just razor burn"? Consensus there was to wait until things calmed down, but that we may not need to wait a full ~7 days since that had a reason. Wouldn't a tear be a similar reason too? Knowing that herpes likes to be opportune, of course I would never do anything while I had a tear (also...ouch!) I will watch it carefully to see if it grows, changes or heals. I'm very open with my partner, and he knows whenever I'm having a symptom. - especially when the symptom is a confirmed outbreak. I have told him the general recommendations (wait 5-7-10 days after there is no sign of outbreak), and we have been taking it case by case. Thanks again for all of the help - I tried to find this "cut vs outbreak" information in the forums or on the web, but it's all people that are hoping they don't have herpes and it's just a cut from sex. But mine is more specific :)

Yup, I had my primary outbreak within 4 days as well. Itching on day 3 but just thought it was from wearing a maxi dress ;). Most people show symptoms 2-14 days after infection...there is a very high chance, if it is herpes, it came from him.

Thanks @2legit2quit When you say that's where your ob's were, were they OBs triggered by sex? Or you'd feel a prodrome and then there would be a cut there? I guess my question is mostly around whether the thinner skin/cut should be considered an outbreak - can an outbreak happen immediately or even during sex (and we're talking a matter of minutes, not a marathon session :) ) Like, for example, if you were shaving and sliced your skin down there - you felt it happen, you cut yourself no doubt - is *that* now considered an outbreak? Thanks for helping us newbies navigate!

Well here's something to consider - if your blood test is negative, then this means it's a recent infection - which would point to him. So you may not be telling about "your" herpes, you might be telling him about "his" herpes! Did you get a blood test too?

Hugs, lady. I'm sorry he's gone silent for a while - it sounds like you gave him a lot to process, so maybe he is taking his time to go through everything. I'm sorry he didn't respond, but maybe he's giving this serous thought. It is not guaranteed to be a bad outcome, but if it is, you're right it wasn't meant to be!

Hello everyone! So I have a question - I know that sex can trigger an outbreak, which I've experienced before. I know an outbreak you're supposed to let heal and then wait 5-7 days for sex again. But what do you do in the case of a cut that you got during sex? I checked right after I had sex and sure enough, there was a small cut (I had a very bad primary that left the base of my opening really tender). Given the immediate timing, I know it's a cut from sex. So does this mean that I need to let it heal and still wait! Or can I let it heal and be on my merry way? (This same question goes for, say, a cut you got when you were shaving.) I guess my biggest question is: is an injury "down there" always an outbreak? Or do you let it heal like a normal injury without the added safety day buffer? I am on suppression meds and we use condoms.

Oh well you probably don't need google translate then haha. But I would just make sure to offer to help him post any question he has, maybe! I got it from someone that didn't know he had it either. He believed me and my symptoms, but didn't understand either. I think for those that are asymptomatic (or think it's just an ingrown hair, etc) this experience can be jarring. I'm sure there's confusion, denial, and guilt. From my discussions with my friend who I got it from, he was freaking out. He felt like he "should" have known, or questioned every time he had a small symptom and felt like he should have gotten tested. He felt tricked by every time he got an STI panel that said he was clean. Most of all, he felt guilty for giving me something he didn't know he had (and I believe he didn't know, even if sometimes he might have had and inkling) It's important to remember that we (those carrying this asymptomaticallg and you and I) are examples of being "looked over" by the medical community. It's so not a big deal medically that they don't test for it, and we're the poor schmucks that show symptoms and have to carry the burden. You're doing a great job handling everything, really you are! I'm sure his emotions are complicated and he's just wanting to let you know that he was being honest with you!! Keep us posted on everything!

Hmm. This might be a hard thing, but have you tried google translate? He'd have to know some medical terms that wouldn't translate (like asymptomatic shedding) but I would think that it might do the trick! We are happy to answer any questions he might have, and he could see them posted on the forum and know that it's a big group of people (and we wouldn't all lie to him!) Maybe he could put his questions in Spanish, you could review the Google translation in English, and start to see which phrases it has problems with. Trust us, none of us will judge poor grammar or anything! And then we could answer the questions, in as simple-to-translate terms as possible. Also, I would hope that he trusts your word. If he doesn't, just chalk it up to him being afraid and coming to terms with his own diagnosis. You can be there for him, to support him, but if he starts to lash out, to mistrust you, etc, just know that's HIS problem, and probably indicative of how he handles his own mind and pressure. And if he handles it negatively and in an offensive manner...red flag!! But I don't think that will happen :)

This is why it's such a frustrating little bugger to have! Wcsdancer2010 has already answered your questions, but this is why there is still that 4% risk with condoms and meds - we just can't know when we're shedding. Maybe I'm shedding at 7pm for an hour and have sex the next morning - crisis averted, without ever knowing. The only thing we can do is know our symptoms, take our meds, and leave the rest up to fate. The only numbers we need to know are the general risk reductions with condoms and meds, that we *might* shed more in the first year and know that any symptoms or outbreak tosses all those numbers out the window. Any more numbers and we would go insane. I've read studies that some people shed anywhere from 5%-45% in the first year (without suppression). Well what the heck do I do with that? I wasn't part of the study so I have no idea where I fall. Though I would say, the more prodromes, itching, tingling, etc you have, assume the higher the shedding. And in your case, no outbreaks with the meds would likely put you on the lower end! It's something I've been considering, now that I have a partner that I really truly care for. I am open and honest when I feel anything down there, and when I don't I giddily grab the condoms! But there may come a time when, despite my best efforts, something happens. And when it does, it won't be my fault. We do what we can to protect the trust we are given, and our partners know the risk and see far past it (further than we can).

Oops I posted to your other thread a potential disclosure discussion. But I have to say, bravo for working all of this out BEFORE you went out and had sex without disclosing. I have seen enough threads with people positively devastated after having (even protected) sex without disclosing, especially when they really like the other person. That's another thing to consider! I know you want to go the casual route, and that's totally cool - but what if you find a person you want to have repeat casual sex with? Or maybe even someone (down the line) that turns into something more? The bond of trust that you forged at the beginning will not only make a better first sexual connection, but is also a good foundation should anything happen in the future. We are all here for you, if you should want any more advice. Bravo sir!!

I think that's the right way to go - I would say, you know what NEVER happens (until either the act is over, or literally about to get started)? An actual talk about STI status! I would say that's a good point in - hey, before we get down to business, I want to talk about our status and how we can be safe tonight. When was the last time you were tested (she answers). Then you can say "that's great. I was recently tested as well, and was clear of everything except for hsv-2, which I've had for xx time. Do you know much about herpes?" (She may answer yeah, a ton of my friends have it or no not really, etc). Then you can say "well it's a skin condition "down below", and the CDC thinks it's not even a big enough deal to include it in any standard panels! It's the stigma that sucks...But I take daily medication to suppress it, I've never passed it on while on the meds and I haven't shown any symptoms in xx time. There is a very small chance, like 1%, that I could pass it on, and i wanted to be honest and open with you before we continue." The disclosure is about making sure she's informed of the (small) risk, and offering information if she needs it. Maybe wrapping into a discussion of her status too will help...guaranteed she hasn't been tested for herpes, and if she has then she probably knows enough about it to not need more information!! Hope this was helpful. And good for you for talking with an ID specialist to get even more knowledgeable, and deciding to disclose!!

Happy Saturday! I don't think the medication "stays" in your system - I think it processes fairly quickly, which is why when you're on suppression you want to try to take it at the same time every day (which reminds me....missed my morning dose grr). So, the question is - do you want to try to see how your body naturally handles this? If so, then don't refill the Rx. If you want to clear up this outbreak, then tell your doc you're having a recurrent outbreak (which is a different dosage of pills than the primary 10 days). In *my* case, I needed to do everything I could to keep an outbreak away, so I went straight to suppression. This is all up to you and your choice!