kaybee

Every since contracting herpes I've literally became a crazy hypochondriac. Recently, I was watching tv and a women went through a breakup so she had a one night stand and the guy came to tell her he just had a positive hiv test. Immediently alarm bells start going off in my head and I freaked out. When I was sexually assaulted he only penetrated me for a few minutes (without a condom despite my begging, stopped when I insistently lied that I'm not on birth control) and did not ejaculate. I have never not used a condom besides that incident. About a week later I had intense flu symptoms (back pain headache tingly legs vomiting) which may have been from H as well as the intense stress I was facing regarding the herpes sores I rapidly developed genitally. I was not able to see a doctor for about another two weeks after that. She did a swab test for hsv and offered me a full blood panel std test. She called back two weeks later and said my swab test was positive for hsv 2 and everything else was negative (hiv sphillus chlamdia ghonnerea etc). So I was tested for everything roughly 3-4 weeks after the incident. I have not slept around since then nor have I been tested again. Now I'm freaking out wondering if this guy potentially had hiv. I have no reason to think he does and nothing to go off of but intense paranoia. I really don't want to go get tested again because I'm too scared and It's also really inconvinent. I know the chance of him even having hiv is low statistically (20 year old straight white affluent male but still possible!!!) as well as the chance of it passing on from unprotected sex being 1/1000 if he had it. Then I read people with h are 15 times more likely to have hiv according to the CDC?? I'm just freaking out. Having herpes is something I'm really comfortable with. There's no one I wouldn't feel comfortable telling to the point of considering just "coming out" with it. My whole family and a lot of friends already know and I'm proud to have full acceptance. HIV on the other hand is a whole other nightmare that I don't think I can handle. I will literally never sleep with another person without seeing their std results and using condoms because it's not worth the risk. Any advice would be really appreciated :(

Oh okay! I've never had the lymph nodes swell but my ex mentioned that he gets one in the groin area before an ob so I was just checking. Thanks dancer :)

I know swollen lymph nodes are common during first outbreaks, but are they common for normal outbreaks in the genital area?

I'm honestly terrified to go to a meet up and I have no idea why other than being afraid of not fitting it haha. I haven't had much interaction in person with the h community especially people I don't know! Athena, this is a dumb question and not really important but what's the average age of people in the group? Are there any young people? I know I'm on the younger side of people with H being 20 so I'm afraid of not fitting it with everyone

Where did you find this group in San Diego? I'm from the area too!

I don't think you're anywhere near likely to get hsv2 on your nose! Haha and there's no way you'd be able to casually pop it like a pimple :) try not to be too paranoid! It's awesome that you got a laugh and were able to tell people in your life that you're close too. :)

If he already has the same strain of herpes as you (as in you both have type 2 or type 1 genitally) then you cannot give him "more" of the virus causing it to spread to other parts of his body/genital area. I would avoid sex during obs (if you do have them in your vagina sex does not sound pleasent anyways) but otherwise you shouldn't spread it on him. Most people get obs in the exact/general spot that they were originally infected. Goodluck! <3

It's awesome that you found this site so quickly in your diagnosis! Everyone here is incredibly Inspiring and helpful :). You're going to be okay! I'm 20 and have had h for a year now. I had a horrible first outbreak but now I can't even remember my last one. It's painful now but your body will slowly gain control of the virus especially if you treat yourself well (eat healthy and exercise, limit stress). It's easier said than done but makes a huge difference. Some tips that I use are applying an ice bag wrapped in a cloth to the area if it's itchy, puffing some baby powder into my underwear after showering to keep things dry (especially before the gym), and sometimes during an ob I apply a damp, cool black tea bag in between icing. Goodluck were all here for you through this journey <3

A west coast version in the future would be amazing!

So I was reading cosmopolitan magazine online in bed this morning (my not so guilty guilty pleasure) and stumbled across an article called "17 horrible sex myths no woman should ascribe to". While they are all great and struck a cord with me, number 10 particularly stood out. 10. "STDS make you dirty. Can we stop saying that if you don't have an std you're 'clean'? Having an STD doesn't make you dirty; it just means you have to be more upfront with your partners and more fastidious with condoms." While it was just one bullet point on the check list, it made my day to see a magazine popular specifically for sex/women's issues amongst such a wide range of women acknowledge that stds (especially herpes/hpv because they aren't curable) aren't a deal breaker and you can (should/will!) have a normal sex life. I'm used to seeing magazines/the media skirt around issues like herpes when they're not busy cracking a joke so it made my day to see an article state the simple truth about stds. It would be nice to see a whole article about stds (hsv and hpv specifically because of the stigma) to help debunk societies myths surrounding the viruses, but this seems like a step in the right direction. Here's the link if anyone wants to give it a look. http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a29910/horrible-sex-myths-that-make-women-feel-bad/ Have an awesome day :)

I've tried the antihistamines to no avail :( one thing that does help me is alternating between applying a really cold wash cloth or ice wrapped in a washcloth and a cold, damp tea bag.

I had all the exact same symptoms for the first few months but not all I get is a really minor numb/tingling feeling on my vulva only before obs. Hopefully your body will get a hold of fighting the virus soon, stay strong! <3

I'm in college too and the stress of finals are defidently enough to trigger an ob. Try to stay calm, make a plan for studying, and remind yourself that you have to manage your stress to prevent this. H made me majorly change my outlook on school. If you can an Epsom salt bath is great! If you're anything like me and live in a shitty apartment at school then soaking tea bags then letting them cool and switching between applying that and ice helps me a lot. Goodluck!

Ah that's crazy! I'm not on antivirals because my obs aren't frequent but I plan on taking them if I get into a relationship with a h- partner...I can't believe they won't let people protect others!

Hi and welcome! I am about to be a junior in college too, and herpes is much more common on campus that you would think. Everyone I've told knows someone or has had a scare of their own. Your attitude is amazing and was refreshing to hear! There really is a horribly inaccurate stigma surrounding such a relatively harmless (mainly occasionally annoying) skin condition. I personally told my Mom, but she's a nurse and was there for me during the whole "what is this bump??" Initial stage so I kind of had to tell her. You're an adult and do not need to tell your parents as seeing the doctor is confidential and you can always go to planned parenthood or another clinic if you don't want the meds on your parents insurance. Good luck!! :)

Hahaha i feel like I need to go out and buy a vibrator now. Athena, I totally understand wanting to have sex (especially when someone loves/cares about you enough to after disclosing) but you have to keep your partner safe and that might mean waiting a bit. Good luck to you <3

thanks whitedaisies! I appreciate the hugs :) I'm okay now and there's something powerful to me about being able to talk about it. Hugs to you to <3

Every ones body is different! I think if natural methods (limiting stress, eating well and exercise) aren't working then you can consider suppressive therapy. Generally, people get less and less obs with time (luckily that was my case) and therefore, have less of a risk of spreading H.

Haha I wouldn't say a whole year haha that's just a general guideline for when you have the most viral activity. Everyone's different, but I would give yourself atleast a few months..or as soon as you feel like the tingling/itchiness/any "off feelings" aren't constant and you know when you're shedding. And when you DO decide to have sex you have to decide on daily medicine or condoms or both :) but the most important point is to just never have sex when you have any symptoms. I know it seems like a lot now but I've barely had it over a year and I would say probably after 3 or 4 months the symptoms stopped being constant and I had better control over my body. I would focus on eating healthy, managing stress, and working out. Take care of yourself, it makes a huge difference! Also like Dancer said there are a lottt of things you can do besides sex that are perfectly safe :)

Hi! I sadly contracted herpes in the least loving way possible, through rape, and I passed it to my boyfriend at the time who I loved dearly. I think he took it much harder than I did and still isn't able to fullt accept it to be honest. I think it depends more on the you than how you contracted it. If you're able to love and educate yourself and rise above the stigma then it's much easier to accept and move on. I honestly think that having herpes is a huge personal/spiritual journey that forces you to face your own demons, it gives you the opportunity to learn and grow and love yourself, and choosing to follow a positive path is a choice regardless of your contraction circumstances. That's just my two cents, I'm curious about what everyone else thinks! <3

The tingling feeling is normal (especially in the begining) it means that your body is shedding the virus. Unfortunately, h is contagious not only during outbreaks but when your body is shedding the virus. The only way to know your shedding is getting used to your body's signs (numbness, tingling, and itchiness are common). Your body tends to shed the most during the first year as you haven't built up antibodies to the virus yet (and you're also the least likely to Notice it because you're not used to the signs!). A month after my first ob I had a sex (I had no idea about shedding) and immediently spread the virus to my super loving supportive ex boyfriend. It's my biggest regret in life. I would really recommend you wait to have sex until you have no symptoms and use not only suppressive daily acyclovir but also condoms (especially during the first year!) I know you just want to have sex and your body feels so off and it's sad but I really wish someone had told me to hold off on having sex until I knew when my body was telling me I'm shedding. A little over a year later I can tell EXACTLY when even a tiny thing is off and feel that I could protect a H- partner in a way I never could have a month after my first outbreak. Goodluck and lots of love, I know right now is a rough time but it only gets easier <3

Hi! Stress makes me extremely nauseous, so that may be a huge part of it. I don't take suppressive therapy daily but I do take acyclovir when I suspect an ob coming on and have never experienced any side effects. If you're not in a relationship with some h- I would consider not taking suppressive at all and letting your body naturally build some immunity. I did that and a year later I can't remember my last visible outbreak only tingly sensations every few months (usually when I'm stressed!) try to stay calm it really think that's the most important part of dealing with the virus :)

Well what if she had sex with ten guys and two of them had herpes? What if he told her just by saying it (no written proof) and she claims he didn't? It just doesn't seem right to me :(

Thanks for Sharing the article rose! I just forwarded it to a bunch of people haha. I read through some of the comments (and noticed dancers amazing replies) and was actually surprised that a lot of people were commenting good things and confronting mean/ignorant commenters. Obviously there was a bit of insensitivity (who needs that in their life anyway) but I was honestly pleasantly surprised overall. I heard on the news tonight that a Chargers football player is getting charged (pun not intended) with infecting a woman with herpes (more at 11!) My mom (who knows my status) immendiently went off about how she could have had it for years and it just surfaced or gotten it from another guy (got to love supportive mothers). But it really made me think more about how the media feeds the stigma. It also made me wonder how one can prove that a specific person is their giver when so many people are Undiagnosed. Its crazy to me that H is a relatively harmless disease that emotionally traumatizes so many people in the name of sensationalism and money. Atleast there's some good news like the Atlantic article.

Thanks for the fast response dancer. I'm just so overwhelmed, right when I start to accept herpes I start noticing this. I'll look into planned parenthood though I think the only treatment is burning them off and I've already popped them so I suppose time will tell. Thanks again