HikingGirl

How about when a new bump comes up, you have it swabbed? (Either the “ingrown hair” or what you believe was a cold sore.) It might also be worth your time to see a gynecologist, who will be more up to speed on things happening in and around the genitals than your primary care provider. While the IgG misses a lot of HSV1 infections (I forget the exact statistic, but it was surprisingly significant), there are indeed many things that would cause similar symptoms in either location. Yes, it is possible to have outbreaks while on suppressive therapy. For some people, outbreaks pretty much disappear. For others, it reduces the number of outbreaks, but doesn’t eliminate them entirely. It’s also possible to have oral HSV1 and never have a cold sore. If I were in your shoes, I’d find a new doctor and get a PCR swab test the moment a new bump crops up in either location. You could also have a western blot done, but that won’t tell you the location (oral or genital).

Narrow-mindedness is a subjective term, so I can’t say I have an answer to that one. :) Someone might call me narrow-minded for not wanting to date men with dependent children still at home, but it’s a deal-breaker for me. I never wanted kids of my own, and I already raised one stepdaughter. We have a great relationship now that she’s grown, but the blended family thing was not easy and I just don’t care to go through that again. All you can do is help to educate this guy and hope for the best. As they say, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink!”

@jm6 I doubt the lab has anything to do with it, but IIRC, I think it’s typical for the index value to fluctuate slightly with each test. Certainly it’s possible that the antibodies are building, but I think it’s also possible it’s a false positive. Terri Warren says that by the time you get to 16 weeks post-exposure, 97% of those infected will test positive on the IgG. As for whether to wait and retest with the IgG or test now with the western blot is probably a matter mostly of convenience and expense. If you can get another IgG at 16 weeks for a small copay through your regular doctor, it might be worth it to wait. If you’re tired of waiting, or if you get that 3rd IgG at 16 weeks and it comes out with an index value under 3.5, then I personally would confirm with a western blot.

Welcom, @oms2001. It’s possible this is a new infection for you (the HSV1) and you’re experiencing an initial outbreak. (It’s also possible the symptoms are unrelated, of course!) My own symptoms are so mild as to be hardly noticeable, so I’m not speaking from experience here, but I’ve read that it’s common with new infections to either last several weeks, or for an outbreak to recur very quickly in the first few months of infection, which sometimes can feel like one really long outbreak. I tried Valtrex for a while (I wanted to find an antiviral I tolerate well for transmission reduction when I start dating again) and it caused me to have frequent zingers/tingles throughout the day. Switching to acyclovir stopped that and the itching that was my primary symptom. When HSV is very new, I found it helpful to keep a calendar of symptoms so I could watch for patterns and just learn my own body. If you’re not having painful lesions, you could also try stoping the Valtrex to see if you notice any changes. One of my favorite resources of basic information about HSV is this short handbook written by an expert in easy-to-understand language: https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/

I agree that there’s no urgency to tell him. On the flip side, if I were in your shoes, I think I’d want to disclose before I got too much more invested in him and the relationship. In response to “when is the right time to disclose?” question, I’ve heard Adrial suggest asking yourself, “do I trust this person with my vulnerability?” Good luck!

I think you’re fine. Genital HSV2 requires skin-to-skin genital contact. Even oral HSV1 requires some pretty heavy kissing. It’s not transmittted by giving a peck-on-the-cheek kind of kiss. And certainly neither are transmitted from regular touching.

@Hikinggirl. I see you respond to a lot of new users here. I just wanted to let you know that I admire your dedication to helping others. Thank you ! You’re welcome, @Ruiner. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I can keep conveying the message that no one is truly alone when they’re first diagnosed with HSV. Posting has been very helpful with my own healing, too! :)

Welcome, @Amiable_Flower. Perhaps the campus health center or a Planned Parenthood can help you with an official diagnosis for a lower cost and less hassle than dealing with your parents? A local public health clinic might also offer services at a reduced rate or on a sliding scale. Might be worth a call. I’m not familiar enough with HPV to offer practical advice about your symptoms, but chatting with a doctor will be a big help to discuss your specific case. Adrial has said that something like HSV has a way of bringing all of your shit (emotional baggage) to the surface. I know that was certainly true for me. Do you have access to see a counselor? Many health insurance plans will allow a certain number of visits for a small copay, and many large employers offer an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) which lets you or a family member see a counselor at no cost for a handful of sessions (6-8/year is common). I completely understand not wanting to get into specifics with your parents, but it won’t hurt anything to tell them something vague like you’re feeling a lot of pressure from school and an advisor or a friend suggested talking it out with someone to help manage the stress. Meanwhile, learning as much as you can about HPV and being kind to yourself with some self care (enough sleep, eating better, exercise, activities you enjoy, talking to yourself like you’d talk to a friend, etc.) can make a *world* of difference with how we handle things mentally and emotionally. Put one foot in front of the other....you got past the initial shell-shock of HSV and you can absolutely do it again with HPV. {{hugs}}

Thank you for the update, @JenPhoenix40! I absolutely love reading updates from individuals who’ve been able to get some time and distance (in terms of perspective) from their diagnosis. Thank you for sharing!

@jlkb - Welcome. No, it won’t always be like what you experienced. Use the forum categories at left and you will read lots of success stories! One of the reasons I’ve been so active on these forums is because I love reading success stories at regular intervals. They’re so encouraging. And when you hear them over and over and over again, it really starts to sink in that herpes does not have to be the end of your love life! Unfortunately, you have zero control over whether someone flakes after a disclosure. I don’t have a lot of experience with it personally (I feel like I’m finally healed well enough from my own recent divorce to just now start considering dating again), but I’ve seen many others mention that being confident and calm during a disclosure can help with how it’s received, but we never really know how someone will respond and so much of that is not within our control. That’s part of what makes dating and disclosing so scary....the vulnerability! And, no, not everyone is a flaker. :) @Jack101 made a comment a few weeks ago which I found so awesome I’ll probably be quoting him for months to come: “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I believe that most of you are confused as to why the men are leaving. They are not leaving you because of herpes, they are leaving you because they don’t see a long term relationship. Often times people will stay in relationships that they don’t see progressing when they have nothing to lose. However, when presented with the possibility of infection (i.e. loss), they will often leave because they don’t want to take the risk when they don’t see a long term future with the individual. In fact, they are saving you time and effort. They likely would have left anyway.” When I read this, I immediately thought back to the book “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I listened to the audio version, which was not only hilarious because I think nearly every woman alive could relate to the examples the author gave, but really insightful. I certainly don’t think all men are this way, but the author made the case that guys generally won’t come right out and say, “I’m just not that into you.” They’ll usually find some other easier excuse that’s either convenient (like herpes) or that they think will be a softer let down. “Rejection is God’s protection” is another saying I love. I’ve been where you are (only in my case I had already had sex with the guy when I spontaneously asked for an STD panel during an annual exam for the hell of it and was surprised with my diagnosis), and I know it hurts. {{{hugs}}}

@jm6, here’s the information I promised about the western blot test. I think you’ll find this thread both interesting and relatable to your situation: https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/9280/important The western blot is the gold standard of herpes testing, and great for situations like yours where the IgG test results were ambiguous. Terri Warren, a clinician and expert on HSV, recommends testing with the western blot if you’ve had index values below 3.5 once you’re far enough away from the suspect encounter (12-16 weeks) when the IgG will be most accurate. My index value was 40-something for HSV1, but only 3.27 for HSV2. I chose to spend the $250 it cost me at the time to have the test done to be certain. In my case, I truly do have HSV2 after all. But at least now I know for sure and can move forward. This link gives you the number to call the University of Washington to order the kit http://depts.washington.edu/herpes/pages/hsv_resources The Westover Heights Clinic can also help you order the test: https://westoverheights.com/herpes/getting-a-western-blot/. When I was looking to get tested, Warren was doing a study of some sort, so I had my test ordered by her and it was very easy. She told me what lab to go to based on my zip code, I showed up, they drew my blood, and they sent it in to UW. I heard back from Warren with the results about 10-14 days later. Hope that helps!

The IgM is an older test that gives a lot of inaccurate results. That’s why the IgG is now the preferred of the two. Terri Warren gives a detailed explanation in her book, but that’s the gist of it. God only knows why so many doctors still use the IgM!

There are instructions at the Westover Heights Clinic site—I’ll try to find the link later today. Terri Warren can still help people order it even thought she has closed her clinic. @camilo also wrote up some detailed instructions for doing it on your own. I’ll see if I can find the thread (probably this evening after work).

The curse of online results.....no one ever knows what they mean! I’m afraid I’m with you—I have no idea what this means. The only information I can provide is that the culture test is one type of swab test.

I think you could do one of two things.....either give it several months and retest again (probably the cheapest option), or you could test with the western blot (the most accurate test available). An index value of 1.3 is very low. There’s a pretty significant number of false positives for index values under 3.5, and the lower the number, the greater the chance that it’s a false positive. It’s been several months now since the broken condom encounter, when you should have tested positive if you were indeed infected. Personally speaking, I would be really skeptical of this latest result and would not assume you had HSV2 just yet without additional testing.

Thank you, @Mom29_818, I’m glad you’ve found them helpful. This is such a great community with a wealth of shared knowledge and experiences!

Sex can be a trigger for some people, but that’s because of the friction and has nothing to do with your status. Since you’re both HSV2 positive, you do not need to worry about giving it to each other. Your symptoms will not cause him to have symptoms.

Welcome, @Cemmc005. I applaud you for all of the research you’ve done and for reaching out for input from those who have HSV. It says a lot about how much you care for this guy. Clearly it's not a big for most people. But there are no guarantees which is what it seems to me you are hoping for. As usual, @optimist hits the nail on the head with her reply. Ditto to everything she said...especially this statment about guarantees. We humans just love to be in control, and most of the time we do a good job of fooling ourselves into believing we’re in complete control, but really there’s a crazy amount of life that is simply beyond our control. As the saying goes, our anxiety doesn’t come from thinking about the future, but wanting to control it. Best of luck to you with your decision.

When I was on Valtrex for a while, my maintenance dose was 1 500 mg pill once per day, and that’s the maintenance dose I’ve heard mentioned here most frequently. Plus it’s what’s listed in Terri Warren’s book. I’d call the doctor and just say you’ve heard it’s frequently taken daily and that’d be easiest for you to remember and ask why the unusual MWF routine. Like you, I’d never be able to remember that!

Hi, @aname, and welcome. As it turns out, HSV1 is extremely common. In fact, the majority of adults have it, many of them picking it up as kids. Only about a third of those with oral HSV1 ever have a cold sore. Here’s how common both HSV1 and HSV2 are: http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ While HSV1 much prefers the mouth to the genitals, it is possible to have it in either place. If you’re not having outbreaks in either location, then there’s no way to know if you have it orally or genitally. I’m in the same boat (although I also have HSV2), not knowing where my HSV1 is. I just tell myself that statistically speaking, it’s most likely that I have it orally. Initially this was maddening to me, not to know for sure, but knowing how prevalent it is now, it seems like not such a big deal. Going forward, it’s a good idea to learn more about HSV and how it’s transmitted. There’s lots of great information here on H Opp, as well as a short handbook written by a herpes expert located here: https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ I have more maddening news....there’s no way to know who you got it from, or—if either of your partners test positive—if they even got it from you. They’d have to get tested to know if they had it, but chances are they very well may have had it all along. Transmission is also not a given. My ex-husband of 15 years never got either strain from me (I didn’t know I had either until after our divorce). Curiously, oral HSV1 is rarely ever disclosed. Probably because (a) tons of people don’t even know they have it, (b) cold sores aren’t stigmatized like genital herpes is, ,and © they don’t realize it can be transmitted to the genitals via oral sex even when no cold sore is present. Personally speaking, if I were in your shoes, I would just focus on learning more right now so that you could even answer questions. If you’re still seeing the first guy, then just tell him what you told us....you didn’t realize you hadn’t been tested for it before, and are now learning it could be transmitted to either the mouth or the genitals. For your sanity, try to focus on the fact that the vast majority of adults already have it. I promise you’ll be okay and your sex life will not end because of this! :)

The blood tests don’t measure the actual virus like the swab tests do. The blood tests measure antibodies, and it can take a few weeks for your body to make enough to be detected on a blood test when you have a new infection.

A blood test can be done anytime, but you need to be having an outbreak to have a swab test done. Are you concerned that the tests you had done might be inaccurate?

Welcome, @veryanxiousasker. It might be HSV, but the only way to know for sure is if he were tested. Most STD panels don’t test for HSV, so it’s possible he has it and doesn’t know it. Or it could be something else entirely. Transmission is not a given with each encounter. It’s certainly more likely with an outbreak, but I haven’t seen any statistics on how likely. Most symptoms from a new infection show up within a week or two. Not everyone gets symptoms though. Some people have no symptoms at all. A PCR swab test of an open lesion would give an immediate diagnosis, but since you have no symptoms, then it would show up on a blood test within a few months (if you even have it). By 16 weeks after the encounter, 97% of those infected would test positive on a blood test. Some people would test positive sooner. It all depends on how fast ones body produces antibodies, which the blood test tests for. When you go to the clinic on Monday, ask for the IgG test. Some clinics still use the IgM, which is notoriously inaccurate. This handbook is a great place to start for basic info: https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/

The last few weeks sound like hell for you, @TeaWithTheQueen, and I’m sorry. It’s frustrating to not get clear answers and it’s isolating to not be able talk about what you’re going through. Hang tight for those test results. Uncertainty, for me, is worse than any diagnosis! Once you know what you’re dealing with, you’ll be able to develop a plan to manage it. Once the physical symptoms have been managed, you’ll find ways to manage your emotions, find perspective, and start feeling like yourself again. One step at a time, my friend. Just know you are not alone. I wish I were there to give you a hug!

HSV1 does not cause HSV2. That’s easy enough to answer! They’re similar viruses, but they are two distinct viruses. Just like Burger King and McDonald’s are fast food burger joints, they’re two separate restaurants. Sadly, many medical professionals are woefully uneducated about HSV. Oral HSV1 is extremely common and most adults have it. Most of us pick it up as children. Only a third of those with oral HSV1 ever have a cold sore, so it’s also very common to be asymptomatic. If you had a swab test positive for HSV2 but the blood test (hopefully the IgG test) was negative, then you have a new infection. If you haven’t had other partners in the past four months, then it’s possible that your on again/off again boyfriend has HSV2. The oral encounter you described seems really unlikely. HSV2 strongly prefers the genitals, and is quite rare orally, so the chances that someone had it orally and gave it to him genitally doesn’t seem nearly as plausible as him having HSV2 all along and not realizing it. Most STI panels do not test for HSV, so many people have it, but are completely unaware, making it that much easier to transmit. Here’s a short handbook written by a clinician who ran her own STD clinic for 30-something years, researches HSV and is the herpes expert at WebMD. (Her full book is fabulous and easy to read too.) https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ It’s normal to experience the flood of emotions you described. Education and time go a long way toward feeling normal again. {{{hugs}}}