HikingGirl

I was worried, at first, that I would have to change my diet. Happily, that has not been the case. Rather than going cold turkey on the best things in life (coffee! chocolate!), you could try keeping a log or calendar to see if certain foods are triggers for you. You may find that an overall healthy lifestyle (decent diet, adequate sleep, exercise, stress-reduction) does more for your immune system than the elimination of any one food. Everyone seems to be a little different in terms of triggers. Good luck!

Believe it or not you already have someone who can love you unconditionally---and that's you! Well said, @HerpPrincess! And welcome, @jaee4. Do you have access to see a counselor through work, school, or medical insurance? I spent the first eight months post-diagnosis on the verge of tears, herpes consumed my thoughts, and I felt unworthy to talk to strangers. It wasn’t until I got up the guts to go back to the therapist I saw after my divorce that I was really able to get unstuck and move forward. What does moving forward look like? Well, for me (now 18 months later), I am happier than I have ever been, unquestionably stronger than ever, and I actually truly love myself—imperfections and all—at age 44. That’s all *thanks* to herpes, because without it, I might still be basing my value on unattainable perfection and the validation of others. It may be true that not everyone in your life will be able to relate to having herpes. But I can promise you this: *everyone* struggles with feeling like they’re not “enough” at times. I’m also a big fan of the home study course @Adrial has offered on this site. It took me a long time to get started on it, but the first section is worth its weight in gold. Changing how we see ourselves will do more our own happiness than anything we’ll get from a romantic partner. {{hugs}}

Virtually no one gets a zero on this test. You may have had false positives. Glad you got the western blot. Good luck!

I use pure coconut oil (no other ingredients), and just scoop a bit out of the jar and apply it with my fingers.

Many hugs to you, @K123. Breakups are always painful. For what it’s worth, I’ve been giving myself a break from dating since getting a divorce three years ago, and I am so glad I did. I’ve just started to think about dating again in 2018. But it has been so healing and empowering to focus on me during this time. Including indulging in all the things my ex didn’t like to do. :)

Have you confirmed with your doctor that you indeed had an IgG test and not something else? The IgG is known to be a pretty accurate test (if anything, it has more issues with false *negatives*....which can happen up to 9% of the time with HSV1 and 3% of the time with HSV2). Warren recommends testing with a western blot test (more sensitive, most accurate of the HSV tests out there, but also more expensive and difficult to get) if the index value is below 3.5. In cases where someone’s index value is really low, there have been some false positives (more likely to be the case the lower the number is). My index value for HSV2 was 3.27 (and I’d had the virus by then for about 20 years) and I did the western blot on a Hail Mary and it confirmed that I do indeed have both types. I’m not a herpes expert by any means, and I can’t even guess what was going on with the person who claimed to have an index value of 8 and later tested negative. I also can’t speculate on the chances of getting it from the one-night stand. I just plain don’t know and I’ve never seen it mentioned in the two years since I was diagnosed. It won’t hurt anything to retest in a month, and it couldn’t hurt to do a western blot if you feel like you need a second confirmation (and I get it....I needed to be 200% sure in order to move forward). HSV2 is only transmitted through sexual contact. Typically it’s intercourse or other skin-to-skin genital contact (such as “dry humping”). That broadens the scope of transmission as it could include a teenage crush one fooled around with but never had intercourse with, or even sexual assault or abuse, in addition to partners that one had intercourse with. Do you have access to see a counselor? Perhaps through medical insurance or your employer’s Employee Assistance Program? This whole situation is understandably a major source of stress for you, and it can be really helpful to have a level-headed, non-judgmental person to talk it out with.

P.S. I will add that taking antivirals can interfere with initial testing. (Personally, if I were having a significant outbreak, I’d absolutely take the antivirals just to help with the immediate physical symptoms.). So if you continue to test negative for a few months, you might consider going off antivirals for a couple of months and then retesting.

I see. Either way, it’s no doubt really tough to be in a place of so many unknowns. Hopefully as the next few weeks yields more answers, it’ll be easier to wrap your head around it all. Most of us have felt just as you describe now, and it’s not a fun thing to go through. (Happily, it’s not for forever either!) Learning as much as possible about a virus that is so rarely talked about seems to be one of the most helpful things we can do when newly diagnosed, so you’re in good hands with the handbook/book I mentioned and, of course, the information here on this website.

Hi, @Drkyle. What led to your visual diagnosis? Did you have an outbreak? HSV is very difficult to diagnose visually. If you’re having a significant outbreak, I’d head back to the doctor for a PCR swab test. That will tell you the type no matter how new the infection is. If the outbreak isn’t severe enough to collect a sample for a swab test, then I would wait until you have a confirmed positive diagnosis from another (future) IgG blood test before assuming you have herpes. The IgM test, by the way, is notoriously inaccurate and their results should be ignored. Sadly, many doctors still use the test. (Even sadder, many doctors are undereducated about HSV.) If you do have a new infection, the IgG will pick it up by 16 weeks at the latest. Half of all people infected with HSV will test positive on a blood test by 3 weeks. It just depends on how fast your particular body happens to make the antibodies which the IgG tests for. It is possible to have sex with someone for years and not acquire the virus until much later or not at all. I was married for 15 years, completely unaware I had both HSV1 and HSV2 all that time, was not using condoms, and my ex-husband never got either type. So transmission is not a given. Honestly, answering your questions right now is rather difficult because we don’t know what type you may or may not have and what type your wife may or may not have. When you consider that you can have either type orally or genitally, there are a headache-inducing number of combinations to try and explain what you should know about certain acts. At this point, we really don’t know FOR SURE that you have HSV. Once you know more, we can absolutely help you answer some specific questions. What I can do is highly recommend this short handbook written by a herpes expert: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ It covers several of the questions you asked much better than I can and in varying scenarios. Warren also has a full book on Amazon, available as a Kindle version, with even more detail—explained in plain English—which I cannot recommend highly enough.

Hi @angelmonique. The symptoms you describe could be related to many different things. If you’re concerned, the best thing to do is to be tested.

Hi, @daisyblue. I never experienced a primary outbreak, so I can’t speak from personal experience, but I have seen others here describe the initial outbreak as lasting several weeks, or sometimes having multiple outbreaks back to back. No doubt it sucks, but I don’t think it’s unheard of to be having some symptoms one month in. Now if months go by and you’re still feeling a lot of tingling, you might consider switching antivirals. My outbreaks are primarily just itching, but when I tried Valtrex last year, it was one zinger after another. I stopped and took a break from antivirals altogether, then I tried acyclovir and the zingers (and the itching) stopped. Just something to keep in the back of your mind. I hope things calm down for you very soon!

Waiting is the worst kind of torture, for sure! Even if the test comes back negative, this will have been a great opportunity to learn more about HSV and how its transmitted. If it’s positive, then like you said, the stories on this forum are a good representation of how HSV does not have to prevent you from having an awesome life (unless you let it).

Hi, @Vinnychase9, and welcome. Did you have an IgG blood test? (I ask because a lot of doctors use an IgM test, which is notoriously inaccurate.) It sounds like it, as I believe only the IgG test gives a numerical index value, but since I’m not 100% positive, I would start by making sure you had the right test. If your test was indeed an IgG with an index value of 5, you are indeed positive. It can take **up to** 16 weeks for those infected to make enough antibodies to be detected on a blood test. Some people’s bodies make antibodies much faster. About 50% of those infected will test positive on a blood test by three weeks. I don’t know if it’s possible to detect positive on a blood test in less than a week. I’d be pretty skeptical, as your doctor was. Hopefully someone on here will have info. If you can’t find an answer here, I would reach out to Terri Warren, a herpes expert, here: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes-questions/. It would also be uncommon to acquire HSV2 from one sexual encounter, but it is possible and there are people on these forums who can attest to that. I always used condoms with the handful of partners I had before I met my ex-husband, and I still got it. HSV1, which is commonly oral (think cold sores) but can also be genital, is extremely common and the majority of adults have it. Only about a third of those with oral HSV1 ever have a cold sore. I have HSV1, and I’ve never had a cold sore in my life. Along those same lines, nearly 90% of those with genital HSV2 have no idea they have it because they either have no symptoms, or their symptoms are so mild they’re mistaken for something else. I also have HSV2, and when my ex-husband tested negative for both types after our divorce, I realized I must have picked it up 18-25 years earlier and had absolutely no idea. I thought I was just prone to frequent yeast infections and itching. But all that time I never had any visible sores. So not only is it possible to have HSV without any symptoms, it’s very common to have HSV without any symptoms.

Me too. I thought I was educated about STDs, yet literally everything about HSV was a surprise to me! I’m so glad to hear you reached out to your friend. It is SO helpful to know life goes on in a very normal way. That sounds dramatic, but when your world has been turned upside down, it’s the best kind of comfort there is. :)

Hi, @Kaem6 and @CaliDreamin. If you haven’t already seen this handbook (https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/), it’s an easy read and a great source of information for those who are overwhelmed with questions. (The author also has a full book, which I found extremely helpful.). Many people have said that the more they read and got educated about herpes, the better they felt. That was certainly true for me! HSV is far more common than the average person realizes. This great info graphic says it all: http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/. The majority of adults have oral HSV1, yet only a third of those individuals ever have a cold sore. Likewise, nearly 90% of those with genital HSV2 either have no symptoms at all, or their symptoms are so mild they’re mistaken for other things. If everyone knew their status, HSV would not have a stigma. It’s ironic, isn’t it? So many people have it....unaware. The good news is that you unequivocally cannot transmit HSV through toilet seats and showers. The virus just doesn’t live that long outside the body. There are no documented cases of transmission from sharing a towel. Now, if you have an **active lesion**, sharing towels is not recommended on the remote chance that the virus (which loves warm, moist environments) hangs out a few seconds longer on the towel and then is used immediately by the next person. If you don’t have genital outbreaks to swab, or cold sores, you may never know *where* you have each type. I also have both types, and have very mild genital outbreaks, which I mistook for yeast infections and general itchiness for over 20 years. My sores aren’t severe enough to swab, so I’m left to assume I have oral HSV1 and genital HSV2 because that is the most likely scenario, statistically speaking. It is true that some people acquire herpes with their very first sexual encounter. It’s also true that there are couples who have been together for years without transmission (just ask my ex-husband). Be sure to spend some time reading the success stories on this forum. I’ve only been around about a year, but my perspective has changed drastically hearing the positive stories that are shared within this community. You will not feel like this forever. And there is no reason to think you won’t have an awesome, fulfilling life (with romantic love and sex!). :) {{{hugs}}}

Have you tried coconut oil? Tea tree oil usually does it for me, but I find coconut oil to be pretty soothing too.

No doubt that hurts, @Vesta, and I’m sorry. Six months is a long time to invest in someone emotionally, only to be abruptly dismissed with three short words. I read this article earlier and thought of it when I saw your post. {{{hugs}}} http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/04/01/20-things-to-remember-when-rejection-hurts/

Oh good!! I swear I’ve read that a hundred times, but I’m still learning something new!

I went in for a Pap smear early last year and spontaneously asked for an STD panel since I was recently divorced and had just started a new fling. The clinic I went to is a rarity because they included HSV in that panel. I was floored when I tested positive for HSV1 and HSV2. Both my ex-husband and the Mr. Fling eventually tested negative, and I haven’t had any partners since, I now know I acquired HSV somewhere between losing my virginity and getting married, 18-25 years earlier. (I could have even gotten HSV1 has a kid.). My outbreaks aren’t bad enough to swab, so I’m left to assume I have genital HSV2 and oral HSV1, because that’s the most statistically likely scenario. Shortly after diagnosis, I started Valtrex and took it for 6 months. (I was hopeful my relationship with Mr. Fling would continue.) Once I realized the itching and minor irritation and redness I occasionally experienced was an outbreak, I could tell that I was still having outbreaks nearly every month on Valtrex. The zingers were driving me bananas though, so I stopped for six months. Frankly, I was depressed as hell (Mr. Fling didn’t stay around), so I figured, what’s the point of taking anything? And I continued to get mild outbreaks but without the annoying zingers. The same mild symptoms I had for 20 years, so I was used to it. Once I started to recover emotionally, I read something on this forum that made me think I should try acyclovir. I still wanted the option of an antiviral that my body tolerated well because I was a lot more optimistic about a future relationship even being a possibility. So after six months of taking nothing, I started taking acyclovir. After about a month or two, I realized that not only was I not getting the annoying zingers I got on Valtrex, but my itching went WAY down to almost nothing. In the 10 months I’ve been on it, I think I can recall twice when I had just the **slightest**, barely noticeable, bit of itching for about a week—I now believe those are outbreaks. (I’m convinced hormones and my monthly cycle are a trigger for me.) So even though I’m not seeing anyone right now, I continue to take them because after 20 years of feeling like I was cursed with a periodically itchy crotch and frequent yeast infections, I am virtually symptom free! Life is good! :)

Yes, it’s possible he carries genital HSV1 and has never had an outbreak or symptoms. It’s also possible he may have had really mild symptoms he never recognized as HSV1, or had one primary outbreak, wrote it off as the flu or ingrown hairs or something, and never had another outbreak since. With genital HSV1, the body doesn’t shed the virus (symptomatically or asymptomatically) nearly as often as genital HSV2 or oral HSV1. (https://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf) That in and of itself greatly reduces the chances of transmission to you. Let’s assume your partner has genital HSV1. With a 3-5% asymptomatic shedding rate, that’s only 1 1/2 days out of the whole month that the virus is even exiting his body and available to infect you. Your body plays a role too. Perhaps you just got waxed and you had micro-tears in the skin and happened to have sex (or genital contact) on the one day he was shedding—you’d be more likely to acquire it. On the flip side, maybe you’ve been exposed in the past, but your immune system was really strong at the time and you didn’t acquire it. These types of factors influence how HSV is spread or not spread. That’s my very basic understanding of it anyway. :)

It’s absolutely possible that he acquired the virus long before meeting you (possibly even in his childhood) and transmission didn’t happen until now. My ex husband of 15 years never got HSV1 or HSV2 from me, and I didn’t know I had either during our marriage! The majority of oral HSV1 carriers have no symptoms. The HSV virus can and dies exit the body periodically with no symptoms. That’s why it’s so easily spread.

A positive swab is a reliable confirmation, and it sounds like your initial negative blood test showed this was a new infection. While the majority of adults have oral HSV1, only about s third ever have a cold sore, so tons of people have it, they don’t know they have it, and still fewer realize they can transmit HSV1 from the mouth to the genitals. Lots of factors affect transmission, so it’s not unusual that transmission simply didn’t happen until now.

I’m so glad you’re seeing your doctor again tomorrow so you’ll be able to get some more information. Pain has a way of feeling eternal....like it will never end....and that can really affect how we psychologically process things. When it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, just put one foot forward. I’m all for telling previous partners who may have been exposed, but that does not have to be at the top of your list. It can wait until you’ve at least been able to get past your primary outbreak and you’re feeling better physically. It’s amazing how much we can say no to if we need some breathing room! Ask me if I give a crap that I desperately need to vacuum and mop floors. Yeah, it needs to be done, but when I’m under stress, there’s only so many hours in a day, and I have to choose between exercise to keep my sanity or vacuuming, sanity wins every time. What you’re feeling right now is really, really normal! Most of us hit a slump right after diagnosis. It’s a loss of sorts (loss of control, loss of perceived health, loss of the possibility for attaining perfection, fear of loss regarding partners, future partners, your sex life, judgement, etc.) and it’s common to go back and forth through the stages of grief. I read a book about grief when I divorced a few years ago, I referred to it often in the months after my own diagnosis, and I’m reading it again as I prepare to say goodbye to my 15 year-old golden retriever in a few weeks. The similarities between three very different experiences are uncanny. I’m not a mental health expert, but I strongly believe that if we don’t allow ourselves to feel sadness or grief over a loss, those emotions will manifest later on or in different ways. At the same time, we don’t want you to stay stuck in sadness forever either! :) You’ll find your own way to move forward, I have no doubt about that. But for this moment, it’s okay to stop and rest for a bit too. My therapist recently told me that hope is a byproduct of grief. For some reason I really found that comforting. Reading the experiences of others has really opened my eyes to how it IS possible to be happy, life a full life, have great sex, and be loved in spite of HSV. When it’s hard to believe myself, I get a lot of hope and optimism from this community. We’re here to support you, virtually hug you, and cheer you on. :)

P.S. I strongly recommend this short handbook written by an expert on HSV: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/. For even more details, her full book, available on Amazon, is awesome and has so much good information in it!

1. I don’t know the answer to that for sure. What we do know is that it’s a good idea to wash your hands with soap and water after touching any outbreaks and before touching other parts of your body (especially in the first several months to a year after acquiring the virus). Once your body has gotten a better handle on the virus, you’re much less likely to inadvertently spread it to other parts of your body. 2. That’s a good question for your doctor. Think of it this way.....how many of us thought we had yeast infections, razor burn, pimples, and irritation from intercourse, but didn’t think of herpes? A lot of us. When herpes is new to us, and we’re still wrapping our heads around the diagnosis, it’s common to think that every bump, rash, and redness in the genital region must be herpes. Nearly 90% of those with genital HSV2 don’t know they have it because they either have symptoms or they attribute mild symptoms to something else. Once you’ve had some distance from the diagnosis (time and perspective), it’s easier to see other possibilities. Maybe these new bumps are herpes. If it’s very different than what your previous outbreaks have been like, it might be worth asking your doctor about it. There’s a lot of unknowns about why HSV behaves as it does. Just like it’s a mystery why someone can go years after getting HSV without ever getting an outbreak and then suddenly get one out of nowhere. 5. I’ve only been on these forums about a year, and so far I don’t recall anyone mentioning that an antiviral made outbreaks worse. A number of people have said, however, that one antiviral worked better for them than the other. Valacyclovir is the generic for Valtrex, and acyclovir is the generic for Zovirax. They’re similar medications, but not the same. Acyclovir is an older drug and Valtrex became more popular because you only have to take it once per day (vs twice per day) because it is better/more easily absorbed by the body. In my experience—Valtrex did not stop or slow down my outbreaks. It also gave me numerous prodrome sensations (zingers—tingling nerve sensations) throughout the day. Drove me nuts, so I stopped after six months. About six months later, I tried acyclovir because I still wanted to be able to take an antiviral to reduce transmission rates for when I started dating again, and I heard someone on this forum say one antiviral worked better for them than the other. Lo and behold, I had no zingers on acyclovir, no outbreaks, and the itching (my primary symptom) was reduced to almost nothing or only felt rarely. It’s been wonderful!!!! I guess the bottom line for me is, who knows why they behave differently for different people. But since it’s super easy to stop taking them, why not give it a try and see if your outbreaks calm down? Asking your doctor for a different prescription is also super easy. It can’t hurt to experiment and you might find something that works for you! Maybe that something is acyclovir, maybe it’s episodic therapy with Valtrex (where you only take pills when you get an outbreak), or maybe you do better with nothing at all. You could even take it a step further and keep a calendar or log and see if you notice any patterns with certain triggers (stress? Lack of sleep? Certain foods?). If there is one thing I’ve noticed from reading the stories of others, it’s that there is no one-size-fits all treatment for HSV. It can take some time and experimentation to find what works best for you. Good luck!