HikingGirl

Yes, if a swab test confirmed you had HSV, your partner was negative, and the blood test was negative, it would mean a new infection. By the time you get to16 weeks post infection, 97% will test positive on a blood test. I can think of a couple of explanations off the top of my head: 1. You have genital HSV1–the blood tests miss a significant number of HSV1 infections. It’s possible the test missed HSV1 with your boyfriend and you acquired genital HSV1 from oral sex. 2. You don’t have herpes. (Retest in a couple months with an IgG or you could get the gold standard of HSV testing, the western blot.) 3. Your boyfriend acquired HSV from someone else right before you met and it was a new enough infection not to show up on the blood test. You’re definitely on the right track to get a swab test on Monday. Provided there’s enough of a sample to test (meaning the lesions haven’t healed), the PCR swab tests are very accurate.

Terri Warren, an expert on HSV, says that reinfecting yourself on other parts of the body almost always happens within a few months of acquiring the virus. After that, you’ve built up antibodies to help protect against that. It’s always a good idea to wash your hands after touching an outbreak no matter how long you’ve had HSV, but I wouldn’t lose sleep over reinfecting yourself otherwise. It is true you can have an outbreak anywhere, but even so, the virus tends to use preferred pathways and for most people, outbreaks will continue to pop up in the same place. Just watch the saving bumps and notice where they come and go. It’s realky unlikely you’re going to see outbreaks in different places on a regular basis. I don’t have severe outbreaks, but I would think that covering them would mostly be a matter of comfort to you unless they’re oozing a lot. Leaving them uncovered might also help them to dry out faster.

Most STD panels do not include HSV testing, and some doctors are using the older, totally unreliable IgM blood test. Do you know for 100% certain he was tested for HSV with an IgG blood test? 1. The virus lives in your nerves at the base of the spine. When it decides to act up, it can travel along any number of nerve pathways to exit the body anywhere in the boxer shorts area. Where you have outbreaks has nothing to do with what type of sex you’ve had. 2. Yes. That’s why I’m curious if you know for a fact that he tested negative during his last testing and did not have other partners within a few months prior. It’d also be good for you to either have a swab test done now if you still have lesions, or wait 12-16 weeks and do another IgG blood test. You may well have HSV, but don’t depend on a visual diagnosis alone. 3. If you truly have herpes, the blood test is negative because it’s a new infection and you haven’t produced enough antibodies yet to be detected on a blood test. There is no such thing as being exposed but not having the virus. You either have it or you don’t.

{{{Hugs}}} to you, @Tmyers123. That’s a pretty stressful situation you described. I have not been in this exact situation as I was single and only seeing someone casually long-distance when I found out I was positive for HSV1 and HSV2 (and later realizing I’d had both for about 20 years and was clueless the whole time), but two things came to mind reading your post. First, I think a trip to the doctor is a great idea. At this early date, the lesions can probably still be swabbed to confirm it’s really herpes and which type it is. For all we know, it may not be herpes or it may be an outbreak of HSV2 from a previous partner that simply hadn’t manifested before. Second, and this is a really tall order, I know.....try not to take much of what she’s saying right now personally. As Brene Brown says, “Blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain.” It’s so true. I know when I got my diagnosis, my emotions were—on a scale of 1-10–about a million. I had so much going on in my head....for months, really, but especially in the first few weeks, there was no way I could be rational or empathetic or even calm. An HSV diagnosis often brings all of our baggage and “issues” to the surface, creating quite an emotional storm. I have no idea who gave me HSV, but had the source of my infection been in front of me, I’m sure I would have been on the blame bandwagon too. Your wife may need a bit of time to process her thoughts and emotions. @RegularGuy gave some great suggestions for supporting her when she’s ready to open up with you. It’s very normal that neither of you knew it could be transmitted from the mouth to the genitals when there was no cold sore (assuming this is HSV). I had no idea myself. I’ve only been reading these forums for a year, but it’s clear that the vast majority of individuals have no idea how HSV is spread. Ultimately, it’s a relatively harmless virus (for most people—I recognize there are some exceptions) which we’ll never stop or eradicate and just happens to have a ridiculous stigma attached to it. If it’s helpful to you or your wife, I really like this simple handbook for basic facts about HSV (written by a clinician and HSV expert) plus this infographic showing just how insanely common it is. https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Hang in there!

I want to get a second opinion, but really don’t know where to go or who to speak with. Having someone who is a specialist is important to me at this point, but sadly in my small community there isn’t anyone. I am hoping someone will comment on this and help us both with some unanswered questions. FWIW, @lostandconfused99, you can ask Terri Warren questions for a small fee (see link below) although I’ve heard others say it can take several days for her to respond because of the volume she gets. That’s one option for getting some feedback from a professional if you don’t have one nearby. https://westoverheights.com/herpes-questions/

@Yellowmellow, you’re welcome, but I owe you an apology....I somehow totally missed your original statement about being pregnant! Good grief! Congratulations! I think this would weigh heavily on anyone’s mind when they’re concerned about the wellbeing of their unborn child. I hope my earlier posts didn’t come across as insensitive. Sometimes I’ll just get right to the point if I’m trying to answer a post between meetings or something, but I would have been a little less blunt and a little more understanding had I noticed the part about expecting. One resource you may find useful is Terri Warren’s book, “The Good News About the Bad News” available on Amazon in print and as the Kindle version. Warren is a nurse practitioner who ran her own STD clinic for over 30 years and is now the HSV expert at WebMD. The short handbook she wrote is a great place to start, but I know the full book has a chapter dedicated to pregnancy. For $10, that may give you a lot of peace of mind. (I don’t have children, so I’m not much help in that regard.) ETA: Since we now know your hubby has HSV1 (because he gets cold sores), you do not need to worry about giving it to each other. Theoretically, it’s possible to give a slightly different strain of the same virus to each other, but Warren told me through email that “While that is conceptually true, experts agree that there is no clinical implication to this theory and we do not discourage this kind of contact nor do we suggest that you be careful about transmission with someone who has your same type (1 or 2).” By all means, kiss and be intimate! :)

Hi, @Denise226. Do you still have lesions? If so, I would get back to the doc asap and ask him to do a swab test. A positive swab and a negative blood test means the infection was recent. At this point though, we don’t know for 100% certain that your symptoms are from herpes. Another option is to retest in 12-16 weeks and if you test positive on a blood test then, it’s likely this is a new virus. Keep in mind the blood test can miss some HSV1 infections. So when you retest, be sure you’re getting an IgG blood test and you find out which type you (may) have and the index value. You should also know that taking antivirals can affect the results of a blood test. If you continue on Valtrex and retest in a few months and test negative, it might be worth stopping Valtrex for a couple of months and then retesting. The blood tests don’t test for the virus itself. They test for the antibodies that your body produces in response to the virus. It can take up to 16 weeks to produce enough antibodies to test positive on the blood test (although some people make antibodies much faster and will test positive sooner). The genital herpes virus lives in a group of nerves at the base of your spine. It can travel along any number of nerve pathways to exit the body (resulting in an outbreak or asymptomatic shedding). If you have herpes, then you’re having symptoms around your anus simply because the virus happened to choose a set of nerve pathways that led to that area. It’s common to get outbreaks in the same area, but it is possible one could have an outbreak in a totally different area (like the vagina, buttocks, inner thighs, etc.—the “boxer shorts region”) if the virus decides to use a different nerve pathway in the future. Finally, it is possible to carry HSV and never have an outbreak or any symptoms at all. In fact, nearly 90% of those with HSV2 either have no symptoms or their symptoms are so mild they’re mistaken for other things (like yeast infections, jock itch, razor burn, etc.). I had HSV for 18-25 years before getting diagnosed and had no idea! But even if you don’t have outbreaks, you can still transmit the virus to others if you have it. Things like condoms and antivirals reduce the risk of transmission, but don’t eliminate it. Herpes is really common because it’s not routinely tested for, and most of the carriers don’t know they have it, let alone realize they can still spread it even without symptoms. My two favorite resources are: https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ and http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/

Welcome, @Chickenmom, we’re glad you’ve found us! I have HSV1 and HSV2, and I’m still floored that my ex-husband of 15 years tested negative for both (meaning I must have acquired it before we met). Your story is a good example of how not only is transmission not a given in a long-term relationship, but you can have HSV for years with no symptoms and then have an outbreak seemingly out of nowhere. Taking things one day at a time is a good place to start.

If your hubby has had cold sores, he already has HSV1. It’s entirely possible you got it from him! The fact that you’re having a yeast infection means the most logical and plausible scenario is that the itching is from the yeast infection and the rest is in your head. (I say that with love....I’ve been there!) I know you’d rather have a certain answer, but it’s not coming. The closest you’ll get is knowing that statistically speaking, it’s most likely that you’ve had oral HSV1 for years and years with no symptoms and you just happened to learn about it while experiencing symptoms from a yeast infection.

p.s. Has your hubby been tested yet?

Yes, those can be symptoms of HSV, but they can also be symptoms of countless other issues, including psychosomatic ones as you suggested. If your doc told you you had a yeast infection, I would believe her...they can often tell just by examining you. Believe me, I know the uncertainty is maddening. It’s definitely an “opportunity” for all of us to relearn the lesson that some things are unknowable and we’re not always in control. :)

Unless you have obvious lesions to swab, there is no way to know the location. Statistically speaking, HSV1 prefers the mouth, so that’s the more likely scenario. Only about a third of those who have oral HSV1 ever get cold sores, and the *majority* of adults have HSV1. This handbook is a great primer for basic information: https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ And this infographic is a wonderful representation of how common these viruses are: http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/

The closer the index value is to the equivocal range (0.9 to 1.1), the greater the chance you’re negative. A western blot test (the gold standard for HSV testing) would tell you for sure, but I just don’t see any compelling reason to think you have HSV (IMHO).

Do you remember which type (1 or 2) tested positive and what the index values were? Sometimes a very low index value is indeed a false positive. On the other hand, the IgG misses a significant number of HSV1 cases, so that’s another possible explanation. I’d round up copies of your lab results for a closer look.

I’m not a doctor, but from what I’ve read, three tests in the equivocal range over the course of 8 months sounds like no herpes. Do you know which type of blood test you had? You should make sure it was the IgG. The way the test is designed/ran (I forget which), virtually no one gets a zero. You could do a western blot if you were really concerned, but I personally wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.

If your mom isn’t supportive, then your best bet is to tell her *nothing* about your dating life. It’s going to be up to you to draw the boundaries, and to be firm and consistent when she nags and prods for details. She will not like this change and will resist it. Meanwhile, try not to take her recent comments to heart (I know this is easier said than done). Her responses reflect her own upbringing and her perspectives on the world. YOU are not the root cause of her insensitive comments and you didn’t deserve to hear them. {hugs}

The only way to know if you have it is a blood test (IgG). None of us can answer that for you. If you don’t want to test twice, then you should wait 16 week’s post-exposure to have the test done. Transmission is always possible, but not a given, so I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.

It depends on the person and their insurance. Valtrex didn’t do a thing for me and gave me constant zingers. Acyclovir works better than coconut oil for me and with my insurance, I pay $19.33 for a three month supply of the generic acyclovir. .

Itching is my primary symptom, @Thatgirl. For roughly 20 years I thought I was just cursed with occasional itching down there (I didn’t realize at the time I have HSV). Once I was diagnosed, I tried both Valtrex and acyclovir to find an antiviral that I tolerated well to reduce chances of transmission to future partners. The acyclovir stopped the itching within a few weeks. It’s been heaven!! Itching can be from a lot of things, so it’s hard to say if it’s herpes related or not. But that was my experience.

@FatalSorrow Are you open to trying antivirals?

FWIW, my insurance covered a full STD panel as preventative care from my regular doctor and I didn’t pay a thing for testing. HSV generally isn’t included in STD panels, so you need to specifically request it. It’s true you should ask for the IgG blood test. A lot of doctors still use the IgM test which is totally unreliable and it’s results should be ignored. Expect that most doctors are not well educated about HSV. But they can certainly run the test. When you get the results, if you test positive, ask for a copy so you can see which type you might have and what the index value is. The 4% female-to-make transmission rate is per year, and assumes no condoms, no antivirals, and sex twice per week. Using condoms and antivirals reduce the risk further, but there is always a risk of transmission. You can still get HSV even if you use a condom. Lots of factors affect transmission, including the immune systems of each individual. I got herpes from a short-term partner who used a condom, and yet my ex-husband of 15 years didn’t get it from me (and I was unaware of my status while we were married). A great resource for basic info on HSV can be found in this short handbook written by a clinician and herpes expert: https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ And this is a great infographic illustrating how common the virus is: http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Perhaps someone else can provide more resources about HPV. I’m just not very knowledgeable about it.

@Wander2wonder, I think there is. We all have a tendency to make generalizations or assumptions based on things people say, but it’s still just one comment, and we don’t know that he views herpes as a nasty disease. He clearly has a lot of good qualities, so I think it’s worth pursuing if that’s what you want and if you feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with him. Even if he says no thanks to herpes, you’ve had some practice disclosing and he’ll know that not only are there beautiful people out here who are worth knowing and loving who happen to have HSV, but he might also choose to learn more about it—for all we know he has it too and just doesn’t know it! I can’t help but think that all confident and sincere disclosures, even if the relationship doesn’t continue, help to chip away at the stigma. Whatever you decide, hold your head high. You will be a great catch for the right guy. There’s only one way to find out! :)

They are not leaving you because of herpes, they are leaving you because they don't see a long term relationship. Often times people will stay in relationships that they don't see progressing when they have nothing to lose. However, when presented with the possibility of infection (i.e. loss), they will often leave because they don't want to take the risk when they don't see a long term future with the individual. Well said, @Jack101! This is so true and I needed the reminder. I had lunch the other day with Mr. Long Distance, whom I was having a casual but ongoing fling with when I got my diagnosis nearly two years ago. He was in town visiting family, and although I had considered myself over him, it sure brought up a flood of emotions from my initial diagnosis and his reaction of going from super supportive to fading into the woodwork once he tested negative. I just needed to hear this wisdom again!

Terri Warren said it can, and she is a herpes expert. My answer was basically a quote from her book.

For what it’s worth, my primary symptom for outbreaks is itching and I found acyclovir to be a godsend for making that go away. Some people have found relief with tea tree oil, but it’s really important that it’s diluted (just a drop or two on a wet cotton square), and probably best for partially healed sores as it may really sting otherwise. Although this isn’t a topical treatment, I’ve seen others mention that soaking in a bath with some Epsom salts is also soothing.