annalove

I feel like I need to make an amendment to this post haha. My initial experience with this guy was great. We continued to communicate for a few weeks and slept together again. Then he ghosted me. It was a very difficult situation because I thought I could trust him. As you see above I was very happy about how it worked out initially and thought we had both agreed to be honest with one another. But that didn’t happen. In the end he eventually told me he had met someone and he didn’t have to balls to tell me. He was nice about it when we talked, but who knows if that is the truth. Maybe he wasn’t interested anymore. Maybe he decided he wasn’t ok with the herpes. Or maybe he did meet someone. I’ll never know the truth. While this situation definitely didn’t conclude the way I wish it would have, it was still an important lesson for me. There were some red flags as to how he handled himself, and also I knew the risks going into it that I may have to see him again if it ended badly. But you live and you learn. One major thing I learned from this, is that making choices sexually based purely on emotions, is a bad idea. The fact is I was in a vulnerable place when we slept together. I was feeling rejected and it felt SO GOOD to be wanted by someone. I don’t regret sleeping with him because i learned a lesson and the times we were together he was respectful and made me feel wanted. But in he end it was a disappointing experience.

I just had my first in person disclosure to someone I was dating so I totally know what you’re going through. Although we had been dating a couple months I wasn’t super invested in him and was still deciding if I really liked him and saw a potential future with him romantically. So to be honest although it was scary, it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. I knew I wanted to disclose in person. All my other disclosures have been via text and to casual partners. Because I had been dating this person, in person felt right to me. First off, I practiced. I went through how I would bring it up and start the conversation. Tried different versions and was thoughtful about how it would make me feel if I was the one being disclosed to. I made a serious attempt to not apologize or dramatize. I stated the facts. It went something like this. Side note: I had told him previously there was something I wanted to discuss with him but preferred to do it in person. We had multiple conversations about how we were feeling about one another throughout the time we were dating, so it was related to one of those convos. Him: “so what is this thing you wanted to talk about?” Me: “I’m not really sure if this conversation is necessary because I think we are both still figuring out how we feel about one another, but I’ve enjoyed spending time with you and regardless of what happens, it’s important for me to be honest. Awhile back i was seeing someone and after things ended, I found out he had exposed me to herpes. For me it hasn’t been an issue physically, as I don’t have symptoms. But I have made the choice to always disclose to my partners so in that way, I do have to deal with it. I know you appreciate honesty and I felt this information needed to be on the table for both of us to figure out what we want to do moving forward” He then asked me some questions and I asked him some. Turns out he had been disclosed to before, which was refreshing. But I do think he was not fully expecting that type of conversation, even though he knew I wanted to discuss something with him. We continued to talk and hung out again, but aren’t seeing each other any longer. Before I disclosed to him I asked him how he was feeling about us seeing one another and he said he didn’t know if he would be staying in our city because he may be moving for school. And that he likes me but just can’t say he’s in a place to make a commitment, although he would be open to that changing. I ended up ending things between us because I’m in a place where I want to make someone a priority, and I want someone to make me a priority. He wasn’t in that same place. Although I’m sure he wasnt stoked about the herpes situation, he didn’t ghost me and continued to want to see me. We were never physical but he did tell me when we were ending things he had those sexual and romantic feelings for me. I knew he had been holding back as he didn’t want to emotionally confuse me, as that happens when sex is involved. Overall, my biggest suggestion is to 1) practice practice practice 2) find a quiet private moment to disclose and 3) thoughtfully consider when is the right time. Disclosing too soon doesn’t give them enough time to value your personality and see qualities they like in you. The fact is as long as you do it before oral or intercourse, you in my opinion haven’t put them at any risk. Best of luck!

@mr_hopp thank you! I took a little hiatus from the forum in part because I have had less on a burdensome relationship with herpes in the last 8 months or so. Thanks in large part to my work with you. Thank you for everything you do!

About 15 months ago, my world was turned upside down with my herpes diagnosis. I remember standing in the mirror saying to myself “this isn’t possible. This is a bad dream”. I was in such a state of shock I couldn’t even cry. I kept thinking “everything is different now”. And in some ways, that is true. But not in all ways. The initial heavy burden I felt has disappeared. I was blessed with having a few sessions with Adrial, and I read and educated myself as much as possible. I also let myself work through those first difficult 6 months where I didn’t feel 100% myself, while starting to reprogram my brain to think of herpes as an opportunity for substantial growth. Which is most certainly has been for me. The point of this post is give anyone struggling some hope. I encourage you to, as much as possible, look at a herpes diagnosis from the perspective of someone who just found out they have terminal cancer. From someone who would trade herpes to bring their deceased child back. To any other medical challenge (muscular dystrophy, amputation, MS, heart disease, cancer). I totally get it, those things cant be spread and you don’t have to tell every partner you have about those issues. But there are so many medical issues (and in general life challenges) that could be far worse. Herpes also has given me an opportunity to start every relationship (casual or romantic) with honesty, and to discard people in my life who treated me like garbage. I have been rejected, but I have also been accepted. I was accepted by a man who ended up not treating me with the respect I deserve. The lesson there, even someone who is cool with herpes, can treat you like dirt. I was very hurt and disappointed by the experience. But I would have bene regardless of if I had herpes or not, because in the end he didn’t know how to treat me. I also recently disclosed to a man I was dating. He was kind, understanding and still wanted to see me after I disclosed. I decided to stop spending time with him, not the other way around. I disclosed to a man I am only interested in sexually last week…his response “I’m ok with that”. I can say one thing for sure, I have never had a person react unkindly for being honest with them. If you choose to always disclose, you will face more rejection that if you don’t. But you will also stand tall in your truth and integrity, and with every rejection and acceptance, you will gain confidence in choosing disclosure. I encourage anyone struggling to message me if you need advice or just someone to commiserate with. Support from peers, friends or family helped me immensely as well. Best of luck to you all!

I very much am convinced my initial “outbreak” was actually confused by both me and my doctor as a yeast infection. The ONLY symptom I can relate back to being exposed was a very intense burning all around my vaginal region, from what I remember about 2 weeks from when I first started sleeping with the individual I believe exposed me. I had no lesions, bumps, or sores (still have never had a typical herpes outbreak) and so I figured it was a yeast infection. The other thing I will say is that I immediately went and got tested for the standard STDs when I had the burning, nothing positive. I also immediately started taking AZO yeast infection symptom relief pills which within hours started to reduce and then eliminate the burning. I did end up going to see a doctor as well and she took a sample, looked for the yeast growth and “confirmed” at the time that’s what I had. I eventually went back when I had a small cut I couldn’t get to heal, they swabbed that and that is when I was diagnosed. Still no way to know if the cut was even related to herpes. So moral of the story, a lot of initial herpes outbreaks are so mild they are either not noticed or like myself, confused as something else.

So I have been seeing this really nice guy for about the last 6 weeks. Due to schedules and me being on vacation we have only hung out 4 times. We haven’t even kissed yet. To be honest I am still slightly indecisive about how I feel about him. I do find him attractive but it certainly wasn’t the immediate sparks flying kind of chemistry (and still isn’t). The thing we have going for us is we get along AMAZINGLY. We make each other laugh, our personalities just vibe, which is the main reason why I have continued to hang out with him. I actually semi tried to end things with him at one point a few weeks ago, and he asked me what he can do to give me what I am not getting from him. Again, this type of reaction is a really mature positive attribute in a partner, another reason why I have continued to see him. I am at the point where I feel like disclosure needs to be in the immediate future. Not because I see myself becoming physical with him in the very near future, but because I am worried about either of us becoming too attached without him having all the information. From a lot of the posts I have seen about disclosure, usually around the 3-5 date range is where I see people disclose. Long enough for someone to start to like you, but not so far along that it will devastate them to be getting the herpes news and not too early in that they have zero attachment to you. I have disclosed to about 5-10 guys, but all via text. Most of those resulted in acceptance, a few didn’t feel comfortable proceeding. I think my hesitation and worry in this circumstance is mostly over feeling that I should disclose to him in person. But it just seems so much scarier and harder. So I guess I am looking for advice in a few areas. 1) Should I wait until we have spent more time together to disclose, or is now a good time? We have only agreed that we are hanging out and getting to know one another, I don’t even know if he classifies what we are doing as dating. 2) Should I wait to disclose until I know more concretely if this is a person I would want to date seriously? As I said before I have been indecisive and some of that indecisiveness is due to red flags Ive seen about maybe him not be accepting of my circumstances. 3) Is it better to have this conversation in person or via text? Do you think it makes a large difference in how they inevitably end up feeling about it, or no difference at all?

@tk1434 if you intend to continue seeing her it is my opinion you need to be honest. I have read and heard of many people taking different approaches to disclosing after having sex with someone. Some of them turned out positive, some negative. If you feel the ONLY way you can be honest is to pretend like you just are finding out the information, I guess that’s better than keeping your hsv entirely a secret. To be honest I think this approach is only appropriate if this is a casual situation for you because while trust is still important, it isn’t usually the foundation of a lot of casual relationships (even though it should be). If this is a woman you see yourself dating, then I would tell her the entire truth. All you have to do is look through the discussions on here to see the hurt and devastation that non disclosure can cause. You do not want to start a relationship knowing you have not been 100% honest with your partner. For me...I disclose up front to anyone I want to sleep with. I’m not one to have drunk sex so I haven’t been in your situation but I think you really need to decide where you stand morally when it comes to disclosure. How would you feel if you found out your ex knowingly exposed you? How would you handle someone confronting you and asking did you know you had herpes and having to lie? These are the questions you need to answer for yourself and take the steps to live true to the answers moving forward

This is going to be a very unsatisfying response...but in my opinion there is no way to feel more confident about one of these partners over the other being your giver. Unless these are the only two men to have ever gone down on you or had sex with you...just as likely it’s any of your past partners as well. Your current boyfriend very likely could have given you genital HSV1. He does not have to have an active sore to pass it to you, oral herpes sheds also. Him being negative for HSV2 does not remove him from the possibility, since u don’t know your type of HSV. The only advice I have is to not obsess over who you got it from because it changes nothing. Your doctor should 100% have typed you because it makes a big difference as to how you proceed with your sex life in general, but also with your current partner. If you have another outbreak I would recommend going back and getttinf it typed.

1) I would ask for more details as to your test results. If it was a blood test from what I have read those often can be false positives. I wasn't diagnosed by blood work so I am confident I am positive...but if I had been diagnosed that way I would ask for details on the number (from my understanding higher number = you've been exposed for while) and ask if I can retake the test in a few months 2) if you want to take a daily antiviral because you have a regular partner or are in a relationship (or just simply want to)...I would ask the doctor about different options. In my case my doctor sent in a prescription for daily 1 gram valacyclovir pills. Cost me $20 with my insurance. Turns out after doing research and speaking with a friend who also has herpes, I only really needed to be taking 500mg pills because I dont have symptoms so I cut them in half and can make a months prescription last for 2 months. Be prepared for the doctor to be much less educated then you think he will be. Its amazing the info they still give out to people like unless you have an outbreak don't worry about transmitting it. Thats bull.

@Tere3 He didn't know what the risk of transmission was so I told him... If we have sex with no condom and no antiviral the risk is 4% With a condom or antiviral its 2% With both (as in the case with me) it would be 1% There are people will will freak at the word herpes regardless of the minimal transmission risk. They simply cant move past the thought of sleeping with someone who knows they are positive. They would rather keep a blindfold on and risk it with people who don't know their status. I haven't discussed my HSV again with this guy so I don't know what his thought process was when deciding it wasn't a dealbreaker. But I imagine (and hope) when he heard the risk was 1% he thought its such a small risk and I still really want to be intimate with this person that it doesn't bother me to the point of rejecting her.

One other thing I will mention is that for me the one on one disclosure moment is really an opportunity to establish a new level of intimacy with someone. That is lost to some extent when you shout it from the roof tops by making a social media post. With my close friends I have told, even if it was by text or telephone as opposed to face to face, it created an opportunity for us to become even closer. It makes you a real person with a plethora of emotions and struggles. Its easy to judge someone when you read their social media post and much easier to have empathy when you have to look them in the eye or respond to them directly. Its a whole new level of intimacy when its a possible romantic or sexual partner. Even though a couple of the guys I have told have not been comfortable with it...every single one of them has recognized the courage and strength it took for me to be that open and vulnerable with them. There is immediate respect earned when you choose to be that honest with someone. One last thing...I dont want you to write off sex or relationships. I thought for sure I would spend at least a full year celibate after i found out about my HSV. Turned into about 8 months of reflection and self work and when I was sexual again it was 100% with the right person. So I wouldn't close yourself off to it. Its ok to take time to reflect but if sex or a relationship is what you want HSV doesnt mean that isn't possible

The extent to which you are "open" is a decision that I think comes with reflection. My suggestion is to wait and tell people as it feels natural. I had my moment where I wanted to make a damn FB and Instagram post and say fuck it! But I also believe that there is something to be said for people getting to know you first before finding out that personal information, especially when it comes to romantic or sexual relationships. Part of my decision to not shout it to the world was because I don't, at this moment, want my parents to know. My mom would worry about my well being and would want to "fix" things even though in this case...there isn't much she can do. Its just part of her personality and I don't feel its necessary for her to carry that burden. Its those things you don't think about when you make a quick decision. I also took into consideration coworkers that really have no business knowing that stuff about me lol. In my case I have told all of my closest friends and then of course all of my potential sexual partners. I do believe disclosing to friends and partners starts to feel really good after awhile. Learning how to discuss it with confidence and without shame starts to boost your own feelings on it as well, at least it has in my case

You haven't mentioned the specifics of whether you were being tested regularly for HSV. For the vast majority of us...there is some personal accountability that plays a role in us being positive. Most of us who find ourselves positive were not being tested. We can't pin being positive on one particular person (even if that person admits to knowing they are positive that still doesnt mean we got it from them). We also were not asking our partners specifically for HSV results before intimacy. If we asked about STD status at all...many of us also didn't ask to see anything in writing. We simply didnt ask or didn't take ALL the necessary precautions to protect ourselves. Again not sure if any of this plays a role in your case. Sex is risky and while it REALLY sucks you had someone be deceptive...there is usually some personal accountability that must be had. In the end we could choose abstinence or choose to make all partners show us test results for HSV1 and 2 before engaging in even kissing, but we don't. Human beings are not great at empathy. Its easier to be angry at this girl but I dont believe she was attempting to be malicious. She really liked you and you really liked her. She didnt want to lose you and as a result made a poor decision. As I said in my reply earlier, I think you would have greater success in her learning her lesson by speaking to her from a place of understanding and empathy.

I’m really sorry you have had to go through this. It can be for many people a very emotional and traumatizing moment when you find out you are HSV+ (mostly because we have all been told herpes is one of the two STDs you definitely DO NOT want). I can only imagine how it feels to have had the choice taken away from you when you were getting tested for HSV and the partner you were with was deceptive. I don’t think any of us will judge you for being angry about this. @optimist has as great point, as she often does : ) that doctors often do not give you any advice on how to proceed after disagnosis. Most HSV+ people are told they do not need to disclose to partners and that it is a personal choice you need to make for yourself. This could have been the case for your ex girlfriend. I don’t know anything about this ex of yours but this forum is filled with posts from people ridden with guilt and confusion over not disclosing. I don’t know the statistics but I believe a lot of people who have herpes do not disclose. When you take into consideration type 1...it would be even higher. I think it’s possible, once you start disclosing yourself and feel how terrifying it can be, some empathy for this woman may grow. Doesn’t make what she did right, but it may help you to understand why she made that choice. When it comes down to it people are just terrified of being judged. In my opinion, I think a heartfelt discussion with her about how deeply it hurt you that she chose the path of not disclosing would be more constructive than a lawsuit. Letting her know that if she had disclosed upfront you would have been accepting would encourage her to make that choice in the future. Speaking solely for myself, I believe lawsuits perpetuate the stigma. Does anyone want it, no. Does it cause some people significantly physical pain, yes. But it’s not on the level of HIV where if you get this virus and aren’t on medication it will kill you. I wish you the best of luck moving forward! My best advice is to continue to utilize this site and to listen to your gut moving forward once you start disclosing to people and forming relationships. It really can be an opportunity if you are open : )

Absolutely possible you are positive...and equally as possible you are negative. I dont know for sure who exposed me but there is someone I suspect. If it was him...the only symptoms I had came about 2 weeks after we started sleeping together and it was an intense burning sensation around my vulva which went away when I took symptom relief pills for a yeast infection. I went to the doctor and they did an exam and told me I did have a yeast infection so...who knows. No mention of herpes at all. If I didnt contract it from him...then I literally had no symptoms when I was exposed. I have never had blisters, ulcers, intense itching or burning. Moral of the story...you slept with someone with HSV. Probably wasn't the first time probably wont be the last. If I were you unless you are having real symptoms (i.e. blisters) I would not obsess over it and I would not go get tested. The most responsible thing to do in my opinion is to use condoms with all casual sex...and when you DO start a relationship and want to not use condoms...let that person know there is a chance someone exposed you and ask how they feel about that and whether they want to get tested together. The fact is herpes is so common the only way to attempt to avoid it is to be in long term monogamous relationships and for you both to get HSV tested before having any genital skin to skin contact

I am sure you know this but male to female transmission rate is 10% with no antiviral or condom. I believe if he was to take a daily antiviral and you stopped using condoms the risk would be cut in about half to 4-5%. While it isn't impossible, contracting oral HSV2 is very very rare and in my opinion condoms aren't necessary for oral. But again, its not impossible just incredibly rare. Only you can answer the question as to whether this is a relationship you would risk being HSV+ for. If you continued on with the condoms and lets say you break up in the future, would you ask all future partners if they know their status and if they don't, would you require them to be tested? Would you get yourself retested or assume you are still negative? I have had a potential partner be nervous about sleeping with me (keep in mind in our case the risk would be 1%) because he would rather take an unknown risk than a known risk. While he was very appreciative of my disclosure and has a STRONG sense that it is absolutely always the right thing to do to disclose...he only felt that way about people who know their status. He isn't going to take a proactive role in his own health to ask partners about their status but was potentially willing to reject me because of my honesty. This type of thing baffles me. First and foremost...I think you need to decide where you stand with HSV. Of course no one wants it, but is your stance against getting it so strong that you would take the necessary steps with all future partners? If the answer is probably not... then I would recommend you be open minded about not using condoms with your partner because in some ways you are being hypocritical to your own stance on the issue. If your answer is yes...then this relationship might not be the right one for you. Nothing wrong with that but I think its worth doing some real reflection on so neither of you waste time with the wrong type of partner for you both

The show Broad City mentioned herpes twice in their last season. It reaffirmed why I LOVE that show because both mentions minimized being HSV+ First mention: Ilana is talking to her new boss and he is telling her the nicknames of her coworkers. He says "thats Valtrex. He had herpes...no shade pretty much everyone has herpes" Second mention: Ilana has bed bugs and she says "why couldn't I have just gotten herpes and been able to move on with my life!" Both of these mentions IMO were about putting herpes in perspective and showing that not only is it not the end of the world but that there are way worse things you could have or be dealing with. In Ilana's opinion bed bugs being one of those things lol Needless to say hearing the word herpes used in a comedy series and not having it be in the context on "oh god thats gross" or "thank god you didnt get herpes" was amazing. I love these actresses so much and it made me love the show that much more

One thing I have ALWAYS struggled with in moving on from partners. In the case of the man I believe (but can not know for certain) was my giver of herpes it has been particularly difficult. I am still in the process of forgiving myself for the sexual choices I made with this partner. I like to remind myself that 1) we discussed being negative for STIs before not using a condom and 2) there is no for sure way to know it was him. Add in the fact that even if he had been tested recently...herpes most likely wouldn't have been included anyways. In the end there is only so much you can do to protect yourself...but I still have some self loathing for the choice I made to not use a condom. I knew from the get go that this man was not compatible for me for long term dating for multiple reasons. But the attraction was high and when we did become intimate...the sex was great. I came to find out maybe 6 months after we stopped sleeping together, a few months after finding out I carry HSV2, that not only had he been an escort, but that he was also pimping out his new girlfriend. I did not tell him I was HSV2 positive when I found out because 1) I was terrified and 2) I didnt believe he would either admit to having it or admit the possibility he is a carrier and doesnt know. I was in such a bad place emotionally the thought of a man being insensitive or hurtful was too much to face and really still is. I did confront him about the escorting and told myself if he was honest about it I would tell him about the herpes. He denied it flat out...even though I found his name, picture and phone number on escorting sites. I never asked about the new gf who was also prostituting and his number was associated with her profiles so he had to know about it/be apart of the process. I am in a way better place emotionally now after a lot of reflection and even some sessions with Adrial. I feel confident about my decision to disclose to partners and don’t feel ashamed of my HSV status. But I still find myself wondering and checking in on both the potential giver and his new gf. I will be great for long periods of time and then give in and check whether they are still together or see if anything has changed. It bothers me so much that I have not...in the 10 months since I last slept with him...been able to move on. I have a new wonderful partner who knows and doesn't care about the HSV. I don’t yearn to be with this man romantically or even sexually anymore. I don’t know if I am angry that he potentially could've exposed me. I don’t know if I just want him to be single because I am. I don’t know if I am unsettled because I never confronted him about the possibility he may have exposed me to HSV and that he lied about his escorting past. This man is not someone I want to be with. Not only was his personality not what I am looking for but I know without a doubt he is a liar and a cheater. So why do I still have the urge to check in one him? I want to badly to move on and not care...its so hard though

For those who haven’t read any of my other discussions, a few weeks ago I was rejected by somebody who had initially told me they were OK with my HSV status. I was devastated. I had ignored some warning signs and been going along with the possibility of being intimate because there was some chemistry and to be totally blunt, I wanted to get laid. Fast forward a few days and I am texting one weekend morning with a man who has been in my life a few years now. We have intense chemistry but have never explored any kind of physical relationship in part because we work for the same organization (but never see one another). We had spoken a few times over the previous weeks and had discussed our longing to be physical with one another but I was completely terrified to disclose to him. He is 16 years older than me and I was worried he would not be comfortable with my HSV status. This one morning in particular I decided fuck it, I’m just going to tell him what the situation is because I had alluded to there being something we would need to talk about if anything ever did happen between us. So I disclosed. He was surprised and said he didn’t know what to ask. I thought “ok for sure this guy who i have always wanted to sleep with and have the most amazing chemistry with is about to reject me”. But at the same time i was driving myself crazy flirting with this man who potentially could have zero interest in me post disclosure. In other words I wanted to get it over with and move forward whatever his reaction was. I asked him if based on his initial feelings if he thought he would be comfortable with it. He said he didn’t know because he didn’t know what the risks were. I told him the statistics and you know what his next two statements were? “Wow you have done your research!” “I would still like to be next to you” I was honestly astonished at his reaction. Here is a man who has never had a woman disclose an STI status before in his 44 years of life, and his initial response is I still want you to be next to me. Fast forward a half hour and I am laying on his couch with him snuggling and watching Narcos lol. We did end up becoming intimate and it was amazing. It made me so very thankful that the universe had not allowed me to engage with the guy who had chosen to reject me. Everything fell into place exactly as it needed to with a man I not only have intense chemistry with, but also is someone I can trust and who I know respects and cares for me. We have been intimate a few times now. After the initial time we discussed a few hours later by text being very open and honest with one another and he said he absolutely wants to continue to see me. Since our initial discussion he has not brought up my HSV again. I am hoping my story gives people encouragement to continue making progress down the herpes road. There will of course be bumps along the way but my recommendation is to find your moral compass and stick to it. Since I made the decision to disclose and actually started disclosing, I have not felt one shred of guilt or anguish over that decision. Sure it’s not easy to face possible rejection, but for me holding tight to my morals is what it most important. So while it lead me to rejection, it also lead me to this really amazing new partner who has not been phased even slightly by HSV

@stillstanding I guess it all goes back to the original question and why you posed it to begin with... "Is pursuing either spiteful revenge or my responsibility aka to ensure she doesn't do this to someone else?!?" It comes off to me like your urge to pursue legal action would be more vengeance based than "I am doing this as a service to society". In my opinion, doing it to get back at this woman is the wrong reason to move forward. You said your situation is different because you were infected by a habitual liar but you have yet to mention the circumstances surrounding your diagnosis. I have discussed with another user here that it would REALLY bother me that a partner of mine who may find themselves HSV-2 positive in the future might assume it was me who gave them herpes because I know I am positive. Im sure u know this but...people who dont know their status pose far greater risk to HSV negative people. So again, dont know your circumstances but it sounds like you are making an assumption it was her. Very few people with herpes can say with 100% certainty who was their giver. I think the nature of your original post and subsequent responses has said it all about WHY you would be doing this. You didnt pose the question and say "I know without a doubt this person was my giver. I know she has infected multiple other people before me. I know she is actively sleeping with other people without protection and without disclosing". THAT would be a reason to pursue legal action in my opinion. That is the reason legal action is every once in awhile taken in HIV cases. You still sound very sad and very angry that this has happened to you. Thats normal. But I think a lot of us on this site will agree that when you truly accept having HSV, you will also find the anger toward this person will lessen.

HSV1 and HSV2 are different types of HSV...although genetically almost identical. If he has HSV2 and you give him oral sex while there is a chance you contract HSV2 orally, it is very very very unlikely. HSV2 by far prefers the genital area not the oral area. While HSV1 (or more commonly oral herpes) while it prefers the mouth has a higher risk of going to the genitals. Which is why there are so many new cases of genital HSV1. If you both have HSV2 you can continue your sexual relationship per normal in my opinion because you both have the same virus. If he has HSV1 as well and you dont that would be a slightly different scenario

Your daughter can be HSV2 positive and also be a virgin. If a man has rubbed his penis in her genital area it easily could have spread that way. I dont know very much about false positives on blood work, but I would say that would be more of a possibility if she didnt have vaginal ulcers. If she had vaginal ulcers, she more than likely has HSV2 in my opinion. The only way to know for sure would be to swab the sores or go back more blood work again. If the number has increased she is positive

I want to remark also from @kittenchops comment that even if you did alllllll of the above, it is still your word against hers. If you could prove that she knowingly had it you would then have to have a negative HSV test result from the day before the sex occurred for yourself to prove you were negative before contact. EVEN THEN it is only your word they could go on that you hadn’t had sex with anyone else between the time you were tested for HSV and the time you had sex with her. I believe in the case of HIV the people who have been prosecuted for exposing others are those who repetitively expose without disclosure and are aware of their status. Prosecuting those people is important for the safety of the general public because of their consistent lack of disclosure. HIV is also farrrrr less common than HSV so it is easier to track who exposed you. It sounds like you really have not come to terms with your status. Idk if you are suffering any physical symfoms and if you are I am sorry. I am one of the lucky ones who has never had an outbreak so I can’t relate to that. But if you are having physical symptoms those will get better over time and at some point will prob completely go away once the antibodies build up. It can be hard, but I try to think of myself as lucky that the only medical problem I have is herpes, and even then it effects me emotionally only. Yes it sucks, but it will not kill you, you don’t need to take medication to continue living, it doesn’t impact your ability to eat, travel, work, sleep. It really helps me to think of it that way personally.

@Dumfounded yes I totally agree and before finding out I was HSV+ I had been rejected many times over for all sorts of reasons. I think the reason this hurt particularly bad is because I know he wanted to sleep with me. He told me on a scale of 1 to 10 with how much he was sexually attracted to me it was a 10. While I know we wouldn't have been compatible long term in a casual or serious situation, for the short term it felt great to be desired and it hurts that in this case HSV was the determining factor that lead to us not being intimate. I also find is annoyingly ironic that people would choose to deny me for my honesty but accept someone for their ignorance. In this guys case he seemed to really be turned on by my honesty and respected me for being up front with him. He does some videography work and said he wanted to interview me because he felt more people needed this knowledge about HSV. In this end it was his fear and stigma that turned him away from me

First thing is first, it sounds like what you are describing in your mouth is a keloid. A keloid is basically raised scar tissue and they occur very often with piercings. I would not worry about this bump right where your piercing was being herpes. Keloids are benign and cause no long term damage, although I believe they can continue to grow. You can go to a piercer or a doctor for more information and treatment. Second thing, herpes does not require a treatment. It is a viral skin condition and while some people do have outbreaks many do not and never take any medication for it. Taking medication will only help symptoms go away quicker if you have outbreaks or help prevent you from getting outbreaks and shedding the virus. It is very rare to spread herpes to other parts of your body as well. Third...it sounds like you may have something else totally unrelated to herpes going on. The best thing to do is go to the doctors when you are having any of the symptoms on the other areas of your skin you mentioned and ask for their opinion. The last thing I will say is that if you experienced sexual trauma, you really should look into some sort of counseling. It sounds like you have avoided dealing with the situation and I think you would find a lot of healing talking with a professional. Best of luck with everything!