Feeling really lost/unmotivated

[NSgreenville]

So Its been 6 months since I've posted in here and its probably because I haven't had a desire to discuss the H. But luckily for me I have the beautiful luck to have my contraction/diagnosis fall exactly on my Birthday. So last week when I turned 28, I got all the emotions of what happened a year ago come rushing back. It also reminded me that I have just kissed a girl once in a year. Sure I have had multiple times where I felt one may be interested but I just gave up because I didn't want to let myself down or let her down. I moved to a new City (Miami, FL) and have turned really into a homebody. I go to work, go to the gym and come home eat and go to sleep.

 

I just dont know how I am going to be capable of telling anyone about my H. I feel like maybe this is just my burden to bare for now and when Im ready I'll be ready. I want a relationship badly (4 years since my last one) but I just cant see how I can accomplish that. Not sure what to do anymore. Thanks everyone for letting me vent.

[dimples88]

Have you tried online dating? Im on Dating sites for people with herpes and also those without. I still havent had a worthy connection with anyone on either sites. Maybe you should try online dating to get back in the game. :)

[NSgreenville]

I have not tried any dating sites. Probably tried 5 times to make a profile but it's difficult to put a personality into words. I may give it a try. What could it hurt.

[dimples88]

You should totally do it. ;)Dont worry about putting every detail of your life, just enough to get a person interested. After a couple emails you can exchange numbers or go on skype and eventually meet in person. Im a big fan of online dating. Good luck.

[mr_hopp]

Why not cover all your bases? Totally go for the online dating thing. And don't just date in the H sphere. Open yourself up to all dating. And while you're at it, pick up hobbies you genuinely enjoy doing. Find out what makes you feel most alive. In other words, go on dates with yourself. ;) You might be surprised that the more you genuinely enjoy your life, the more awesome people you want to be around — friends and potential girlfriends alike — will come into your life.

 

Random fact: I'm in Miami now visiting a friend. :)

[HBetty]

If you are worried that no one will really accept you because of this little gift, that's just not true. There are people who can't handle it, but for every yin there is a yang. There are people who are going to be cool with it. There will be those willing to look past this, and know that you are worth it.

 

The guy that gave it to me, while I wish he could of been upfront about his status, I don't hate him for it. I wouldn't have traded our time together for anything. So he left me with a little gift, but the memories are well worth it. I learned a lot from him.

 

Someone told me once, that "we punish ourselves all the time." It sounds like you are punishing yourself. Stop that! You deserve better.

 

LOTS OF HUUUUUUUUGS - HBetty

[Orngpeelmafia]

Hey don't get so down on yourself! Be careful who you disclose to sure but if you never try you'll never know right? All the times you let a passing smile keep on walking instead of engaging in conversation you're not only passing up on a potential partner you're passing up a potential FRIEND and that's more important than anything. You're in a new city you need some people to hang out with...and I mean just go out for drinks or te beach or come over and play video games or watch football.

I see a lot of "ok so I got herpes and now I need to settle down before I die old and alone" mind set...I had it once upon a time...let's be honest here I had that mind set before I got the herp derp...that just exaggerated everything once I found out. People time hasn't slowed down or sped up...it's still going at the same pace it always has. Meaning we all still have a lot of time to live and find that special someone (herpes be damned it's gonna happen).

My point being go out and enjoy life. You're not going to find anyone to accept you if you haven't first accepted yourself...and are you accepting yourself by basically quarantining yourself day after day? Disclosing is scary but you've got a support system here to talk to long before that moment comes so when you are ready to tell someone you have all the confidence needed :)

 

Everything worth anything in this life is earned. And it's not earned by taking the easy road. Take some risks and reap the rewards :)

[connect]

With great respect can we not call it a "disease" I really don't like that word and the cogitation that goes with it. Every time I read that would on here..... I want to scream!! lol

 

[HBetty]

Sorry. I'll try to call it "the gift" ;)

[connect]

O.K. that's pushing it a bit!! Just kidding much better!! lol

[Orngpeelmafia]

Who said disease?

[NSgreenville]

Thanks everyone. Lots of positive thoughts. I certainly dont feel like this sped up my "settle down" process. I was starting to feel ready for it prior to my discovery. So I feel like it set me back a few steps. As far as quarantining myself, I would say I potentially am.

I am going to be moving back to Greenville South Carolina in approx 5 months. I have kept in contact with a girl there who I went on a few dates with prior to leaving. We have know each other for years and I have decided I want to disclose to her next week( shes on a business trip this week) Its a huge step but I feel comfortable with her and I know she'll love me no matter what. Even if that means she doesn't want to pursue anything physical. I honestly don't think I could do a lot of the things Ive done in the past year without some of the complete blind and loving support of the people on this site.

[Orngpeelmafia]

I was feeling ready too before I found out about H so I feel ya dude. Disclosing isn't that bad if you want pm me and we can chat :)

[SheWillBLoved]

it's crazy bc I always felt ready to be a wife & mother. I just take over that role so easily & I honestly love it. now I'm like wooww Kristie u made a mess of things. searching for something I wanted so bad in a sense has brought me here. well that and trying to overly please ppl. it's so hard yall lol