How did you forgive yourself?

[lovingmyself2014]

I am earnestly trying to come to grips with my diagnosis. I realize that I have to be kinder to myself--it has only been two months since I found out. But I am REALLY struggling with forgiving myself.

 

Would people mind sharing how they forgave themselves and what it is like on the other side of sadness of the diagnosis?

 

Thank you so much in advance!

[whitedaisies]

Well, forgiving urself includes acceptance. So u have to accept that u are human and because u are human u need and want sex and because of this natural inate sexual desire and that this virus exists in the world , u are at risk just like everyone else.

 

So forgive urself for being human and sexual sounds silly doesn't it?

 

There will be good and bad but in my opinion embracing ur humanity is a big part of acceptance and will help u forgive urself.

 

Focus on taking care of ur body and spirit and it will come. It is a process.

 

Hugs to u!!!

[Judith]

HI,

why you need to forgive yourself...for what? Every person in that world can get herpes if you slept with 1 or 100 person. You can get Herpes from your partner which you trust or from protected sex with whoever , doesn't matter. I remember myself in the first two month and I was a completely mess , I was self destroying and completely fucked up but things are changing , even if this needs a long time. I have H now over 2 years and sometimes I still feel bad about it ,sometimes I cry and feel alone but I realized that the healing is in myself and I try to work on that , even I am still not hundred percent comfortable with myself . Yes we need to accept our self first , you need to go step by step and try to accept H and whatever else bother you on yourself. You don't need to forgive yourself , only try to make something out of your situation and try to grow on it....learn out of it....be yourself...H will give you in the future less symptom's but most important your mind will calm down too....because H means to have annoying symptoms but the worst thing is your mind playing bad games with you, your mind try to bring you down every day at the beginning.....tell your mind: I am better, I will be stronger and I am a great person , with or without H...your mind will calm down at one point and you will be a much happier person again.....THINGS GET BETTER.I PROMISE;IT WILL .

big hug

[willow]

I dont believe its a matter of forgiving yourself necessarily, i think that coming to terms with a diagnoses such as herpes, and the healing process begins with forgiving the person who gave it to.

wether it be a horrible sexual encounter, or a loving trusting encounter, a one timer, its hard, but if u can find it in you to forgive who u think or knoe u got it from, your mind will heal better.

 

For ex; i got herpes from a one time thing, unprotected. So i put myself at risk. But on the other hand i dont think the guy knew he had it, or he was too embarrased to express that he had it. I mean either way, both situations (wether he knew or didnt know) when i put myself in his shoes, i get it. So i forgave him. He still doesnt believe he passed it to me, and i havent said "i forgive u" to his face, but i did in my mind and thats good enough for me.

 

And thanksto herpes, i have become a stronger, more understanding and passionate person.

And you will too.

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

How to forgive yourself? By realizing you are a human being, being human in a world with made-up rules about how we are supposed to be ... including some pretty f*cked up ideas around sex.....

 

So you make a mistake. An error of judgement. Whatever. We all do that all the time. It's just that you inherited a virus as a side effect of the encounter ... and most people who are on here were very poorly informed about STD's and Herpes especially ... so why blame yourself when it's the SYSTEM that is failing us.

 

If you can, you may want to check out the Herpes Opportunity weekend.... it's going to be an amazing time where you will leave with a whole different perspective on the events that led you here as well as your perspective on yourself and your life.

 

http://herpesopportunity.com/

 

You are only a few months into this. Be patient and kind to yourself. It will get better with time :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Helzbelz88]

Dancer is right (as usual :p)

 

When any thing causes a change that is hard H or other the emotions and feelings at the start are always going to be intense, but like most difficult changes you begin to adapt and cope and then thrive.

 

I've found it really is a time thing, I got H end of May so I'm still new to it but once I accepted that I couldn't change that I have H things got easier. If you can start focusing less on the negative and put more energy into things you can impact and change every day life is not the struggle we sometimes see it to be.

 

Obviously every person is different and has other things going on as well but just give yourself time to be ok with it -everything else will fall in to place.

 

Take care xx

 

 

[lovingmyself2014]

Thank you guys! I'm looking forward to getting to the other side

 

[Chinup]

Lovingmyself, I completely understand where you are coming from, as I am struggling with this exact thing myself! I am seriously struggling with forgiving myself.. I put myself in a horrible situation that I never should have been in and now I'll pay for it for the rest of my life. I will live with this guilt forever.. So finding a way to forgive myself will certainly be necessary for moving on. I start therapy on Monday (with the counselor I was seeing at the beginning of my separation from my husband), so I am hoping that will help. The interesting part is that at first I was PISSED at the @$$hole who gave this to me.. But after a day or so, that was gone and all I could feel was anger towards myself.. I am trying to stay positive and remain thankful that it's not any worse. Reading the posts on here of people who have continued their lives and live happily really gives me hope that I'll be there one day! I'm terrified that I'll be alone and sad forever :-( just know that you're not alone with your feelings! If you're interested, private message me and maybe we can help each other through this! I'm only 2 weeks into my diagnosis, so this is all very new to me as well. Good luck and keep your chin up :-)

[lovingmyself2014]

oh, @chinup That would be great. Private messaging you now!