She DOES NOT disclose to her partners

[tps6211]

The person I received HSV-2 from knew she had it for 20+ years, she does not use protection and doesn't care that she transmits it. When I was diagnosed and confronted her, she admitted she had it then said "that's not my f*ck*ng problem" referring to my NEW problem. She has potentially infected dozens of people over a 20 year period. After talking with some of these individuals, they did not have HSV-2 prior to being with her, but experienced outbreaks and other medical issues right after being with her. The law in most States says that it is illegal to purposefully transmit an infectious disease and the perpetrator can be prosecuted by law. The burden is on the HSV-2 individual to disclose, not the victim to ask (legally speaking). Issue? No one will enforce the law! Unless someone can show a direct line (i.e. test negative, have sex with her, test positive) then it's virtually impossible to prosecute and most prosecutors don't want to touch it. I know b/c I spoke to several. How to stop her? Is there some way to legally send her a "cease and desist" letter? I know that sounds drastic, but it's as if she revels every time she infects someone. (She's insolvent so going after her civilly is out.) Help!!!!!

[WCSDancer2010]

@tps6211

 

This really is a question for a lawyer simply because each State has different laws concerning this (I believe only 16 actually have a law about knowingly passing an infectious disease actually). Like you said, until someone can prove she's doing this AND they are willing to prosecute, it will continue. Sounds like she's a real ugly person :(

 

I would suggest that you see if you can get the other people affected to go to a lawyer with you and see if you can do some kind of group suit against her. The problem is, the usual "punishment" is they have to pay for any medical expense/mental health issue associated with H ... if she has no money, that won't help you unless you can garnish her wages. If course, doing this will "out" all of you (I'm "out" BTW and it's no biggie for me) so you may have a problem getting others to join you because of that.

 

Anyway, a lawyer is your best bet ... it's a terrible thing when someone is like this. I'm willing to guess someone may have passed it to her on purpose and she's on a mission to "get revenge".... some people get pretty warped when they feel wronged and take a lot of others down with them :(

 

(((HUGS)))

[tps6211]

She doesn't know how she got it. Slept with dozens of guys in college. Found out she had it over 20 years ago. Just passes it on. I've spoke with several civil attorneys and two prosecutors. Won't touch it b/c there is no "win". (i.e. it costs too much to prosecute and/or she's insolvent so it costs to much to sue civilly). It's a travesty. Thank you for your advice and support!

[forgivenessandpeace]

@tps6211 I can totally relate because my giver knew he had it too. Then when I had my initial, extremely severe OB he claimed he didn't have it. This delayed proper diagnosis and treatment for weeks during which I went to the emergency room twice and even had day surgery. Now nearly 2 years later, my giver has finally confessed that he had AN ACTIVE BLISTER when we had sex and I became infected. Mother Fucker. My name might say forgivenessandpeace; it's a goal not my reality.

 

Unfortunately, my Doctor had not tested for HSV when I'd asked for a full screen of STDs prior to getting involved with him so I had no valid baseline to fight with. Don't get me started on the massive failure of our health care system with regard to this issue.

 

Like you, I desire to protect other people from getting this debilitating infection from the giver who clearly doesn't give a damn about spreading his disease. He even claimed he had done me a favor by forcing me to be more chaste. Let's figure out a way to stop these sociopaths and the pain and suffering they spread.

[seeker]

She needs to be smacked up side the head

[lovelucky]

The person who infected me still goes about life infecting others, also like forgiveness and peace I am finding it hard to forgive. My ex also had an active blister, but that's not the sort of thing you check for when the lights are out. My first outbreak was also beyond terrible. Yes, people actually do these things, I feel like I dated a complete monster, sociopath.

I listened to this podcast on NPR about liars, and this lady said she felt that she could spend her entire life trying to figure out what was true and what was not. I don't want to spend my life this way, but it's hard to let go.

Karma will take care of her. IT WILL.

[forgivenessandpeace]

There is no shame in HSV. The shame is in not disclosing. And the CRIME is in having sex during an outbreak with a partner who trusts you.

 

Acknowledgement: I betrayed myself in not listening to my intuition.

[WCSDancer2010]

Acknowledgement: I betrayed myself in not listening to my intuition.

 

That is a powerful thing to acknowledge ..... many on here will be able to understand this one.... H is a reminder that we should always listen to our intuition .... ;)

[lovelucky]

I went through a period where I blamed myself for trusting someone, for not using protection, for not asking him ahead of time....and yeah, I bear some responsibility.

But as a carrier I think the responsibility is on the person infected. I can't just sleep with someone and say "well, they never Asked, so..." NO.

Anyways, however nice it would be for someone to be held accountable, criminally, it does seem very hard to prove. Their defense could point out that infections are often latent, and how did you know this person gave it to you...

Well, I know 100 percent who gave it to me, but I can't prove it in court.

 

[tps6211]

Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom and your feedback. For all of you who contracted this ugly virus from a lying sociopath YOU HAVE ZERO RESPONSIBILITY! You have no more responsibility for contracting this than a woman has for being raped while drunk. It is 100% the infected individual's responsibility to disclose. Condoms don't count as HSV is not spread soley by body fluids, nor only when there is an open sore. There is shedding too. And agreed that the medical system is broken. I too asked for a full STD panel and HSV wasn't tested. I had no idea I had to ask for this separately and just believed everything was fine when the nurse called to tell me everything was fine--I has no STDs. What a farce. And what's even more tragic is I have no Legal recourse even though this person has medical records and prescriptions showing she had HSV for 20 years prior to being with me. And I did ask beforehand. She lied. But I CAN'T prove that I DIDN'T already have it (I didn't) so no attorney will touch it. Complete and utter travesty. And the worst part is there's no way to stop her and she knows it. Hence, her comment: "that's not my fucking problem" when I told her she infected me. I know no one has a good answer as what to do, how to deal with this (other than acceptance and forgiveness). But I will never accept what she's done nor forgive her.

[seeker]

follow her around and tell anyone she talks to. "excuse me but she doesn't feel like its her responsibility to disclose to you that she has genital herpes"

or a craigslist ad. just word it right, wouldn't want to play on the stigma.

[forgivenessandpeace]

If I put the name of my giver here, will his name show up on internet searches? Will it save any of the girls at Northeastern University, or anyone at all, from contracting this herpes infection from him?

[willow]

Probably not.

and in all honesty, if u do that, its kinda like putting all of us down..

i would hate to think someone im not friends with could do a search and find my name here when im not out of the herpes closet. Its just rude.

let it go. Whats done is done. And karma will follow.

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@forgivenessandpeace

 

Not a good idea .... because this has to be a sacred space for people to feel safe to come and talk ... many of us have our photos on here.... and most don't want others to troll through here....

 

So please.... no ....

[msmee]

I agree this isn't a place to out people. We're here for support and to support each other.

[forgivenessandpeace]

@willow @WCSDancer2010 @msmee Thanks for nudging some sense into me.

 

I'm thinking that, in my zeal to protect his potential future victims, I'm somehow trying to make up for the fact that I didn't protect myself. Maybe I should start right here with myself :'-(

 

 

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

Well, yes, the one person you can take care of is YOU ... so that's a good place to start.

 

I understand your wanting to protect others though ... I think if I was in your shoes with the situation as it is, I would likely want to protect others from him too ...

[FF1]

 

@ forgivenessandpeace: I question your motivation...

 

Is it really about protecting others or perhaps it is about getting your pound of flesh from him.

[WCSDancer2010]

@FF1 ..

 

I think it's fair to say its both - I know the backstory .... the guy is out there having sex with girls on a very regular basis, not telling them, and not caring if they get it... it's an ugly situation with a really nasty individual :(