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Nervous about sex after first herpes outbreak

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So, Im new to this site. Kind of have been obsessing about gaining as much knowledge about my new.... "friend"... as possible.


One question that Ive seen has been asked but I just for some reason havent been satisfied with the answers.. is well.. Sex?

How do I go about it after having all these sores and pain down there, how do i let my mind be comfortable with the thought of it?


I am in a committed long term relationship with my man/future husband who has not been tested yet for the H but has accepted me for who I am and tells me everyday how much he loves me and is in for the long haul.( recently got diagnosed with oral and genital herpes 4 days ago.) I just cant help but be petrified that our amazing crazy sex life will never be the same.


Im gonna say it... he is HUGE, and loves loves loves rough powerful sex. He loves it often as well. And as do i but I just am getting out of my first OB... the most painful thing ive ever experienced. And the thought of him entering me ... omg. Scary.



I just want to know if its normal to feel scared and most of all, if we do have sex like we use to, will i trigger and OB?

Should we use lube? What are your experiences with the "first time" after your initial ob?

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Hey KMelody,


The first outbreak is definitely the worst. The outbreaks get MUCH less painful and less frequent as time goes on. I can totally relate.. the first OB was one of the worst pains I've ever experienced. I would never wish that upon anyone. I got the flu like symptoms and the whole 9 yards.. all I wanted to do was lay in my bed and sleep. I remember dragging myself to work and wearing the loosest pairs of pants I could find. I was also nervous about having sex again. My 1st outbreak lasted about 2.5 weeks. I was nervous to have sex again; but it's proved to not be such a big deal.


I remember learning from my clinician that OB's can be triggered by dry, rough sex. I would definitely play it safe and use lube if I were you. I also learned from someone else to take a pill of Acyclovir after having sex, and the next day. He told me he's seen a lot less outbreaks since doing that. As for myself, sex is my #1 trigger for outbreaks, but I certainly don't get OB's every time after having sex. It's ALWAYS when there's not enough lubricant.


Herpes certainly won't ruin your amazing sex life. You still can have a lot of freedom with your boyfriend and enjoy your sex life together.


I hope this helped. Hug* Hope that pain gets better quickly. Advil helps.. and warm baths!



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Congrats on scoring an awesome man who loves you for who you are. :-) You will not have this pain forever.

I think lube is a great idea since he is well-endowed! Cannot go wrong with lube as long as you are not allergic. And for sure have him be super gentle and work your way back into higher intensity action!

You will be able to have all the pleasure and connection as before... Who knows? Maybe even more!

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I too have a generously proportioned boyfriend. Lube was a help for us even before the herpes but it was a life saver after.


It's perfectly understandable to be worried about having sex again; after all, you're in pain right now.


Honestly, for me, I did have some problems the first few times (but everyone's different). I had had a very bad first outbreak. Even the doctor winced when she examined me. One big sore was right on the entrance to my vagina and this damaged the skin there, leaving it weak. When I had sex again, it was a bit painful in that spot, but changing positions alleviated the pressure. I went back to the doctor, paranoid that I was having another outbreak. She said she could see why I thought that, but it was just a split in the skin from the friction because it was weakened. She gave me a natural cream called Mebo to put on it to help it heal. It smelled like marmite but did the job! I had to give myself more time to heal but things are fine now.


Our sex life is a little different now (he doesn't have herpes and I want to keep it that way!) as we have to be more careful, but no pain, and he doesn't have to go easy on me! You can have a fun and fulfilling sex life again, but give yourself time. DrSuz is right, you might have to start gentle and work your way back up, both for the benefit of your body and your mind.


I don't find that sex is a trigger for episodes. I started off having them every month, they always came a few days before my period. I tell you, just the thought of having a tampon inside me was scary after my first outbreak, let alone a cock! They are less frequent now. Haven't had one since November, I think.


I apologise for the over-long post. I wanted to let you know that it is normal to be worried. It doesn't have to ruin your sex life unless you let it. Sex might trigger outbreaks for you, but it might not. And if it does, you'll learn to manage it, just like Katie.


Love and hugs


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  • 10 months later...

As always H Forum comes through for me. Last night was the first night i had sex since August and because of all of you guys sharing your stories, i was prepared. It was spectacular! My partner is negative but was willing to go at it without a condom but i didnt want that, i thought it would take away from the experience because i knew id be worrying instead of enjoying myself. So i did some research found some really great condoms for him and my water based lube and presented at the "proper" time lol... he thought my condom recon mission was cute and we went full steam ahead from there. I feel so awesome today, with all of your help and his love and understanding, i got my sex life back!

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condom recon mission


*Snort* I LOVE IT!


And that is part of what Adrial means when he says your sex life can be better than ever. I mean, I bet you had a lot of fun looking through the condom rack (it's always fun to stand there and scrutinize them as folks walk by....LOL) and there are some great lubes out there nowadays...


So great to hear your story.... Whohooooo!!! Yay for great sex!!!

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  • 7 months later...

Ok. been reading lots of forums, postings, threads all over the place and then stumbled on this thread. Is there a stable set amount of time you should wait after your initial OB? Some people have told me 6 months, others 2 weeks, 2 months, whenever it clears up? Also, if I know i'm going to have sex on a certain day...is it healthy to take more acyclovier than you usually would? I've heard of people front loading and taking 2x the amount they usually would 2-3 days before and after.

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Just like everything else with Herpes, there's no set "protocol". My OB's now are so minor, I would probably be on the 2-days after it cleared up point. If you are having really rough OB's it might be longer so the skin can heal and recuperate (I think one of the reasons people get OB's right after sex early on in their initial months is because the skin has not had a chance to fully heal from the firs OB's).


The bottom line is: Use common sense. Wait until your body feels like you are healed. Don't rush things early on because in the first 6 months your body is learning to deal with the virus, so while I know it may seem tough, try to find other ways to be intimate.


Front-loading? I guess you could try that if you respond well to the anti-virals. Never tried that. I just hit it hard with them if I *think* I may be having an OB. A lot would depend on how many and how bad your OB's are too. I'd also use a lot of lube to start, because the friction often aggravates the skin and allows the virus to gain the upper hand. Go slow. No rough sex at first until you figure out how your body responds.


The problem is most people want "instant gratification" and don't listen to their bodies. This is an opportunity for you to learn to listen to yours, AND to adjust your actions to work WITH it. Over time things will get better, and they will get better faster if you work with it now... ;)



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