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I got my sexy back!!!!

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So I really struggled whether to post this story or not BUT considering how big of a step this was for me and how I struggled so much for the past year, I thought it was important to share for the newly diagnosed.


My path was likely longer than others BUT I still got here and I am settling into acceptance.


I had sex for the first time in a year!!!! And some of the most important things I learned was:


1) sex is absolutely amazing with someone who is worthy of you and you of them and in my case, it didnt have to mean love BUT it did have to mean kindness, compassion, mutual respect and some lust and lots of like.


2) I was able to accept that he didnt care about the virus and wanted to have sex with me instead making the decision for him to not engage.


3) I barely thought about h at all the whole time. And when it entered my head, I shooed it away.


These things are HUGE for me and if I can do it....anyone can.


I had lots of anxiety before the day and had a few good friends talk me through it and let me ramble


Everyone is worthy of sexual pleasure no matter what baggage we carry and denying it is denying our humanity. It needs to be done with responsibility in our case but IMO it always should.


So I am hoping that some people who really struggled like I did can see that even the people who dug themselves deep into a pit can still climb and claw their way out!!!!

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Hope I stay here for a while. I am enjoying leaving the place of deprivation of sex as a punishment for getting herpes.


Still working on forgiving myself. I got hsv1 because I deprived myself of many years of being the whole me. And when all that deprivation was released it was like getting out of jail and I gave into my vulnerability at the wrong time and with the wrong person.


I hope now I can embrace all the areas of myself that need to be loved and attended to with care.



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Ok so I was a little irritated after sex. Barely noticeable. I am afraid today it's worse. I know it's not h; it's from friction as he was larger than I am used to, we overdid it clearly, and I don't think I used enough lube.


So I am hoping it will go away. It's on the inside base of the opening of my vagina. Kind of irritated slight itch feeling. Could be condom too.


I have never been irritated after sex before. What can I do to speed up the irritated area. My usual hot showers for nerve pain aren't doing it. And I am not planning to have sex for a few weeks anyway. Any advice?

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For general soothing of the area... I used to take baths with epsom salt, lavender oil, and a "tea bag" (made from an old sock or pair of hose) with comfrey, arnica, and calendula). You will need to rinse thoroughly afterwards.. it does a lot to take out the "trauma".

*disclaimer: I haven't tried this since H, but I can't imagine it wouldn't help. all of those herbs are great for soothing and healing.


Oh, and HUGE congrats!!!!! :)

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My bf is average but I'm always sore the day after, and before I was on valtrex (pre-diagnosis), that is exactly when my papercut things (outbreaks I know now), would appear. I noticed changing the duration and speed helps with that. In fact, the last time I had sex things got a little too fast again and went on a little too long, but surprisingly, although I was a tad sore I didn't outbreak. However, my bf did. In the exact spot where all the friction was. ;(.

I use coconut oil for lube and reapply as needed. I think it really helps. Plus it's anti fungal, antiviral, and antibacterial. So it may keep the trifecta of yucks away too. But I think H changes us down there somewhat. In my case anyway, things are more sensitive and I have to be careful not to get dry or have jackrabbit sex (which I don't care for anyway). Also HIGHLY recommend a vibrating ring, it keeps things flowing and well, it will change your life. ;)

Don't give up, you may have to make adjustments but it's so worth it. Hugs!

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Thanks guys!!!


I was a bit dry as I was a bit nervous and I didn't use lube the first time we had sex. I am pretty sure it's just irritation. We had sex 3 times that one night and one time was quite rough. Moreover never had this symptom before in my whole year of h so I am pretty sure it's just irritation.


I will try coconut oil as I think the lube might be doing it too bc I always used it on the outside before. This time it was in the inside and I am super sensitive with stuff down there.


@sadpanda and @ihaveittoo1975 thank u for ur support.

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I get no external lesions. I think mine are internal so it's tough to know anyway. But I always have burning before an ob or as a prodome. Never this type of itch or irritation and it's focused at the bottom of vaginal opening. I have one more pcr swab left. I guess I could use it. I have yet toget a positive swab down there and have yet to confirm ghsv1.


I dunno

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I will try the vibrating ring lol thx for the tip.


Oh and I had to look up jackrabbit sex to see what you meant lol....yes I guess we did have that so could explain lots about irritation.


I am convinced its not h (for me the h detective lol)


Will work on slower next time. We were a little excited as our first time together and my first time post h in a year. We will have to slow it down me t time.


Still contemplating whether to swab so I know for sure if I get the feeling next time. Maybe Some can give me some advice. I only hve one left then will have to order another and costs $75 each.

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@whitedaises My bf had bought one and brought it over. I thought it looked weird and like it would get in the way at first, now I can't live without it. Lol. They are squishy like silicone and get warm during use. The one I have has 3 speeds and nubby things. Sooo amazing. ;)

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I would wait it out to swab, I'm not an expert with the prodromes, but if it were an ob coming, you should know in a few days I would think. With me the obs came on the next day after sex, (before I knew what they were). And my bf had his post sex ob within 3 days after sex. I know everyone is different but that's our timeline. Also, regular lubes always irritated me for a few days. So it could be that also...

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@startinganew22 I asked my bf last night and he said he thinks it was the Trojan multi speed. We tossed the box when we got it but he said Meijer has them. But I saw one last night at Target that looked interesting. The durex little devil. Lol. It has flappy flame like things coming out of it. I didn't get it but I might have t

@sil88 yeah that's true, I hadn't thought of that. Maybe I should try the duo one since that has a bumper on the bottom too, where I usually ob.

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