Adjusting to two hard diagnoses

[Hopeful89]

I sit here writing this no more than thirty minutes after learning my cultures showed positive for Herpes. I feel the only thing I can do is ask for help and support from others here.

 

About a month and a half ago, I found a bump. Being a nurse, I knew I most likely had contracted the HPV that causes genital warts. Sure enough, my gynecologist confirmed my fears. The next four days were spent in my bed, crying, feeling dirty, hopeless, alone, and depressed beyond imaginable. Having to tell my boyfriend of two months that I had exposed him to something was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. He was supportive and understanding, he said he knew I wouldn't have done anything to hurt him if I knew. He said he didn't care, and there was nothing that could change his mind about me.

 

The next 5 weeks was a struggle as I went in for treatments to have the wart removed. It was slow progress, almost seeming as if it wasn't working. Some days I felt strong, that it was just a bump, 80% of the population has some form of HPV so why should I feel like a leper? Other days, I couldn't stop crying. I felt tainted. How could my boyfriend look at me the same?

 

My doctor started me on an antidepressant which helped immensely. I began to realize I just needed to make it through the current outbreak I was experiencing and I could go from there. Five days ago my doctor told me at my appointment for another treatment that it was unnecessary- I was clear. I was CLEAR! I still had the virus in my body but I didn't feel ashamed of my body.

 

Later that night-yes, I am not kidding- that night. The same day that I saw my gynecologist and was told I was visibly free of any outbreaks of any kind, I had a strong itch followed by a wince of pain. I was fearful that it was another wart beginning, although they never hurt before. Looking in the mirror, I didn't even know what I was looking at. I brushed it off, thinking ingrown hair or just a weird abrasion. The next few days, the pain grew worse, and it opened into a sore.

 

I made an appointment with my doctor, hoping that it was just a symptom of a bad yeast infection I had been fighting for a month. But the doctor said, "I think it's herpes." I cried. I cried and cried and cried to the doctor saying how? How could this happen. Why is this happening. This CAN'T be happening.

 

A million thoughts raced through my mind. My life is once again turned upside down. Now I don't have to battle one virus, but two. How will I tell my boyfriend this. I just gave him the good news about being free of any warts, and now I have to tell him this? He listened to me in shock as I cried and apologized. Initially he was upset, I think it was the fear and surprise. But later that night, he told me we will get through this. Whether I accidentally give it to him, or he was the one (he's never had an OB and tested negative in the recent pass, so its unlikely he gave it to me) he wasn't going to leave me.

 

At this point, I accept that I have not only HPV, but also herpes. The pain of my first outbreak is my biggest problem right now- so terrible it hurts to walk, I fear showering and having to pee. I have my mom and sister who know and support me, and my boyfriend. I will deal with this current OB and hope that with time they become less frequent and less painful. I see people who suffer from STD's in a new light now. I am sorry to have judged anyone in the past-this is NO reflection on how people live their lives. As others have written on this website, I am the sufferer or two unfortunate skin conditions in a taboo location. After learning more about these conditions, it is scary to think how many people could be walking around not even knowing they have something. People don't realize. And perhaps if they did, they wouldn't cast judgments either.

 

Thank you for this wonderful website, and everyone's kind words of encouragement. I hope I will adjust.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Hopeful89

 

First, Hello and Welcome!

 

Just to let you know, it's not at all unusual for people to have both HPV and HSV

 

I'm going to address the HPV issue first. Hate to tell you this but the CDC says that EVERYONE who is at all sexually active is likely to get at least one of the 40ish strains in their life. AND, there's no way to test guys for it so it's possible your BF is the carrier and he just never had a wart manifest. And likely you will never know for sure if you got it from him or not. The good news is that generally HPV will go dormant after awhile and should hopefully never cause you an issue again in the future. There are I believe 2 strains that cause warts and 2-4 that cause cervical cancer... I think (as I understand it) the rest don't to a lot and just give you a good scare if they show up on a Pap Smear. My point is, don't sweat that one at all. HPV is the most common STD out there because it's even sneakier than HSV and like I said, there's no test for guys ... so they unwittingly pass it around and will likely never know it except for those who actually get a wart from one of the 2 strains that causes the warts.

 

So - regarding HSV - do you know if you have HSV1 or 2? Because again, odds are you got it from your BF and he could be carrying it ... I know you say he was tested... do you know if he SPECIFICALLY ASKED for Herpes in his panel because if not, odds are he wasn't tested.... and given that 80% of carriers don't know they have it, odds are he at least has Oral HSV1..... it would be just too odd for you to have both OB's suddenly while with him if you have been carrying them awhile...AND again, in the end it shouldn't matter .... I'm just trying to help you to see that it's quite possible that he has one or both and that changes how you would approach issues like antivirals and condoms...

 

You are so right that if everyone was tested and knew their status, the stigma likely would vanish overnight ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Hopeful89]

@WCSDancer2010

I know he has Oral HSV1 because he told me that he had coldsores years ago but hasn't had an active outbreak in years. Could he still have given me this through oral sex? You're right it doesn't really matter, at the end of the day I can't change what has happened. But what is the likelihood that it was him, rather me carrying both viruses for a period of time and having to back to back OB' of two different viruses?

I don't know if I have HSV1 or 2, but I will find out. If I have Genital HSV1 does that mean he can't get it genitally since he has it orally?

As far as the HPV goes, my gynecologist said it was highly unlikely I contracted that from my boyfriend because outbreaks of warts typically take 2-6 months to display, and at that point my boyfriend and I had only been sleeping together for 1 month. However, he could have some other kind of HPV.

Is there anything I can do to shorten the length of my breakouts? Or what can I do if I feel an OB coming on other than taking Valtrex?

Thank you for the support-it helps tremendously

[Danaaaaaasaur]

Hi @hopeful89 :) Don't feel bad I have both HPV (the wart kind) and HSV2. I only had two outbreaks of the warts which I got burnt off and they've never reappeared again :) I did a bit of reading on it and apparantly the virus clears itself from you system in around 2 years or so so don't worry too much.

I take Valtrex suppressively so I'm not a good person to answer that. I hope your outbreak clears up soon though :) x

[WCSDancer2010]

Ah - well if he has OHSV2 then it's quite possible you got it from him from oral sex... 50% of all new genital cases nowadays are HSV1 from oral ... usually from people who either didn't know they carried the virus or who thought because they hadn't had an OB in years that they were safe (if they knew at all that it can be passed to the genitals)...

 

And having it orally will give him *some* immunity but not full immunity ...however, given that you would likely have it genitally (where it sheds 2/3 less than when it's in the mouth) that would make the odds pretty low that he would get it from you...

 

The links below will give you some ideas of what you can try to shorten OB's and lessen any pain/etc from them ... you will have to find what works for you but these have all had great results for many of our readers :)

 

Treatments/medications

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6024/dealing-with-outbreaks#latest includes links below

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4810/bactine-for-oral-and-even-genital-herpes

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/

 

Links to some of the items suggested in the links

http://amzn.to/1CHUzZE Link to Alum

http://tinyurl.com/Aloecream

http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil

http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil

http://bit.ly/Zinccream

http://tinyurl.com/bactine

http://tinyurl.com/Oragelsgldose

http://tinyurl.com/DMSO4HSV

 

 

 

[Starsinhereyes]

Hey there -

 

You are not alone! I have (in the past two years!) dealt with genital HSV1, high-risk HPV requiring colposcopy but thankfully no other treatment, and the wart HPV. I had to get 3-4 burning treatments for the warts which was terribly painful and embarrassing. I've luckily only had 2 HSV outbreaks but they're not fun, either.

 

Despite my insistence on condoms with casual partners and testing before the condoms came off with serious boyfriends, my body just wanted to contract everything it came into contact with and unfortunately that's how it works sometimes. I am so sorry you are dealing with this - I know it is tough. The hardest part for me was continuing to love myself afterwards. I still go to comedy stand up shows fearing a herpes joke and getting sad when it inevitably happens. BUT - I know in my heart of hearts that I am still amazing and they are ignorant.

 

YOU are beautiful and amazing and smart and kind - just like you were before any of this. Now you just have a pesky medical condition to deal with sometimes.

 

I was petrified to tell new dating partners and some didn't care, one was a total jerkface, and my current boyfriend was kind and understanding and perfect and told me he was sorry it happened to me. We are still together, over a year together, and the herpes and HPV have only been an issue when I made them one in my head.

 

So, my suggestions for you (But ONLY suggestions - do what feels right to you):

Find out if it's HSV1 or HSV2 - I'm sure you know, but this makes a big difference for just about everything (frequency of outbreaks, shedding, etc).

Have your boyfriend tested for HSV1 and HSV2 again, sometimes it takes a while for them to show up in blood tests.

If you are really struggling with self-worth and self-love, find a good therapist. It took me a few tries to find someone who I felt comfortable with, but she really really helped me look past what I viewed as my own flaws.

Confide in a few friends if you feel comfortable. Every single friend I told was kind and loving and each disclosure closed up the little hole in my heart that HSV and HPV had created. (the rest I had to do on my own!)

Do you exercise and eat well, etc? Herpes and HPV both made me realize that I have to take care of myself and my body and work to build up my immune system.

If you're into self-help books, these are a few I suggest: Daring Greatly by Brene Brown and Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff.

 

I promise promise promise it gets better. But it takes time. And allow yourself to feel everything that you feel. It won't always be easy, but when it's over, you'll know yourself and love yourself so much more.

 

 

[Hopeful89]

@Danaaaaaasaur Thank you for letting me know I am not alone with a double-whammy diagnosis. I hope to be as lucky as you and only have minimal outbreaks.

 

@WCSDancer2010 Thank you for the information. I can't tell you how much this website has helped me. The support and community here is really what is getting me through this right now.

 

@Starsinhereyes I know exactly what you mean. It appears my immune system was most likely compromised because of the stress and depression of dealing with the warts that made me especially susceptible to the herpes virus. When I was little I had a horrible case of chickenpox which I actually was hospitalized for and have scars from. I understand this is a herpes virus as well, so maybe my body just can't fight this particular virus very well. I typically exercise and eat very well, however the pain of the TCA treatments for the warts and now, the unbearable pain from my first outbreak hasn't allowed me to do much exercise lately. I too fear the inevitable "herpes joke". I hope that when it happens I will be strong and not take it personally. Thank you so so so much for the support and all your kind words.

 

You all have given me hope.

[Danaaaaaasaur]

@hopeful89 In regards to the herpes jokes - The day after I was diagnosed I went to the movies with the guy I had been seeing (who gave me this gift) and the Lets be Cops trailer was on before the movie which I was excited to see...then bam! 15 seconds in there was a joke about the main character being a struggling actor who's only notable role was in a Herpes medicine commercial. I was absolutely mortified and just wanted to run away and cry and avoid all movies and TV shows forever (Talk about too soon!! haha) It's been 9 months since that day though and now those jokes and comments rarely bother me. I just think they're stupid and the people telling them are likely to be uneducated about HSV and probably other STDs too :)

[fitgirl]

Check out this thread... at first it's hard to laugh about it but herpes CAN be funny! Check out this thread

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2552/my-epiphany-herpes-is-in-fact-a-joke#latest

 

As for the HPV/HSV..... its all too common. Everyone gets come form hpv eventually :). It seems devastating when you first find out and you have symptoms to deal with but don't allow that to bring you down, you have just joined a club that virtually everyone belongs too :) HSV1 and HPV are extremely common. Once you get past the initial stages of the viruses, you will be able to see the humor in it. Take care ;)

[Hopeful89]

Thank you all so much. I just spoke to my doctor and I was positive for HSV1 genital, negative for HSV2.

Is it safe to assume that my boyfriend gave this to me through oral sex? Since he has had coldsores in the past. Or could I have had this for some time and it just was dormant?

Are there any big differences between having HSV1 versus HSV2?

[ann122]

i have hpv and genital hsv1 too, guess we're unlucky twins haha. but yes its possible its from oral sex, and its possible it was dormant. you'll honestly never know. but if he has had cold sores than he has some immunity to the virus since he already has antibodies to it, so he is less likely to get genital hsv1 from you than and uninfected person. So thats one bright side for you! my boyfriend gave it to me through a cold sore and I had one outbreak in my first year. going on year 2 and none yet :) its sucks having two, I feel your pain. but just keep in mind that genital hsv1 tends to shed less and occur less frequently. and also 80% of the population has antibodies to it already as well.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Hopeful89

 

Yes the odds are high that you got it from oral sex with the BF ... esp as you know he's had cold sores in the past.... current thinking by the experts is that HSV1 very rarely passes to others when it's in the genitals because it sheds only 1/3 as much as the other kinds/locations.... ;)

[Cars85]

You are not alone! I had high-risk HPV for 6 years (abnormal pap smears for 6 years straight; had about 3-4 colposcopies done and 1 LEEP procedure), and had my first normal pap just last year. I still feel a sense of trepidation for my next pap in a few months that itʻll come back abnormal again -- but please know that I am completely the EXCEPTION and not the rule.

 

Like everyone said, itʻs extremely common and men canʻt be tested for it -- at this point, itʻs kind of the norm and rules about HPV disclosure are very gray area as well (some doctorʻs say disclosure is not necessary as chances are the male already has it).

 

Iʻve had herpes for about a year and half -- it has itʻs ups and downs, but honestly the cancer scare with high-risk HPV is a lot scarier than herpes is.

 

With that said, I kind of look at it as a blessing in disguise -- I like to joke around that my vagina is a "picky b*tch" lol, and itʻll take someone really special to get her approval. ;) hehe

 

In a way itʻs our bodyʻs way of telling us to be healthier / take care of ourselves -- my pap smear was normal only after I stopped using hormonal birth control which, I feel, was my bodyʻs way of communicating something to me. Be healthy, physically and mentally (i.e., eat well, exercise, decrease stress levels, etc) and your body will reflect that. :)

 

Best wishes! xo

 

[catwoman32]

When I read your story I knew I had to comment. As a nurse too I immediately knew the signs. I wwas in a committed relationship and one day something just felt off. I did the denial saying oh it's just a yeast infection until the sores erupted and the pain was unbearable to sit to walk to pee. I went to the doctor got my culture results back positive for HSV2. I wanted to die. I immediately told my boyfriend. He was tested via blood work and has it too. Maybe I got it from him or maybe I gave it to him. I don't know and probably never will. I just know my life will forever be changed. Its been a month and I still cry myself to sleep some nights. The days are better then the nights and my heart breaks every day. I think my outbreak lasted longer because I was so stressed and depressed. :-( Everyone says it gets easier and I hope it will. My family has been my rock but they don't understand why I'm taking it so hard. Just know my thoughts are with you and hope that things will improve for all us here. Its nice to know there are people to talk to and who understand you.

[Ihaveittoo1975]

@catwoman32

 

Unless H has stayed latent in you, it appears that your boyfriend is your giver based on that he had enough antibodies for it to show in a blood test. Normally it takes about four months for the antibodies to show in a bloodtest.

[catwoman32]

I am planning on getting a blood test too to see if it is in my blood I figure if that is negative then I got it from him.

[WCSDancer2010]

I like to joke around that my vagina is a "picky b*tch" lol, and itʻll take someone really special to get her approval. ;) hehe

 

I am SOOOOO going to steal that!!!! :)

 

 

[Hopeful89]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I cannot even describe how much the support on this site has helped me.

 

@catwoman32 I know how you are feeling. The depression can be overwhelming when we think about how our lives are forever changed. You are in my thoughts. Don't give in to H...life can still be good! I already am feeling more hopeful.

 

I have recovered almost fully from my first OB, fortunately enough I started the Valtrex quickly so only one of my "ingrown hair-like" spots turned into a full blown open sore.

As of now I am hoping that heals soon, it has been almost two weeks since it surfaced, but it still causes me pain.

 

I am still dealing with some yeast infection-like symptoms. Thick white discharge accompanied by occasional itching and burning. Is this something I can attribute to H? Before my diagnosis with HSV1, my doctors were culturing me and treating me with diflucan for yeast that was recurring time and time again. My Dr. told me that my immune system may be run down right now and that is why the yeast is persisting along with the two recent outbreaks of HPV and HSV. I've noticed other people on the site have commented on discharge changes with H. Is this most likely a persistent yeast infection or could it be H related? Maybe @WCSDancer2010 can shed some light on the subject for me?

[StillMeButWiser]

HPV is very common. When I was in the gyno office, I noticed a sheet on the desk with patients name and reason for appt. every single lady was having an HPV thg done. Seven years ago my pap came back with abnormal cells (HPV). Doctor did a colposcopy and I had to get Pap test done every 3 months for a year. The HPV did go away. I didn't disclose HPV to any sex partners. More than likely they gave it to me. The problem I hear these days is men are getting oral cancer possibly caused by HPV.

[catwoman32]

@hopeful89. I am going through the exact same thing with yeast like symptoms. I sweat too much I itch or just seem itchy for no reason and I've had an off and on milky drainage. Its so frustrating! I just want to feel "normal" down there! I agree the stress could be contributing as I obsess over it constantly and still cry almost once a day. I'm going to see a counselor to help me deal with some of these feelings.

[WCSDancer2010]

Regarding yeast - it could be either thing and it's just best to get it tested and checked out .... over time you will likely be able to tell yourself which one it is when it occurs even if you get both....

[marcosad2015]

I was diagnosed with genital herpes two days ago. I have no idea what to do. I am concern that I can pass it to my family, please someone talk to me. Thank you.

[Hopeful89]

@marcosad2015

First of all- just know you will be ok and you can get through this. I am only one week out from my official results coming in and I have already almost completely recovered from my first outbreak. The emotional side is where it gets tough. But just know that it gets better! You can still have a good life, this is just a pesky skin condition.

 

As far a passing it to your family goes, it is my understanding that unless you are having close genital contact with someone, the risk of passing this to someone is incredibly low. The virus does not live long outside of the body, so passing it on toilet seats or towels is highly unlikely. All the research will show you that avoiding sex during an outbreak or when you are feeling the symptoms of an outbreak coming on is one of the best ways of preventing spreading it to your partner along with using a condom (however it is possible to shed the virus on the skin that isn't covered by a condom).

Do you know if you have HSV1 or HSV2? HSV1 typically sheds less genital-to-genital. For now, make sure you are practicing good hand-hygiene. So make sure you're washing your hands after using the bathroom or touching yourself. Keep the area as clean and dry as possible, others have recommended using a blowdryer on cool-setting. Epsom salt bath for the pain can help sooth the tissues, and ice packs were my best friend at night when the inflammation seemed the worst.

 

You will be ok! You will be in my thoughts.

[WCSDancer2010]

@marcosad2015

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

@Hopeful89 is right - it's near on impossible to pass the virus on to family ... the virus lives in the nerves of the area it inhabits (ie, the genitals) and so you have to basically have skin to skin contact in that area to pass it on to another ... I have grown daughters and I raised them at a time that I had no info and never worried about towels or toilet seats or whatever ... I have HSV1 orally and HSV2 genitally and I just took precautions to not kiss them during an OB and tried not to share drinks with them, etc.

 

It's a matter of using just a bit of common sense... really :)

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/toilets-towels-and-touching-oh-my/

 

[marcosad2015]

Hi. Thank you very much for your comments. I was diagnosed with HSV2. I was living with my partner in the United States for 2 years. We were tested in 3 different times and we were negative. Due to the immigration I decided to go back to my country and after 3 years, I started feeling with fever, I went to the Dr, and they told me it was a Balanitis problem, they gave me antibiotics and it was gone. After 6 months I saw OB and I went this time to two urologist and they both agree I was herpes, they run the test and I came positive. Negative to the HSV1. I haven't been with anybody since I arrive to my country. Now I found out I have herpes. It is horrible for me. My ex partner is now married and looks like he is fine. This is so weird. I still can't believe I have this.