I am seriously telling everyone! :)

[Marie14]

So I posted a little while ago about my first disclosure and that it went well. Now I am here to say I have told a bunch more people. Either guys who are hitting on me, or just friends. I haven't gotten to the point of posting it to Facebook (although I feel like that time will come), but I feel way better. Some people were a little freaked out, some men said they would never date anyone with herpes. Some people asked questions, and some guys were totally cool with it. I feel better knowing that I am able to do this. I am not saying I want herpes, no one does, but it is here to stay, so I have to be okay with it. My way of being okay with this is to tell people I have it. It takes the burden off of me.

 

It is a hard thing to do. You are putting yourself out there for people to judge you on something you cannot control. I feel like if they are good people they will understand that brave thing that you just did ... if they don't then they aren't of high morals to begin with and who cares what they think. All I know is the more I talk about it the easier it is to talk about, and the better I feel. So what ... I have herpes.

[fitgirl]

@Marie14 that's fucking awesome. You go girl, I love that you have taken herpes by the balls and owned it. I admire that greatly. You rock.

[NothingGoodGetsAway]

That's really awesome! I'm not shy about sharing either - it's our own business, and we're allowed to keep it to ourselves or to talk about it to whoever we want to! If we can open just a few people's minds - and educate just a few more so they can be smarter in the future - there's nothing wrong with that!

I too have found that talking helps - it normalizes it a bit, and most people's reactions are so mild and nonchalant that it's like "oh, hey, I'm NOT a leper?!"

 

CONGRATS on owning it, and keep sharing when you feel like it!

[WCSDancer2010]

@Marie14

 

Yay! Welcome to the "Out and Proud" club! Good for you for seeing that those who "judge" are only showing you who THEY are ... ie: someone not worth worrying over or befriending. Who needs judgemental people around them anyway??

 

Adding this to the list (which I'm putting below for others who are considering coming out) of the "Out and Proud" posts ...

 

AND ... I know this isn't for everyone. But every time someone steps up and comes out, the stigma takes another hit in the balls and eventually we will reduce it to a whimpering little pathetic shadow of that it is now .... and THAT is a beautiful thing :)

 

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-thoughts-carrier/ My journey

1st FB post

Follow up post

 

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/dating-with-herpes Ella

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1754/i039m-out-of-the-herpes-closet

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4983/awesome-disclosure-own-it

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5154/telling-everyone-i-have-hsv2

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5212/i-came-out

 

 

Ash Beckhams Closet Ted Talk

[Salex]

You are awesome! That seems to make life so much simpler. No room for thought or preconceived notions. Keep it real and open. It's refreshing. I recently started gradually preparing myself to open up to the rest of my family and friends. About this. Wow the weight that'll be lifted. Simply to tell them that I'm living with this and that's it. If they are interested in what it is I'll share if not, I'll live on. Thank you so much for sharing this @Marie14. The simplest things haha.

[justagirl72]

I hope that one day I can get to this point! I think that would be good for me. So far, I've only told my best friend and one of my friends who is a nurse. I feel like not being open with my friends and family is being dishonest. I don't know. I struggle with it. I'm not feeling AS ashamed anymore, but I'm not running out and telling people either.

 

Ideally, what I'd like to have happen, is be able to be brave enough to address H jokes that happen in front of me. Recently, I was with a small group and one of the guys started joking about H and then it lead to him literally saying, "there is no girl on this planet that I'd date knowing she had herpes." My diagnosis is so fresh that I left the room and cried my eyes out. In hindsight, I'd like to be able to stand my ground and inform everyone of the reality of H. It does no discriminate and chances are, the guy saying that has been exposed at one point or another. Those jokes are hurtful and it's so discouraging that that's the way people feel about it.

[Marie14]

@NothingGoodGetsAway ... I agree that educating people is our best fight against the stigma. And I too have found that many people don't care at all. Keep it up!

 

@Salex ... It is a huge weight that was lifted when I started talking about it conversationally. I also think that having a sense of humor about it helps too. Life is too short to live in fear or hold back because of some dumb cold sores. Own it! You will feel much better, and the good people in your life will stick by you! So I am sure everyone will. I hope you can get to the point of being open and honest when you feel comfortable keeping it in eats you.

 

@justagirl72 Herpes will always be a joke, we will never change that. The best thing we can do is educate others and be comfortable enough to say, "It's just a dumb coldsore, the funny thing is how scared people are!" Big babies. That guy is missing out on some pretty awesome girls ... but hey everyone has deal breakers. I have male friends who won't date women with kids. I personally won't date anyone who smokes (no offense to the smokers out there). Deal breakers are everywhere and that's his, and that is A okay. Don't let it get you down. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You didn't do anything wrong. You are the same person. It complicates things, and yes it does suck but there are WAY worse things out there. Once you start opening up to people I think it will be easier for you to open up even more. I actually started with Tinder, I experimented with how to tell people and most people were pretty cool about it. Probably not the best way to do it ... but its not like a know these people. lol. Just start small. Tell people you trust and who love you. You are going to feel much better. Be expected to get some ignorant responses (My mom ... god love her ... was convinced you could get it from the toilet seat). Take it at your own comfort level ... but talk to people because you will feel way better, I did.

 

@WCSDancer2010 ... Are you aware of the people coming out on youtube? It is pretty amazing I was thinking about starting my own channel. If more people started talking about their experience I think eventually it is going to take a toll on the stigma.

[WCSDancer2010]

Yes - I know @SweetCicily and Emma and @Arial and I know at least one other person on here who did a Youtube post ... and yes, I may well do it too. The thing that's holding me back is making the time to set things up and making it happen. I spend several hours most days on here - so that takes most of my "spare" time ...LOL

 

Ideally, what I'd like to have happen, is be able to be brave enough to address H jokes that happen in front of me. Recently, I was with a small group and one of the guys started joking about H and then it lead to him literally saying, "there is no girl on this planet that I'd date knowing she had herpes." My diagnosis is so fresh that I left the room and cried my eyes out. In hindsight, I'd like to be able to stand my ground and inform everyone of the reality of H. It does no discriminate and chances are, the guy saying that has been exposed at one point or another. Those jokes are hurtful and it's so discouraging that that's the way people feel about it.

 

So here's the deal about jokes ....

 

EVERYTHING has the potential to be the brunt of a joke. So stop taking that personally. If you didn't have herpes likely you would be laughing along with everyone else....

 

As for the guys' ignorance. When you are able to accept your status, you would see him as being the ignorant ass that he is, simply because of what he said.. "there is no girl on this planet that I'd date knowing she had herpes." ... because of 2 things:

 

1) 80% of the girls he's dated likely have Oral HSV1 that could be passed to him through oral sex

 

AND

 

2) 80% of them (along with the women who have HSV2) don't know they have it.

 

So odds are he's had sex with women who have it ... he's just blissfully ignorant and lucky (so far!)

 

So - *if* you have someone say that in the future, even without "coming out", you could say something like "Hey... I read somewhere that 80% of people with Herpes don't know they have it and that 80% of the population carries it orally ... so, how do you know for sure that they don't have it? Just curious because from what I read, we are not tested for it with STD panels either.... weird, eh? "

 

With luck, the joke will be on him because you will get to see him blanch and the thought that he's likely been exposed somewhere down the line... :p

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/herpes-jokes-getting-the-last-laugh/