A gentle rejection after I disclosed... I guess :-(

[Ladyangxo]

Soooo... I been talking to this fantastic gentlemen for 3 months now... We have gone on 3 dates only due to that he lives an hour and a half from me and due to my schedule and kids and his schedule and son but we still managed to keep in constant communication. Last date we had we had dinner at a nice little restaurant over looking the ocean with live reggae music and drinks.. after we walked the beach, held hands, talked and kissed a lot. Later that night he took me home and I asked him if he wanted to stay the night since it was late and he could just drive back home in the morning and he agreed.. we watched TV.. talked a bit and went to bed.. nothing happened because I would not allow it and I did speak to him about getting intimate and that I wasn't ready and he said he had no problem he just wanted to hold me and sleep.. (how great it that?) Any ways morning came we went out for coffee and lunch and he then left back home.. everything was going great and in the back of my mind I know I needed to tell him that I have HSV2 but I was also being greedy and selfish and just wanted to enjoy the moment. Ok to get to the point.. he texted me a few days later that he wanted to see me again and wanted to plan a weekend road trip with me.. I knew at this point I needed to tell him.. so later that day he calls me to set everything up and before he starts I told him I need to tell him something.. I told him that I really liked him and the way the relationship was going but before we get any closer and invest more time I needed to tell him something.. I said 2 years ago I was diagnosed with HSV2.. I know all the risk and how to manage it well.. I wanted to give you the option to make the choice whether to continue seeing me or to end it.. I told him I believe in being honest and transparent and I feel I can trust you with this very personal side of me. I told him to please ask me any questions and to take his time to think about it and to research it..... (silence) Then he says well firstly thanks for your honesty.. I'm really not familiar with HSV2 so I guess I have to do some research... I said sure and we hung up... I didn't hear from him that night and in the morning I receive a text that said Hey sweetie.. so I know we said we would hang out tonight but I need some more time to think about the whole situation before we take things further... I hope its okay with you.. I really like you and I enjoy the time we spend together but I have to be sure that Im being fair to you and to myself.. I truly appreciate that you were open and honest with me about such a personal subject, I know you didn't have to do that so thank you.... I replied with I can respect that and that was the end of it... I haven't heard from him since yesterday morning which is only 1 day but I am crushed.. my heart feels like it has been stabbed. I appreciate him that he was man enough to express his feelings and not just disappear. I don't know what to think or do and Im literally sick to my stomach.. I have disclosed to 2 other men and they were ok with it.. it never went further but we are still friends but this one... this one was different.. I felt different and in my heart I guess I was hoping for a different reaction and acceptance. I don't think I can bear another disclosure.. I guess Im just looking for advice on what to do... just move on and let it go or reach out to him again??? Im so crushed and feel so unwanted.

[Wallyworld]

He might need more time to process. If it's meant to be he will accept it. Hopefully you hear some good news from him soon! In the meantime, stay busy and don't drive yourself too crazy.

Best wishes.

[whitedaisies]

My therapist told me today that when men process things they go into their cave to digest which usually means isolation and silence. Either he stays in the cave or he comes out. You won't know but for now he's in trying to process.

 

Try to be patient.

 

Good luck

Xo

[2Legit2Quit]

Yep, my good guy friend withdraws completely when he's processing things. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

 

I had a friend that disclosed and it was a deal breaker. They remained friends. 3 months later he said he didn't care and felt she was worth it. Things like this can happen. I do feel maybe providing him accurate resources is best, as googling on their own can incite fear on garbage they pull up. Hang in there and send him the pamphlet ms from this site and the statistics sheet. Say I thought I'd share this, as this is the most accurate and up to date information and there's a lot of misinformation out. There and just leave it at that.

[Ladyangxo]

Thank you @2legit2quit Im hopping for the best, but prepare for the worst.. and keeping busy

[Ladyangxo]

thank you @wallyworld and @whitedaisies If its meant to be it will be

[hippyherpy]

Don't wait around for someone to make up their mind no matter if he's got a golden cock or whatever. You got to live your life. We aren't here forever. Go talk to some other guys.

 

The herpettes who convinced me to have sex with them told me right before we were going to do the deed. Don't know if that will help your situation, but they were successful.

[Bambina3]

I know you like him but I'm also of the opinion don't stand still, continue to get to know others

Good luck

[ThatJerseyGirl]

I have a friend who me and him have this deal that if by the time we're 35 and we're both not married, we get married. And even through relationships and being far away, we still like to flirt and joke around that we're dating (not when in relationships obviously) We both know deep down inside we like each other a lot. We've even told each other that. But one day I posted an article about Ella that buzzfeed wrote and he texted me asking me jokingly if I had H. And I told him the truth. And he told me "well Maia I don't know, like I like you so much but when we're finally together in person I don't know if that's what I want." And he basically said everything super bluntly and me going through a hard time forgot that he's a blunt person when he gets stressed.

 

We didn't talk for 2 weeks and he texted me saying he was really sorry, but he just had to process it and think. He did all his research so he could come at me with information and he told me he loved me and things we're going to be okay. He's back in my life now more than ever and he's my rock.

 

Things get better. Just give him some time to process it all :)

[WorkingOnIt]

I disclosed to someone I had a relationship with before this whole fiasco happened and he withdrew for a week. He said it was ok when I first told him even though I was a blubbering mess but he didn't contact me for 6 days after I told him.

He finally reached out and by this time I was composed enough to finally tell him everything that I've read about HSV2 and he said he already knows all this information and that he just needed to think and he's ok to move forward.

People just need to process. Do their research and process. The same way we had to. It takes different people different amounts of time to come to terms with it so I wouldn't stress it too much. Just wait. Breathe and relax and hope for the best.

[Ladyangxo]

Thank you all!! Just moving on

[whitedaisies]

Sorry it didn't work out the way you wish. Good luck.

[Ladyangxo]

So yesterday was my birthday and after 4 days no contact, he texts me happy birthday sweetie and to have a great day??!?!?! And that's it ugh!!

[Ladyangxo]

So I'm confused as to what his true feelings are... Should I question him? Let it alone and be cool and give him time or just move on??

[2Legit2Quit]

Let it alone for a little while longer and see what he does... If this continues, maybe just move on?

[Ladyangxo]

@2legit2quit thank you :-)

[2Legit2Quit]

No... :-) hang in there, be strong and while he's thinking, go out on some other dates! You're a beautiful girl, you deserve to feel wanted. Now go own all your awesomeness!

[Ladyangxo]

@2legit2quit thanks sweetie for your encouraging words..

[Ladyangxo]

It's only been a week and I know it's a lot to process so I will give it a little bit more time and if I hear nothing then I'm just going to move on and date on lol I know I'm worth it

[2Legit2Quit]

Abso-fucking-lutely!

[Ladyangxo]

Update!! After a week and a half he contacted me and just said he read up on it and has a better understanding... And kept saying he appreciates how honest I was and still wanted to see me :-) We went out Friday night and everything was normal as usual and he did stay with me the night cuddling, making out and watching movies.. Nothing happened but I can probably see it in the future and if it doesn't lead to something serious or a relationship.. It feels good to be accepted. He left Saturday around 3 and texted me later that day that he had a great time with me and would like to meet up again soon :-)

[2Legit2Quit]

Yaaahhhh! See!? Good for you! Am so happy! Just don't out your happiness in his acceptance of you, but rather his acceptance of the virus. Remember, how you use words w yourself, is just as powerful as what we eat. Don't feed your mind words like that. You're accepted. Some just can't accept the virus

[KatsMomUtah]

So happy for you!

[Ladyangxo]

Thank you @2legit2quit yesssss I have to get that in my head!! Xo

[Ladyangxo]

Thank u @katsmomutah :-)