Just hate myself, someone please tell me it will be OK

[wennichkann]

I have waited my whole life for this point, the point where I made it to Germany. I work very hard in my studies, and always had this dream to live abroad in Europe (specifically Germany). I worked in Prague for a few months over the summer as an intern, and that was great. But finally, I am in Germany for EIGHT MONTHS to have the time of my life (study abroad). To date cute german boys, to eat great german food, and to further my progress with German.

 

The first weekend night I got too drunk. I was just so happy to have gotten so far, and afterall this was the beginning to the greatest adventure. This amazing german guy was so interested in me and brought me home. I remember the moment, when I asked if he could wear a condom (he said he didn't have any, but he was "safe").

Four days after I got two herpe bumps. I sent him a picture, and he first claimed it was nothing. Then over the next few days i had over 10 and was in excrusiating pain. (Mind you, I have been staying in a hostel this entire time because I do not go to my student housing until next week). Finally, he admits that he "might" of had a herpes break out.

 

I am sort of over the complete horror of first finding out. The tears have subsided quite a bit. But I am still so sad. I feel like not only has the trip of my life been ruined, but so has just forever. I keep looking at my life in two sequences now: BH and AH. Before herpes, when I was free. AH: there is no freedom. I know I keep reading this "inspiring" articles, but there is no way these people are really happy. There is nobody who would ever just want herpes. THis is all so unfair. I just don't understand, why me?

[2Legit2Quit]

Welcome and I'm so sorry to meet you under these circumstances. I understand how you feel as we all do. We all go through the emotions and thoughts you are having right now.

 

I'm not sure what articles you're referring to, but nobody wants H. Nobody wants cancer. Nobody wants any chronic virus, infection or illness of any type. Unfortunately this is a part of being alive. This is no way will limit your life or freedom, only if you let it. We tend to over analyze and go into paralysis analysis after our diagnosis and come up w the most insane thoughts about what this means for our lives. I think the fear of not being able to have casual sex is a big i for people and that's not true. Many still have casual encounters w H and people do accept them and the risk w it

 

Outside if having to disclose,. Which in the grand scheme of life in its entirety, is at a minimal. That's the only thing it changes for you.. It's like getting oral herpes, but on your genitals it tends to have a stigma out if ignorance. Don't feed into the stigma. Europeans from my understanding are a lot more accepting of H, than Americans.

 

Plenty of people w H are very happy. Before I got H, I had 7 gfs w it and 4 are married w kids, one just married and one in 9urs w it has never been turned down. People continue thwir lives w herpes, it changes NOTHING, but a tiny portion. You won't always feel this way, I promise. Hang in there. Hugs.

[Sil88]

Oh damn, welcome to Europe.. I think most of us got the 'why me' stage.. punishment for something, cursed with bad luck etc. Beating yourself up like that is a waste of time.. get healing asap. 20% body, 80% mind. What legit said is true, trust us that things will get better - after a while, it's not enough of a reason to be unhappy. I haven't written any inspiring articles, but I'm pretty sure I could be genuinely happy if I just changed a few of my controllable circumstances. So it will no doubt dampen your trip, but the rest of your life is a lot longer than 8 months, and by then you'll hopefully be feeling back to normal.

 

Having said all this.. have you been officially diagnosed? Did you feel anything aside from bumps and the pain they directly caused? Did he perform oral, and if so did you notice anything like a cold sore on his lips?

[Bambina3]

I can only post to you right now from an emotional point of view, I am continuing to learn about my hsv2 diagnosis...

Emotionally I can assure you that you are not alone...all the emotional feelings you are having, we have all felt, it's an awful roller coaster.

They say it gets better, and it does...

 

But before jumping to conclusions go get tested, when I was tested he went through a whole list of other things it could be, although he could tell on visual what it was.

[StillMeButWiser]

Ugh so sorry you were dealt such a bad hand on your dream adventure. Life doesn't seem fair! Ride the roller coaster of acceptance. It's all normal. It pisses me off the guy knew but because he didn't want to hinder his opportunity for sex he ignored it. One thing Harry herp taught me was, all guys have dirty dicks. Everyone says they are clean. And that is exactly what I say when a guy says to me, he is clean. Another piece of advise and this is something I started. Carry condoms in your purse. Guys never have condoms on them. Take your health into you hands instead of relying on some else who obviously doesn't care much about their health. Otherwise he would've slapped a condom on.

[Sil88]

"All guys have dirty dicks" What do you mean - 100% have STDs?

 

I always carried a condom in my wallet, caught H anyway.. funny thing is, you also get judged for expecting to need one - they thought I assumed they were easy!

 

Don't worry wennich, even if you'd come prepared with your own.. If there weren't any sores visible, he was likely shedding which can be anywhere in the trunk region, not just where condoms cover. Statistically, it just means you could've have double the sex with him before catching it, no guarantees.

[Elise1977]

I just want to assure you that there are people that ARE truly happy. I have only known about my diagnosis since September, and for a few weeks, I did feel my life crashing down and the walls closing in. But, today, there is nothing but happiness in my life. I was not rejected by my partner, and we are closer than ever to taking our relationship to the next stage (cohabitation and *gasp* maybe marriage). I have great friends, a good job, and an adorable dog.

 

It feels like a death sentence at first, but HSV only impacts a very small part of your life, and with time, you won't think about it every minute of every day. You will still have friends and good times. Someone will still love you and accept you and want to spend their life with you. I know right now it doesn't feel like that could possibly be true, but it is.

[vaslak]

Hi! I myself got herpes while I was in europe too! Different country but living a similar experience as you are. You can enjoy your trip no matter what. Europe is amazing and there are so many places to go, food to eat (visit budapest, hungary, they have the best food), sights to see, places to just go and relax with your friends. I hope things are getting a little more settled with all this support you have been getting. Elise is completely right about everything she said. I have only known I have had herpes for a month and a half and I am starting to feel better about myself and my future already. Sure, there will be some changes you will have to make that might not seem so easy at first, but in time those changes will make you a better person and you will be happy again. I am still healing myself and if you want someone to talk to about anything, feel free to shoot me a message! I will be more then happy to help you and be your pen pal if you need it while your over seas! :)

[WCSDancer2010]

@wennichkann

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

First - you are FAR from alone in your experience... we have MANY on here who believed they were finally living the dream, had a moment of carelessness or bad luck, and got Herpes.... @HerryTheHerp hasn't been on in awhile, but he's kicking around Europe again and I hope he will come back on and join us.... he certainly will understand where you are right now.

 

BTW, you want to talk about bad luck and "why me?. I got oral HSV1 as a 4 yr old and genital HSV2 on my FIRST sexual experience. At least you got to Germany first...LOL. Why you? Why NOT you? Herpes is an equal opportunity virus. It doesn't care about race, age, sexual exploits, religious beliefs, or whatever. It's out there in one way or another in most of the population. Sometimes you just lose the Herpes Lottery (of HSV1, HSV2, Chicken Pox/Shingles, Mono, etc). That's life. Or at least, a life well lived, because to fully LIVE assumes RISK. If you never want to catch anything, or ever get hurt, go live in a bubble.

 

As for AH ... wellllll... look at the letters you wrote... how's about you write them as "Ah!" Do they look different now? You see, most of life is PERSPECTIVE. *How* you look at things. And one thing I can tell you, this site isn't called the Herpes Opportunity for nothing. Being "positive" doesn't have to result in a negative result.

 

Aas for being Happy? Sure, none of us WANTED this..... but once we get over the diagnosis, and learn now to live with it, (and even before) Happiness is a CHOICE. You can have everything you could ever want, and be unhappy. Perhaps you should make your next world travel to a 3rd world country, go live with people who truly have nothing, and they can teach you that you can find happiness in the littlest of things.

 

It starts with being GRATEFUL. So perhaps for now, you can start there. Get a journal. Every day, write in it 3 things that you are grateful for. It can be ANYTHING. Your friends. Chia Tea. The color yellow. Birds singing. Whatever.

 

It will help you to realize that Herpes is but a speed bump (so to speak) in your life and you can choose to keep driving over it, or put it in the rear view mirror, knowing another one may pop up in the road, but really, most of the road is pretty darned beautiful... but you have to look around you to see the beauty and get the eyes off of the "speed bump" in the rear view mirror :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/

 

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love