Don't feel good enough

[Feelingblue]

I don't feel good enough for my boyfriend because I have herpes. Why would anyone especially him want to be with me? Take that risk :(

[StillMeButWiser]

Because herpes doesn't define who you are!

 

You didn't ask for this. Certainly don't want it nor do you deserve it. Just like you don't deserve to be outcast or critized by anyone. He is accepting you for you. Just like you accept him for him with any flaws. No one is perfect. What is perfect anyways? Consider yourself blessed to have someone who doesn't allow a skin irritation bother him.

 

Say if you found a crinkled up $20 bill on the ground. What would you do?

You pick it up. Why? Because it is still worth $20. We maybe crinkled in unique ways but we are still worthy of love, happiness, peace, etc.

 

Are you feeling guilty deep down?

[Bambina3]

Have you disclosed ?

 

I understand how you are feeling, but everyone is special, and we deserve the best

Trust me, I'm not happy about my diagnosis either

[2Legit2Quit]

Sorry if I asked this in another post, but how are you sure he wasn't your giver again?

 

It can be normal to feel that way, but recognize it's much deeper than herpes. Herpes is just allowing you to validate the lack of worth that already existed. You are just as good now, as you were pre H. Are you still a good person? Yes. Are you still attractive? Yes. Are you a loving and kind friend and lover? Yes. Are you smart and charismatic still? Yes.... So you deserve no less now, than you did before. Be kind to yourself hun. Hugs!

[Feelingblue]

Thanks all. Yes I told him I have it, but I told him I don't get symptoms. I didn't for a while. I take acyclovir now, so I don't. I did tell him I might take the meds, but he said I was worrying too much, so I haven't brought it up again. I feel to ashamed to tell him if I get obs and to afraid to tell him about the meds because I don't want to bring it up again. I told him I might take them, I suppose that's good enough right? I've told him I'm positive, I don't want to share every detail at this point.

 

I constantly fear passing it on. It doesn't matter how low I'm told the risk is, I think every time will be a problem and I'm waiting for the call where he has it and hates me :(

[2Legit2Quit]

Oh yeah, I remember your post. I told you what you can do about sustaining from sex in my other post and what to say. Yeah, his was all covered in your other post. Take the meds for your own peace of mind, stop bringing it up, he knows the risks. This isn't about herpes, this is about your lack of self worth and you're looking for validation from him in any fashion, on why you're good enough to be w.

 

Didn't you find out you had it not too long ago? This is why I don't recommend people dating, u til they've come to a place of peace and acceptance w having H, because this is exactly what happens.

[Feelingblue]

I know I'm probably not ready to date. But I don't want to lose a great guy over my insecurities. I found out about 8 months ago. I'm trying to make peace. But I do fear I'll never be loved

[Feelingblue]

Although I'm trying to be positive really I am.

[2Legit2Quit]

When I find myself obsessing about a situation that I have no other choice but to live w and yet I still worry over it; I ask myself this one question: what other choice do I have? That choice we have, is to learn to be at peace and recognize that this little virus isn't going anywhere, nor is it conducive to live out the rest of your life feeling the say you do. So w some self coaching, you can chnage your thought pattern . when you start going there, stop it and say nope, nope, nope.. Not going to do this again. That breaks up the repetitive cycle of telling our story to ourselves and allows your brain to then get distracted by something else. It takes some time, but it works to retrain your brain and to turn off that negative cycle.

[WCSDancer2010]

Herpes has a habit of bringing out the insecurities that have been there all along... it has a habit of giving us "proof" that we are unlovable, or affirms that we are damaged goods (often from past experiences that we believe make us unlovable).

 

I would suggest that you get some counseling. Sounds like you might benefit from it....

 

And to be honest, sometimes it just plain takes a few good experiences to help us to see that Herpes doesn't define us.

[Nal]

I was scared of disclosing to my new guy but he took it well. I told him he could rethink things, I told him he could ask questions any time he likes. He hasn't brought it up since our first conversation. He did once have a stint of worry, which he didn't name as a herpes scare. He was circulcised as a late teenager, because of right fireskin, so his penis is a little sensitive when it coles to a lot of friction (lol). He had a moment where he got very sensitive after a long night together and he said 'maybe I have an infection'. I think he kind of forgot I have herpes and when his penis started hitting, he all of a sudden remembered and got a bit worried. I didn't say anything specific but I did ask him every day how his penis was, so he could bring it up if he wanted to. And it was fine. So bringing it up Willy nilly isn't going to make him feel better about it. If he has anything to ask or say, he will probably donit. Until then you can assume he's okay, happily chugging along, in a relationship with you.

[smalltown23]

I can relate to how you feel. I was with my bf for a year and half before I was diagnosed. I actually told him that he could go and that I understood. I told him he didn't deserve this. But you know what he refused to leave me and our relationship is still going strong. While I am still scared of passing it to him. We take precautions, I am on daily antivirals and I recently told him that we should start using condoms again until we are both as comfortable as we can be about the situation. It makes me feel better knowing that we are doing what we can to keep him safe. There are amazing guys out there who are accepting of this and who will love you! Let him be there for you.

[Feelingblue]

Hi smalltown23, Cani ask how you know you didn't get it from your current partner? Thank you for your comment