well.. he did what I feared he would do, not disclose.

[desertlove]

I just found out that the guy who most likely was my giver had been seeing a girl at the same time he was seeing me. He has continued the relationship with her even after our diagnosis and today I found out that he never told her he had it. She only found out two weeks ago when she was snooping through his stuff and found my acyclovir pills. I have been sharing mine with him. I had ended our relationship for about two months but it began again. We have been hanging out since the beginning of spring semester. I am disappointed that he wasn't honest with her. I don't want him to be that person. She told me they haven't been using condoms. I don't know what to think of him. He isn't aware that her and I talked. She said she was going to end the relationship and that she wouldn't mention we talked that way I could have the talk with him when he comes back from LA. Now I'm stuck in Norcal, by myself... roomie left, he left, my others friends left.... I've only ate once today. Im starving but I have no energy to get up and cook. I am not as devastated as I was last semester but I can't help but feel sorry for myself. It's not fair. Last night I asked him if he has slept with anyone recently and he said no. I told him that I just needed to know so I could protect myself. He had the audacity to say " i've already hurt you enough, I would't do that to you and there is no reason for me to lie to you, I would tell you if I had" She was up here 2 weeks ago visiting him. Why can't people just be honest. Yes, the truth may hurt but being lied to is more hurtful. The sad part is that I still want to be there for him and help him. I don't want to disrespect myself but I'm conflicted. Especially because we both go to the same school and where we live is pretty secluded from civilization, so I feel like we have become dependent of each other to some degree. Having herpes def does not help. That's what really hurts. This whole time i've been suffering, trying to heal myself, and he has continued with his childish player ways. I would have thought herpes would have changed him for the better, but I guess he is too scared to confront his diagnosis. I feel lost. I just want to fast forward to the future when I'm married and happy. Exactly a year ago this week was when my nightmare began. Looking back at last year's spring break, when I went hiking with him for the first time...I would never have seen this coming. lol life :/

[desertlove]

i can't stop crying... It's not completely about him, it's about herpes. Im still dealing with accepting it 100%

[Sil88]

Sounds like he's causing you more harm than good.. time for a cleanup, and his feet are getting in the way. Like you said, it's about respecting yourself - he doesn't deserve your consideration from what you've written. If his other girl is about to hit him with the news, it's probably a good time to act. I'm with you on the secluded bit.. but if you're like me, it's easy to use that as an excuse when really there are ways to meet people - it just might take a little more effort or stretching of your comfort zone. Btw, happy one-year anniversary - a big milestone, possibly a turning point if you make it one. So cry it up whilst you still can, then leave that year in the dirt.

[Sunshineandwhiskey]

I'm so sorry you're feeling terrible. Coming from a much older women, I can tell you there will be other men in your life worthy of your love and affection. You need to have patience and just do you! My advice is to run away and don't look back. He's so not good for you! He's lied on multiple occasions to you! Even when you've asked him point blank. You're putting your health at great risk. There is no telling hat else he might have that could really effect your health in a devastating way. You seem so sweet! Just remember. You need to be there for yourself first. He is not worthy of your concern. Take care of yourself. Be strong. Get out with your friends. I promise you'll be ok! It takes time Wishing you only the best! Hugs!

[WCSDancer2010]

I am disappointed that he wasn't honest with her. I don't want him to be that person. She told me they haven't been using condoms. I don't know what to think of him.

 

This whole time i've been suffering, trying to heal myself, and he has continued with his childish player ways.

 

You answered your own comment. He's still a child. He's putting women at risk of getting herpes, knowing full well his status. Why would you want a BOY like that in your life? Because he's not acting like a MAN.

 

And I'm going to give you a little Tough Love friend. Drop the excuse that you live in the middle of nowhere ... if you are in a college there are plenty of other people there. Or get on Meetup.com and find people with similar interests to yours (there are groups for EVERYTHING there!). Volunteer for something that ignites your passion.

 

Your Herpes friend is *trying* to show you who this guy is.... the fact that the other girl reached out to you is H SCREAMING (remember Herpes is your WINGMAN... listen to it!) at you to wake up and see him for who he is.

 

You say you want to fast forward to when you are happily married ... I agree with @sunshineandwhiskey - I'm also much older and honey, your man will come when YOU are ready... and by that I mean when you have learned the lessons you need to be the best partner that you can be. So don't rush it. Take the lessons from this, then kick dirt over that shit and walk away from the negative stuff, and take the positive with you....

 

(((HUGS)))

 

[desertlove]

Yes, I agree. He definitely has caused me more harm than good. It's been hard to let go him go. It's like he is my drug... I need help overcoming my addiction to him. I know my fear of herpes is holding me back. The other girl decided to give him another chance after he begged her to stay. He apparently loves her. She cruelly posted it on snapchat for me to see. I immediately deleted her. She's 31 and he's 24, I'm 25. I'm not going to lie, the fact that she is older makes me feel insecure, like if I wasn't woman enough for him. I need to stop taking it so personal and remember that it is him who has the issues. She must have told him I knew already because, today he sent me a text apologizing for hurting me. I replied that I felt humiliated and that I wish he would have been honest with me when I asked him to be. I told him that I hoped he had the courage to face me and talk to me and he replied with " we're not together, I don't owe you an explanation" . I know expecting accountability from him is asking too much of him, but I just want the chance to express myself. *sigh* I know, it's pointless but i'm struggling. I want my closure. @WCSdancer2010 I need you to slap some sense into me lol. @sill88 I've made some friends, but I haven't found a group of friends like back home. Friends that I truly connect with. I've also met a few guys that have showed interest, but I haven't been interested in them. I know that in order to find love, I need to be open to it, and right now I am not. @sunshineandwhisky Thank you, I know that there has to be better men out there for me. I just have to stop selling myself short :/.

[desertlove]

@WCSdancer2010 I found a quote that is helping me cope and understand. " They can't be right for you because they are not right within themselves, when the addiction of their sin is stronger than the love they have for you, loyalty is something they won't be able to give, the battle isn't with you its with their addiction". While I'm not a huge believer in god and he never loved me, this quote speaks to me.

[Sunshineandwhiskey]

Sweetheart. You'll be just fine. Just keep moving along.

[Bambina3]

Keep moving forward...you will find the right one, h will not be a factor when someone cares for you....I know it's hard letting go, but years from now when you look back on this, you'll know you made the right decision, for you....your true friends will support whatever decisions you make...and there are places to make new friends, like here.

Good luck

[desertlove]

@wcsdancer2010 lol did someone delete my post about finding friends in my area? It's gone. I didn't realize I couldn't ask. I had used the H buddy thread before but no one replies on there. Find it odd. I didn't get a message, it's just gone! Adrial?