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My BF hates condoms

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Hey there. I've had H for about a year now, and am beyond blessed to have a loving partner. However, we've been having way less sex the last half a year, and last weekend he disclosed that he dreads having sex because of having to put on a condom. He's not complaining or blaming, but was just honest. Has anyone ever had this experience? Any tips? I can't help feeling guilty and am worried to lose him to a lifetime of condom use. I've tried lots of different brands and types. Any thoughts appreciated! Thanks



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Personally, I couldn't use condoms indefinitely if I was with a long-term committed partner. If the partner was not okay with the risk, I would have to move on. This is a very personal situation though. I am not saying you should tell your partner to say screw condoms if he isn't comfortable.


As a guy, a proper fitting condom makes all the difference to me. Definitely experiment with different brands if you guys have not already. I've gotten compliments from ladies that Sir Richard's condoms feel good, for what it's worth.


It's a tough one. If he isn't okay with the risk of going without condom, then he has to be okay with the less sensation. Otherwise I do not see how it can work. I can't think of a way to have it both ways - wish I did!


PS - antivirals might be a way to lessen the risk, if you aren't already using them. And just get your health/immune system as strong as possible.

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Thanks surfsup. If I may ask, did you have the experience of going condomless with a meg partner? What was that convo like? How did you oh decide, and did you feel more nervous passing it on? If you've not had this experience please disregard and thanks anyway!

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@Gimmehope Haven't gotten there yet, sorry! Good luck though.


I am sure others on here can comment. I have heard of married couples together for like 20 years still using condoms (would drive me insane) and I've heard of going without condoms for casual relationships.

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@gimmehope I have had absolutely zero issues with my partners and not using condoms. Even some of my more casual partners did not want to. With my current lover, we are monogamous and he chooses not to use condoms and never has with me. He is negative and has said that he is perfectly ok with the risk. After we had sex, I asked him if he considered how he would feel if he got it and he is fine with it. While monogamous now, I tend to be quite promiscuous when not in a relationship. I always disclose and only one person has had an issue with it. Honestly, once I disclose, I don't stress about transmitting it. I figure I have given them all the info and they are making an informed decision. It has zero impact on my life and most men see that. I am also not on suppressive therapy since I have only had one recognizable ob since diagnosed in July of last year. Feel free to ask me any further questions as I have had a fair number of disclosures.

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If he is okay with the risks that arises when you don't use condoms. I think you should talk about it so he surely understands and knows that there is a risk he might catch it too. A small one but still. If he's okay with that there's no issue in not using condoms.

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@tina94. That is an extremely good point. Sometimes I feel like the focus is far too much on the minimal risks and that people don't stop to consider how they would feel if they did contract it. That's what was important to me for my lover to consider. When he told me he had pretty much accepted he would likely get it if we ended up together and was fine with it, I knew he truly understood and looked beyond the virus.

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What I love about this forum is the openness and discussion about the possibilities of having casual relationships with H and not being judgmental about it. While not opposed to it, not everyone wants to settle down, get married, and have kids right away. Sometimes folks want to express themselves as a sexual being but not have to be in a long term relationship.

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@Turquoise621 We talked about it at the beginning and I was insistent on using condoms bc I'd be wrought with guilt if I passed it. He agreed. We are still using condoms but he's mentioned he dreads having sex sometimes because of them. It would be terrible if he left because of that bit, I can't really do anything about that? And I'm worried I will never find anyone else that's ok with this.

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  • 2 weeks later...

@gimmehope,@sweetsoulxo don't you all feel that it should ultimately be up to them whether or not they want to use condoms? I guess to me, your insistence on them using condoms despite them not wanting to is taking away their choice in much the same way yours was taken away when it came to contracting hsv. It seems pretty unfair to insist upon something they don't want provided they are completely educated and have thought through the risks. How they would feel if they caught it? Having to disclose in future relationships should things not work out? If you all are discordant oral hsv1 couples, are you insisting on not kissing either? Please know I am not attacking either one of you. I merely want you to give your partners the choices you all were not. Maybe read about other discordant couples who have rich fulfilling sex lives without condoms for some reassurance.

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