I think im a terrible person i hate this

[Isthislife]

Hi everyone 

Before i begin I'll just say you're harsh words are welcome 

I've been seeing a new guy and have not disclosed, i have had hsv 2 for about 4 years now

 We just had this instant connection, the first time we had sex we didn't use a condom i was symptom free but felt horrible and guilty afterwards, i was on edge waiting for a call from him but he hasnt shown any symptoms that was in June i tried to stay away from him because i just cannot disclose this i just can't im not there yet. Anyway my plan to stay away ftom him failed and we have had sex a few more times but with condoms and i have recently started on acyclovir 400mg twice a day but i know what im doing is wrong i think my only option at this stage is to break up with him as we are now in  relationship disclosure isnt an option for me right now and he wants to stop using condoms i know the risks are quite low but still i feel horrible about it i guess im a selfish person. Bring on the heartbreak i suppose, has anyone been in this situation its killing me inside hsv sucks I've had enough 

[My_dog_is_hungry]

Dump him so he can find someone who cares about his welfare and right to choose.

[Isthislife]

@My_dog_is_hungry

Nice will do

[Amando]

Hi Isthislife

I'm not going to be harsh & judgemental, as I know it is so hard & how much it hurts to be rejected!

I get where your at, I think a lot of us have been there at some stage.

But here's my take, if you are prepared to dump him, why not take the risk & tell him?
Tell him that you know you should of told him before you got intimate with him but you were scared to lose him.
The worse that can happen is that dumps you & you can look at it as practice for the future.

The quicker you get into disclosing the easier it will become.

Good luck, big hugs!

[Isthislife]

@Amando thanks so much for your response, hes abit of  a lad so i think i already know what his response would be if im being honest and then im scared of it becoming public knowledge because he is quite well known i think this is just a lose lose situation for me and its very depressing i dont even know how to go about dumping him its all just too much life is unfair 

[Jenn88]

@Isthislife I completelt Get where u are coming from. I am so in love wirh someone and now bc of this we can never be together. Bc I could never tell him and I care about him so much I just can’t see myself putting him in a situation where he potentialy have a bad outbreak 

[Amando]

@Isthislife & @Jenn88 I do get the public image problem but if you do not tell them, how will you ever know what their reaction will be? Sometimes people truly surprise you! even the ones that you least expect too!

Personally I don't give a damn about the public image bit but we are all different, so I do understand some people do.
A lot of people I know, work with & even just some people I know from walking my dog know I have H,
not one of them gives a sh*t or treats me differently.

Life's far to short, don't let H ruin your potential 😉

 

[Jenn88]

@Amando the unknown is so scary.....I really don’t know what to do. I love this man, I want to tell him I’m scared so I’m wondering if letting him honia better than telling him 

[Isthislife]

@Jenn88 oh wow i know exactly how are you feeling its so horrible i wish i was this open person with no fear of judgment and i could just come out with it but clearly i am not and also it doesnt help that i have already put him at risk so on top of everything else im just a selfish person its such a horrible feeling knowing any day now i just have to break it off with him amd i know thats also gonna hurt him so its a catch 22 i feel your pain 

[sweetlove884]

I think you have to tell him. No matter what. He may have contracted it and could now pass it on to other innocent women. If you dont, that would be a horrible thing to do. 

[sweetlove884]

Just to add--i know it's horrible to think of having to disclose. I recently passed to my partner not knowing I had it and I have had to bear the full force of his rage and most likely hate for several weeks now.  On top of that I'm pretty sure I lost HIM. It hurts. 

But I still say you owe it to him and his future partners to tell him 

[Jenn88]

1 hour ago, Isthislife said:

@Jenn88 oh wow i know exactly how are you feeling its so horrible i wish i was this open person with no fear of judgment and i could just come out with it but clearly i am not and also it doesnt help that i have already put him at risk so on top of everything else im just a selfish person its such a horrible feeling knowing any day now i just have to break it off with him amd i know thats also gonna hurt him so its a catch 22 i feel your pain 

He is literally my best friend I’m not ready to lose that do I choose to not tell but I won’t sleep with him either. I can’t do that knowing what I know 

[organicmama]

21 hours ago, Isthislife said:

Hi everyone 

Before i begin I'll just say you're harsh words are welcome 

I've been seeing a new guy and have not disclosed, i have had hsv 2 for about 4 years now

 We just had this instant connection, the first time we had sex we didn't use a condom i was symptom free but felt horrible and guilty afterwards, i was on edge waiting for a call from him but he hasnt shown any symptoms that was in June i tried to stay away from him because i just cannot disclose this i just can't im not there yet. Anyway my plan to stay away ftom him failed and we have had sex a few more times but with condoms and i have recently started on acyclovir 400mg twice a day but i know what im doing is wrong i think my only option at this stage is to break up with him as we are now in  relationship disclosure isnt an option for me right now and he wants to stop using condoms i know the risks are quite low but still i feel horrible about it i guess im a selfish person. Bring on the heartbreak i suppose, has anyone been in this situation its killing me inside hsv sucks I've had enough 

My ex (and father of my child) did not disclose to me, was taking antivirals, and gave it to me only after a few times of being intimate after he contracted it. He slept with other women so he didn't tell me obviously. Awesome. Anyway, I feel like he sexually assaulted me. He KNOWINGLY gave me a virus I will have for the rest of my life. I am anxious and uncomfortable in my own skin thanks to him. Not disclosing is selfish to say the least. Tell your partner regardless of wether or not you stay with him because he should get tested now and avoid spreading it to other people if he has it. I would not wish this virus on my worst enemy. People have sued other people over this. I have completely cut off all contact with him because of this. If he were honest with me I could have made the choice about what I want for my body.

[Ricky Spanish]

Its quite simple.  You have a moral obligation to tell him.

[SD1990]

It seems like you might be posting on here to try and get some penitence from the judgement of other people, instead of the judgement he is likely to give you. I understand this, and I don't mean to get down on you (because that's really a waste of time). What you did was definitely wrong, but the best way to make it right, is to be honest with him, not post on a feed and let other people be mean to you. I'm sure he'll be upset, I'm sure you would be too if you were in his shoes. But in the words of the not so great 90's band Eve 6, its time for you to smile wide, step outside and face the music. It'll suck, but I'm confident that your conscience will be able to rest easier in the long run, if you act with integrity now.

[Isthislife]

6 hours ago, Jenn88 said:

He is literally my best friend I’m not ready to lose that do I choose to not tell but I won’t sleep with him either. I can’t do that knowing what I know 

Hey @Jenn88 What is the situation with you guys? Are you in a relationship? If so how long have you been together? 

[Jenn88]

@Isthislife we started off as friends then became friends with benefits and put friendship grew. I eventually wanted more and he didn’t so I dared someone else that guy didn’t work out my friend gotad that I lied and now we are just trying to b friends again. But I am xompletely

kn love with him 

[Isthislife]

7 hours ago, Jenn88 said:

@Isthislife we started off as friends then became friends with benefits and put friendship grew. I eventually wanted more and he didn’t so I dared someone else that guy didn’t work out my friend gotad that I lied and now we are just trying to b friends again. But I am xompletely

kn love with him 

@Jenn88f you don't want to get yourself into a terrible situation like i have then maybe just stay friends but i personally know this is gonna be very hard and sometimes things just happen so im also gonna tell you to be careful because its so eaay to get caught up in the moment especially when that attraction and intimacy is already there whatever you do is gonna hurt so i guess just go with whatever feels right in your heart also easier said than done 

[Jenn88]

@Isthislife kinda almost happened yesterday. I need to either tell

him or we stay friends your right. Are you planning on telling you guy? 

[Isthislife]

On 10/10/2018 at 12:15 PM, Jenn88 said:

@Isthislife kinda almost happened yesterday. I need to either tell

him or we stay friends your right. Are you planning on telling you guy? 

Hey @Jenn88  im breaking things off i cant tell him and i dont think ive transmitted in all honesty so im going to leave things alone and make sure i dont get myself in this position again its been a lesson its gonna be really hard and im gonna feel terrible but thats what ive decided to do i know not everyone here will agree with me but i have thought about it long and hard and feel its the way to go at this stage. how are things with you and your guy? 

[bird]

On 10/9/2018 at 10:25 AM, sweetlove884 said:

Just to add--i know it's horrible to think of having to disclose. I recently passed to my partner not knowing I had it and I have had to bear the full force of his rage and most likely hate for several weeks now.  On top of that I'm pretty sure I lost HIM. It hurts. 

But I still say you owe it to him and his future partners to tell him 

I don't think it's necessarily "horrible" to disclose. I'm not sure you should be held at fault if you truly did not know you had it.

In my experience, the fear is the worst part. Looking back, I allowed the fear to say I was unworthy and it eroded my self-esteem, which in turn eroded my ability to talk normally and maturely about it. The sooner you tell, the easier. Because I've lived the opposite route multiple times. As more time goes by, the more it feels like I was being dishonest, even though we hadn't even had sex yet. I too struggled with when was the too soon ("Hi, My name is _____, and I have genital herpes." versus too late (he's got his hand down my pants). I read an article recently where someone tells them after the second date has gone well and it's obvious there will be a third. I've just decided that's my plan of attack for the future.

I have also recently gone the route of not disclosing, while I *knew* I had it, to a good man I was starting to fall in love with.  I think in my mind I tried to deny the reality of what I was doing to avoid the embarrassment and awkwardness. But the reality of what I did, when I knew I had to tell him, and after I did finally tell him, was the WORST.  Dishonesty is never a good thing, as tempting as it can seem. I have more shame now in having potentially exposed a totally innocent man and making his life unnecessarily more difficult that it already has been for him. 

I'm here to warn people not to make the same mistake I have made.