nic4897

You rock, Adrial.. hope all is well in your world! OK Officially giving myself permission to let it go. I've been on suppressive therapy for years and I love the "built in mechanism" comment. Calm down, Nic.. calm down! Ahhh positivity... :) Yeah... we'll figure it out I'm sure.. all this is very new to me so slower is best. Good luck, everyone!!

So.. here's the thing. I re-connected with a high school friend on FB and it was only supposed to be about the sushi but.. well it must have been the mercury from too much sushi :) cause we've been dating on the down low away from FB prying eyes for about a month. It's been very good for me to take it slow and when I disclosed he was just about as kind as you could be. His reaction was .. it's sometimes the card you're drawn.. could've happened to anyone. And then we started making out again :) So my talk went well. Never easy to be vulnerable to anyone but I'm glad The flirtation is slow moving and I can say he is very special to me without really knowing what will happen next. The whole sex "thang" I think we're both trying to figure out since I'm paranoid something will happen to him and he hates condoms. The good thing is... I disclosed to someone who I thought would be very kind to me and I like a lot and my judgment call was correct. :) Thank you to this forum for providing the support and therapy I needed to make this monumental step :) This is quite huge for me.

Oh my gosh!! I met someone .. Err again !!weeent to high school together and oh my gosh! I'm in awe.. He's younger than me !!! By three years and he's so open I know I would be able and willing to disclose. He's amazing., so new one meeting..Sunday who knows.. Here we go .. Line up to believing .. Yay !!! Enjoying this xxx love you all :) blessings xxxxc

I recently saw a religious quote and because I'm not highly religious, truth, more spiritual, I'll paraphrase the beauty and relevance I saw for all who participate on this forum... ...The reason some people have walked away from you has nothing to do with you. It is because they have been removed from your life because they cannot go where you are going. They will only prevent you from moving onto the next level and have already served purpose in your life. Let them go and keep moving. Something greater is coming... I know it's easier said than done but never fear rejection. As long as you choose someone kind to disclose, or kind in general even if they already have H, be brave and unafraid to demonstrate feeling. Bravery is being unafraid of being vulnerable. :) Good luck, all!

Carly .. I'm so happy reading your post. It's such an amazing step and I'm glad it's happening for you! My new motto is if he's kind and I feel it.. Ill disclose. Otherwise, it's back to the drawing board. If he's kind ., hell accept you. He may not choose you as a lover but hell be kind enough to be a friend. And, to me .. That's the most important of all. Good luck! Please keep me and us posted!! Best blessings for the both of you!! :)

So for any of you following this amazing opportunistic (in all the right ways) forum,I had a date last week. This person actually has herpes and I had connected with him on an STD dating site long before I found this forum. He contacted me and I said.. why not.. ill give it a go (cue British accent although I'm not British lol) went on a first date and put him through the same mission operation (MO) that I would any date... herpes known or not. In one date he mentioned two things that were just indicative of his motive and I was able to recognize it using the philosophy of this forum. One- when stating my opinion about something to which he disagreed he mentioned, "you know that's a turn off for me, right?" And second he states.. as I am discussing my view/option on a subject he mentioned,"you would have to be wearing very little to convince me of that.." Huh??? Yeah, the opportunity we have in front of us is to recognize a potential partner .. And I'm not just talking disclosure.. I'm talking mind set. Recognizing a potential is realizing that you want to share who you are regardless of opinions or viewpoints.. It's about a respectful connection. Herpes or not ..the dating is still the same..weeding out who is right for you and hopefully that is someone kind and caring and who is really well.. The person who makes you smile.. keep ur chin up, Peeps .. There truly is someone for everyone and it's hard because its only one.. Or a select few. Therefore it's hard to find. Stay true to you , friends ;) keep searching .. I will.

Congrats on so many things.. 1) for finding someone to disclose 2) for telling him in your own way and the right way 3) for having great judgment for telling someone kind. If there was one attribute I could hand pick in a partner it would be kindness. It really does make the difference and even if he had decided not to pursue a sexual relationship with you, you would be rest assured that he would have treated you.. well kindly :) But hey!!! Look who scored (probably in more ways than one ;) ) Here's to dry humpin' no more for you! You go girl!

Yes! ;)

My heart is so full knowing that there are others that see the value in this simple but powerful logic and emotion. Blessings to you all! Think of it this way.. When we didn't have our skin condition... Weren't we still hoping for the same? A worthy partner .. Makes ya think ;) And, on another level.. At least in having this commonality.. We are no longer looking for love in all the wrong ways and places.. Cheers to getting it right this time around ;)

Thank you, Judith! How sweet! Big hugs to you as well! :) So this man and I haven't been in a true relationship in awhile and he moved away a long time ago. It's just that emotionally we have been each others crutches.. If that makes sense. Only I'm very honest and he can manipulate me pretty easily. He's now engaged and never told me although had been contacting me for the past few months. I found out and just said that's it.. No more out of respect for his current other. I suppose the biggest thing for me was that admittedly h created this bond between us and letting him go as my crutch means open space for a long time partner and that's scary I suppose. I do have a date Wednesday night. Looking forward to it. He has h because I went to a dating site for h. I'm open to someone with it or without dont mistake me but them having it does make it easier. Regardless, ill still date the same.. Emotional connection first then everything else... Thanks for responding. Love this great community :) Onto the exciting part.. What to wear Wednesday..

So tonight I said goodbye to the person who gave me h. It hurt after nearly 9 yrs of back and forth that had nothing to do with h. It's hard when you stay good friends with your "maker" so to say. But, it was time and in a way .. Now that I've adopted this "love first" attitude.. Coming. I always thought I'd be with him in the end of all others but in a way I've been running from h. Keeping my emotions locked with him and h rather than being open to life and someone else. I've learned sometimes the wrong reasons for staying emotionally locked to someone may be because of h. Here's to life beyond a skin condition and to a life complementary with a more compatible soul. I wish the same for all Of you :)

Understand that his emotions need to be absorbed now. This is not a reflection on you but the curcumstances. It's wait and see now but if you are solid and he is as solid as you trusted than this will strengthen your bond and not weaken it. Even if he says he wants to be friends and thanks you for telling me.. Thats aeesome too! Don't be afraid of that much. You are an awesome person and I'm sure if anything he will see that and maybe so much more that he will go forward with what you hope :) good luck.. Praying for your happiness :)

Advice.. Get to be friends first and youll know if it goes beyond physical attraction and more of an emotional connection. Herpes or not relationships are built on friendship and if you're not sure about that yet.. (Do Let her know H not a deal breaker..Cause honestly if she's on daily and you use protection .. Sex shouldn't be a big deal at all) then you Should not involve yourself. And, she is young and might not know herself enough to know she wants to be with you. If you're looking for long standing ... even if it doesn't work out.. And u can still be friends .. Then thats awesome regardless of age. Insist on waiting for sex until you've become friends. Friends last. Time is what is needed .. Here.

Happiness is more than a choice .. It's a lifestyle .. Blessings Saliha

Hi there, I actually get it on my arm near my elbow and have been tested and it is HSV2. My first outbreak was a week after I was with an ex for the first time. He did have it so nothing to figure out there and it was my first outbreak because a lovely flu with 106 temp came with it :( that was six and a half years ago and I think now that I'm dating again after a bad marriage ... I am disclosing even though I'm on daily and my doctor said the same that chances are less than one percent of me passing it. It's still the right thing to do as even less than one percent is a gamble with someone's health that they should have a say in. It's tough but it's the right thing to do :) just find someone worth the risk of rejection and you'll be fine :) either way. Good luck!

So, as of now I'm sort of taking this dating thing pretty... organically (aren't all good things organic nowadays anyhow ;). Just sort of seeing who comes around that seems interesting and I've been working and traveling so much lately that I haven't dated in weeks .. not that long I know haha. But, yeah... you know.. I know many people here may be scared to disclose but honestly I can't wait to disclose! It means .. I've FOUND someone! Someone worthy and amazing and attractive and smart and artistic and funny and honest and.. makes me feel excited again and well need I say more? I can't wait until I found that stunning person errr really stunning personality that makes me say yeah.. can't let this one go because of my fear.

Yes! Happiness is an option worth choosing for sure :)

Gorgeous writing.. Coming from a writer.. Honest writing comes from our feelings and ends up resonating universally. Good luck to you!!! Blessings xx

A friend of mine that goes through episodes of anxiety once told me, "A worry is a prayer for something to go wrong." I always remember this when going through times of uncertainty..when my mind likes to take control of my thoughts and makes me obsessively worry .. mostly unnecessarily ..about things I can't control. Hope it helps someone else. I remember it and it calms me instantly.

Thanks :)

Reached a milestone today! And, believe it or not it involves the talk I didn't have. I was dating someone and he assumed by date six that we would be having sex. I realized that's all he wanted after much internal debate of going back and forth. I'm celebrating today the talk I didn't have because I'm choosing someone whose worthy of me telling. Ended it. Oh yeah :) so happy today!!!

Lol! You read my posts :) how awesome is that!!! Cool! Yeah I'm actually breaking it off Friday. I honestly don't trust him enough and I think I should by now. Here's to future dating lol cheers xx

Then wait until you're in a better place to be strong. It's ok. But do confront him. That chat room .. Who knows what issues they have with lord knows what.. But when you're in a place when you're not afraid ... Confront him. It's good for everyone , yourself included.

So sorry for all my iPhone autocorrects lol

Ahhh closure .. What a "thing". I struggle myself. I sense you are dealing with a bigger issue that I can sooo relate! Who do I want in my life versus who is good in my life. That is an emotional process and acceptance in and of itself. Boundaries. It's the answer. At what point do you say enough is enough. This person doesn't belong in my life as a friend or lover or even an acquaintance! It's hard when you're a good person and open to boot! A friend of mine says our greatest strength is also our greatest weakness. And love, seriously ... It's ok to not have him in your life if he chooses to berate you for being honest and generally a good person. You also need to decide this and set that boundary for yourself and that takes self love. Love yourself to not want negative people in your life. Set a boundary that your friends want the best for you and will always .. Even through fights and uncomfortable situations .. Will be there for you. This talk will tell you if he is or is not that prison and that is your fear. Don't be afraid to let someone go from your life that doesn't deserve your generosity. Don't be afraid to say goodbye. It opens room for something far better to enter. Take it for someone who has learned this time Snd time again and is constantly reassessing the same.