thisisgoingtobeokay (previ

Exactly. I got HSV 1 genitally with no outbreak at all. Believe me, if he had of had something on his face I would have immediately said uh no. No downtown time. He had nothing. Not a red spot, not a bump, nada, zip, nothing. He had a scruff though which I think is the main reason I contracted it. And as I said, we didn't even have intercourse. I haven't had an outbreak on my face weird enough, my doctor can't exactly explain that to me. He has given me the all clear to give oral sex with no worries and not disclosing. So, for that I am thankful. I can at least give head, which I must say, is a specialty of mine. Not tooting my own horn, but beep beep. I like to give it and so I'm thankful for that much at least. That I have that one normalcy left in my life in regards to sex. I'll probably get really good at it since I don't plan to disclose and have intercourse until I am a 100% sure this guy will not reject me. That being said, since this is how I got it. I am very f'n strong headed about people who have it orally disclosing. You should. Stigma or not, you can pass it. I will go toe to toe with anyone, and I have had this discussion with a couple men since who think orally isn't a big deal. It is a big deal. That's how I got it and it's because of stupid people who don't give a shit and think it isn't passable that way, that this happens. People need to learn their shit, not y'all, but people who think it's no biggie. Doctors especially. Honestly, I don't even like doctors acting like herpes isn't a big deal. Either type, either location. That's part of the problem. Not enough education. I want it to be seen as a big deal in education. Make it a priority to educate and make education about a big deal. Not the disease, but education needs to be a big damn deal. I have had the hardest time of my life trying to accept this. The lack of support from many people has made it much harder. Should I have asked guy? Damn straight. Should he have known it was passable that way and been in the position to know and tell me? Damn straight on that too. As I've said before, I split fault in my issue 75% him and 25% me. He knew he had it and should have educated his dumb ass. I would have and have educated myself since I have it now. If I had it orally before genitally, I would have researched it then too. People are assholes and don't care. Partly, because it's not made to be a big deal and partly because people don't care if they hurt others. If you get the flu, you stay the hell away from people. If you get any disease, educate your damn ass and protect others. It's shitty. None of that was at y'all. Just my rant for the night. Grrr.

Yeah. You can. That's how I got it. I didn't even have vaginal sex. Just oral, and got it. So tell him to shut up because it happens. A lot now. Freaking idiot.

I'm grateful for alcohol. Bout the only time I get a moments peace in my life anymore.

A friend of mine called me on my lunch break and said I have something to ask you, I said okay what? She said I know it's touchy with you but I really want to do a speech on herpes. I've learned so much about it from you and watching you go through this has been hard on all of us, your friends. I want to change people's opinions on it and tell your story so people learn it's not just whores or dirty people who get it. I want to interview you, without your face. (That I didn't agree to, said I would give a statement though). I want to talk about transmission rates and to explain to people how testing works. Basically, she wants to tell my story, what she has watched me go through emotionally, and then talk facts about it, and encourage people to be more understanding if someone discloses to them. She said it's hard watching you go through this and I want people to understand. I'm pretty proud of her for wanting to do this. Thought the H opp might be happy that one of my friends is doing this too.

The flyers degrade the way he treated me. Giving me herpes is one thing, it's another to be a complete asshole and not support someone that you did that too. That's the main thing I'm pissed about. I'm not pissed about the herpes, I am but I'm not, I'm really pissed at his behavior after giving it to me. That's the source of my anger. But that isn't getting through I guess either. It's been three months since that. I do not speak to that person any longer. And since then no one has came around that I remotely thought would or could accept it. I'm pissed. I'm lonely. I'm tired. I'm a lot of things and have only myself to deal with it and it's not fucking fair. He should be dealing with it too. I sit at home alone a lot and I'm fucking sick of it. This should be the happiest time of my life, and it's all clouded by this stupid fucking disease. I have no one, my friends yeah. But they can't hold me at night and make me feel normal. They can't give me the things that I need right now. And I need a man right now, even though I'm not ready for anything serious, I need the support of a man in my life. That's what I need to feel better. And because I have this now, I can't find that from anyone else without saying hey stop trying toget in my pants because I have herpes and really all I want from you is to just sit here with me, sleep with me (not sexually), talk to me, go to dinner with me. Because before I had control over that. I've chosen this to be my last post on this. I'll let y'all know whether I do it or don't. Time will decide that. I'm astounded that the blame is coming on me, when he is the one who has done wrong. Giving someone herpes is a part of it, but you just don't treat people like shit when you do that to them. Straight up. It seems most everyone disagrees and thinks it okay for people to treat others that way without any sort of reprecussions.

No one seems to be on my side. Which pisses me off. How can any of y'all think someone like tha doesn't deserve something bad coming their way? He deserves it. He truly does. Why does anyone not think he does?

Clearly I'm the one in the wrong here and he just did nothing wrong, isn't deserving of any payback. Clearly, it's just me, that is wrong in all of this. Clearly he gets to walk away with nothing and leave it all to me. Yeah sounds legit. He did nothing wrong at all, nothing.

@wcs I have herpes from him, and he ignores me won't be there or anything else. I'm pretty sure it's understandable that I act like a crazy psycho towards him. I would have no issue at all if he would just be there. Clearly no one understands.

I really don't know whether I care or not. I can't change it. Karma isn't working fast enough for me. I'm not saying I'm going to, but one more bad thing in my life happens, I might.

Well he did get tested and was positive. So it wouldn't be untrue. I figured if it's anything it's slander or libel. But it's the truth. @elliot I haven't done anything yet. I just created it and have it saved. And you are damn straight you don't know what he has done to me. You can read all my old posts and figure that out. I didn't deserve herpes and to be left by him where he chooses not to speak to me or talk to me or support me. Who is more wrong there? I say him, giving someone a disease and all the other stuff. He is wrong. And deserves it.

@wcs I know you are going to rip me on this and give me "momma" talk but I'm sorry. I just need to do something. And this would be justice in my eyes. And as sad as it is, I use to not think this way, but now, I truly would smile putting every damn flyer up and feel happy. I hate that's who I've turned into, but eye for an eye.

I'm four months in and outbreak free. Only have had the initial outbreak. I also take valtrex daily though so that could be the reason I haven't broken out again. Needless to say, as high strung as I am, I felt like suppressive therapy was a good idea for me. It's all personal opinion. I knew from research before my follow up visit that the first year is the worst, so I chose to do suppressive therapy as I don't want to break out ever freaking again and I'll do what I can to help my body fight it. It's up to you. I have some side effects from taking valtrex daily, mostly thirsty all the time, tired as in I could sleep all day (but this could be depression) and then I've noticed I get nauseous sometimes really easy.

Thanks for all the advice everybody. I'm worried about summer. It was my favorite time of year and now I'm just terrified about it all. Ugh... Such is life.

My joke is, which I hope never happens, but my joke is "well if I get raped, I'm just going to let it happen and freak the hell out of his privates and when he finishes, I'm going to smile and say hey by the way, I have herpes. Congratulations. Go get tested." Very, uh dark, I guess, but it makes me smile.

In light of Dustin getting back together with his ex. I have had this thought many times. I know "let it go, let him go, yada yada yada." Yeah I'll get there. Anyways, I made a flyer tonight with his picture and the words "for a good time and herpes call Dustin" then at the bottom "he will give you herpes, leave you, never speak to you again not support you even though he gave you this std. Winner!" Now, some of my friends are for me posting them around town, just worried about the retaliation. Some are totally against it, saying let God serve him his. I have it saved on my desktop. Anyways, say I did post these, what are the consequences legally I could face? I don't want anyone to tell me to let it go he isn't worth it. I know all this. I'm not angry enough to do it yet, but the first man that rejects me for this, I just might be. So, any ideas on what could happen if I do this? Is there legal issues there? No, this is not the best way to go about it or take karma into my own hands, but karma isn't working fast enough. And I'm the one hurting and he deserves to get his. Sorry, but that's the cold hard fucking truth. He deserves to have something bad happen to him. You just don't do people that way.

I am grateful for sweet tea. It's about the only caffeine I haven't given up. I'm southern, and love my sweet tea. It's calming and been perfect on these warmer days we have been having.

My exact feelings. Love it!!! So beautiful!!!

I am grateful for bubble baths.

Totally understand @kilogold. I was not a super sexually active person before this. I just was one of those who didn't need it. My gratification came from making A's in college lol. Anyways, I feel the same. It's either find someone who has it, or make it like a process. Okay. Take pills, put on lube, wrap it up, okay, be easy at first, wait too rough, you might make me break out. Yeah, I get it. It's like a step by step process now and that open the door, making out all the way to the bedroom, ripping clothes off and just going at it is gone. It sucks. Idk, maybe we all still have a chance at that. Who knows anything? Life is a big roller coaster that just has it's ups and downs.

Congrats to you!!! Way to keep moving forward!

Or say I dry off with a towel (swimsuit on) and a friend wants to wrap it around them or something?

Okay so spring and summer is right around the corner. I'm scared of the sun and it causing an outbreak. So, advice for spring summertime and what to do to help prevent a breakout from the sun. I don't want to completely stay in my house all summer, I love swimming and love summertime. But I am scared of a lot. Is it okay to sit and tan in the sun? If so, what precautions? How cautious should I be in a swimsuit? I mean if I sit on a chair should I wipe it if someone sits after me? Can my nieces sit in my lap at pool dates? I don't know if I'm even going to wear a swim suit as I am scared, but just want to get some advice on it. Sometimes I have drunken beach runs and lake time. What if I dry off with a towel and a drunk friend touches it? Risk there? Thanks y'all!

Oh @herry. I would love to be a fly on the wall in your life. @victoria, I do this all the time! I have look up at the sky "Are you really trying to make me jump off a ledge" moments. I have the "God truly freaking hates me, I really think he is using my life as amusement." I feel you on this!

@wcs maybe it's the whole "spreading wings thing?" She wants you when she needs your advice or need something, but doesn't when it comes to other things. My parents referred to this as the "I want to be an adult on my terms" stage. They would tell me I don't get to choose when I'm an adult and don't need them, then turnaround and do things children do (immature, irresponsible things and expect them to fix it). Although I don't speak to my folks, and despise their very existence right now, some stuff before H made sense to me that they said. SHOCKER!

I love @fitgirl posts. They make me laugh. "Our children are shitheads."