Flowerteacher55

UPDATE: I found out where the 4% chance infected female to uninfected male with no condom fact came from! Scroll down to the second table presented. https://stdcenterny.com/odds-of-getting-herpes.html#:~:text=The chance of herpes transmission,a susceptible male (4%). I will keep searching for the 2% and 1% facts!

Hello! I hope you are well. This is a great question. It is always good to fact check! 🙂 Those numbers were actually taken from a source on this site! It can be viewed here: https://assets.website-files.com/5bad419cb04cd52dae8f7a89/60bf0e3302177fcd83cd1752_herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout-2021.pdf That fact sheet used the following sources: Planned Parenthood’s herpes page • ASHA Herpes Resource Center • WebMD herpes page • CDC: Genital Herpes Fact Sheet • NYT Health Guide: Genital Herpes • Westover Heights Herpes Handbook • http://jama.jamanetwork.com/ article.aspx?articleid=896698 The data you are referring to came from this original source: https://westoverheights.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Updated-Herpes-Book.pdf Facts about Spreading from HSV positive Man to HSV negative Woman: For the 10% no protection fact: Page 16 says "Overall the risk is 10% per year than an infected male would transmit HSV 2 to an uninfected female... The studies that gave us those numbers were based on the following criteria: 1) No sex during outbreaks 2) No daily antiviral medication and 3) No regular use of condoms 4) The people involved know that one of the people has genital herpes." For the 5% with condoms fact: Page 17 of the document says, "When men use condoms with every single intercourse, transmission is reduced by 96% to an uninfected female." **** For the 2.5% with condoms and meds fact: I sadly could not find where this fact came from. I am going to keep looking! It makes sense that the number would be less than 5%, since when condoms and antiviral medication are used together, the risk should be lower than what the risk is for just condoms (5%). I will try and find the 2.5% fact and verify it! I did not find the HSV positive Woman to HSV negative Man Statistics in this document, but I will search other sources and get back to you! 🙂 Blessings!

Hi! This question is still very tricky to answer, because there are so many factors that influence it. So, most studies that have been done on HSV transmission are between gender binary (those who identify as the sex they were born with) heterosexual couples. So, this data leaves out entire groups of sexually active people! Many studies that ask people how many times they engage in sexual intimacy/acts per week involve people of a variety of sexual identities and orientations, which is awesome, but these studies don't focus on HSV or STIs, just number of sex acts preformed per unit of time. So for example, the Kinsey Institute of Indiana University reported some statistics from a 2010 AARP article: a sample population of Americans showed 28% of them age 45 or up reported having sexual intercourse at least once a week in the past 6 months. Then, the article goes on to explain how number of sexual acts/intimacy decreases by 5% (vaginal/penetrative) and 7% (oral) per year for women aged 50+. Granted these numbers were from 2010! So, I am sure that this data wouldn't be the same today. Plus, this was just ONE sample population. Sample populations SHOULD be as representative of an entire population as possible, but of course there is always a margin of error. Plus, sexual intimacy is impacted by so many factors, whether it be religion, culture, ability, time, etc. Also, here is an article from PubMed that offers an example of 44 heterosexual couples followed for 300+ days, but it is from 1992! https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1309413/ I really hope that more studies are done right now and in the future so we can have up to date data. Sorry for this rant and all this info! I shall keep looking and I will see if I can corroborate on the 2 times per week fact from @Sumshine! Stay well!

@Charlie Brown Hello, I am so sorry that you are struggling. Please know and hold onto the truth, the truth that you are worthy of love and kindness, that you are more than your pain and suffering, that things will get better, and that you are not alone. We are all here to support you! 💛 Have you experienced any sores, or is it all other symptoms minus the sores? Have you noticed the Valtrex working? I am praying for you. Stay strong! 💛☀️ Feel free to direct message me or post again to the forum if you need any support. Blessings, grace

Hello, I am so sorry for they physical and emotional stress you have been experiencing. The burning sensation that also spread to your nostril area sounds like it could very well be HSV. People can get cold sores and blisters inside their nostrils, and they can be very painful since the nostril is a pretty sensitive area. You may have infected yourself, but since the nose is close in proximity to the lip, it's possible that the virus just decided to show up in the nostril area. Typically, HSV outbreaks will occur in the general area where you have the virus. For example, people with genital HSV with the primary outbreak occuring on their genital area can have outbreaks anywhere else connected to that main neural pathway area at the base of the spine. So, outbreaks could possibly occur on the buttocks, thighs, or anus. Similarly, it's possible that the virus presented in the most, but you didn't necessarily infect yourself! The virus could have just went there itself. Have you tried anything to soothe the burning and tingling? Ice may help. I'm sorry that things didn't work out with the person you were dating. You deserve better! Don't let people like that bring you down. Hold your head high! You are worthy and deserving of so much happiness, acceptance, support, health, and love. Stay strong! ☀️

@SCDOC Hello, Wow! That's so cool that you are a doctor! Yes, anxiety can definitely play a role in symptom manifestation and persistence, especially since stress can be a trigger for outbreaks in the first place. It is very true that many doctors often automatically disregard atypical herpes symptoms as being herpes, which can be super frustrating. Seeing a virologist, neurologist, or sexual health specialist may help with this, as they would be less likely to reject the notion that HSV would be causing these sudden and severe symptoms. Sending healing blessings your way!

Hello! You have asked some great questions. It's always a great idea to fact check information! The information that helped create the disclosure handout form was compiled from the following sources: Planned Parenthood’s herpes page • ASHA Herpes Resource Center • WebMD herpes page • CDC: Genital Herpes Fact Sheet • NYT Health Guide: Genital Herpes • Westover Heights Herpes Handbook • http://jama.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=896698 The data you are referring to from the pre-disclosure info sheet is from the following source: https://westoverheights.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Updated-Herpes-Book.pdf For the 10% no protection fact: Page 16 says "Overall the risk is 10% per year than an infected male would transmit HSV 2 to an uninfected female... The studies that gave us those numbers were based on the following criteria: 1) No sex during outbreaks 2) No daily antiviral medication and 3) No regular use of condoms 4) The people involved know that one of the people has genital herpes." For the 5% with condoms fact: Page 17 of the document says, "When men use condoms with every single intercourse, transmission is reduced by 96% to an uninfected female." **** For the 2.5% with condoms and meds fact: I sadly could not find where this fact came from. I am going to keep looking! It makes sense that the number would be less than 5%, since when condoms and antiviral medication are used together, the risk should be lower than what the risk is for just condoms (5%). I will try and find the 2.5% fact and verify it! Your question about the number of sex acts per year is a great question, and it brings up a great point. I never thought about that! While the stats do not mention a number of acts, I think that the statistics apply to only penetrative vaginal (and/or anal ) intercourse, not oral sex. The source does not mention specifics. However, I can research the stats for oral intercourse and see if the transmission rates are different than penetrative sex. I hope this helps. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask!

@SCDOC Hello, I am so sorry that you are experiencing these new and painful symptoms. You don't deserve that at all! Have you consulted a doctor yet? Also, have you had any sores appear? If you have been taking antiviral medication, have you noticed any improvement? I hope you feel better! Stay strong! ❤️ Blessings, grace

Hi! I hope you and your girlfriend are doing well. I am going to do some research and get back to you by this evening! Blessings, grace

Hello, Friends! 💛 I just to reach and tell you all that you are perfect just the way you are. I want to thank you all for the amazing support and kindness you extend to one another. I know that we all are here because HSV has impacted our lives in some way. What a blessing it is that we all can help each other, be the light in someone's day, and help spread awareness and destigmatize this common and misunderstood virus. We wouldn't be able to be so empathetic without having struggled. So, in a "glass-half-full" kinda way, our HSV isn't ALL bad. Remember that you are not defined by your HSV unless you let it define you. As Bob Marley said, "emancipate your mind from mental slavery." Don't let the haters cloud your mind. Stay focused on the truth: You are pure ☀️You are worthy of love and respect 💛 You are a blessing 🌻 The world needs you, just as you are 🌏 Today needs you ❤️ Tomorrow needs you 🌈. Reach out for help if you need it. We are all here for you. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, call 800-273-8255 or visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ The world needs you, just as you are 🌏 Today needs you ❤️ Tomorrow needs you 🌈. Blessings and Happy Vibes, grace

Hello, I hope you are doing okay. Take a deep breath and just be. Trust that everything is going to be okay! You asked a great question: how to determine a sore is a sore! What you are explaining sounds like it could be one of a few things: a herpes sore, an ingrown hair, or a cyst. HERPES SORES: Herpes sores are single or clustered in bunches. They are usually red and itch, burn, or tingle. They are typically on TOP of the skin, not underneath it. They tend to have a dimple in the center, and eventually go through stages of healing, which can including forming a white head, oozing the goo, crusting over, and then scabbing and falling off, and new skin growth occurs. Herpes sores are accompanied with your prodrome symptoms (whatever they may be). INGROWN HAIRS: Ingrown hairs can look a little like HSV sores, and they can be painful too. Ingrown hairs can usually be deciphered by really looking closely or using a magnifying glass to look at the center of the bump, where you can sometimes see a dark like (the ingrown hair!). Ingrown hairs typically are by themselves. They wouldn't occur in a cluster (unless you shaved a spot with a razor and perhaps multiple ingrown hairs formed at the same general spot). Ingrown hairs can take a little bit to heal, but they usually just heal on their own. They can bleed, especially if they are picked at, and they can become infected. Generally, they are nothing to worry about. CYSTS: cysts are hard lumps that occur UNDER the skin. They are a buildup of fluid or another semi-solid fluid. Usually the skin above them is smooth. Sebaceous cysts can ooze goo. Epidermoid cysts are filled with a yellow fluid. Cysts are common, and tend to just dissolve on their own. Cysts are "movable" under the skin (like, you can sort of move them and they shift in position when you feel it). If you are worried about a lump or notice one in the genital region or the breast or armpit area, it's always good to check and ensure it's a cyst and not a cancerous tumor. If you are worried, it never hurts to get it checked out by a doc. During my first year with H I went to my college health center every time I noticed a rash or a bump because I was so paranoid and scared. But, I got to learn what was and wasn't HSV signs for me. If getting a doctor's opinion would help, totally get a doctor's opinion. I hope this helps!! Feel free to reach out with any more questions. Blessings, Grace

Hello, Okay, thanks for clarifying! Then it sounds like you could have asymptomatic HSV-2, especially if you've never noticed sores or bumps. Also, the fact that the IgG was for HSV-2 indicates you would have had the virus for at least 12 or more week (that's the time that the body needs to build up detectable levels of IgG antibodies. So, if you do have HSV, it definitely seems it would have been from a past partner, and perhaps you've been asymptomatic (assuming the symptoms you've been having are from HSV and not the hernia!). It's great you're getting the ultrasound. Keep us updated on what happens! Stay strong! We are here for you!

Hi!!! Sorry for the late reply. I hope you are feeling okay. I am so sorry that you've been suffering with such pain. The symptoms do sound like it could be a testicular hernia. Did you experience any rash or sores? Did you notice swollen glands or any flu-like symptoms when these other symptoms first started? The high IgG result indicates you have antibodies, and for an HSV antibody test, your score is definitely positive. Typically for HSV IgG scores, anything greater than 0.99 indicates a positive test result. Did the doctor do a herpes-specific IgG blood test, or was he testing for another type of IgGs? I am unsure about how Biotin impacts IgG scores but I will look into that! It is also possible you have HSV and a hernia, just HSV, just a hernia, or hypothetically neither! Further testing and perhaps a PET scan or ultrasound would help the doctor see if there is a hernia or internal issue occuring. Also, another herpes HSV test may help, too. Asking your doctor to clarify the results and if the blood test was definitely for HSV-specific antibodies. Sending blessings of health and happiness your way ☀️. It will be okay, and we are here to offer support and advice any time! Blessings, grace

Hi! Yes, I completely understand! I totally have had the same experience... Some are respectful and say yes, some are respectful although they say no, some are just plain rude, and others 'magically' disappear 😂. You are totally right in that disclosure acts as a filter! It definitely has helped me see who people really are -- I get to see how they treat others, if they are judgemental or rude, if they are only interested in me for physical reasons, etc. It gets easier the more we love and accept ourselves. When we are confident and hold our heads high, we don't base our self worth off of the reactions of others, and this creates a less-stressful disclosure experience. Before disclosing, or before being with anyone or meeting someone, say to yourself, "The way people react to me and treat me I a reflection of THEM. My worth is not determined by the way people treat me. I deserve respect. I am loved. I am beautiful. I am strong." Or add in other mantras that help! I hope this helps! Stay well ☀️ Blessings, - grace

Hello! I am so sorry you are experiencing your first outbreak. To help with the pain, you can fill a spray bottle with ice water and mist it over the sores (this especially helps when going to the bathroom, in case that is an issue). Lysine cream also can help the sores heal and reduces pain, since it creates a barrier between the sores and clothes (which can cause friction). Have you gotten it swabbed? If not, and it's been less than 48 hours, go to a clinic or your doctor for a swab test, where they swab one of the sores and test it for HSV. If it's been more than 48 hours, you can still get a swab, it's just less likely to be accurate. Do you know what type of test your partner had, and when? A regular STI panel doesn't test for HSV, so if he's basing not having HSV off that, that wouldn't support his claim. If he had a blood test, was it an IgG or IgM test, and when did he get this test done? Also, has he ever been intimate with someone who has HSV? If you need any support, feel free to reach out. We are here to support you! It will be okay! ☀️🌻 Blessings, grace

Hi, @Caiti! I hope you are well! Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry that the first OB was so painful. That is so terrible, you didn't deserve that! 😞 I really appreciate how you addressed such essential topics related to stigmas! TV, movies, and comedy definitely mocks HSV. Literally, it makes me cringe when I watch something that mocks it! Also, people make jokes about STIs all the time, especially at the age I am (22). As you so beautifully said, education and compassion ARE the key ways to reverse the stigma. Advocating and supporting those with HSV also is essential! What is really cool is how WE (people with HSV) are the driving force being changing stigmas! Hooray for us! Ella Dawson is AWESOME! She is truly a blessing and she is so inspiring ❤️! Sending blessings and positive energy your way! 🌻 -- grace

Hello, I hope you are well! It's awesome that you want to learn more and it's great you joined the forum! I am so sorry about the way you contracted HSV, and I am so sorry you also contracted a second STI at the same time. You didn't deserve that. It's in no way your fault. Out of all the things you will learn, please please know this: you are not dirty. You are not bad. You are not dangerous. You are pure. You are good. You are a blessing worthy of love and respect! To answer your questions, 1. No, you will not give someone HSV-2 that is on the genital area by preforming oral sex. HSV is not a blood-bourne or saliva-bourne illness, meaning it doesnt live there and isn't transmitted via those fluids. Now, if you HSV orally, yes, you could pass it via oral sex, but from skin to skin contact. Saliva can pass oral HSV, but as a "vehicle"... Like a lazy river... The HSV can use the saliva as a way to travel to skin, but HSV doesnt LIVE in saliva. I hope that makes sense! Plus you dont need to worry about that anyways as you are asking about genital HSV. 2. Hypothetically, yes, you could transmit HSV to your partner if you touched a healing sore and then touching them, but it's more likely to be transmitted from that sore directly touching their skin. When a sore is healing and you are taking antiviral medicine, the virus is retreating and shedding is minimizing. It is best to wash your hands after touching sores (soap and water washes away the virus!) And it's also recommended to abstain from physically intimacy with that area of the body where sores are present until the sores have fully healed and symptoms (itching, burning, tingling, etc) have ceased. 3. That would be unlikely, but hypothetically possible; similar to the second question's answer. It would be more likely to be passed through direct skin to skin contact with the area that has the sores. If you touch a sore, just wash your hands and it will be okay! ❤️ Overall, it is great to avoid intimacy with that region of your body during an outbreak or prodrome symptoms. You can still preform oral sex on your partner, and they can be intimate with you, too, since there are more ways to be intimate than just focusing on the lower region! Be open with communication, try new things, and make it fun and happy for you both while staying safe and respectful of boundaries! 😇 Also, remember that it's extremely unlikely for you to infect yourself with your HSV, since you have antibodies built up (it's been almost 2 years). Could you infect yourself, yes, but you'd really have to try (like rub your sores a lot and then lick your hands or suck on them, which why the heck would someone do that anyway) or have an autoimmune illness that impacts your bodies ability to create sufficient antibodies to protect yourself. I hope that this helps! If you have any other questions or need support, feel free to reach out! Blessings! ☀️ -- grace

Hello, Please know that friends on the forum are trying to be supportive and kind. Although everyone has different perspectives, please know that we nonetheless are here to support everyone however it's needed. No matter what, know You are not alone 💛. If someone understands the risks of HSV and still chooses to be with you, that is their freewill. The have the right to choose, too. We may be scared or think "why would this person want to be with me?" but that person is a consenting adult, and if they know risks and choose to be with you, that's wonderful. If a person is pregnant and is going to give birth soon but has an active outbreak or suspected outbreak, a birth can be preformed via a cesarian surgery to protect the baby. Not every woman who has HSV passes it to their baby, and with the medical techniques of today, it is much easier to help prevent transmission of HSV from mother to baby. The human body is very complex. Yes, if we have antibodies, than we shouldn't be able to reinfect ourselves with HSV. however, it is possible, just highly unlikely, or more likely if we are immunocompromised. It's not your fault, and I isn't your body's fault. Your body is on your side, working to help you heal and stay well. You are whole and strong, and you deserve love and kindness from other and yourself. Sending prayers and blessings of happiness and healing your way ☀️

Hello, I'm so sorry that you just found all this out. I cannot even imagine how overwhelming it must feel. Please know it will be okay. HSV is NOT stronger than the love you and your wife share. Yes, you can have both types of HSV. Typically, you'll have them on different regions; you can get both types in the same region but it's very rare. The fact that you showed positive on it for an IgG means both types have been in your body for at least 12 weeks. It is possible to have HSV and not know you have it (called being asymptomatic). If you have had symptoms and outbreak(s), but have only noticed sores on one region of your body, it's possible you had sores on the other region and didn't realize it was HSV. I am pretty sure that if you are symptomatic for one strain, you would be for the other. I do not know if it's possible to be asymptomatic to one strain while being symptomatic to another (if this IS possible, this would explain if you have never had sores or symptoms on one region of your body). Also, It's very possible you have had both types of HSV and haven't known until that test. If you have had HSV for years, and you've been with your wife for years, it seems you haven't passed it to your wife, which is great! If you or your wife are worried, you can take daily suppressive medication which help reduce likelihood of shedding and therefore transmission. I hope this helps. Rest assured, I'm sure your wife understands and is supportive. Remember that love is stronger than the fears we have about H. It will be all be alright ☀️ Sending positivity your way!

@DeMar Hello, The white mark you are referring to is the lighter-colored skin that spans across the corner of the lips vertically, correct? If so, that looks like it could be a simple chappedness. Also, if you use toothpaste with hydrogen peroxide or a whitening agent, it can cause your lips to be dry and cause burning or chappedness. Rest assured, that doesn't look like HSV to me. Have you noticed any other symptoms like burning or itching? Also, is the area raised or bumpy? I hope this helps! Blessings!

@DeMar Hello, I am so sorry that your partner has been struggling with such debilitating anxiety. It is wonderful that she chose to be with you. It seems that external pressures from society and others in her life are causing her to feel worried and anxious. If it would help, you can take antiviral medication. Also, she could read this site or ask questions on the forum! Partners of those with HSV have posted on here, and we are happy to address any concerns they may have. If anything, remind her not to obsessively Google things about HSV. So many sources are unreliable or are not fact checked, and googling can lead to psychosomatic symptoms, anxiety, and getting lost down the Google rabbit hole of worry and fear. If she is someone comforted by information and facts, offer reliable resources, such as the New Zealand Herpes Foundation, at https://www.herpes.org.nz/ Another thing that helps is being rational. As someone with OCD, I completely understand her fear of contaminating services or infecting others. However, by reminding myself of the truth- that HSV isn't passed via clothing, hugs, doing laundry, etc- and that I am not bad, dirty, or have any reason to be ashamed, I get through the anxiety. She may be worried about the "what if" issue. Perhaps by addressing the worst case scenario, she may feel better. For example, she may be worried is she did contract it, she would be ugly, bad, worthless, dangerous, etc. Of course, none of that is true!! Maybe sitting down and addressing these fears would help her. Remember, love is stronger than H. It's stronger than anything!!!! I am praying for both of you! Blessings, Grace

Hi! Even though you would've said no to someone with HSV previously, that doesn't make you a hypocrite. In that scenario, you didn't have GHSV. In this present reality, you do. So, the past thoughts you had don't apply now. I know you may feel guilty or so worried of giving this to someone. That shows you care. However, if someone knowingly wants to enter a relationship with you regardless of HSV, that is their choice. Even though you would have said no previously... that doesn't matter, because in this present moment, that hypothetical situation is just hypothetical. Don't rob other of the chance to get to know you. You aren't a hypocrite for the thoughts and perspective you have had! Looking back on my younger self, I think I would have said no to someone who told me they had HSV, too, because I was so young and scared of many things, however I don't know for sure, since it never came up. However, now that I have HSV, I see its nothing to be scared or ashamed of. And many people I have been with have been happy I was honest and told them, and it made them have appreciation for my honesty and respect for my honesty as well. We have freewill, and sadly, people rob I of that when they knowingly pass HSV on to us. However, we can help break the cycle by disclosing to others, and educating other about it. Please know that you aren't a hypocrite, because "if the tables were turned" is a hypothetical... in reality, these tables can't be turned; you have GHSV-1. And that is okay. You aren't a bad person. You are deserving of love and happiness. If it helps, you can start dating or meeting people who also have GHSV-1. It is a great way to build up confidence and get over emotional hurdles. Then, you can totally get back out there into the large dating pool. If you wanted to schedule a meeting with the sites founder, Adrial, you can! He is so kind and can help with processing emotions, change, and help focus on hope, healing, and progress 💛. I hope this helps! I am praying for you and am sending you blessings and joy 🌈☀️!

Hello, I am so happy that you are alive. I am so so happy to you are here. You deserve to live. I am so happy you are here with us. The world needs you. If you ever have those overwhelming feelings again, please reach out for help. You are deserving of support. Call the Lifeline at 800-273-8255, or reach out to them online and online chat here: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ Thank you for sharing your story. I cannot even imagine how painful this all must be. I am so sorry for the pain you have felt and the experiences you have gone through. You are not bad. You are not ugly. You are not worthless. You are good. You are beautiful. You are worthy of love and respect. I promise you that your life is not over. In fact, this is the start to a beautiful beginning of self-love, self-acceptance, and a major confidence booster. I know that sounds absurd right now, but I promise, this is the start of something beautiful. There are many intersectionalities in your life that may specifically relate to why your diagnosis and outbreaks have been so difficult. I am a white 22 year old female, but I have heard from many others on the site that HSV in the black community has such stigma, it can be crushing. Remember that stigmas are societally constructed. They are NOT true. They are based on lies and fear. You are in no way, shape, or form defined by judgement and hate. Being at a young age of 29, and being someone who loves physical intimacy, definitely are adding to this pain. Your life is not over, and neither is your life. Having HSV actually can make intimacy even more fulfilling, and makes relationships more fulfilling, too. Having HSV is like a magical strainer that sorts through the losers and chumps who aren't worthy of us in the first place. Anyone who reacts disrespectful to disclosure is a CHUMP and chumps are not worthy of a smart, independent, beautiful woman like you. You deserve WAY BETTER than a chump! I am so sorry that your mother does not want to hug you. The way people react to us is a reflection of them and their fears and problems, and it in no way is a reflection of who we are. Please know that HSV can shed asymptomatically, but if you've had a symptomatic outbreak, then it is unlikely you would shed without noticing (you'd feel prodrome symptoms). Also, HSV doesn't spread through clothing. It isn't passed by sharing a bed. It isn't passed by doing laundry in the same load. I'm going to assume that your mother kissed you on the face when you were a child growing up, even though you had cold sores, so why would she suddenly stop now just because of GHSV? Sometimes people need education on HSV. I had to educate my own mom about it, too. When I first told her about my GHSV-1, she immediately said, "WE HAVE TO COVER THE TOOTHBRUSHES AND KEEP EVERYTHING SEPARATE!" and I started laughing. I explained everything to her, and she seemed surprised. People are used to hearing misconceptions about HSV, when in reality... most people have one of the forms of it, and many people don't even know they have it! My own mom, who gets cold sores, didn't know that cold sores were herpes! So, breaking the barriers in our families is definitely possible. I think that if anything, my mom felt like she had failed. She was angry that I didn't tell her sooner... and that I didn't ask her questions about sex before having it. Parents sometimes take everything that happens to their children personally, and we interpret it as rejection or disappointment. You are not a disappointment, and maybe sitting down and talking to mom about everything might help. Just like how stigmas are fake, so is the idea that herpes reflects your character. Herpes is common. Many people have it and do not know it. The people you met who were disrespectful or 'proud' of their HSV is... peculiar... considering it is often painful. But I guess everyone perceives it differently. Please do not let those few people represent an entire population of people. Remember, many people with HSV got it from a kiss, even a kiss from a parent! Others may have gotten it from a partner who didn't know they had it until their partner has an outbreak. Some people have it and never know they have it. Some people get it from someone who knowingly has it, and that is a complete violation of the body and our freewill to choose if we want to take that risk and be intimate. Herpes definitely impacts our self-esteem... but only if we let it. Of course, it is totally healthy to cry, feel angry, sad, confused, hopeless, etc, and grieve for a little bit. But, the truth is, this small little tiny sassy virus has no power over us unless we allow it to. This truth sets us free 🌻! I got HSV when I was 19 from a boyfriend who was abusive. He didn't know he had it. My HSV reminds me of that abuse, and for a while it really really impacted me. I had a bad inappropriate experience when I was younger, my father left and didn't speak to me for 10 years when I was young, and I have had anorexia since I was 14, so HSV seemed like a really really big validation of the feelings of dirtiness, ugliness, and unworthiness I had felt since I was a child. I also have really bad OCD, so having H really really is scary. Also, I actually contracted HSV while I was working as a peer sex ed educator on my college campus (oh, the irony) and I felt like such a complete idiot. However, I wasn't. I was someone who just needed healing and someone to tell me that I was okay, that I was still worthy of love, and that it wasn't my fault. It has been 3 years since I contracted HSV, and I have had a beautiful happy life filled with love, peace, and self-love. If anything, getting H made me radically love and accept myself; it pushed me to overcome my self-doubts and I hold my head high. I have no problem disclosing; those who react poorly are chumps and I wouldn't want to be with someone so closed-minded anyways! I got through it by focusing on facts, truth, and reality, and challenging negative thoughts when they occured. Prayer and giving God my worries is my go to, always. Tapping, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) has helped so much, too. Check out Tapping with Brad Yates on YouTube! Also, posting on here has helped me heal IMMENSELY! Connecting with others, and being able to empathize with others, is one of the best things that come out of struggles. Find a positive outlet (or a few!) that help you heal 🌻💛. Feel free to direct message me any time with questions, to vent, or if you just need someone to talk to. Please know that there is hope ❤️ I am so so happy you are alive. I am so so happy you found this forum, and I am so so happy you shared your story. Thank you for being you, and I really want you to know that you are beautiful and worthy and pure and wonderful. Brighter days are ahead! Be kinder to yourself ❤️ Sending blessings and prayers your way! -- grace

Hello! Oh gosh, I am sorry to hear that! It sounds like your nervous system is really being impacted by outbreaks and potential scarring. Definitely see a doctor about that! Getting a referral for a neurologist may help! 🙂 Feel better! Blessings!

Hello! This is a good question. Thank you for bringing up navigating HSV in the polyamorous and BDSM communities! Honesty is always the best policy, as is open communication. Being intimate with someone, even casually, is a state of vulnerability, and you are exposing your body and mind and soul to another human. To protect yourself, asking people if they have been tested for STIs or if they have ever contracted HSV are completely appropriate questions to ask someone, and it's okay if someone asks you those questions too! Honesty = Respect. It is awesome that you told that person your status before meeting in person, even though the person never answered. Disclosing is ethically responsible because you never know if someone has an autoimmune illness that would worsen/complicate with contracting HSV, and this person has the right to know. They then can make their freewill choice to continue seeing you or not, and that is on them. It is NOT a reflection of you in any way, shape, or form! The way people react to us is a reflection of them, not of us! Typically there are two schools of thought on disclosing: 1. Tell them right away (as you plan on being intimate with them upon meeting) or 2. Disclose when you think you'll be intimate or feel the relationship getting serious For #1, this makes sense for people who plan on being intimate or are hooking up. If the relationship is based off of physical intimacy, and it is planned to occur upon meeting, then yes, disclosing right away is essential. For #2, this makes sense if you are taking things slow and are not planning on hooking up with them. Now, if you are about to be intimate with this person, then yes, obviously you would disclose, even if you wanted to take things slow. So, it seems #1 applies to your question. Disclosing right away/before being intimate is the most ethical choice. If you feel more comfortable telling them over text or through a phone call, that's okay, too. If you need any advice on how to disclose, feel free to ask! 🙂 No matter what, remember that you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. Hold your head high! HSV is a common virus. You are more than that little sassy virus; you are beautiful, you are strong, you are worthy of love and respect. And if someone is disrespectful, that person is not deserving of you! I hope this helps! Blessings, grace