Flowerteacher55

Hi, @Girl27 I hope you are well. Thank you much for sharing your story. I cannot even imagine the weight of the struggles you've had to overcome, and it is so awesome that you've met your boyfriend of five years ❤️!! Your advice is so wonderful. It is so true that building trust is essential. Patience can be so hard, especially in a society that is so 'instant' with social media and instant gratification. Realizing that we deserve respect helps us set boundaries and tell others that we want to take things slow. Thank you again for sharing your story and advice, as many can relate, and can feel less alone and hopeful for a happy future!!! Sending blessings your way 🌄!! -- Grace

Hey Friends! 🙂 Happy Herpes Awareness Day!!! ☀️ Yes, it really is a thing! I just read the email Adrial sent out about H Awareness Day, and my first thought was, "Woah there's an H Awareness Day? That's actually kinda cool!" So, in honor of today, make sure to be kind to yourself (be kind to yourself every day, of course, but especially today!). Maybe even think about how H has shaped your life, maybe even find the positive ways it has shaped your life. You wouldn't be the awesome blessing you are today without your struggles. The awesome thing is, you've overcome so many (probably without even realizing it!), and you can overcome your struggles with H, too! Your H has brought you to this community, and I'm sure you all have a story of how you got here. I remember when I joined. I joined feeling really sad and terrible, and I was really a mess. I can honestly say that today I feel so much better and happier and at peace with my status. Looking back on myself, I truly never thought I would be this happy despite having H. The amazing thing is, H made me so much more appreciative of intimacy and my body. It has taught me to be kinder to myself. I have learned so much more about this virus than I ever thought I would. And, I can connect with others through empathy, which is awesome! I hope today (and everyday) you see yourself as more than your H. You are worthy. You are good. You are loved. Today and everyday 🌈❤️! Blessings, Grace

Hi, Friend! First, I am so sorry to hear about your stress and anxiety. Please know we aren't here to judge, and I really think it's awesome that you shared your story. I'm sure there are people who can relate, so thank you for opening up a dialogue about this. In regards to coping with having H, yes, it can be really hard. Some people cope by repressing it; some people cope by being very open about it; some cope through therapy or self-acceptance work; other cope in other ways! You mentioned that you pushed it to the back of your mind because of the embarrassment and guilt and shame you felt with it. Remember that herpes has that associated with it because society deemed it so, and societal stereotypes suck and bring us down. Rewrite your own narrative of what herpes is (a common virus that is very sassy, but doesn't doom someone for life). Know that you are not dirty. You are not bad. You are not unworthy. You are pure. You are good. You are worthy of love, both from others AND from yourself ❤️. The situation with the guy really is difficult, and I understand both your perspective and his perspective. If anything, he probably feels like trust and his physical health were violated, which of course is not a good feeling. It is really respectable that you told him about it. That is something that, although it was difficult to do, really is awesome. It is very hard to place honesty above fear but it is the ethical thing to do. It is also very kind of you to pay for the testing for him. However, a test in these early stages probably wouldn't do any good. If he shows sores, then a swab test would be a good idea, however they are basically only accurate within 48 hours of when sores appear. If he shows symptoms (fever, tired, itch, tingling, etc) but o sores, then an IgM blood test would be the best choice since it shows the antibodies that the body makes first when exposed to H. If he doesn't get symptoms, then he could wait 12+ weeks and get an IgG blood test to see if he has antibodies. I'm sure that he is really upset. The best you can do is be supportive if he needs it. The relationship may come back together, but right now let him heal. Space is okay. If you wanted to reach out to him and say if he has any questions or if he wants to know what to expect, etc, that would be totally okay. You can also explain the testing to him, too. Stay strong ❤️! Sending blessings of peace and health to you and him. -- Grace

Hello! I am so sorry that you are experiencing such pain. It's great that you are seeing the doctor. You can ask them to take a sample to test for a UTI or other bacterial infection. In terms of sores inside the urethral, it is possible, and often very painful. Since the urethra of the penis is so much longer than that of a vagina, urethral pain is often very very painful. Did you notice any urethral pain during your first outbreak? Or, was your first outbreak very severe? Sometimes what can happen is if there were sores in the urethral cavity at one point, they can leave scar tissue and/or new, sensitive skin in the urethral cavity. This can cause a lingering discomfort when going to the bathroom. For me personally, ever since I had my first outbreak, it is really painful for me to hold in urine. Like, almost like a cramp. I don't know if I had sores inside my urethra but I had them inside my vaginal cavity, so that may be why. I hope your doctor's appointment goes well today. Feel better! Sending happy healthy thoughts your way 🌄! Blessings, Grace

Hi!! Oh my gosh that literally sounds terrible 🥺 I am so sorry you had to deal with that! I hope your race went well, though! I've used natural lysine cream as a barrier between the sores and clothing. It can be a little yucky sometimes because its kind of like vaseline, but it can help prevent that painful friction. I'm so sorry you also have struggled with an ED. It's awesome that you got help! 🙂 I have gotten so much better but I definitely still hold on to it. It's like a coping mechanism that I just need to completely let go of. Thank you so much, I appreciate the offer to talk! Sending blessings your way! -- Grace

Hi!! I had my first outbreak in March of 2019. I had my second outbreak months later. I don't remember when, but I remember it being random and was definitely not immediately after my first. Definitely it was months after. And, it was only two sores that cleared up quickly. I actually didn't have access to my antivirals during this outbreak, so I let the sores heal at their own pace. It wasn't too bad, and I used lysine cream to help them heal and not hurt so bad. I don't take any supplements or anything like that, however in general I try to keep stress down and be well physically and emotionally. Taking care of ourselves is so important!! Self care is essential ❤️. Thank you so much for your kind supportive words. Yeah, it's just not good. My period has been off since I was 14 and I didn't get it for a while because of my eating disorder. I honestly think that my battle with that may be part of the issue, even though I really have gotten so so so much better. Stay well and positive!!! Be kind to yourself and good luck with your marathon training, that is so amazing!! ☺️🌄❤️ Blessings, Grace

Hello! I am so sorry that you are experiencing a second outbreak. Ouchies! 😞 I bet it has been so hard to wait those 16 weeks for the blood test! However, from what you have described about the first and second outbreaks, it does seem to sound like GHSV-1. I also have GHSV-1, and I have only had two outbreaks; my first one (very bad) and a small second one (just one or two sores). GHSV-1 typically does not lead to as many outbreaks as GHSV-2 does, and it is less likely to be transmitted. Also, in general, HSV is more commonly passed from penis to vagina than it is passed from vagina to penis since the vagina has more exposed mucous membranes (how HSV enters the body). You are correct that most literature is regarding oral HSV-1 or GHSV-2, but not as much on GHSV-1. GHSV-1 is actually rising in numbers in recent decades because of the increase in oral sex. I hope that you feel better and the sores heal quick! It's great that you did not feel as sick as you did during the primary outbreak. Did you notice any other prodrome symptoms before the sores appeared? Those are indicators that most likely will be your prodrome symptoms for you hypothetical next/future outbreak (if you have one at all, hopefully not 😉 !). I hope this helps! 🙂 Sending you happy healing blessings! ❤️ -- Grace

Hi! Yay, I am so happy that you are feeling less stressed and that the forum helps you! 🙂 In regards to doing things to keep yourself and your partner safe and well during sex, you can use condoms (internal or external), and if you are planning on using any sex toys, you can clean them if they are shared toys. Honestly, it's good to clean those even if you don't have HSV, since they are going in/on very sensitive parts of the body. If you or him wants to wash their hands after sex, that's cool too, whatever makes you both feel safe and sound ❤️ Oh my gosh... now that I am thinking about it, I once was seeing someone who used to be so spazzy and announce that he had to wash his hands after we were intimate and he touched me in certain places, and it made me feel kinda bad. like, Dude... I get that you are worried, but could you not be so rude about it? Chill! Like what the heck 😂 To prevent irritations post-intimacy, make sure that the area isn't too dry; lubricant helps reduce friction that could irritate skin and hypothetically cause outbreaks or basic skin irritation. If your skin feels better taking a cool or warm shower after sex, that's totally fine, too. And, showering is something both people can do, as a romantic bonding sort of thing. I hope this helps! Stay well! Blessings, Grace

Hello! Thank you for updating us!! It's great that your doctor is looking into many things. The possibility of shingles and herpes activation could definitely make sense since they are both forms of herpesviruses. Staying hydrated is essential for so many reasons, and so is nourishing yourself with quality grub! Make sure you are taking care of your emotional health too. You matter and you are important! The constant friction and impact of the volleyball on your hands may be why the sores are appearing there (since friction can cause skin irritation which can lead to sores). I am so sorry that this is all happening. Please know that you have no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed. If someone would even ask what was going on (which is none of their business in the first place) you could say it's a skin allergy. People who are afraid of us are uneducated about H, and their fear shows who THEY are, not who you are. Stay strong and hold your head high!! We are here for you 💛!! Sending blessings of health and happiness your way! 🌄 -- Grace

Hello! First, just breathe. It will be okay! ❤️ It's great that you have met someone! It can be really scary however, as there is a fear of passing it on to them. But, you did your part; you take antivirals, you were honest and told him, and you are aware of your body. Most likely, the intimacy caused friction, which caused you to experience the symptoms you are having. The vaginal environment is really sensitive in general, and new sex partners, the fact that fluids are moving around, new/foreign 'parts', and the fact that the vagina is close in proximity to the anus (bacteria from here can cause UTIs and bladder infections when they enter the vagina) all can cause swelling and just general changes. Plus, rough intercourse that has occurred multiple times for multiple days definitely can cause just general discomfort. All the stress to the area can cause outbreaks to occur, especially from friction, which can irritate the skin and cause outbreaks. What you can do is explain to him that all the recent intimacy has caused some issues down there (normal for vaginas, anyways) but mention that you may be experiencing an outbreak. So, what he can do is monitor his own symptoms. For the meantime, don't have sex until all the symptoms have cleared. Also, yes, it is more common for a penis to pass HSV to a vagina than it is for a vagina to pass HSV to a penis. This is because the vagina has more accessible mucous membranes than a penis does. In regards to him being uncircumcised... I have never thought about that as a potential variable in contracting or passing HSV! That's actually really interesting. I am going to research this and get back to you! ❤️ Also, because this is a new partner, you both can get tested with a general STI pannel, just for extra safety and respect ❤️ Both of your healths matter!! Blessings, Grace

Hi!! I hope you are doing well besides the worries. It will be okay! Your worries and questions are valid and we are all here to help! ☺️ In terms of outbreak location, future outbreaks (non-primary/all post-first outbreaks) will basically occur in the same region. You are totally correct, saying "same spot" is misleading and technically incorrect, yet that is how we commonly explain it! So, they can happen in the same REGION. The fact that your first outbreak was near the opening versus the second one closer to the labia is perfectly typical. Outbreaks tend to occur along the same neuropathways, as the HSV lives in the root ganglia (nerve bundle) at the base of the spine that branches out like a tree to the buttocks, lower back, groin region, etc. It's great that you are so considerate and careful about waiting to be physically intimate until you are sure sores have healed. 3-4 weeks is super duper safe! 2 weeks would also be okay, but it's important to be comfortable. If you know you are going to be a nervous wreck if you don't wait that third week, then waiting an extra week is fine. Part of being new to H is learning from your body; how it heals, the speed it heals at, prodrome symptoms, the average length of outbreaks, the average number of outbreaks per month or per year, etc. It's great how you noticed some prodrome symptoms of flu like symptoms. The body's warning sign to abstain from intimacy is prodrome, and the messages our body sends us helps us (and our partner(s)) stay well ☺️. Your partner doesn't mind the H, and that's okay. We can't control how other people feel or think. It might seem scary because you're like "how do you NOT care? I care! I would give it to you! That would be terrible!" But, if your partner sees H for the common virus it is, that's wonderful. You aren't H, and H isn't you. It's just a part of the human experience, and love is WAY stronger than H. That being said, if you ever feel the need to talk about it but your partner doesn't like talking about, then you can just ask them to listen; often times people don't like talking about something because they feel frustrated that they can't do anything to solve the problem. But, you can gently ask your partner to just listen and support you, even if it may not be an ideal topic. And of course, you can bring all questions and comments to the forum, too! ☺️ I hope this helps ❤️ Stay strong. Remember that you are a beautiful human! Sending blessings your way 🌄! -- Grace

Hello! Good questions. We understand your worry. It's hard to turn off the worry radar. You are not alone. Let's think about worrying in four color flags: red, orange, yellow, and green. Red flag worrying is when there is immediate danger or a high risk or potential harm. In herpes terms, this could mean having sex with active sores, or having active sores and having your first outbreak and touching the sores and possibly spreading it to yourself since you haven't built antibodies. Orange flag worries are less severe, yellow is lower, and green is "low worry (just the normal caution we all take, as sex in general comes with great responsibility, and always some kind of risk, whether pregnancy, STIs, etc)". Now, you said you don't want to use condoms, which is risky in general, whether someone has herpes or not. So, that's definitely a worry-increaser. Condoms aside, talking just about your precautions you mentioned, you are taking great care, so treat this as a nice happy yellow. You are doing all things within your control, including the unverified Synergy drink (please be careful!! If you notice symptoms or side effects stop using it!!!). Most importantly, you told her you have HSV. Being honest moves everything more towards the low-worry zone, and the emotional safe zone ☺️🌻. I would recommend condoms or she can wear an internal condom, too, to move everything more towards the lowest caution zone ☺️🌻. So, when your brain starts going into red worry feelings, rationalize and be calm. It will be okay! As long as she understands the risks and such, you're being ethical and kind. Don't let worrying get the best of you. Appropriate caution and worry when needed is okay, of course, but obsessive thoughts and fear are so draining. Stay well and be kind to yourself. Focus on the facts and rational truths when worry strikes to evaluate the level of worry and precaution that you should take in regards to a situation. I hope this helps! Blessings, Grace

Hello, @kelly64646 No judgements here. Just remember to take care of yourself. Remember, this now means you could pass it to your husband. I know things are complicated, but be cautious of this, as it wouldn't be fair to him of he got it, since he doesn't know you have it (However, you could tell him you have it). Also, he should know that he can pass it to his wife. If your husband or his wife have any underlying health conditions, etc, it could be exacerbated by contracting HSV. In the meantime, stay safe and well, and feel free to ask any other questions you have. Also, since you mentioned you are both in it together, this may be the time to get a general STI panel done to ensure that you are both free of any potential STIs. -- Grace

Hi, @kelly64646, I am so sorry that you are feeling scared. Please know that it will all be okay ❤️ If you have any questions or just need support, feel free to ask ❤️ Sending happy healing thoughts your way 🙂❤️ -- Grace

Hi! Yes, you can get a referral for an HSV IgG blood test from your OBGYN or Primary Doctor, or if they refuse (hopefully they won't) you could pay for it without a referral (more expensive) from different labs! I hope this helps! Stay well! ❤️ -- Grace

Hello! I am so sorry you are experiencing such stress. Please know you are not alone. We are all here to support you ❤️! Most importantly, remember these truths: You are not dirty. You are not bad. You are not ugly. You are pure. You are good. You are beautiful. Herpes is a sassy virus. It lays dormant, and you mentioned, and can pop up randomly, especially due to stress on the body, such as marathon training. Herpes can be asymptomatic, and people may never show symptoms, or mistaken symptoms for an ingrown hair or other dermatological issue. Also, some people may not notice their sores, especially if they in a spot that you don't see, whether internal or external. Herpes is a very common virus. It is not inherently bad, society just labeled it as something to be ashamed of, when in reality it's no reason to feel guilty or shame. ❤️ It is wonderful that you are your husband are strong in faith and love ❤️. Don't let assumptions and accusations come between the love you have. Try and focus on the rational truths and gather data. Did you get a swab test, or a blood test? Also, which type of HSV is it? What you could do is get a blood test if you haven't; get an IgG to see if you've had HSV for a while. Also, your husband could get a blood test as well. If you have HSV-1, and your husband doesn't have/hasn't had a genital outbreak, it is very possible you could have gotten it from receiving oral sex. If your husband has ever had a cold sore or fever blister (typically HSV-1) you could have gotten it this way! This is an increasingly common transmission route. I hope this helps! Stay strong and be kind to yourself. It will be okay ❤️. Use the love you have as a blanket and let it protect you from those sassy lies and doubts! You are beautiful ❤️. Sending blessings your way 🌄! -- Grace

Hi! I am so sorry you are experiencing a second outbreak and the skin dryness. That has not happened to me personally, however it could be due to the irritation that the sores cause the skin. Our skin is so strong and is our bodies first line of defense, but it's also a sensitive organ affected by so much! In general, herpes outbreaks can include dry or cracked skin in addition to the classic sores. However, it's tricky to handle this because applying lotion or cream could irritate the sores, so it may be a delicate balance. There is a product called L-lysine cream/ointment (the one I used was yellow and smelled like lemon... I don't know why 😂) that I have used and it helps heal the sores. It's natural and is really nourishing, and it may help rehydrate and nourish the dry skin you are experiencing. I hope this helps!! I will research more solutions for you, too!! 🌻 Blessings, Grace

Hi! Aw, good. I'm glad you felt happy reading our messages! Try and nourish yourself and stay hydrated. You deserve it! Stay well! You are not alone 🌼🌻 Blessings, Grace

Hi Friends! I know this isn't herpes related, but it's reproductive health related, and I thought I'd bring it up here to see if anyone could offer support. I think I have PMDD, Premenstrual Dysphoria Disorder, which is basically really really extreme PMS, extreme enough to cause really debilitating emotional and physical stress. For me, the week before my period, I become anxious, sensitive, and my OCD becomes much much worse. I experience feeling out of my body, almost like I am out of control and am watching myself instead of really being there present (it's usually called depersonalization) and I have panic attacks. I feel hopeless and like I'm loosing my mind, and after a panic attack I feel exhausted. I get intrusive thoughts, too, and just everything is not good the week before my period. Last month I didn't even get my period, probably because of the birth control pill. I've been to doctors and an OBGYN and they just say it might be hormonal and gave me birth control to try. It has helped somewhat, but I am still struggling. It gets in the way of school and work and daily activities, and it's just scary. Today, I started having a panic attack while with coworkers, and I felt myself get a heat flash, I got dizzy, and I got spaced out. I started sharing that I had herpes, I'm open about it anyways, but like, while I was talking about it I felt like I wasn't in my body, like I was talking and interacting but I wasn't there. After I shared everything with them, I had another panic attack, and started worrying about everything. I was worried because of the depersonalization. It's happened before but never while I was talking to someone and sharing something that personal. And, since I'm an anxious mess with my period, I started freaking out because I told them I had herpes. I just wanted to ask if anyone has PMDD, and if so, if they ever experience depersonalization with it. I am just scared and I feel really alone. I have asked doctors to do hormone tests but they refuse because they said it won't matter, since hormone levels have a really wide range of what's considered 'normal'. Does anyone have any advice or can say they're experienced similar things with their PMDD? Thank you all so much!! I appreciate you! Stay well and be kinder to yourselves 🌄 Blessings, Grace

Hi! I am so sorry. Did she know she had it and didn't tell you? If so, that's terrible. I'm really sorry that happened. It's not your fault. If she didn't know she had it and passed it to you, I'm sure she feels terrible as it is. I'm really sorry that things didn't work out, and that it has left you feeling super stressed. First, know and believe that your life is not over. Herpes is not a cloud that has the power to ruin your life. It's a common virus, that passes very easily, and it's socially stigmatized. And this is why it breaks our hearts when we have it. But, don't let the haters get you down! You are not bad or dirty or ugly. You are good. You are pure. You are beautiful. That will never change. Do you have any questions I could answer about managing it or about symptoms, antivirals, etc? It will be okay. You are not alone. Right now, you may be feeling a lot of emotions; maybe angry, sad, confused, hopeless; maybe all of those and maybe none of them. Take the time to cry if you need. Go outside and be in nature, yell into a pillow, and/or do something kind for yourself. It will be okay. Stay strong! We are here for you. 🌄 Blessings, Grace

Aw of course!! Glad to help. Feel free to direct message me any time!! ☺️

Hi!! Hooray! It's great that you talked to him! He seems like he is okay with everything. That makes sense, since he has HSV-1, too, just in a different area than you! It also seems like he wasn't defensive, which is great. Yes, stay educated on it and stay well!! Also, for the sake of things, if you both went and got tested for other things, now might be the right time! Reach out if you need any more help!! Blessings, Grace

Hi! Oh gosh, that is so much juggling. Remember to take time for yourself when you can. I cannot even imagine parenting while in college. You are one tough mama bear 🐻❤️! In terms of talking to him about everything, it would make sense to talk to him about it if you see each other often. If you aren't going to see him for a few weeks, then you can wait until then. Honestly, it is up to you. However, it is a good idea to tell him that you have it, especially if you are seeing him soon and will be intimate with him. How I coped through everything was at first a lot of crying, and then a lot of healing. I was 19 when I got herpes, I was a sophomore in college and got it from a boyfriend who was 5 years older than me. He was really mean and at some points he was even abusive. Actually, the day before my outbreak, we were intimate and he was not very kind to me. So, part of me identifies my herpes as coming from that unkind time, and that made healing really hard. I felt dirty and ugly and just like a disappointment. I didn't tell my family, since I was sure they would judge, and I waddled around campus like a duck for about a week since the pain from the sores was so bad. I was so embarrassed. I felt very scared and alone, and he was really mean to me when I told him about it, so eventually I broke up with him. After that, dating was interesting. Some men were complete chumps and were rude, but many were kind and accepting of it, which gave me hope. If anything, I coped by educating others about it, and reminding myself that the way people reacted was based off their disrespect and ignorance about a common virus. Oh speaking of education... at the time I was a peer educator on my campus for sex ed and wellness... so the irony was that I was educating people about safe sex and everything and I ended up getting herpes. I was like, "What the frick?!" Oh, humor has helped me heal, too. Being able to laugh through the struggles really helped me, too. Most importantly... Having herpes has actually made me love myself more because I need to see myself as more than a body; I have a smart mind, a kind soul, and a passion for helping others. This actually helped me heal a lot from childhood trauma and my anorexia. At first, having herpes was almost like a complete validation of the ugliness and guilt and shame I had felt for the first 19 years of my life, but then, herpes made me realize that enough was enough, and I am enough no matter what. Joining this forum has helped me IMMENSELY, because it reminds me that the advice and support I give to others, I need to take as well. The kindness from others on here reminds me I am not alone, and that we are all worthy of support and healing. Herpes is common, which is a bummer, but without having herpes, we wouldn't be here connected to one another. Struggle and suffering are part of the human experience, but we don't need to go through them alone. If anything, we bond through sharing our struggles and helping one another! ❤️ Truly beautiful. Let me know if you have any other questions! Blessings, Grace

I'm sorry. That's terrible. Are you a college student? That's really difficult to juggle school with this new diagnosis. Remember that we can't see the future. You don't know how he will react, and how he reacts is a reflection of him, not of you. You deserve a kind and respectful human who is willing to get tested out of respect and kindness to you (and themselves, to monitor their own health). I'm here for you ❤️

Hi! Okay. Yes, honestly many people don't get regularly tested, or have never been tested at all. Usually, at the OBGYN, when they do a PAP smear, they check for STIs. However, you can also get a classic STI panel done by going to a clinic like Planned Parenthood. It isn't insulting or anything to ask someone to get tested-- I've asked men and they've been like "I'm clean, why would you ask that?" Uhh... First off, even if you do have an STI, you aren't dirty. And second, literally it's a medical test, just go get it done and show me proof. I'm honest about my HSV and would respectfully go get an STI panel if someone asked me to, so I expect others to do that same! If they don't want to, that is a reflection of them. Basically, don't be afraid. It will be okay ❤️. I hope you feeling any better since you first posted on here 🌻 Blessings, Grace