Flowerteacher55

Hello! I am sorry about this. I can't even imagine the pain you feel, especially after having trusted someone after not dating for 12 years. However, there is hope. ❤️ I am only a 21 year old female, so I cannot give a heterosexual man's perspective here. However, I can say that he may feel ashamed, guilty, dirty, or otherwise disappointed that he "let it happen". However, we all know that no one's asks for herpes, and honestly others are always at a risk when we have sex with them since herpes is a virus that spreads so easily without warning. The best you can do is accept what happened, offer support if he needs it, and be kind to yourself. You took the steps you needed to: you were honest with him when you met. He even talked to his doctor and made an educated choice before continuing your relationship, and the risks were known. You were patient and kind. Although it hurts when someone does not reciprocate the kindness back to us, it doesn't mean that this is in any way your fault. We cannot control how people treat us but we can control our responses. Please reach out on here if you need any help! ❤️ We are here for you. Sending Love and Blessings ☀️❤️🍀

Hello, all!! 🌈🌼🍀❤️ Something that has helped me get through the tears and rough days is laughter. Humor is a lens that really can make all the difference, and I don't mean laughing at or mocking yourself or your pain, but instead, finding a giggle here and there about a situation or even making funny names for herpes (kind of like calling menstruation 'Aunt Flo'). I affectionately call my herpes "The Herps" and it makes me laugh, or feel less intimidated when sharing things with friends. Herpes discussions with others can often lead to often random (and sadly, offensive) questions. However, once in a while we get kind of funny questions from those who do not have herpes. In an effort to bring some smiles and "oh my gosh I have been asked that before *eye roll, giggle*" moments, I wanted to reach out and ask if anyone had any giggle moments they wanted to share! Here is mine: I was 20 when I told my mom I had herpes, about a year after I got it. After I told my mom I had HSV1 on my genitals, she exclaimed "YOU NEED TO COVER YOUR TOOTHBRUSH SO YOU DONT GIVE IT TO YOUR BROTHER!" Of course I explained it to her, and during later reflection I laughed not just because I didn't expect that response, but also... I use my toothbrush for my teeth, not my genitals, where I have my herpes 😂. Share your moment of herpgiggles (yes, I said herpgiggles) below!!

@NJRunnerMom I am so happy you found the post useful! Good luck with the conversation 🍀❤️. Another point I meant to make in the post is that you can tell SO MUCH by the follow up questions and responses the other person has. I remember one person who I thankfully didn't end up with was like "yeah I like sex a lot so we wouldn't work out." I personally do not think that way, a relationship is a lot more emotional intimacy for me so I realized that maybe this person and I were not compatible and had different priority values. Just because someone thinks differently doesn't mean they are 'bad', but it certainly is awesome to see the real side of someone during the herpes talk. Sending Love and Light! ☀️❤️

@mr_hopp Hello!! I hope you are well ❤️ I wanted to say thank you for creating his amazing space and platform for people to connect and heal. ❤️🌼🌈☀️

Hi @Mercyme! I first want to say that you are very brave and strong for making it so far and having a child and a husband despite adversity. I wanted to say that every day is a new beginning, and with each new day you are set free. Free yourself from the societal chains that bind you and prevent you from achieving your life the way the world intended it to be. You have no reason to be ashamed. People fear and judge what they do not know, and this is sad for them. However, history has taught us that those who persevere are granted success and happiness, and they are seen for their accomplishments and WHO THEY choose to be. Don't let the haters get you down! Be kind to yourself as if you were your child. Be the person for yourself that you wish you had supporting you all these years. Sending Wellness and Happiness your Way! ❤️ 😇

Hey Friends! Talking to someone about herpes is really scary and can cause us to delay telling someone, which is just not a healthy way to start a relationship, and it is dishonest, taking away that person's freewill to make a choice. I have had the "talk" with numerous straight men; I am a straight female. I have received different reactions, but I always remind myself that I cannot control the reactions of others, but I can control what I tell them and how I handle the situation. I am very big on open communication, so talking about my Genital HSV1 (GHSV1) is one of the first things I do with someone who I am considering getting serious with or dating. I complete the talk using three key point: Educating, Answering Questions or Concerns, and Giving the Person Time to Process with "Homework". EXPLAINING: First, I open up the discussion by explaining my experience. I ask the person to listen, not to make comments or question just yet, but instead first let me explain what I need to. Remember, you can decide how much you want to share about the origins of the herpes (if it involves abuse or trauma, you can omit the parts that could bring up PTSD or triggers). I explain to my partner how I got it, the impact it had on my life, and how it affects me today. Now, validate their feelings. You can say "I am sure that this is not something you wanted to hear, and I am sure that you have many questions, and you can ask them in one moment." EDUCATING: Make an educational statement to analogize herpes: You can say: "I know that society and the media makes herpes sound really scary, but actually cold sores are herpes, HSV1!" Educate them on what type of Herpes you have: This is one of the most important steps, because it takes extreme honesty, and it is scary to talk about the "yucky" medical stuff that goes along with HSV1 and HSV2. If you are on medication that is preventative (you take it daily to avoid outbreaks) mention this now, but make sure to be honest: "There is always a chance that you could get it" is a key sentence to say. You can also explain how you handle your outbreaks (medication, etc). ANSWER: As a future teacher, I know that questions are good, and although the questions might seem really really painfully absurd to you, your partner may really need to start at basic levels of foundational herpes knowledge, including addressing stereotypes and myths. If you do not know the answer to a question, DO NOT make up an answer! Instead, tell them that you will look into it (call your doctor or check on a reliable website SEE "TIME" below) You can also ask them questions, about their sexual health, too. Remember, you need to protect yourself, and asking to see their "sex report card" (STI testing results) is 110% appropriate. GIVE TIME (& HOMEWORK!) This part is definitely stressful, because we are now taking a step back and giving the person time and space to think about everything you told them. If you are worried they will drag it out, you could even ask if you could reopen the discussion in x amount of days (I'd say 4 or 5 is a good amount, but you do what works for you and the other person!) If the person needs more time, let it be. It's okay, and honestly it is good that they are really thinking about it (versus immediately rejecting right off the bat). For further reading (HOMEWORK!) You totally can send the person some RELIABLE WEBSITES or RESOURCES that can help educate them. (This HerpesOpportunity website is a great one!) and so are the ones below: GENITAL HERPES (HSV2): https://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/facts-brochures.htm ORAL AND GENITAL HERPES (HSV1 and HSV2): https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus ANAL, ORAL, & GENITAL HERPES: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/genital-herpes/symptoms-causes/syc-20356161 NOTE: Many articles (including the ones above) use the terms men and women to describe people with penises or vaginas, respectively. However, not all men have penises and not all women have vaginas or ovaries, so I apologize for the lack of biologically and socially correct and inclusive terms and classifications presented in these articles! And During the Time You Give Them... PREPARE FOR RESPONSES: This step is key for you. Prepare yourself for responses of acceptance and dating (yay!) or responses of no (it's okay, it wasn't meant to be!) Remember, do not try and persuade or counter the person and their decision, because this is like asking someone to be with you although they don't want to be, and living a lie like that is just not what you (or anyone!) deserves! I know rejection is scary, but it isn't the end-all be-all. With each person you tell, the more disclosing practice you gain. And with this experience you can help others. Hooray! I hope this helped!!! Let me know if you have any suggestions or edits you would make to the Method! Love & Wellness to All 😇

@Neverwouldathought Thank you so much!!! Yes, keep it up!! Go team Herps! Lol haha I gotta keep myself laughing by making up fun names for herpes hahaha

Hello all! I hope everyone is well, happy, and healthy. I am sitting in my yard right now staring at a large rose bush in my garden. While some see this plant as a plant with pretty pink and white flowers, I see it as a reminder of herpes. The not nice ex who gave me herpes and was not respectful to my body or feelings gave this rose bush to me on Valentine's Day of 2019. The next month I would get herpes. I was 19 at the time. One day I came home and saw my mom had planted this rose plant in the garden. At first it reminded me of the trauma, the tears, the blisters, the embarrassment or walking around my college campus waddling like a penguin, the holes in several pairs of my undies because of the giant rough sores from my first outbreak. However, seeing this rose bush grow into a large blossoming plant has helped me come to peace with herpes. Through struggle we blossom. Through suffering we rise. We are so much stronger than we realize; so much more than our HSV. I hope that this helps people see the light at the end of the herpes tunnel. Love and blessings to all! Let your soul bloom and your spirit blossom ❤️

Hello @NewGirl ❤️ I hope you are well. This is an AWESOME question and I'm sure so many others have asked this too. According to the World Health Organization (WHO) ... (See ➡️➡️➡️) "HSV-1 is mainly transmitted by oral-to-oral contact to cause oral herpes infection, via contact with the HSV-1 virus in sores, saliva, and surfaces in or around the mouth. However, HSV-1 can also be transmitted to the genital area through oral-genital contact to cause genital herpes. HSV-1 can be transmitted from oral or skin surfaces that appear normal and when there are no symptoms present. However, the greatest risk of transmission is when there are active sores. ➡️➡️➡️ Individuals who already have HSV-1 oral herpes infection are unlikely to be subsequently infected with HSV-1 in the genital area." Source: https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus THAT BEING SAID ... the above quote says UNLIKELY ... this means there IS A SLIGHT CHANCE in it hypothetically occuring. Plus, using dental damns and condoms during oral sex is helpful in preventing so many other sexually transmitted diseases and infections besides HSV 1 and 2. I hope this helps!! ❤️🌄🍀☀️🌈

Hi!!! Okay! Maybe retesting would be a good idea? And oh gosh birth control pills definitely could cause some HSV outbreaks! I hope you can get helpful test results!!!

Hello, Friend!! I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. However, there is hope!! Magnesium is great for so many things, and you are right in that there are multiple types of magnesiums! However, the tingling feeling of herpes is actually GOOD since it is a warning sign of an outbreak occuring in a specific spot, and indicates viral shedding (time in which virus duplicates and can infect others who come into contact with the spot of tingling/infection). Something that helped me with the painful "pinch" sensation felt when my clothes rubbed a sore was lysine. You can buy lysine at drug stores. It is an ointment that soothes sores and it is honestly such a lifesaver. I hope that this helps!!! I am going to check into the magnesium and research and get back to you ❤️ Sending peace and love your way!!!

Hi!! I have heard so much about this and I think there is someone who can help. @Lucia22 Good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Hello, friend ❤️ I am sorry you have faced these hurdles. You did not deserve them, however God placed them in your path for a reason. Please know that there is hope, you are safe and loved and valued, and you can forgive yourself. Guilt and shame weigh us down, but God has already lifted these burdens from us Also, you should be so proud of yourself for getting help! You are truly and inspiration, and your story is going to help so many people, so thank you for sharing it. You deserve someone accepting of you in all ways. I know sometimes we think we are better off with at least SOMEONE, even if they are abusive, mean, or unworthy of our kindness and time, than be alone. But, it is when we are with these people that we feel the weight of anxiety, self-hate, and doubt the most. You are strong and independent. You are deserving of someone who is understanding of the biological realities of herpes, not someone who immediately judges and falls into herpes myth traps. Life isn't easy, life isn't perfect, but life is good. You are a pure and beautiful human being. Don't let the chumps and haters get you down, and I'd you ever feel down the H community is here to cheer you on and support you. I am rooting for you and am sending prayers your way ❤️.

Hi @Lucia22 Again! Okay. Does the UK have Planned Parenthoods? If so they are an amazing resource too. I am not familiar with the scale test. When you have active sores the doctor can scrape them and test them and get the results pretty quickly. Blood tests are also a thing, too, but I am unsure how they work. I wish I could provide more insight into the HSV scale you used! Honestly this sounds like HSV1. I am not a doctor by far, but the seven year gap makes me think it's HSV1. HSV1 can be triggered by biological and environmental stimulus... Has anything major happened or change that has coincided with the sudden outbreak changes? Maybe that is the explanation?

Hi!! I am so sorry for your pain. I hope you are feeling some relief. I want to tell you that there is hope. I actually had a similar issues, as my herpes sores were inside my vaginal cavity and caused excessive burning and pain. I am sorry that the person did not respond well to the confrontation. However, remember that this is nothing against you necessarily. We cannot control how others react to us, but we CAN control our responses to the things life throws at us. Generalizations can cause us to loose hope. Not all men or women or any gender is bad, however resentment and anger are understandable emotions right now. I know you feel hopeless, but there is hope ❤️ you are still beautiful and worthy of love, and kind and considerate people will understand that HSV2 is a medical diagnosis; the social stigmas attached are just societally constructed and honestly do not really exist, if that makes sense. People created the stigmas, and therefore we have the power to dismantle them and build new experiences of understanding and myth-busting. The magic of sex can still be unlocked! Don't worry, the real issue is thinking that sex is ruined-- instead it almost makes us value sex more and really key in on how important and intimate it really is. Overcoming this herpes hurdle is like manifesting this ability to respect and love your body, mind, spirit, and soul despite the struggles. I know you can do it!! ❤️ Life isn't easy. Life isn't perfect. But, Life is good. I am sending you love and healing. You can do this! You are never alone. Keep the faith ❤️.

That is amazing!!! I am so happy for you. ❤️

Hello!!! I am sorry about the confusion you are experiencing. It must be really frustrating! However, there is hope! 🍀 I have GHSV1, which I am pretty sure was caused by oral sex, as I had received oral sex the day before my first outbreak. Your symptoms are interesting in that they present very similarly to HSV1, as the outbreaks are spread out and/or rare. However, the consistency of period outbreaks aligns with HSV2. In regards to the test... Was it a private company, or a public health institution? Sometimes tests can be flawed if distributed by an untrustworthy company. Did you ask a doctor to interpret the results for you? They could provide insight into if the test is reliable and if the results mean HSV1 or HSV2, etc. I hope that you get answers and the guidance you need, and I really hope this response helped!! ❤️ Blessings and love are being sent your way!!!! ❤️🌄🍀🌈☀️

Yes, way to go! We are here to support you every step of the way. You are not alone and you are worthy of love!! ❤️❤️

Hi ❤️! I am sorry about the pain you're experiencing. Although I don't know the answer to that question (which is a great question by the way!) I can give some insight... You can experience viral shedding, where the HSV virus reproduces, and sores do not need to be present. You can spread the virus during this stage. However, your antiviral should suppress that in general since you take it daily (but I'd talk to your doctor about that). The fact that you are doubling your medicine may not be good also, so ask your doctor about that too and if you should be doing that, especially if you are unsure it's an outbreak (Even with an outbreak I have never heard of doubling doses of antivirals, and your safety and health matters)! (Even calling a Planned Parenthood and speaking to a nurse is awesome, too!) Sometimes we get super scared during an outbreak, or are sensitive to any symptoms we experience that mimic herpes outbreak symptoms; if I see an ingrown hair on my labia I automatically get this "OMG HERPES IS BACK" mentality and have to calm myself down and see that it's just an ingrown hair. You may have a yeast infection based off your described symptoms, which is common after having sex. The intense friction and change in sexual activity also can trigger outbreaks. However, I'd talk to a healthcare worker to be sure. Yeast infections are bacterial, so the antivirals wouldn't help it, and since the symptoms are persisting despite the antivirals I would say it sounds bacterial and like an infection of sorts. I hope this helps!!! Get well soon! Be kind to yourself, you deserve to be happy and healthy always and forever. ❤️🌄🌈☀️🍀 Sending hugs and love! ❤️❤️

Hi! ❤️ I am so sorry that you are experiencing worry and anxiety. I have been in your shoes. I had sex and the next morning woke up with about 30 blistery sores all over my external and internal labia, while my male partner had no symptoms. The doctor I went to explained that my partner had given it to me, as the extreme outbreak I had was a first-outbreak response, and my partner most likely did not know they had herpes and then gave it to me. I have HSV1 on my genitals, and I had received oral sex from my partner, so I am pretty sure I received his oral herpes (HSV1) on my genitals from oral sex. If your partner has/is prone to oral cold sores, and you had oral sex preformed on you the other night, this is possible. However, the test would need to confirm the type of herpes. Basically, it is hard to tell who gave who herpes, but it seems that there are many unaccounted for variables (history of partner, cold sore history on mouth or genitals, length of time from previous intimate relationship, etc) used to determine if you would give it to him or if he gave it to you (in which case you need not worry about giving it to him.since he already has it). No matter what, you are not dirty or less of a person. You are worthy of love, respect, and kindness. You've got this! Be kind to yourself. I'm sending healing and peace your way!! ❤️🌄🌈

Hi ❤️ I am so sorry about that, you do not deserve that type of disrespectful behavior. Remember that how people act and treat you is a reflection of THEM, not YOU. Your HSV2 is not a dirty secret; it's a biologically common virus that just has been societally constructed into negative, dirty stereotypes. None of this is your fault. It hurts so much when promises are broken, but there is hope for a better, healthier, and happier relationship. You can still have amazing, passionate emotional and physical love with herpes! Be kind to yourself and let in those who help you love yourself. Be like a flower and grow towards the light; be with those who want to see you grow and thrive, and respect you. Without respect there is no love. Stay strong and be kind to yourself-- you deserve it!!! It will get better! Sending blessings and peace your way! ❤️❤️🌈🌄☀️

Hi!! I'm sorry that you have been experiencing this. On the bright side ☀️ it is good to know outbreak triggers so you can be ready for new outbreaks, and track triggers. I am on Zoloft (sertraline) currently and I was on it years prior to getting HSV1 on my genitals. Zoloft is awesome and it helps me with my OCD and feeling happier. I hope this helps!! ☀️🌈❤️ I'm sending love and blessings your way 🍀🌄☀️.

Hello! Awesome questions. I have HSV1 but on my genitals, so I honestly can't say much about HSV2. A doctor told me HSV2 can result in more outbreaks than HSV1, however there are SO many factors that affect the likelihood of an outbreak. Stress especially can impact it. I know that people who get periods can get HSV2 outbreaks consistently with their periods. However, it may take some time to see what your outbreak triggers are. You can even keep a journal about it to track your outbreaks and what you did right before them (did you have sex, feel extreme stress, change eating or exercise habits, etc?). Talk to your doctor or even a health care clinic. Calling a Planned Parenthood also is a great option, too! Regardless, please know you DO NOT need o suffer or struggle or go through this alone. It will be okay!

@Neverwouldathought Thank you so so much!! May you be blessed with positive energy and happy blessings. You deserve kindness, respect, and love 🍀🌈❤️🌄

Hello, Friends! 😊 First, I want to say I came across this website during a panic attack, and immediately I felt a rush of calmness over me. Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and hopeful advice-- it really means so much to me and so many others. God Bless You All! 😇 My story consists of a few odd variables. I have had anorexia since I was 14, and although I am physically recovered, it is a mental illness that stays with you basically forever. I still have my struggles and I have anxiety about food and exercise, but it is not as bad as it once was. After intense therapy, it seemed my eating disorder was directly related to my abandonment issues of my father. My feelings of being "dirty" and "unclean" also came from this, but more from a memory of having an inappropriate encounter with a male, whose identity I do not know. My anorexia coupled with my OCD, which resulted in counting obsessively, having to do rituals for everything from eating and chewing a certain number of times, to how i brushed and flossed, to how I said my prayers at night. It caused me to be late for school, gain unwanted attention from classmates, and interfere with my friendships and family relationships. As a started to date, I noticed I would cry at the sight of a penis because of the childhood experience, which obviously was both embarrassing (although I laugh at it now) and made me uncomfortable with sexual relationships. However, I dated many people for company, as my mental health issues made me feel sad and isolated, and I craved connection. Although a lot of people don't like to admit it, having "daddy issues" is 110% a real thing, and as I look back on my teenage self, I see that I was trying to fill so many voids through boyfriends. As I entered college, I found myself struggling with my eating disorder and OCD, and now family stress issues. After problems with my family home led to me moving back home at the end of freshman year, my mental health drastically lowered. At 19 I started dating this guy who was about five years older than me. He was basically the exact opposite of me in every single way; politically and morally, he drank and smoke while I did not, etc. He was a "bad boy". My family did not approve of him so we dated in secret, which made me feel guilty and wrong, but I did it anyway, because I felt that maybe through this relationship, I could achieve something. One day while we were having sex, he took out his phone and started taking photographs of me. I immediately covered myself and told him to stop, but instead of stopping he laughed at me and held my wrists so he could continue taking pictures. A week or so later while having sex, I told him to stop because I felt a horrible pain in my vagina. He begrudgingly stopped, and then a few moments later asked if he could finish. I declined because I was in so much pain, but instead of accepting my answer he asked again, and then just decided to put his penis back inside and finish. I was confused and a little shocked. The next day I woke up with about thirty red boils all over my outer and inner labia. After two painful days I saw a doctor who told me I had herpes, later tested to be HSV-1. The doctor told me I had sores inside my vaginal cavity, too. I explained to the doctor that my boyfriend had no symptoms, and that he said he didn't have herpes. The doctor explained that he was my sexual partner, so he had given it to me regardless of what he said. I told my boyfriend the diagnosis and he told me it was my fault from probably sleeping around with dirty people, and he became angry and said that I better not have given him anything because he had "come into this life clean and was going out clean, too." He refused to kiss me goodbye for fear of me giving it to him orally (which we all medically know doesn't make sense) and I went on my way. For about ten days I had excruciating pain when walking, sitting, going to the bathroom, and dressing. I felt embarrassed walking to and from college classes like a waddling duck, and it interfered with my job, too. Another "bonus,"... I got my period the day I got the sores, and I had a sinus infection... so needless to say, I was a hot mess. Eventually I broke up with the jerk and confronted him about his actions. Dating with herpes is difficult, and I have been rejected so many times for having HSV1 on my genital area. I always explain it to people right when I meet them/first date, and a few men have been very accepting. I appreciate when they ask questions, because it shows they actually want to understand it and are not immediately judging, and because they care about health and safe sex. When I got my next outbreak, only about three sores, I cried, not because of the sores but because of how I got the sores (from the cruel and disgusting ex-boyfriend). Already feeling dirty and unworthy because of my childhood-related trauma and addy issues, I felt even more dirty and disgusting, and my OCD kicked in on overdrive. Until about a week ago when I found this website, I was constantly paranoid I would give my genital HSV1 herpes (and COVID, of course) to my family members just by touching a shared object with my hands. I am afraid to prepare food, wash dishes, and touch anything that my family will use/touch. Although I know that HSV1 on the genital area can only be passed through skin-to-skin contact with my genital skin area, I still was convinced it was just all over my body and would hurt a loved one. There is so much mixed messaging about herpes, and I have found website saying herpes can pass through food, through towels, through a handshake, and other say the exact opposite! I love this website because it provided guidance from those with herpes; who can relate and share the realities of herpes (which really helps combat my OCD fear and anxiety). I am happy to say that I am learning to peacefully coexist and make harmony with my OCD, anorexia, past memories and hurts, and herpes. Yes rejection hurts, but I don't let it slow me down, because I deserve someone who is kind and understanding, not judgmental and only focused on my physical body (remember-- you are MORE than your body, too!!! SO MUCH MORE!!!). ❤️To all those out there who think you are ugly, worthless, dirty, or are ashamed... just be and live as you are, because you deserve to be happy, well, and in harmony with your mind, spirit, body, and soul. It will get better. You are beautiful and strong! God loves you and made you, and God doesn't make mistakes. You matter and the world needs you! ❤️❤️❤️