HerryTheHerp

They say that waiting is the hardest part...it can also drive you crazy. Good luck and we're here for you either way. Keep your chin up.

Well, I would hope you wouldn't want to take your friend's ex home and sleep with her. Bros don't do that to Bros, so props there. There's nothing worse than when your friend turns to you and says "Hey, mind if I boink your ex." Things like that never end well. That's almost as bad as dating an ex's sister, or worse, her mother. Alright, ice broken. I get where you're coming from. You know why you can't see yourself in the mirror? It's because you're letting this virus define you. You're letting it be who you are, instead of just a small part of who you are. I'm assuming you've had chicken pox? Do you see chicken pox when you look in the mirror? How about the common flu? No, don't see that either? So, why is herpes different? All of those viruses are transmissable; and you will always have the antibodies to them inside you. The only difference between those and herpes is that herpes sometimes likes to come out and raise hell. You've lost your confidence, and hey, I get it. Been there more times than I care to remember. I lost mine for years, got it back, then voila!, all I got was herpes, the sound of multiple orgasms, and a t-shirt that said "Boy, is my boyfriend going to be pissed I had sex with you all weekend." Talk about a confidence killer. You say it was a single moment of bad luck. Well, if you want to look at it that way. But, if I were you, and ladies, don't take this the wrong way, but man have you seen the ratio of guys to girls on this site alone? We're outnumbered 4 to 1 by some incredible women. Know what that means? It means guys with herpes are as rare and popular as the guy at the nudist colony who can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts without spilling a drop. You want to know how to be you again? Don't stop being you. It's that simple. Do the things you loved before, enjoy the same activities, pursue your dreams, live your life. You say you never were a casual, carefree lover. So, why are you upset by that? Know what? I wasn't either until one night when I decided to give it a try. Didn't work out the way I planned, but you know what? It changed my life and I have to say, it changed it for the better. You're mourning the loss of what you thought you might want; but the reality is, you weren't that guy to begin with and your own words prove that several times over. Take the leap man. Just say "This is who I am, and dammit, I love who I am." Guys like myself, Adrial, VirusEnhanced, and the handful of others on this site are going to be holding the net to catch you, but I'll tell you a secret; the wings you'll sprout on the way down are going to make our job redundant.

Hey Sammy, Thank you, I try to keep it interesting. I hear you on the bucket list, and quite frankly, this li'l virus is what lit the fire. It reminded me that life is fickle and you are only guaranteed today to get your dreams in order. That's a good question. I'd prefer stories of people who are to the point of acceptance or beyond. The goal of the book is to show people that "Hey, yeah, it sucks, and here's what I went through, but I'm on the other side of the hill and moving forward now. I'm ok, you'll be ok." You don't have to be to the point Dancer, Adrial, or myself are (almost to where they are, a few more steps), but definitely on that trajectory is what I'm looking for. If you want, send me an email and we can talk more about it.

Hi Stu, That's something I would definitely bring to a doctor's attention. Have you tried changing things like diet, sleep habits, treatments, etc.? Those are things you really should look at. That said, I had a bad bout with herpes zoster in my mouth a few years ago, and so I know how these "family members" can hang on and drive you crazy. 500 mg a day is a light dose; most doctors in the US prescribe 1000mg for suppressive therapy. You should discuss that with your doctor and also have them run some other blood tests to see what is weakening your immune system.

It changes us all. 6 months in and I feel like a whole different person; I feel alive, I feel true compassion, happiness, and a genuine love I've never felt before. Good to know you, Nic. You'll always have my respect.

I'm happy to say the book "Positive People" is coming along splendidly. I just submitted the first handful of stories to my editor so she can begin editing them and she's simply blown away. In her words, "These people are incredible and their bravery in sharing their stories is genuinely inspiring." We met for a couple of hours today and she's eager to see this book finished by the August 17th publish date we've set. I want to say thank you to everyone who has shared their stories with me, and allowed me to write them up for them. It's an honor to be working with you and I'm confident that this book is going to help a lot of people get over the hump we all climb when we're diagnosed. This book is only one of the many projects myself and others are working on this summer that are going to start turning the stigma back in this country. It's a long road, but trust me when I say that there are some fantastic people laying some solid groundwork that's going to make that possible. We're on the cutting edge and we're about to slice right through the fog of stigma that's settled in over this country. For now, I'm busy writing. I've collected 15 stories; 5 that are now being edited, and the other 10 are drafted and nearly complete. When I started the project, I decided I wanted 25. I still do. That means I have 10 more stories to tell for this first book. So, ask yourself: How brave am I? If you're strong enough. If you're brave enough. If you wake up in the morning and refuse to let the H keep you down. If you want to see things change in this country and around the world, then Herry the Herp wants you. All you have to do is answer these questions and send them to me at oldmainstreetpublishing@yahoo.com. From there, I'll begin writing your story and we will use your experience to help others get through the same things we did. If you've already sent me a message letting me know "you're in," and just haven't gotten around to sending these back to me, please let me know and I'll remember to hold your spot. ---- Give me as much information as possible. The more I have, the easier it is to tell your story and convey your personality, your interests, and your message to those who are going to be reading these. Each question should be answered with between 3-10 sentences. With each of these, there is no such thing as oversharing as the more info I have, the better the story I can write. Once I have these, I'll write your story, you and I will edit it together, then I'll send it to the editor for their take, then we'll do one more round of editing together, and voila!, your story will be complete. All told, I'll need about 3 hours of your time between now and mid-August. 1. Who were you before you got H? Tell me about your personality, interests, dreams, goals, and life. 2. How did you meet the person who "gifted" you with H? What attracted you to them? Set the scene and give me as much information as you can here. Did you have a relationship? Get married? One night stand? 3. When did you find out you had acquired herpes? How did you find out? Give me all the details of the doctor visit (if there was one), how you were told, etc. Set the scene. 4. How did you feel when you were diagnosed? Give me a rundown of your emotions, thoughts, etc. 5. Did you tell anyone when you were diagnosed? Did you have support/guidance? Who, what, when, where, etc. Did you go online? Seek counseling? Go to the library and research all you could? 6. How did you tell your partner the news? How did they react? Set the scene and feel free to overshare here. 7. Do you have HSV1, HSV2, or both? 8. What did you know about H before you acquired it? How did you treat it before you were positive? Were you rigorous about STD testing with partners, or more blaise, etc.? 9. How mild/severe have your symptoms been? Describe your outbreaks, frequency, treatments, etc. 10. How has having H affected your life? Has it affected your dating/sex life? How important are sex/relationships to you? 11. Have you disclosed to a partner? How did that go? How did you disclose? 12. What are your goals/dreams/plans for the future? 13. Have you ever failed to disclose to a partner? 14. Have you been confronted with "Herpes jokes" since your diagnosis? How did that make you feel? 15. How do you control/relieve your stress? Has it helped with H? 16. Have you changed your diet or taken supplements or suppressive therapy to help manage H? 17. What would you say to someone who is recently diagnosed? Give your helpful tips and suggestions. 18. Have your family/friends been supportive, helpful? 19. What name do you want used in the book? You can pick whatever you'd like. The only person who will ever know your real name is me. 20. Summarize your journey for me. Tell me how it's changed you as a person. Has it?

It's been a great weekend. I've gotten a lot of work done, started drafting a new 5-year plan, and began to take control of my life back from circumstance, chance, and choice. It feels great, and well, a song came on the radio just a little while ago that I think is fitting for the work I'm doing writing these books and why they're so gosh darned important. See, I've come to realize that life really is just a play. It's a mix of Shakespeare, Mel Brooks, and Stephen King. There are moments you'll cherish, moments you'll laugh at, and moments that will scare the hell out of you. You never know which scene is up next, and the characters and actors will come and go throughout the performance. Sometimes they enter with an announcement, other times they just show up. Sometimes they leave the stage of our lives with no warning, and other times we've seen their departure scenes in advance. Either way, life's a play and it's so much better to be on stage acting it out than sitting in the audience watching it as a passive member of the crowd. Herpes is a part of us now, but it's not who we are. It's only a part of who we are. Don't let it keep you sitting in the audience; You're still the leading lady/superstar stud you were before you went to the doctor and "got the word." I've come to look at mine as a badge of honor; it says I've lived life and discovered my humanity. It's like a gold star on my purple heart and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Ok, maybe I'd trade it for Katie Perry's phone number, but that's a whole other discussion. For now, keep your chin up. Keep smiling. Keep reminding yourself that you are an amazing person with a lot of talents, love, and compassion to share with the world. Then, put on whatever costume you want to wear and face the world without any reservations. Remember, those who choose not to join you up on stage in the play that is your life, well, they're the ones missing one helluva performance.

Sheet, I'm gonna have to pull out the pep talk. Hang on, I'm gonna get a little coffee in me. Alright, first, you're a rock star. Do you have any idea how much hope and encouragement you've given to people on this board? When they're down and about to pull their last strand from the rope, you're there cheering them on and retying the knot for them. Why miss loving yourself? I get it. I've been there plenty of times over the years; long before H even came into the picture. But, you know what I do? I pull a Stewart Smiley every morning; that's right, I get buck ass naked, stand in front of the mirror and say "Gosh darnit, I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm handsome, and darn it, people just like me." The folks at the hairstylist have gotten used to me using their mirrors to do this by now and have stopped calling the police every time. I consider it progress and affirmation that I'm right. We all have insecurities. I once dated a girl who wouldn't look at her vagina. I've known people who refuse to sleep without a night light. Others still have phobias, fears, and problems they refuse to face. But, you know what? That's all part of being human and H is just one aspect of our entire lives. It doesn't define you, and right now you're letting it pick apart at your ego a little bit. Knock it off. As far as baggage, oh, man. I have no room to talk. I carried so much baggage over the years I could have gotten a job as a porter and I kept getting discount coupons from American Tourister. Then, one day I just set it down. Decided to stop carrying it. Know what? I feel great and life's journey has gotten a lot lighter. You need to tell your friend to do the same. It's not easy, but it's worth it. He needs to unpack the bags and fill it up with new memories you two create together. You're hurting and you have every right to. Life's a scary place to go through alone, but you and I have had some great emails, so I know just how special a woman you are. You've got a huge heart, a great personality, and a sense of humor. If you have nothing else in life, invest in those three things and you'll be the wealthiest woman alive. Now, I'm gonna say this, but if he's not missing you right now and hasn't realized that instead of sleeping alone he could be sleeping next to a beautiful, smart, sexy, kind, funny woman, well, his loss. Let him and Rosy Palmer reconcile that in the morning. It's not your concern and you're carrying it as baggage hoping he's missing you. Trust me, I did that with someone I cared about and all I got was 17 years of tears, a touch of arthritis, and a t-shirt that said "She's just not that into you." K, I love you. We all love you. You're a light and an inspiration. Don't let this little storm blow that light out.

Ok. You'll need to speak with your doctor regarding what the results of your urine sample will be. You may have an infection and need medicine to treat that. I'm assuming your doctor gave you Valtrex or some other antiviral for now. If that's the case, then it's possible they will interefere with getting an accurate blood test for herpes. Again, right now your best bet for finding out if it is herpes or not is via your boyfriends test.

Hi Yvenn, Well, there's a lot of possibilities. First, unless your doctor took a blood test or a swab test, don't take their word that "it's herpes" at 100%. Truth is, a lot of viruses and illnesses look like herpes and a visual diagnosis should never be relied upon. If you still have open blisters, go to Planned Parenthood or an OBGYN and have them swabbed. At a week past, they're probably healed, but you never know. If they are healed, you'll need to wait a few months until you can get a confirmatory blood test; it takes up to 16 weeks for that test to be considered 100% accurate. Your boyfriend needs to confirm that he's had negative tests for HSV1 and HSV2. They are NOT included on the standard STD testing panel. Make him show you his paperwork; again, don't simply take his word for it. As Ronald Reagan said, "trust, but verify." Your urine sample won't test for herpes. It'll test for UTI's and some other sexually transmitted infections if those tests are requested. So, for now get your boyfriend to show you his most recent test results. If you are in a faithful, monogamous, relationship with him then those results should be pretty accurate.

How do you get your sex life back on track? I'm a big fan of red wine, roses, and if that doesn't work, I pull out the heavy artillery and introduce chocolate and Tom Jones into the bedroom. Take it slow. Focus on the intimacy and not the penetration. Make sure you use plenty of lube and listen to one another. If it hurts, stop doing it. If it feels good, keep going. The truth is that only a small percentage of people experience outbreaks as the result of sex; based on your timing, I'm willing to bet it's just a small open tear; a blister wouldn't form that quickly following sex. Talk to each other. Snuggle with each other. Tease each other playfully. Get in tune with each other's needs and desires. Do that and the intimacy levels will go through the roof and your neighbors will be begging you to keep the noise down.

You're going through what we've all gone through at some point. You say herpes is nothing to laugh about and I disagree. Personally, I think it's the biggest joke ever played. It's a skin condition that's made out to be as serious as leprosy by the stigma, and well, that's just not the case. Let it affect your personality; but in a good way. Let it show you the beauty and humor in life, allow it to make you more compassionate, caring, and open with the world around you. It will do that if you let it. In the meantime, keep smiling and keep laughing.

You both work in the medical field, so you're already familiar with the fact that we're all mortal, and that we're all susceptible to bugs and viruses. That's a bonus that should help out. Also, you've been together 10 months and it sounds like your relationship is built on a lot of things beyond sex; that means you've got a solid foundation that isn't ruled by emotion and lust. Big bonus points there. So, why are you nervous? It's clear there's a substantial relationship between the two of you, and you should go into the discussion confident about that. As far as vocabulary, it's whatever you feel comfortable with. If you've got a witty sense of humor, use that. If you like it cold and medical, stick with that. Use the information and present it in a way your partner's personality will respond to. I'll give you odds that it's not even going to be a blimp on the radar of your relationship; and I'm willing to bet it will actually bring the two of you closer together. Now, I've actually worked up a stand-up routine to disclose. I make lots of jokes in my disclosure. Now, if I can actually find someone to disclose to because my mirror is getting tired of hearing the same old routine every morning...

What did you do? You had sex. That's not a crime and nothing you should be ashamed of. Your friends have sex. You have sex. Everyone has sex. It's normal, natural, and there isn't a damn reason in the world you should be ashamed of it. You feel alone, and hey, I totally understand. Life can get pretty lonely and it would be nice to have a partner to go through it with. Couple that with the loss of your husband, and well, I can feel your sense of loss. You've lost someone you loved, you feel as if you've lost your sexual well-being. More importantly, I can sense you feel as if you've lost your sense of self. So, what do you do about it? I'd suggest you reconnect with yourself. Rediscover who you are outside of a relationship. Indulge your hobbies, learn new ones, reconnect with friends and people you haven't spoken with in years. Travel, explore, and whatever you do, don't dwell in the past. That's a tough lesson, and one I remind myself of every day; the past is the past. It's gone, and while it's shaped who we are and there are fond memories there, the only way is the way forward. You're not alone by any means, and you didn't make a stupid mistake. You made a choice to open yourself up physically, sexually, and emotionally to someone. And, it's quite possible he's telling the truth as nearly 80% of people who have H don't know it. So, give him the benefit of the doubt for now. Regardless of whether he knew, or didn't, forgiveness will open some amazing doors in your life. Now, as far as your OB GYN being short, I don't see how that's relevant at all. There are plenty of short people who contribute great things to society. Danny Devito, Rhea Perlman, President Medvedev, and others have made truly great impressions on history. Height should not determine a person's worth or value to society. And, since your OBGYN spends most of his days crouched over on a stool, I don't see how his height is even relevant. ;)

I'm in Judith's boat here. Never been married and haven't had a relationship that's lasted as long as yours. However, I would strongly recommend marital counseling. You're not the first man to have the concerns and problems you're having. You can get counseling via your church, community groups, or of course, professional marriage counselors. It sounds like you and your wife have hit the comfort level and you need to reconnect with one another in a romantic way, not just a friendly way. Herpes, no herpes, that's not even a factor. The issue is your relationship, and the only way you fix that is together, not through affairs, masturbation, or simply tolerating one another. I know it sounds cliche, but you need to spark the relationship back to life, and the way you do that is through communication, flirting like you were teenagers, and rediscovering the love together. That said, it's common for women to lose interest in sex post-hysterectomy, and this is something that both of you should discuss with each other and a medical professional/counselor. The other issues, your daughter, your grandchildren, etc. are secondary to your relationship. Let those issues idle while you focus on your wife and your relationship with your wife.

Lunatic? No. Your last post was nucking futs. ;) Still, based on everything you've said, I strongly doubt what you're dealing with is HSV. It just doesn't line up. That said, I've got a Tutu lined up and am a man of my word. But, I'm still not convinced I'm going to need to be wearing it anytime soon. Try meditating. It'll help. Then, go get that blood test. At this point, your test results will be confirmatory regardless of how long you've been off antivirals.

His risk is low. HSV2 doesn't like to infect the oral cavity; only about 2% of HSV2 positive people have it orally. So, like I said, he can give you oral sex, and vice versa.

It's a giant piece of concrete that's usually applied by a girl's father before she's allowed to start dating. It's called a dental dam because your boyfriend will probably break his teeth upon it if he attempts to either kiss you or go downtown. http://www.medicom-asia.com/en/products/50/dental-dams

Is it possible? Yes, it is possible. Is it probable? No. Acquiring HSV2 via oral sex does happen, but it's not common. I'd suggest you follow the same precautions you would for vaginal sex. Make sure you abstain during OB's, stay on your suppressive therapy, and if you are really concerned, consider using dental dams when your boyfriend goes downtown.

Sounds like there are some clouds rolling in over the coast. Let's see if I can help the sun break through the fog. You feel defined? Ok, here's your definitions: 1. Woman, 2. Human. Know what that means? It means you experience emotions, have hopes, pursue dreams, and are mortal like the rest of us. Everything else doesn't define anything about you. I'm going to go out on a limb and say it also means you have a penchant for Haagen Daaz as well. Now, the guy who gave you herpes. Did he do it on purpose? If not, try not to look at him in a bad light. I know that's hard, but remember a lot of people don't know they have it. Remember that relationship for what it was; an amazing experience with someone you cared about and loved enough to share a very personal experience with. As far as the most recent guy, well, that's a tough blow and it sounds like he thought about it and came to the conclusion that it's more than he can handle. I know that hurts, and I know that it's making you feel lonely and sad. Go ahead and grieve the loss of the relationship, but don't let it define your future relationships. There are approximately 3 billion men on the planet; one rejected you. That means you have 2,999,999,999 to go. That's a lot of dates, but, it means you have a lot of options. People get rejected all the time over lots of things. Herpes is just one of them. Who knows? Even if he would have accepted the H, 6 months from now your Barbie collection might have driven him over the edge and out the door. Honestly, he did you a favor because he showed you a portion of his character. I know that sounds pithy and trite, but it's true. Today it's herpes, 50 years from now it's cancer. If he doesn't have the balls for herpes, he's not going to have them for any of the other biggies life can throw at us. He says he's looking for someone to marry, and well, none of us are perfect. We all have things inside us ranging from Chicken Pox to herpes, and a long-term sexual relationship involves taking those things and taking the risk we'll acquire them from our partners. It's basic biology, and well, he'll figure that out someday. For now, let him fly. If he really loves you, if he really cares, he's gonna come back. If not, oh well, it's his loss and I can tell from your words and what you wrote that you've got a big heart and a lot of compassion and love to share with someone. There's a lucky guy out there looking for you, and when he finds you, well, hell and high water won't ever make him let go. Until you find him, remember to love yourself. Remember to spoil yourself. At the end of the day, loving yourself is the greatest thing any of us can ever learn to do.

Is it safe? You sound like Laurence Olivier asking Dustin Hoffman whether he has any cavities. Unfortunately, the only way for you to find out is to give it a try. That's right, having herpes turns your body into one giant science experiment for you to study and learn from. For some people, it does, for others, it doesn't. We're all different, and what triggers an OB for one person, won't for another. My advice? Have fun discovering what works for you and what doesn't. Don't live your life in fear and don't be afraid to live your life the way you did before your diagnosis.

I was nervous as I walked into her office and once again rattled off the symptoms. “I’ve had a sore back, extreme fatigue, stomach aches, burning when I urinate, and oh yeah, there are these blister like things that have popped up on my labia,” I said. She took some notes down and said, “Alright, let’s have a look.” It took her about 2 seconds to make the diagnosis and the words she said next still ring in my ears; “Yep, you have herpes. Do you know what that is?” In that moment a wave of emotions rush over me. I felt embarrassed, ashamed, guilty, and even a little afraid. I didn’t know what to think as my mind raced from one thought to the next with astonishing speed. Of course, I knew what herpes was. I had been a cheerleader, and while STI’s hadn’t been discussed in great detail in our Mormon dominated state, I can assure you that sex was always a topic of conversation. There was always some gossip about who was sleeping with whom, who had an STI, and who might be pregnant. So, yes, I knew what herpes was, but I wasn’t the kind of girl that got herpes. I wasn’t promiscuous, I was a divorcee, and I had slept with someone I knew and trusted. Stunned and angry, I told my doctor she was wrong. No sooner had those words escaped my mouth, I started to cry uncontrollably. Somehow, I even managed a laugh of amusement at the same time that must have sounded like something out of a Hollywood horror movie. I didn’t spit pea soup, but my emotions were so charged that I’m sure I could have in those moments as she took a swab and drew blood for the confirmatory testing. Fortunately, my doctor was patient and understanding with me. In hindsight, I’m sure I’m not the only woman who’s had that same reaction I did upon hearing the words “You have herpes.” It must have taken her a lot of practice to stay patient and listen calmly as I exploded. When I calmed down, she handed me a prescription for Valtrex and a short pamphlet on my newly acquired viral companion. I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get a lollipop as it would have at least given me something positive to remember the visit by. Alas, I felt like all I had gotten was a big “Scarlet H” to wear across my chest. At 26, I had visions of being alone and never finding love again. My thoughts were all over the place as I drove home. I thought about who I could turn to for support, who I could trust to tell, and of course, how I would break the news to Matt whom I was sure I had acquired the virus from. The thoughts I had of ripping his head off were tempered only by my desire to hug him and be close to him. It’s funny. They say there is a fine line between love and hate, and I have never had more trouble straddling that line than I did wrestling the thoughts of what I would say to him when I made that call. It was a short drive, but believe me when I say it felt like it took forever to make my way home. For the next two days I sat in my room and cried on and off as I wrestled with my thoughts. During that time, I obsessed about herpes. I read everything I could find on the internet. I researched treatments, cures, and of course, dating, sex, and all the other aspects of my life that were now forever altered. If there was something written about it; I wanted to know it all, and I wanted to know it right now. I had spent three years getting over my divorce, and I wasn’t going to make that same mistake again. This time, I was going to go into the fight armed with so much knowledge that there was no chance it could hold me back. It took about a week for me to collect myself, but I knew I needed to speak with Matt. He needed to know, and part of me wanted to confront him about it. I was terrified as I texted him asking him to call me. I nearly froze when he returned my call. I was anxious, nervous, and brave as I answered and I immediately gave him the news without too much small talk to sugarcoat it. Like a Band Aid, I just wanted to rip it off and get it over with as quickly as possible. For the next few minutes he listened quietly, and then apologized with a promise that he would get tested. He said he’d never experienced an outbreak, but added the caveat that he could have missed it if it had been minor. In a poor attempt at humor, he added “well, at least it’s not a baby, right?” And, that was the end of that call as I didn’t find the comparison the slightest bit amusing. Almost before I’d hung the phone up I had decided that I wasn’t going to let this diagnosis beat me. Come hell or high water, I was going to get on with the business of living my life and building the life I wanted my son and I to have. Still, there were ups and downs. It was a very difficult transition and I was fortunate that my friend Nicholas in Germany had a sympathetic ear for me to bend. Nicholas had been an exchange student in high school and he knew me, my lover, and he was always someone I could trust and count on. It wasn’t easy for me to tell him, but I’m glad I did. He listened calmly and in typical fashion all he said was “Ok, and so what?” That was it. With one little sentence he put everything in perspective and made me realize that everything really would be alright. Hearing his comforting words made me smile for the first time in days and it felt absolutely incredible. For the first time I could actually see a glimmer of light on the darkened horizon and for the next few weeks I just put one foot in front of the other. A few days after I spoke with Nicholas in Germany, Matt called me to tell me that he had received his bloodwork back from the doctor and that he was HSV2+. He apologized again and assured me that he had no idea and never would have put my health in jeopardy if he had known. It was an awkward call, but I’ll never forget that he said he was grateful that I hadn’t made him feel like a jerk. In truth, I care about him very deeply and I’m glad that if I “had” to get herpes from someone that I got it from someone like him. He may not be perfect, but he’s got a good heart and that helped tremendously as I began to heal. While I don’t know where things will go with him, I’m glad he’s still in my life even if we’ll always be “just friends.” From that standpoint, my emotional healing has been fairly easy. Things have just fallen into place and the support I’ve received from friends, Matt, Nicholas, and my own mother has helped immensely. As far as the medical side? I’ve been fortunate and haven’t had any outbreaks since my primary which wasn’t that severe. I can say that now, but at the time it felt like the end of the world. Naturally, I’ve taken some steps to help keep it in check for now. I take a low dose suppressive therapy daily, and am trying to eat healthier and sleep more. That’s not always easy with a young child, but I’m working on it. And, I’ve been fortunate that it doesn’t appear that I have very many triggers that can set the herpster off. I eat copious amounts of chocolate and peanut butter, drink way more caffeine than I should, and am still learning to manage my stress. But, overall, my diagnosis has made me feel alive. I wake up every morning wanting to take better care of myself and I look forward to every new day and all that it brings. To that end, I’ve taken up yoga, spent more time with my son, and and I’m learning to forgive both myself and others. That’s been hard, but something I’m glad to be working on. Life really is too short to judge and I’ve decided that from here on out I’ll listen to others before adding my two cents into the conversation. Taken together, I can definitely say that herpes changed me. It’s making me stronger, more confident, and more compassionate than I have ever been. As the stigmatized slogan says, it has indeed been the gift that keeps on giving; and I’m grateful every day that it teaches me something new about myself and the world around me.

Well, folks. As promised, I've started writing everyone's stories up. The book is moving along nicely and if you are interested, send me a message and I'd love to include your tale. ---- They say opposites attract, and there’s no better proof of that than the boy I fell for in High School. His name was Matt and he was the complete opposite of me. Where I wore cheerleading outfits and waved pom pom’s, he was sporting a beard and listening to grunge music on the radio. In truth, he looked like a lumberjack and that might have had something to do with my attraction towards him. That, and the fact that he was funny, smart, and very kind. Of course, life doesn’t always give us what we want and Matt and I went our separate ways. It just wasn’t meant to be. I went off and spent a year in college then worked for a small real eastee company for a few years. I thought I could become a nurse, but after about nine months of being a CNA I decided it wasn’t for me. At the same time, Matt went and joined the Marine Corps. While the loss of that early love was a tad bit bittersweet, there were no hard feelings and we stayed in contact over the years. Naturally, life doesn’t stop just because you are nursing a wounded heart and lost dreams. During our time apart, I met Joe. He and I fell in love, got married, and not long after, I became pregnant with the most wonderful boy in the world (Ok, I’m biased, but aren’t all mothers?) It was a difficult relationship and far from the fairy tale marriage, but when our son, Jacob, entered the world, for a moment I thought everything might work out. Alas, it wasn’t to be and we fought constantly. Then, one day I discovered my husband had been unfaithful. That was the last straw for me and I packed up Jacob and my things and left him. I was determined not to live my life that way, and come hell or high water, I didn’t want my son to grow up in that kind of home. As with a lot of young women who find themselves in that situation, I had to move back home with my parents. Fortunately, they were very supportive and had plenty of space available for us to make ourselves at home in. While I was grateful for their support, a part of me felt that I had failed at my marriage. After all, marriage is a lifelong promise and in the great state of Utah, divorce is not exactly something people on the street smile upon. On the other hand, I knew I had done what was right for both my son and I. It took about a year and a half to finalize the divorce papers, but when the ink was finally dry I was confident that I had made the right decision. And, while it was clear that there would be many challenges ahead, I was certain my son and I and were going to be just fine. About that time, I got down to the business of rebuilding my life. I decided to go into Real Estate and use my people skills to sell people their dream homes. It was a challenge to study, work, and raise Jacob, but with the help of my family, I made my realty dreams a reality. While my career was starting to take shape, my love life was in tatters. Being a single mom makes meeting people difficult, and dating them even harder. There were a lot of first dates, but none that really sparked my interest. Then, Matt and I started to reconnect and discuss those yearbook memories we had from high school. It felt comforting and the conversations we had were so relaxed that I began to see him as more than just a really good friend. I started to see him as someone that would make a great husband and a good father. When he told me he was coming to town, I suggested we get together to catch up. One thing led to another and pretty soon we found ourselves naked in bed together. It’s a common story, right? As we lay there next to each other, we discussed STI’s, and I informed him that I had been tested for everything during my pregnancy and hadn’t been with anyone other than my husband since then. He responded by saying that he had been tested regularly in the Marine Corps and had been given a clean bill of health. Thus, I felt comfortable sleeping with him, and while we used protection to prevent pregnancy, I certainly wasn’t concerned about contracting herpes. After all, I knew Matt well and I knew him to be an honest guy with a big heart. I knew he would never deceive me about something as important as his health status. And, it was his personality and the way he treated me that led me to hope that maybe this fling with an old flame might develop into something more permanent. Having been married and divorced, I wasn’t starry eyed, but my heart did skip a few beats at the thought. For the next four months, Matt and I saw each other frequently. The time we spent together was truly enjoyable and the holes in my heart began to fill up with joy and laughter once again. While we had used condoms the first few times we had sex, we decided to forgo them during later encounters. Again, I had no reason to be concerned and since I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, I assumed he wasn’t either. Then, one Saturday I developed what I thought was a really wicked yeast infection. It hurt like nothing I had ever experienced. It was so painful that I went to the ER that evening suffering from extreme pain. The doctors looked me over, listened to me rattle off the symptoms I’d experienced, and simply sent me on my way with some really great pain meds and a high powered pill to treat a yeast infection. At the time, I was pretty confident that there wasn’t anything to be concerned about. I mean, the doctor had said I was fine and had given me medicine to treat the problem. Like many people, I had simply gone to the doctor a few days too soon. By Monday morning, the blisters showed up leaving no doubt in my mind that something wasn’t right. Looking down at my lady bits, I knew this wasn’t a yeast infection so I scheduled an appointment with my OB/GYN for confirmation of what I feared it might be.

Katie, I've read through the thread, and read the symptoms you are experiencing. I'm gonna be bold here and say "GET OFF GOOGLE!" I can tell; been there, done that, and well, you're spending way too much time trying to diagnose what's going on. That's bad mojo and it's messin' with your mind. It's messin with your relationships. It's messin' with your life. Go get a full panel STD test. Seriously. I dare you to go this week. I'm going to bet you that it will return a confirmed, negative result for both HSV1 and HSV2 as well as everything else. Your symptoms and concerns simply don't indicate herpes. What they do indicate is another disease, one I also suffer from on occasion. It's a nasty li'l bastard and it's far worse than herpes; it's called Hypochondria and it can cause your body to do some really weird things. I agree with Dancer, you should seek counseling for it, and like I said "GET OFF GOOGLE!" You're not going to get a positive test. I guarantee it. And, if you do, and you provide me with a positive test result I can look at, I'll throw on a Tutu, turn on the webcam, and post a video of me singing "I'm a little Teapot" for the world to see. That's how confident I am you don't have herpes.

The doc did a PCR? That's very uncommon to do on sores and the FDA does not approve it for that purpose. In fact, the only time the CDC/FDA recommend using PCR for herpes is when it involves a possible case of enchepalitis; in which case the sample is taken from the spinal fluid. The doctor should have done a simple swab/viral culture test. If the doctor took a blood sample and performed a PCR based on that and you recently acquired HSV1 or HSV2, then yes, the results could be innacurate. While PCR tests are highly accurate after a window period has elapsed, I'd be skeptical of the result for the simple fact that it's not an approved test based on your symptoms and the time the test was performed. Since your blisters/sores have no doubt healed by now, I would wait another 6-8 weeks before having a blood test done to confirm. Now, take a breath. I'm not saying you do/don't have herpes. There are a number of other infections it could be, and that's one of the problems with diagnosing herpes based on sight; many viruses and infections all mimic herpes symptoms, so, it's possible it's a UTI, etc. That's why I recommend you get a confirmatory blood test to be sure. Sulfa drugs like Bactrim are effective at clearing up a number of STI's. Could that have cleared things up before you took your tests? Maybe. To be sure, get a full panel test done. It's your health, don't take a chance. Herpes won't do any permanent damage to your body; however, things like Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, and HPV can. Now, one option you might consider is to have your boyfriend go and get a full panel STD test done now. If you have been monogomous with your boyfriend, then at this point that will give you a little more peace of mind based on his results.