HerryTheHerp

Carlos not only hit a homerun with that post, he knocked it clear out of the stadium and into the parking lot. ASmith, dating sucks period. It's not that much fun when you get started. It's like one prolonged job interview. Sure, there are butterflies and it can be fun, but the reality is you are interviewing to be loved, and that's always stressful. Couple it with baggage, STI's, values, morals, futures, goals, and wow, it's a lot to handle. Rejection for whatever reason, well, it never feels good and I should know. When it comes to dating I've got the luck of Rodney Dangerfield. But, you can choose to look at the positives, or the negatives. I'm looking at the positives, and I'll be honest, now that I'm on "this side of the fence" I absolutely want to date an H+ woman. Why? Well, for starters, as you said, the stats are in our favor. If you want to look at it as shrinking your dating pool, well, in the US 1 in 4 women, and 1 in 10 guys have it. As they say, may the odds ever be in your favor. Would I have before? Well, clearly I did because here I am, and here you are, too. But, the odds aren't why I want to date an H+ woman. No, it's because it really does change a person. It opens your heart up in a lot of ways and can make you see things differently. It's a magnifying glass into the soul. And, I'll be honest, I've met more amazing women on this forum in the past 5 months than I've ever met on dating sites in years. Just look around and you'll see some amazing people here, and the one thing they have in common is a skin condition. How strange is that? I haven't given up on looking for true love. I haven't given up on my desire to have mind blowing, marathon sex with the woman of my dreams. I haven't given up hope of having a family, furthering my writing career, or doing all the things I wanted to do before this li'l bug came to visit. Why should you?

Willow and her boyfriend, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Couldn't resist. Congratulations. There's a time and place for one nighters, and it sounds like you've had yours. Most of us have, so there's no shame. As long as you brought a Trojan to bed with you, you're good to go.

Well, I don't wear make-up and haven't ever worn panties and I still feel beautiful. Getting the news is one of the biggest blows your ego will ever face. Know how you counter it? By not letting it get you down. You're still the same person you were yesterday, and this doesn't change that. Get dressed up. Put the make-up on. Put those earings in. Smile. Smile through your tears and eventually you'll see just how beautiful you truly are. And, as a soon to be former smoker myself, don't pick up that cigarette. It's real easy to do, and when you do it you will fall right back in to the old habit.

Is it ok? Sure. There's no consequence to taking the Valtrex. That's why your doctor gave it to you.

Jenn, It's good to meet you. Welcome to the club and believe me when I say that almost every person on this forum can relate, myself included. Made a mistake? How? you had sex? That's not a mistake. You feel dirty? You're not dirty (well, unless you haven't taken a shower, in which case that's easy to rectify.) Your emotions and the physical symptoms you are experiencing are absolutely normal. Your prodomes, feelings, and physical reactions are par for the course for those of us who experience symptoms. They will pass, I promise. Everyone's symptoms are different, but yours sound absolutely normal and within a few days they'll diminish, and in a week or so they will be gone. For now, you need to try and get your mind off of it. Force yourself to work. Force yourself to keep moving forward. It's not easy, I know. I shut down for about 2 weeks when I had my first OB. Didn't want to go out. Didn't want to work. Didn't want to eat even. Then, one day I woke up and said "This isn't a way to live life" and I haven't looked back since. I feel better, haven't had an OB since the primary, and herpes is now just a page in my past that I'll deal with when I start dating again.

Hey Mate, Timing's off? No, it's not. Circumstances have changed? Mildly. Let me tell you a little story about a guy who loved a girl a long time ago. I dated a girl similar it sounds like. We loved eachother, but circumstances and decisions tore us apart, eventually putting us on two different life paths. We reconnected 17 years later. You know the only thing that survived intact all that time? The love. That's the only thing that remains strong. Yes, there are still smudges from the pain we caused each other, but the love is still there. Why do I tell you that? I tell you because it sounds like you and this woman love each other. That's a foundation that can withstand a lot. You already have great communication and that's equally as important. Combined? You're in great shape. Where is she working abroad? I'll tell you this, people who work abroad tend to be more open minded, more tolerant, and more forgiving. I've spent 4 years of my life abroad and I'll tell you that it has definitely softened some of my rough edges. I'm willing to bet it will soften hers as well. My advise? Keep talking with her. Become her best friend (sounds like you're pretty close to that already). Don't get down on yourself; You're 32, I'm 36; I know I'm going to find someone who loves me, cherishes me, and wants nothing more than to be with me. You've already found yours, you just need to keep reeling her in so your hearts can move forward together on this journey we call life.

Hey Dragon, Well, good news and bad news. The good news is I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance. The bad news is you have herpes. Well, if you want to look at it that way. Really, there's good news, and good news for you. Yes, you have HSV1 and that's not fun; the good news is that by the time we're older, nearly 80% of the population does as well. So, you're far from alone. Can HSV1 (or HSV2) move around? Yep. It's called autoinnoculation and it can happen in the first 6 months after your initial infection. How does it happen? It can happen because you touch your sores then touch another part of your body. Is it common? Well, I autoinnoculated my ankles and my shoulder. Right now, my herpes and I have an agreement; it can breakout in those two spots as long as it leaves my butt and Captain Pepe LaScrew alone. If it does that, it gets the drugs. Can you pass it around/move it around in a bath? No. If OB's are on your butt, can it move to your vagina? Not if you don't help it. That said, I'm assuming you had vaginal intercourse with your partner; it's possible it's already there, but you're getting your OB's around back. Regardless, it's in that nerve region, and since herpes infects the nerves, you should assume it's likely already there. Again, keep an eye on it, but don't go feeling around too much for the next few months just to be uber careful. Once it's established a location it likes, it tends to stay there. It's kind of like the full grown adult that moves back home; it's uncomfortable at first, and once in, it's very difficult to dislodge. ;) Now, the good news about HSV1 genital is that it really does tend to quiet down pretty quickly for most people. You'll want to talk with your doctor about how it will interact with your diabetes. Because diabetes suppresses the immune system, you may/may not experience more frequent OB's and need to go on suppressive therapy to help keep your HSV1 under wraps. Of course, the better you keep the diabetes under control, the better your chances of accomplishing this. Outbreaks tend to diminish in frequency and severity with time as your body develops antibodies against the virus. Again, the healthier you are, the faster this will happen. So soldier, watch what you buy in the PX, make sure to take your PT seriously, and good luck. Know we're here to cheer you on.

Many of you may have seen this today, and despite my own personal disdain for anything coming from NBC, I'm going to share this. Keep in mind as you read this article that the math is extremely off and I already have a serious disdain for anything Fox writes about; she's a lousy journalist and likes sensationalism while also having a serious inability to keep her facts straight from article to article. However, this article's merit is not in the information it is reporting, it is in the discussion it is opening about STI's in America. While HPV and HSV are very different, their prevalence is astounding. Articles like this will open the public's eyes and provide an opportunity for the HSV community (that's us y'all) to keep that discussion moving in the right direction and bring the shame and stigma into the light where it can melt in the warmth of the attention. http://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/hpv-found-two-thirds-americans-survey-finds-n109846

Alright, Rambo. Calm down, the Russians aren't going to invade tomorrow and if people will start thinking before they vote, the possibility of a zombified nation will remain within the realm of Hollywood lore. Would herpes breakout under stressful conditions? Yes, it can and does. This is because as your body is stressed, your immune system is weakened. The same is true if your body is fighting off cancer, HIV, or even the common flu and cold. Now, can you do all those things with herpes? Could you become a SEAL, train for a marathon, sign up for a Tough Mudder and kick the snot out of the competition? Sure, why not? You can also fall madly in love with someone, have marathon sex, and become a parent which is one of the scariest things a man will ever face. If you really like to live dangerously on the edge, have wild and passionate sex with your significant other then tell her that's how her best friend/sister/mother likes it, too. If you make it out of the bedroom alive and don't experience an outbreak in the next 72 hours, you'll know just how much stress your body can take. Now, in a worse case scenario, Hostess Twinkies and Cupcakes will go extinct again. If that happens, shit's about to get real and I'm throwing down. Ask me on that day whether I have an outbreak or not.

I'm going to chime in with the "Don't trust Dr. Google." Who's Dr. Google? Why you are Dr. Google, silly. Are you a trained medical professional? If not, it's quite possible you are diagnosing englarged lymph nodes that aren't really enlarged; everyone's lymph nodes are different and come in different shapes and sizes. Second, I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts that you're poking them and prodding them. That just pisses 'em off, which causes them to become enlarged and hurt a little bit. My advice; Lay off them for a week and see what happens. Because you're not experiencing other symptoms like fatigue, nausea, rashes, etc., I wouldn't assume it's a bacterial, virological, or other serious biological reason. Like Dancer said, it could be as simple as needing a massage. However, if you stop touching them and things don't get better in a week or two? Get in and see a doctor.

You've been tested and keep getting negative results? Are you getting tested for both HSV1 and HSV2? If you are, and you are getting blood tests, I would suspect you are not positive for herpes and something else is going on. There is just no way that you would have that many blood tests over that timeframe and continue to receive negative results as your body would no doubt have detectable antibodies at this point. There are other transmittable conditions with symptoms similar to herpes. I would strongly recommend a full panel STD test if you haven't already done it.

Ever have one of those FML moments? Well, sit right back and I'll tell you a li'l story about last night. I got a call about 5 last night. My uncle was in town and wanted to go have dinner. Sounds good. Haven't seen him in a while, and well, our family has kind of scattered to the winds so it's nice when we can get together and enjoy each other's company. We've always been a close family, and my uncle a surrogate dad for me since my own dad left when I was a teenager. Well, my mom (who knows), uncle, cousin, his fiance, and my 5-year old autistic nephew all go out to a popular Mexican restaurant to eat. Sounds great, right? We're talking and laughing, discussing our lives, things we've done, and things we're doing. We haven't all been in the same room for about 2 years now. So, when it's my turn I tell everyone that I'm ghostwriting some books, and writing my own book on people who are living happy and fulfilling lives with herpes. I also tell them that I've adopted my grandfather and grandmother's corporate identity that has been dormant since they both passed; my grandmother would love it as she was a nurse, and my grandfather would approve because well, we were best friends and he always supported my business ventures. My mom's face was priceless. A sense of pride mixed with a tinge of concern visible in her eyes, but nonetheless she wanted to see where the discussion would go. My uncle had lots of questions and was shocked at the facts and stats. My cousin and his fiance (32 and 30 years old, respectively) were equally shocked. Of course, the conversation came around as to "Why would you be interested in that topic?" This is where it got interesting...and in a crowded restaurant surrounded by both family and strangers, I basically disclosed. I said, well, I had an experience recently and right now I'm waiting for final confirmation as to whether I have HSV1, HSV2, or both. My mom and uncle both chimed in that they both had cold sores; my uncle had never realized they were because of HSV1; he's a very smart man, but admitted he'd never given it any thought. Now, my cousin who I've been through a lot with over the years was taken aback. He knows me and we are practically brothers. He knows how careful I've always been, and how chaste I've always been. I also know how promiscuous he's been ( I got a lot of "Oh my God! calls from him over the years ranging from "Oh my God, you should have seen this woman," to "Oh my God, I'm gonna be a father." He's never been tested, nor has his fiance; their STD talk was 7 years ago and didn't include herpes. It was interesting because he and his fiance are not judgemental people, but I could feel them judging me for a few moments with their questions and their comments. Y'all would have been impressed with how I handled it, how I diffused them, and how I convinced them both to go get tested when I said "80% of people never have symptoms." Then, there's my blind, autistic nephew, Mr. Comic Relief himself. He doesn't talk much, but when he does, he talks loudly, and repeats some of the most random things he can think of....and, at the top of his lungs, in a crowded Mexican restaurant, you could have heard a pin drop as he shouted "Uncle Monkey has herpes!" And, while I tried not to laugh, I couldn't resist and busted out in a belly laugh that would make St. Nick proud. I gave him a hug, and said "Yes, yes I do, and that's ok, because I'm still your Uncle Monkey."

Relax Max, You're going to be just fine. 1. Side effects aren't that common, and most people who take any suppressive therapy for herpes rarely experience them. Maybe one or two here and there, but the treatments are very well tolerated and generally don't pose a problem. 2. Doctors who are going to know about herpes will be either urologists or virologists. Those are going to be your two best bets. Stay away from Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth, and the Witch Doctor. Phil and Ruth charge too much, and the witch doctor is a little batty. Although, Dr. Ruth did write a very good book on herpes you might want to read. 3. Like Sebastian said, la la lalalala kiss da' girl. Should you disclose HSV1 orally to someone you've just met, started seeing? I would, but not a "Hey, I've got cold sores." Instead, use it as an intro into a discussion about STD's. This will give you a better idea of who she is, the type of attraction you have together, etc. Plus, you might discover she also has HSV1 and it won't be an issue at all. 4. I'd disclose when you're ready. Only you can answer that one, but, definitely before you perform oral sex on whomever you are with. Not doing so would be a big no-no.

Aloe vera cream is absolutely a Godsend! You can buy it at Walgreen's, CVS, WalMart, or any other big pharmacy. Brand doesn't really matter; just make sure to get the cream, because the gel has alcohol that tends to irritate those nasty little blisters. Doesn't have to be 100%, and in fact you probably won't find that. Zinc cream also works. I'd stay away from anything with hydrocortisone in it.

Sounds like you are overfocusing. Sensitive skin on the pepe? That's pretty normal. Could it be from a little vigorous activity? Or, say sleeping on it wrong? Yep. It doesn't sound like herpes. What are the odds of you getting HSV2 from oral sex? Very, very small. Less than 2% of people have HSV2 orally; and HSV2 oral sheds at a very infrequent rate, so, I think it's safe to say that you are overthinking things.

Hi Lulu, As Dancer would say, he wasn't into you, he just wanted to get into you. There are a lot of guys (and gals) like that. Did you do anything wrong? Nope. You disclosed (Granted, I think next time you should do it sans alcohol.) You used a condom. Were you on antivirals? Bonus points if you were. BMT's right. It's no different than any of the plethora of reasons we get rejected or reject someone. I once rejected a girl because she had an unhealthy obsession with Disney. That's a good thing because sex with her was just goofy and I knew there was no way I'd ever measure up to Pinocchio when he got to fibbing. Chalk this up to a learning experience. Next time, wait a little bit longer. Wait until you're sure it's going to be a relationship, not just a one night affair. You're worth more than a quick roll in the hay, and any guy who wants you for more than that, well, this li'l skin condition isn't going to bother him a bit.

Ouch. Looks like your relationship just found its way into the intensive care ward and the prognosis isn't good. I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm not gonna stop the grandfather clock and pronounce it just yet. Like Kanoa, and your boyfriend, I've been betrayed in a relationship. So, I can relate to how it feels. What you've lost is not the relationship, it's even worse...it's the trust. And, once that's been wounded like this, it's gonna be an uphill road for you to get it back. It's a long road, and it takes a lot of time. Now, I'm not going to go as far as Kanoa and say that you should be single for a while. If you guys break up, then I definitely agree with that and everything she said, but for now, you sound like you're still in the relationship. So, there's one question you need to answer: Do you love this man enough to give it everything you have to earn his trust back? Now, there's a difference between "Oh my God, I love this man with all my heart," and "I'm terrified of being alone." Make sure you know the difference and completely understand what it is you want. If you do love him, then here's what you need to do. I'm not going to promise it will work; every guy is different, and every situation is different. Talk. Talk. Talk. Go with him as he gets tested. Sit with him as he gets the results. Listen to what he says, how he feels. It's going to hurt. He's angry, and he has a right to feel betrayed. That's a harsh word, but you're going to hear a lot of harsh words as this gets hashed out. You better put the big girl panties on; the one's Victoria keeps in the back of the storeroom; the one's that have armor plating and look as if they're holdouts from Henry the VIII's girlfriends' closets. You need to stand tall, and if he loves you as much as you love him, then it's going to work out in the long-run. A couple of questions: Did you guys have the STD talk before you got intimate? If you didn't, then he's just as at fault. If you did, and you lied, you're going to have to live with the consequences of that. Did you take steps to prevent transmission? Were you on antivirals? Did you use condoms? Did you avoid sex during OB's and prodomes? If you did, explain that to him. And, whatever happens, we'll still be here for you. Hopefully as we coach you and your boyfriend into building a healthy, positive relationship together.

Hi Seafoam, Sounds like you've hit the wall of the hurricane and it's stirring some pretty sharp emotions up. That's normal. We've all been there, so take a deep breath because there isn't a member of this forum who can't relate to what you're going through right now. First, you're not a monster. Well, maybe you are. You don't have a profile picture, so for all I know you have 6 arms, 400 large, very sharp teeth, 8 eyes, horns, and claws for feet. If that's the case, well, you're a very nice monster. If that's not the case, well, you're not a monster. Now, you told your friend. That's good she's there to support you. From what you wrote, it doesn't sound like she's being mean or cruel to you about it. Of course she's shocked...but she's shocked because she's thinking to herself "If this could happen to her...it could happen to me." She's also probably trying to figure out how to support you, so be her guide and let her know how she can. Why can't you go out? Why can't you have fun? Why can't you do the freaky deeky with the hottest guy in town? Nothing is stopping you except your own fear; it's a fear you're allowing to become a prison. Granted, you'll have to disclose when you get close to someone, but, after what you've just been through, don't you want that person to be someone who cares about you, loves you, and wants you for more than just a romp in the hay? I'd think so. And, while I know it's going to be tough to find a guy your age who isn't going to be bothered by it, I see story after story every week of girls in their early 20's saying they've met the most amazing guy who wasn't even fazed by it. Get out there. Your guy is waiting for you...and who knows, maybe he has a secret, too? He might be overly possessive of the remote control, or have a toe jam problem, or, he might still suck his thumb. We all have something we want to keep secret; love is finding someone you want to share those secrets with. Try some meditation. I do Tai Chi. Others do Yoga. I have one friend who drinks a bottle of Jack and sits in a corner reciting Shel Silverstein all night long. Whatever works for you. Just find some activity where you can give your thoughts a rest and discover all the things inside you that are beautiful, sexy, and charming.

Wonderful news! Congratulations!

There's only one way to find out. Go get a tan. Everyone has different triggers. I've done everything under the sun to irritate mine and set it off. No dice. I've smoke, drank, swore like a sailor. Denied myself sleep, ate peanuts at a rate that would make an elephant envious, even consumed so much chocolate that Hershey's is planning to name a street in my honor. Even got a tan at one point that would make George Hamilton look as if he were Casper's older brother. Did I get an ob? Nope. Not even a tingle. So, experiment. Go find out. If you get an ob, you'll know.

Well, your risk is extremely low. I'd say pretty much non-existent. While herpes is transmitted via skin to skin, it can also be transmitted via fluid that comes into contact with infected skin. Thus, if you had a lesion or a prodome, vaginal fluid comes into contact with it, and voila, it transfers. As far as disclosing, I don't think you've done anything wrong. You've done the right thing by not letting things get too far, and well, I think it's up to you as to whether you want to wait or tell her before she leaves. If it were me, I'd wait until she gets back, but definitely tell her before it goes any further than it already has. For now, enjoy getting to know her, and enjoy the intimacy that is building.

Hey Prometheus, Sounds like you got your heart a little close to the fire and got it singed a bit. Been there. It burns. You are far from alone. There are close to 560 million of us worldwide. That's a lot of people; that's almost twice the US population. We're totally awesome. Well, most of us. Bob from accounting is kind of an asshole, but, can't win them all, right? Try not to chew on it all at once. It's a big change to your life, and it's hard to make that adjustment once you get the official word. My advice? Continue spoiling yourself. If all that means is an extra sushi roll here and there, go ahead and let yourself enjoy life and things you enjoy getting from life. Now, that's going to include love. Love for yourself comes first and foremost. If you love yourself, others will fall in love with you. It's a hard thing to do, especially when you're feeling less than perfect...but you know what? Perfection is a myth, and this li'l skin condition is minor in the great grand scheme of things. Keep smiling. Keep your head up. Keep your willy wrapped up, and above all, clean the fridge 'cause nothing stinks worse than sushi that you've forgotten you left in there.

You should be ok. Just make sure to wrap it up, and if he's on suppressive therapy, there is a very, very small risk.

Hi Sophie, Welcome to the club! You've just joined a not so exclusive (There's 500 million of us worldwide) who have to live with a positive status for the rest of our lives. I would love to tell you there are door prizes, sing-alongs, and cookies and ice cream, but the reality is our budgets are a little tight. However, you are free to sing and dance, and consume as many cookies, and as much ice cream as you want to help you get through this. Your ex-boyfriend sounds like a real peach. Like, the kind of guy I'd like to meet in a dark alley with a group of Hell's Angels there to discuss things with him. I know it's no consolation, but my ex/first love cheated on me. We've started talking again after 17 years; you know what? That pain never fully goes away and it's going to stay with you. However, you can choose how you deal with that hurt. You can hold onto the anger, or, you can drop it like a lead weight. I'll tell you which one feels better, but I think you've already figured that out. It's not easy to let it go, but that anger, those emotions, they'll just drag you down and you have so much life to live. You hate men? Well, not all of us are narcissistic assholes. Sure, I might hog the remote, I'm not a big fan of shopping, and I do have a tendency to snag the covers. but I wouldn't say I'm an asshole. Try not to judge us all by the actions of one li'l dick. There are a lot of great guys out there looking for a lot of great gals. Your feelings about the diagnosis are absolutely valid, and believe me when I say a lot of us have felt that way. Heck, almost all of us went through those same feelings and the exact same process you are going through. It's part of the healing. Embrace it, think things through, and when you get to the other end of that tunnel, trust me, it's a beautiful light you'll enjoy basking in. Are a lot of guys ok with herpes? Sure. There's also a lot of women that are ok with it. Is it something anyone wants? Nope. Is it normal? Yep. Use it to help you weed out the immature guys who just want to have sex with you; look for the guy who wants to make love to you, and herpes isn't going to be a dealbreaker. You're not a leper, you don't have to stick to herpes dating sites, and yes, you will find love, a lasting, true, genuine love where this li'l virus ranks somewhere below "I don't like the color you want to paint the bedroom." As far as having kids, oh, you can have kids. You might need to take precautions with the delivery, but other than that, you can have unprotected sex with your partner at that point. Will there be a risk of him contracting HSV2? Sure. But, at that point you're talking about sharing another permanent, lifelong product of sex that is guaranteed to cost you more sleep than herpes...children. Shedding is difficult to pin down. It varies for all of us, even when we're on medication. It can be as low as 1% or somewhere around 20%. That's one of the reasons the virus is so hard to stop from spreading. But, with condoms, avoiding sex during prodomes/outbreaks, and taking suppressive, you can lower the risk to your partner to somewhere around 2%, which, is roughly the same risk you're running of absolutely detesting your future mother-in-law.

I agree with your OB/GYN. That ER doctor needs a stethescope shoved up his arse, stat! No, the presence of herpes does not mean something else is present; could it be? Sure. Likely? No. That ER doctor was a prick. Is it possible you've had this a while and not known it? Absolutely. There are people who have had it decades and then they have an OB for the first time. It happens. And, your husband should get tested, too, just to know and be certain. And, it's not really about being promiscuous or chaste. A lot of people on this site only had 1 or 2 partners before getting this. Now, have you ever had a cold sore? That's HSV1. How about your husband? It's possible for HSV1 to be below the belt and get there via oral sex. When you go back to get tested, be sure you get tested for both HSV1 and HSV2. Your husband sounds like a really good guy, and if you test positive for HSV2, and he tests negative, you'll still want to take steps to prevent transmission. It's not going to be a relationship killer, so that's a huge weight you can take off your shoulders. And, with proper precautions such as suppressive therapy, avoiding sex during OB's, and taking care of yourself, there are really good odds you never will transmit it to him. We're glad you're here. Ok, not really. We wish you didn't have to be here. But, since you do need to be somewhere, we're glad it's here because this is the best gosh darned support group and site out there. And, bring your husband in. There's lots of information here that he can benefit from (plus us guys in here are a little outnumbered and could use another member for poker night.)