bookworm21

Hello! Welcome to the forum. You will find some really amazing people on here. They have helped me so much lately. I just had a very successful discloser thanks to that description, and the ability to fully accept myself after talking to people on here. I look forward to hearing your stories and opinions as well :)

The article says "Genital herpes-related lesions, which are similar to cold sores and form due to a similar viral infection, should not be treated this way. This especially important when sores occur on the genitals themselves." I think in this case the advice should be listened to. Lol :D

Stuckinarut - Great job! I'm happy for you. We're all here if you need us :) Victoria I'm pretty sure we are wayyyyy too much alike. In a comment you said… "I also didn't want to build myself up just to lose him.. "If you are going to leave me, then leave me now so I don't have anything to hold on to." I said something almost EXACTLY like this last night. I let him know I was telling him upfront because I didn't want either of us to get more attached and then have things end.

Hahaha well after we had the serious talk he took me to dinner. He opened and closed my car door, opened all the restraunt doors, and left a big tip for our server. (I always watch stuff like that). We laughed and joked the whole time. He has twin 2 1/2 year old daughters and gets them 4 days a week. He has a good job and is in school to be an intervention specialist. He's also in the Army reserves after being deployed twice. Pretty much my dream man.

Adrial, do you know of any meetings in other states? Such as Ohio perhaps?

This should be my new mantra. "You are not the jackass whisperer, you cannot make this person stop being a jackass, you are not legally allowed to harm the jackass". :D

Mel, I find that we tend to be hardest on ourselves. I am my worst critic. I will beat myself up over something long after everyone else has forgotten about it. Not just about herpes (Thought I beat myself up over that until I couldn't take it anymore). Sometimes you just have to let yourself feel. Talk about it until you can't anymore. Come on here and talk about it until it feels more "normal". Cry it out. Eat a bucket of ice cream. Instead of holding it in, get it out. Eventually you won't feel so bad about it anymore. You will be able to accept it and move on. What helped me was getting on here and talking about it. Sharing my experiences and advice. I talk to other people so they can start to accept themselves, in turn accepting myself for the same thing. You aren't alone in this :)

I have recently been talking to someone from an online dating site. We really click and he wanted to go on a date. I agreed, even though I still had that nervous feeling of getting rejected. I always feel like I'm lying to someone until I disclose. Does anyone else feel that way? I wasn't planning on disclosing during the first date, but that's where the conversation went. He was talking about the Army and mentioned getting tested for STD's every year. I asked if the Army tests for everything, or just the four main STD's they test for in Ohio. We talked a little more about testing and I came out and told him my whole story. Not the shortened version that I had been using before. That version played me more as a victim, not a woman taking responsibility for her actions. He listened carefully and then told me he wasn't judging me. I informed him about taking suppressive therapy and using condoms. He said that we'd use condoms unless we decided to have a baby anyways and respected me for telling him. I also informed him of my most recent issues with another STD, but that I was negative now. I was honest and told him that in the past I haven't respected myself or another person enough to slow things down and get to know each other on a deeper level before getting physical, but I want to change that now. He told me that he appreciated that I told him, and he wanted to see things through. Later we got on the subject of a physical relationship and he said that he would never make me feel uncomfortable or rushed. He was a gentlemen the whole night and said he wanted to kiss me, but didn't want to push me into something I wasn't ready for. It was a refreshing change. He now knows my "dirty little secrets" and isn't running away. I feel like we've started this relationship out being open and honest, and I'm excited to see where it goes!

"There is always something about him, isn't there?" The ones that are bad for us are always the ones that draw us in. Ashley your story really touched me. At one point I had tears in my eyes. As for your question, after herpes gets rid of a few people that you don't need in your life, you'll know as well as we do that you would rather have herpes. It becomes something that instead of hating, you embrace. I believe in signs from the universe and see my diagnosis as a huge sign. I needed to slow down. I needed to learn to love myself and make sure the people I let in really love me, not just want to use me. I hope that sooner rather than later you learn your "reason". We are all here for you :)

Thank you both! :)

Thats the kind of bet someone takes after one too many shots of Jack Daniels.

No one will care about your herpes if the drugs turn you purple or something :D it would take away the having to disclose though.... maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all lol.

So I've been worried lately after a diagnosis of Another minor STD and decided to get fully tested. I got the results yesterday for the blood tests (HIV and such) and they were negative! I still have about two months before I can consider myself fully safe, but I'm happy for now. I know a few others are concerned too and I'll send "negative"thoughts your way as well. Now we're just waiting to see if this other pesky little guy will leave my parts alone. H and I will be fine without him.

The weirdest thing for me when I first found out was people telling me that it would help me or be my wing man. You might be wondering about that. The people saying that aren't crazy (don't roll your eyes, I did that PLENTY when I was first diagnosed :D ). It's this weird new fun fact about your life. Generally it gets people out of your life who don't belong there. It also has the bonus function of getting you out of unwanted sexual situations, better than the "i'm on my period excuse". Some guy hitting on you? "Sorry I have herpes, can't". It may not seem like you can ever joke about it, but one day you'll get there :)

I think most of us are feeling that. The betrayal, hurt, confusion, anger, all of it. The emotions we felt when we found out we were lied to. I'm here if you want to talk privately

Adrial, thank you for reiterating that the post is triggering quite a few emotions. The first thing I thought about was being lied to and the pain I felt when I found out. Posts like this are a good thing in some ways, it brings up those hot button issues and really makes us all think and work through those emotions. At least, that's what it did for me.

What happened to this girl who posted in December? "Thank you again all of YOU for your support, particularly Adrial and WSCDancer2010. I feel blessed I found this group. I will let you know how things evolve with the guy. And I will try to be more positive about life, and more grateful from now on. I am also going to try to reconnect with my inner self through meditation. Everything happens for a reason, and I know why this happened to me. I have always been very negative, and it is time to change that. Even though I always had EVERYTHING one could wish for in life I did not feel happy about my life. I will take this as a warning from life, that I was not being grateful enough nor LIVING life." Try to find her again.

It's not your life you're affecting. It's other lives too. It the guy you are sleeping with and the next girl he sleeps with, and the next guy she sleeps with. We are only "judging" because we have been there. We've been lied to. It's a horrible way to go through life. The best part about this community is that WE won't reject you. We aren't rejecting you right now, we're telling you there is a better way to live. Do you live near Ohio? I would love to sit down and talk to you. I know what it's like to feel so alone you can't stand yourself. To want to swallow a bottle of pills and be done with it. If you would like to talk, deeper than just this, my inbox is also open. So is Dancers, Herrys, and Victoria's. These people are amazing and can really help you. If you let them.

Hahaha I love this video! It always brightens my day. They should just make it a requirement for health classes in high school, but I'd have the girls go through it too, that would REALLY bring the teen pregnancy rates down!

Rejection is part of regular dating life. We have ALL experienced it. Herpes related or not. I'd rather be rejected over having herpes rather than something stupid like having a small butt or talking too much. You need to get to the place you can accept and love yourself.

I think disclosing is important not only for their health, but yours. You're gonna use condoms? Great. What happens when that condom breaks? What if your sexual partner is infected with something, but shares your fear of rejection? The talk is the time you need to lay everything out, on both sides. NEVER assume that because you have one STD you cannot get another. Once you do that, you put your life in danger. Herpes sucks, we all know that. HIV will kill you eventually though. I used to wonder why I disclosed, what was the point? The ONE time I didn't disclose, I told him after. I was a mess worrying. I couldn't keep the secret any longer. I've asked him about 5 times since then if he's been checked and is ok. He laughs at me about it now. I got lucky and he didn't hit me (I would have hit me) or take me to court. The person who gave it to me lied and forever altered my life. Don't be that person. Not disclosing is selfish. YOU want to be happy? Well so does the person you are sleeping with. This isn't going to make you happy sweetie. No amount of relationships built on lies will. I've been there and it's not pretty. I think you should reach out and get some professional help. Suicidal thoughts are nothing to keep inside.

Dancer, I just suggested the serenity prayer to someone else. Great minds think alike. It helps me in those moments I just can't go on because I'm not in control and the future is terrifying. Also when my family is being extra embarrassing :D

Have you tried the wipes from companies like Vagisil? They have some anti itch ones that may be helpful :) I find if they are cold they work even better.

We are all blessed to have you in our lives as well. <3

So if you've read my past posts, you'll know I'm having some medical trouble. I met with a new doctor today and got started on all of my testing. While giving me the lab tests he wanted me to know that he does not generally test for the herpes virus. I had never had a doctor tell me up front so I could request the test. It was a nice change, because even it isn't routine to do it he is letting his patients know ahead of time. I hope that has caused a few extra people to get tested! I told him that I didn't need it, as I've had both the swab and the blood tests and both came up positive. I'm hoping that things with this doctor will go much better, as he really seems to know what he's talking about. Also, If you are a male, you should feel very blessed. I cannot explain how hard it is to carry on small talk while a doctor is poking your ovaries after covering your insides with a cold jelly like substance. I hope everyone is having a great night!