makepeacewithit

Figuring out how herpes is working inside us is really hard. @Chrissy_ I don't want to pry, but I am curious about how you discovered your herpes and whether you have a good doctor helping you navigate this. Was it through blood testing only (since you are asymptomatic), or did you get a very strong confirmation of having the virus through something like a PCR swab or Western Blot? I ask because my blood-testing only diagnosis was very confusing . . . it started out with false low-positives for HSV-2 (that were wrongly presented to me by the clinic as a strong confirmation), and only after getting a Western Blot did I confirm I was actually dealing with HSV-1. In retrospect I feel that before I tested I had a few outbreaks that I didn't recognize at the time as the onset of my infection, but the blood tests and the clinicians who performed them led me down a confusing path for over two years before I finally got the real scoop. To be fair to them, they didn't know. They were doing what they thought was right, but they totally misunderstood how to interpret test results. Now I am in the place of knowing for sure what my situation is, and it has definitely helped me get a grip, so I am wondering if you may need to delve a little further into what your test results were and whether they were truly definitive.

I am like this too! I had seemed pretty asymptomatic until recently, and I even worried about a bump on my neck endlessly. Shaving bumps send me into coniption fits. It's really easy to worry about every thing when you are in this state, I think people who have regular bad outbreaks would argue with me for saying this, but I think having mild or asymptomatic herpes can be psychologically worse because we worry about everything, we don't know how to distinguish the real from the fear. Like I said before, I can't offer an informed opinion, but I think these are just shaving bumps, and I can tell you I just had my first (very mild) actual outbreak after taking a break from antivirals. I have GHSV1, so it was indeed mild, to the point if I hadn't been alert for it I might have dismissed it. It was accompanied by tingling for a period of about 3 days, and I think a short prodome of nerve pain in the vaginal area the day before. Once before I also had a cluster of tingling sores on my lower back, and I feel certain that was also an outbreak. So the tingling is really my key here, and I think bumps that aren't in an obvious herpes place that don't tingle we should feel free to call "just plain bumps." Now that I've had this second experience, I probably won't worry about shaving bumps much in the future! I hope what I've learned can help you, too.

I wholeheartedly agree with mr_hopp. Raise those standards! That's actually one of the gifts of H, that it truly helps US raise our standards by helping US weed out the people who aren't open to discovering all of OUR wonderful qualities. I have felt the power of this gift by now feeling much much more justified in moving slowly in dating. I always *wanted* to move slower, but allowed myself to get caught up in the moments that the other pushed for. Now I feel more empowered to take dating at my own pace. I always approach dating as "friends first" and make it clear to the other that I mean it by how I talk to them and the boundaries I have in place for getting to know them. Then, when the person I'm dating seems like someone I genuinely want in my life I initiate talking about the things that are important to discuss before intimacy: attitudes toward safer sex, testing, etc. If they are uncomfortable or if our conversations indicate they are not smart and proactive enough to meet me where I am at I probably won't bother to get to the disclosure stage with them, I will consider myself forewarned and allow nothing but friendship. It's worked for me and I highly recommend it!

The IgG tests are not as good at positively identifying HSV-1, whether it is new or established, the test misses 30% of the cases. If you DO get a high positive HSV-1 score with IgG blood testing you can believe it, but the problem here is that with such a high incidence of "total misses" the lack of a positive result for HSV-1 on IgG isn't a gold standard answer. It's unfortunate, and it happened to me that the IgG test never identified my HSV-1, and also gave me a false low positive for HSV-2. A positive swab or a Western Blot are going to be the only truly reliable tests for you with this.

Moving4ward, I found your post to be so poignant, but also hopeful and touching. You are in the ideal situation to fully understand your girlfriend's situation, and you are also in the position to maybe feel some resentment about how this all came about. Your screen name says it all. You are going to move forward in life with this situation whether you and she remain together or not. You write about it so beautifully that I feel certain you have a beautiful road ahead, despite this new little bump in that road. I totally get the uncomfortable feelings you have in thinking about her dating lifestyle post-diagnosis, and maybe it's because it reflects some of your feelings of where you once were in how you handled relationships. I often struggle now with feeling some judgement about people handle disclosures, or even just the basics about being proactive in testing. I have higher standards now, but mostly because of what I've been through. You have the insight and open heart to move forward with this woman now because if it feels right now it IS right for now, talk openly about your past and hers, and agree Together to treat each other differently moving forward, take this as the lesson the universe wanted you each to have to grow and learn. See how it goes, and learn all you can about your diagnosis, learn together, and help each other become fuller better versions of who you've already become (which sounds pretty awesome from your post!) Someday the relationship might end, but you will not be left out of the dating scene, I promise!!

What a fabulous success! I am not surprised that a health conscious individual like him would be cool with this, people who are proactive and smart about their health are also pretty knowledgeable in general. Sounds like a great match!! And I agree with you, starting any relationship with honesty is the best bet, and as a bonus it highlights how TRULY AWESOME you are, so how could they not want you?? You rock, girl!

You could ask your pharmacy to try a different generic antiviral to see if there is a version that doesn't cause migraines, but the first step is to arm yourself with the facts about the low transmission rates and have a talk with this guy. I also have GHSV-1 and when I got the Western Blot tests confirming it the news was delivered with a "Good news, it's 1!" The reason it's good news is that if you are going to have the HSV-1 virus, the genitals is the best place to have it because it's the least likely to transmit. Even less likely that having HSV-1 orally in the form of cold sores. The most significant chance you have of transmitting to a lover comes from him performing oral sex on you, so you may want to leave that off the table until you both know how you feel about the situation. I think the best way to talk about this version of HSV-1 is to start early with discussions if you feel yourself moving toward intimacy. Begin by talking about normal STI testing, how often you do it, ask him about how often he does it. Keep it light. Then maybe ask him if he's ever had a cold sore, see what he says about that (maybe he hasn't but he had a girlfriend once who did, or a sibling or parent who regularly deals with that.) That's your segue to talking about HSV-1 and the low-risk of the genital version). Here's what I would say to someone about this: I have this virus, but I carry it in a location that has incredibly statistically low chances of transmitting (and you can look up the statistics, Terri Warren's herpes handbook download or her herpes forums are a good place to get the details). More people have this virus without being aware they carry it, so they don't even know they can transmit it--even people who regularly get cold sores don't know they can transmit it (and at this point he might say, "hmm, now that I think of it, I had a cold sore last year" at which point you can give him a big kiss and say "hooray, you don't need to worry about getting it from me, you already have it!!"). Being with someone who knows they have it and can be alert for symptoms is going to be much safer than being with someone who isn't aware. If we get intimate, I will do everything in my power to protect you from the small risk. If you want more information we can look at it together . . . Good luck!

I don't think anyone here is truly qualified to form an opinion on the nature of your bumps, but I wanted to respond because I am also a person who worries about every little bump. So just know that what I am going to say here is the lowly opinion of a layperson who is dealing with GHSV-1, and this not medical advice . . . My first question to you is this: Do you know that you have herpes due to previous outbreaks or positive tests? You don't say your status, and therefore I am not going to make the assumption that you are indeed positive for either HSV virus just because you are here. If you don't KNOW that you have herpes, stop right there. These are not herpes sores. There is a product called Bump Stopper that works great on folliculitis (both razor bumps and the butt acne kind). It's in the men's shaving aisle and costs less than $4 at WalMart. Get some of that and anytime you shave use a little in the areas where you normally get bumps. They will go away. I use this religiously because I, too, get afraid of every little bump. Seeing the creme work on my random folliculitis helps me stay sane and stop worrying about bumps. If you DO know you have herpes, you need to develop some parameters for questioning yourself when you have worries so that you don't dwell in anxiety. Everyone is a little different, and there are no absolutes because herpes outbreaks can move around and appear on the skin covering the nerve area we refer to as the "boxer shorts area" (the genitals, the base of the spine, the buttocks, the upper thighs), but there are "norms" that help guide us, so think about your previous outbreaks, if you've had them. Ask yourself these questions: 1. Have I had previous outbreaks that happened in these non-genital areas (the photos don't *quite* seem to be showing the traditional "boxer shorts area" that GHSV usually restricts itself to, but if you've experienced them there I won't say the location rules it out, I'm not an expert) 2. Have I had any other symptoms with these bumps? Did I have tingling or burning? 3. Did I have any nerve pain or tingling prior to the appearance of these bumps that could have been a prodome? If not, I think the odds are in your favor that these are shaving bumps. We all have a tendency to worry and fear the worst, and it helps to run through some simple questions to bring our worries to a resting place. If you are uncertain about your status and have a reason to worry about it then consult your doctor, but otherwise I would try the Bump Stopper. I hope you will feel peaceful about this moving forward.

Healingmom, I just want to let you know that although my situation isn't the same I relate to the feelings of responsibility and shame you feel about what happened to your child; in my case the situation was food allergies. My infant daughter ended up developing significant life-threatening food allergies, she is now an adult and is still dealing with them. At first we didn't know why it happened, but in retrospect over many years I discovered new information and, eventually, the awareness that the allergies developed because of mistakes I made--taking antibiotics during her earliest breastfeeding weeks, not following guidelines for food introductions, the list goes on and on and I've spent a long time compiling that list and making sure I had no way out of blaming myself for what she is dealing with. I've spent much time sick with worry and guilt and regret . . . that time did not serve my life or my relationship with my daughter. I am finally moving on from these feelings, but it's sad that I wasted time and energy on the cycle of regret over something I could not change. You and I, as mothers, may feel responsibility and regret for any negative impact upon our children, but at the time could have done nothing to prevent this outcome--we simply didn't know. We are not responsible for anything except moving forward on the beautiful path we are creating with our children. If I could wave a magic wand and make your sadness over this situation disappear, I would, because you deserve to have peace. Since I can't do that, I'll simply ask that you make a pact with me to accept the situation, stop shaming yourself, and move forward with a forceful love for your child and your shared life pouring out of every cell of your being . . . because that is really the greatest gift you can give. My heart shares space with yours, much love to you.

Jessy, I think you disclose in a way that is similar to what you've written here. Explain that, once upon a time, you had something happen that you thought might be an outbreak. You went to the doctor and were tested. The doctor told you everything was negative and you were thrilled and went on with your life. Now you are experiencing something again and you are concerned and want to get re-tested. You have done research and have learned some things that make you worry that the original doctor was either mistaken or poorly informed. You don't know what you are going to find out from the testing, but now you are worried what he is going to think about the situation. You have done nothing wrong. You acted out of certainty and faith in the doctor's opinion at the time. You've learned new information and you desire to be proactive about it. You can do this.

I agree with the others about not excluding ourselves from the general dating population, but I did want to share my experiences of using the positive dating sites since that was the question. I will add to my previous comments that, despite wishing to find a match who shares my virus, so far in my dating experiences the only Truly Successful Match I've had is with someone who doesn't know his status but was strongly interested in EVERYTHING ELSE that I offer. HSV is not always a dealbreaker, and if it is a dealbreaker to someone you meet you can be grateful that the virus helped you weed out someone who isn't right for you. If you are dating in a way where you are looking for a relationship and not for hook-ups you shouldn't present your status as the first thing someone needs to know about you. If you are just looking for hook-ups, I think sticking to the herpes community makes good sense. I will admit, though, that I am hopeful that someday I will match with someone who does share my status, because my fearfulness about transmission has been very difficult to deal with and I'd like to imagine someday I won't have to worry endlessly about it!

The IgG test for HSV-1 is known to do this, it's not as reliable for catching HSV-1(even when it's established) as it is for catching HSV-2. IgG tests miss 30% of HSV-1, and it's a flaw that I can't find a good explanation for, it's just known that this happens. This is a part of the reason why testing for antibodies in the absences of symptoms isn't advised, the tests present these issues for us and create confusion. The CDC's web page simply says: "The HerpeSelect HSV-1 Elisa is insensitive for detection of HSV-1 antibody," but if your doctors are feeling confused about this result, it might be worthwhile to print out the CDC's page to show them that (I did that to show my doctor why I was still concerned about my status despite a negative test result after previous low positive results--most doctors are not experts about herpes despite being fabulous doctors in all other ways!) Here is the link to the page I referenced: https://www.cdc.gov/std/tg2015/herpes.htm and there are other sources out there, too. A positive swab is definitive, although a negative swab is not. A positive swab confirms that a certain sore was caused by HSV. A negative swab means only that no virus was caught on the swab; either it wasn't a herpes sore OR no virus was present in the sore at the time of the swab (because the sore had begun to heal) OR the swab wasn't collected or handled properly. In cases like this, where swab testing was "negative" it really just means it was "inconclusive," follow-up tests are then used to try to determine if antibodies develop. Then, of course, you have to start dealing with the chance that the blood test will miss it. But when the IgG test DOES show a high number (anything over 3.5, I think) it's reliable. So, acd820, your positive swab diagnosis is something you can trust, despite the antibody tests not adding any information, and the good news about that is that you know *where* you have acquired it--wherever you got the swab indicates the location. That's good to know. I know I have HSV-1 by taking a Western Blot test because IgG testing was back and forth, like you describe, and I am assuming it is genital due to having a few things that seemed like outbreaks, but they haven't been swabbed for confirmation. Loyalloulou, your IgG results indicate an established infection, but can't tell you where you have it, only that you have the antibodies, so you have the virus. Your swabs *might* be coming up negative simply because they are in the healing mode by the time you are able to collect the swab sample, or maybe because the clinician taking the sample failed to do it thoroughly enough, or maybe something else went wrong with the test. But basically, a negative swab doesn't mean it's not herpes, just that the sample taken didn't catch anything testable. Or perhaps the areas you are swabbing aren't related to HSV-1, but you had coldsores as a child and so your IgG tests are showing that. Hope this helps!

It is possible to have both genitally, but are you asking about just getting both viruses genitally, or having actual outbreaks of both at the same time (which I really don't know).

I have tried Positive Singles but had limited success because using the free version. The only two connections I made on the site were both men who were brave enough to post a photo (I'm a woman and I didn't post a photo publicly but had a private album), I think posting a photo is brave and will definitely encourage people to reach out. The connections I made didn't lead to romance, but I'm still friends with both several years later. But the site was frustrating to use in its free format and the number of active listings in my area was low, so I stopped trying. Last year I found a way I could use OkCupid to be a little more deliberate about seeking out others who either have my virus or are open-minded about it, I used the match questions to refine my searches to people who seemed smart or open, and to broach the subject if I talked with or met someone through the site. Their match questions include just a few on the matter: one about dating someone with cold sores (I have the HSV-1 virus, so this one is pertinent to me, but also is an indicator about how educated and open someone is), another one about dating someone with genital herpes, and a third one that is just about whether you'd date someone who disclosed they had an STD. Not many people actually answer these questions, and truthfully most just give a flat no (so I don't contact those people, and if they contact me it gives me something to talk to them about), but I do occasionally find someone that answers the questions positively and smartly, which is encouraging. It's still slim pickings, though. I've been considering trying to be more open about it, saying that I have the virus and seeing if that helps people to find Me. Recently I joined several FB Herpes support groups in my area, one for my city and one for my state. Those groups are not exactly dating groups, but it's clear that many people use them for that. They have meet-ups and do social things, as well as provide an outlet for goofiness and discussions. I use an alternative account I created because I feel the same as you, I don't want my business out there, and as a woman I feel very cautious about how easily someone could track me down, but most people are using their regular accounts because the groups are "private," making them almost a secret because they are not listed openly. You usually need a person who is in the groups to get you in touch with the moderators, and that might be a good reason to reach out to people on the HSV dating sites, to make some local friends who could help you find the secret groups. That's how it happened for me, in fact!

I just had the experience of my generic Valacyclovir prescription running out and when it was renewed and refilled it was from Mylan, instead of Cipra, which I'd been using for almost a year with no real problems (and no known outbreak). When I started taking it I almost immediately started having nausea all day, and a week into it I had an outbreak (hsv-1). I talked to the pharmacy about switching back and learned they will no longer do my preferred brand since it's more expensive for them. I'm not going back on the Mylan right now, I can't handle the nausea and my confidence is lowered due to the outbreak, so the pharmacy said I could try another brand. I am still considering switching pharmacies so I can stick to the version that I have had in the past. It looks like it's really possible that different formulations can impact us each differently.

I relate to your experience! My first real disclosure to a new person was full of tears and snot. Totally the exact same thing you went through in terms of this being a relatively kind person I felt a good connection with . . . and feeling rotten afterward for how I handled it. Here's the deal, though, and one of the best ideas I think I've gotten from the Herpes Opportunity community: that herpes can be your wingman, to some degree. It helps you find the true gems out there. This guy may have been great, and the connection good, but he wasn't great enough *for you* and the connection wasn't quite up to snuff if this situation is a problem for him. I have a strong need to be honest with potential partners, and to also ensure they are educated and understand *everything* about hsv . . . this is because my journey of learning my true status was a nightmare I don't wish to foist upon anyone. I sometimes overcompensate by being a bit scary in my presentation! This ultimately ended up working in my favor in my last round of approaching dating. Having failed before by crying my eyes out, I approached online dating with a few new ideas in my head: 1. I want to date smart people who know a bit about safe sex and testing, so I had to admit to myself that uninformed and/or willfully ignorant people shouldn't be in my dating pool. That narrows things considerably, limiting myself to people who are receptive to talking plainly and openly about these matters helps enormously 2. I would LOVE to find someone else also dealing with the same virus, so I'd have to be willing to take some steps into a vulnerable place to find them. There are others out there in the same boat, I have to trust we'll find each other. One aspect of that was using the questions on OkCupid to see who displayed open attitudes and common sense answers on the STD questions they provide, and another was making a profile on Positive Singles (though I admit PS sort of sucks because you have to pay for it to be able to connect with people, but I did find one brave man who used his photo on that site as well as on a regular dating site, so I made contact with him eventually) 3. I would treat everyone with care and kindness, and ask the same from them, and because I never know whether an initial contact is truly going to be a potential lover, I would approach everyone from a place of friendship, first and foremost. #3 is what really ended up being the radical move for me. Because I was clear that I needed friendship first, I eliminated fast movers and hook-up artists, I felt good about taking my time with things because I am not looking for fast and easy connections. Sometimes I disclosed very quickly because it came up, sometimes I never got to the point where it was necessary because it was clear it wasn't a match. As it turned out, I ended up forming a relationship with a man who started out as a friend only. Because we didn't seem to be a good match otherwise, we settled into being friends easily, and because we had a great connection I disclosed to him quite easily, explaining how my situation impacted my dating choices. At first he became my cheerleader as I applied all my new methods to trying to find my perfect "also positive" date . . . eventually he asked me for more information about transmission stuff . . . eventually we found ourselves feeling more like a match than we originally thought . . . together we explored what it took for both of us to feel safe about growing our relationship into intimacy. He relaxed a great deal as we learned more about how a positive person who knows their status is a safer lover than one who doesn't know, and I filled my prescription for a daily dose of Valtrex to further reduce our shared anxiety about transmission. The rest is history. We are probably not a forever thing, but we are a great right-now.

Genital herpes can manifest anally, it can manifest anywhere in the "boxershorts" region of the body. I never had lesions either. It can take some time to figure it out through blood testing, as the timeframe for establishing antibodies can be many weeks, and even then the tests can be inconclusive. Having a lesion swabbed and tested is the best option for getting confirmation right away (but is also tricky to interpret if the swab comes back negative, it could be a false negative if the swab isn't done at the right time). Talk to your doctor about how to arrange to have any sore that appears swabbed immediately. A week is too long to wait to have that done. I recommend googling Terri Warren's Westover Heights Clinic, look for the herpes handbook download. There is lots of good information on her site, and you can also pay for a consultation with her if you aren't getting the help you need from your local doctor.

I admire you for your attitude, and think it's great that you are treating your love with care and understanding surrounding this. I don't know for sure how I acquired my virus, hsv-1. So many people have cold sores and don't think of it as herpes, so many people don't know they carry any virus at all. In many ways, it's a fluke whether we acquire a virus or not, and it does seem like the vast majority of the population is dealing with this, whether they know it or not! That's the hard part for me. It's really a common virus, but we don't acknowledge that. Now that I know I have it, I struggle with fear of transmitting HSV-1 to others, and I still also fear acquiring HSV-2 (knowing what I know now, knowing how difficult it can be to even know you have it, knowing that even the medical community discourages testing). And it all comes down to not wanting to deal with that stigma, doesn't it? Because we want to be able to take the attitude that it's no big deal (because truly, it's NBD). We have to be the change we want to see in the world. Being able to hold your head high and move forward, trusting that all shall be well, being honest and open and caring with the ones we love. I have started to equate the whole process of transmission as akin to having the initial stages of a cold, not being aware that you are spreading something. It helps me to think of it like that sometimes.

Yes, I had a false low-positive scores for HSV-2 initially, resulting in the most confusing and depressing couple of years in my adult life. As it turns out, like a large percentage of the population, I have HSV-1. If you've ever had a cold sore in your life, it's possible that the test is mis-reading your hsv-1 antibodies. If you've never had a cold sore in your life, it's possible you've acquired hsv-1, not hsv-2. It's also entirely possible you do have both. Without symptoms, the expensive Western Blot test is your best bet for figuring it out, but only after a few months have passed. I had three IgG tests done over a period of a year, the first two tests showed hsv-1 negative, hsv-2 positive, but the positive scores were always *under* the 3.5 score that *SHOULD BE* used to determine whether a score is accurate--for the third test I did only the hsv-2 test, and it came back completely negative. At that point I firmly believed I was hsv-1 negative (after all, the previous two tests had been totally hsv-1 negative and I'd never had a cold sore), and the new result showing "all clear" for hsv-2 was hopeful. Still feeling unsure and confused, I invested the money to have a Western Blot test done, which confirmed I actually had hsv-1 (the kind that is usually oral cold sores). I've never had a cold sore, and in retrospect I do believe I had mild symptoms that aligned with having GHSV, so I believe that I acquired HSV-1 genitally, and during the period when I was testing the antibodies were just getting established. Jumping to the conclusion that a low score on IgG is positive might make sense if you had symptoms. Without symptoms it's better to take the wait and see approach to test interpretation. The IgG test is the better test for confirming hsv-2 when the score is relatively high (over 3.5) but often completely misses the mark for hsv-1 detection. My theory is that I was acquiring the antibodies to hsv-1 and the test was mis-reading it as hsv-2. Lesson learned? Always test for both. Another lesson learned? This stuff is confusing and convoluted. It's unfortunate that many medical professionals who are conducting and interpreting these results do not really know how vague and confusing the process is, so you are going to have to do the research. I recommend googling "westover heights clinic" and downloading Terri Warren's "Herpes Handbook." She is a true lifesaver, and I think is probably the foremost expert on helping people understand their hsv status, you can pay a small fee to ask questions on the forum there. It takes a little while to educate yourself, but you CAN get to the bottom of this, but then you also have educate your healthcare providers (and your partners). I printed out the CDC treatment guidelines and highlighted this part, "The most commonly used test, HerpeSelect HSV-2 Elisa might be falsely positive at low index values (1.1–3.5)" and handed it to my doctor to explain why I wanted to keep testing, you might consider doing the same. Best of luck to you . . . and remember, even if you are positive, you are fine. It's hard to learn to deal with this stuff, but you will survive and thrive, no matter what your true status.

Back in 2015 I had two low-ish but positive HSV test results within a few months of each other--I had intended to wait a while and then retest to see if the numbers rose . . . I also considered the western blot, but was really too broke to pay for that. I'd always seemed asymptomatic, but I experienced some tingles and a variety of vague things that convinced me I was having mild breakouts, so "waiting to retest" turned into "feeling resigned to my fate," and I didn't get around to the retest until just a few days ago, it came back negative. So now I am pretty confused. 8/28/2015 IgG HSV-1 negative, HSV-2 1.38 10/16/2015 HSV-2, 3.2 (labcorp) 2/7/2017 HSV-2, <0.91 (labcorp) I never did have severe symptoms, I never took antivirals, and I haven't had intercourse since all of this started. I've posted a question on Terri Warren's herpes forum, but it looks to me like she isn't answering in the last few days and I am terribly anxious for some feedback. Can I accept this negative test result and assume the previous were false positives? Do I need to go through with the expense of a WB? What would you do?

Hugs. I am in the same boat, but my HSV2 is relatively mild, I have had some issues but no huge obvious outbreaks and so I am CONSTANTLY wondering. And yes, every itch, twinge, tingle, pang . . . they happen throughout each and every day and so my tension is high constantly. The few times I've found the courage to engage in some sort of intimacy with my partner (no intercourse since last summer, he tests negative and I am way too scared of transmission), the next day is always filled with itching, twinges, or other mild potential symptoms. Right now I'm freaking out about constellations of pimples on my chest and neck, certain that my entire body is crawling with the virus, certain that I'm a walking infection. It's exhausting, @DarkDay, and it's terribly depressing and sort of embarrassing, too, because my partner feels I am paranoid. Like you I desperately want to move on. I need to get on suppressive therapy, but I think my doc will pooh-pooh it because I basically have no outward symptoms to suppress. I am sorry that I have no great advice, only sympathy and commiseration. I'll stay tuned in to this thread, hopefully some more experienced folks will have sage advice for us!

Oh, that's a really good point, 2Legit, I should probably write up some encouraging words about how well it went when I talked to everyone. At the time I got my first results it wasn't really acknowledged that it might be a false positive and so I was very certain I did indeed have it, and was actually thinking that I'd been unknowingly carrying it for decades. I contacted everyone, including my ex-husband, and everyone--with the one notable exception I mentioned above-- was not just "okay," they were kind, caring, and compassionate with me. Two men I'd dated before actually took the opportunity to tell me they would still like to date me if I wanted to do so. It wasn't fun to have to tell anyone, a lot of tears were shed, but the experience was actually so reassuring to me. I will say though, that it's an illustration of why it's best to only get involved with great people from the start! Choosing caring people to be in your life, whether for long term or for more casual relationships, is the best approach, 100% of the time. With the men I've dated since my divorce, I'd made an effort to only get involved with mature people who were capable of having good long talks about sexual practices and STDs and testing--so ultimately the fact that I'd already paved the way with openness and honesty and showing a concern for sexual health and safety was the reason that 1. of course I had to contact and tell them, I would expect the same from them if there was a chance they'd exposed me unknowingly, and 2. it went so well with most of them because we'd already established that sort of honesty on the topic.

Yeah, the issue of potential exposure is confusing, absolutely nothing is certain. I've had multiple intimate partners this year and I just can't know for sure. I've spent a lot of time talking to them and analyzing it, all but one of them have somewhat recent negative testing--but of course we are all moving targets to some degree--and the one who can't/won't give me testing results was about a year ago. He'd be my absolute biggest suspect based on trustworthiness and behavior (meaning, he seems sketchy and acted disrespectful when I approached him about this issue). Do you think it's possible that my low scores now could be due to an exposure almost a full year back? The others are all following up with retesting on their own, based on timing and exposure to me (so far I'm the only one with solid positive--albeit low--scores).

Oh, and I thought I would post this link to a nice, neat, concise infographic on the testing basics. It does say in the case of low positives that testing can be repeated with another method. I guess I am just not certain of *why* it should be another method (if my scores weren't rising, I would understand the need to use another test, for instance): http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes-testing-work/

I should point out, I feel really certain I am positive but of course I want to be sure since my scores have been under 3.5. I am trying to figure out if there is any real reason that another IgG blood test wouldn't be way to get the definitive answer for me. I used the word asymptomatic because I am not having obvious outbreaks that could be swabbed for a more definitive result. I've had UTIs and I've had apparent yeast infections, lots of itching, all of it prior to the testing, and none of it struck me at the time as potentially herpes symptoms--in hindsight I see it could have been. I tested because someone in my current partner's history thought they were positive, so my current partner and I both tested as a precaution. He was negative, but I was this low positive--we think the other person's status really has nothing to do with mine, it was just the motivating factor for getting tested. I'd never been tested before and the nurse at the first place I tested suggested I could have even had it for decades. I think it's newer than that, but there is not any way of knowing for certain. First blood test was end of August, second was mid-October.