HikingGirl

If you're concerned, get the blood test. If your doctor won't order it, find a new doctor. They are not god, and YOU are paying THEM.

So you touched the herpes sore one day and didn't touch your nostrils until the morning? Good news--there's no way the herpes virus would last that long outside the body.

Yes. A quick peck....highly unlikely. More likely to transmit with a cold sore, so avoid kissing if you have one. PLEASE do not let this keep you from kissing....one of the greatest pleasures in life!! The **vast najority** of adults already have oral HSV1. And if they do, you can't assume transmission. I also have both HSV 1 and 2. My ex husband and I were together for 16 years and he tested negative for both a year after our divorce (I wasn't aware of my status until after we were divorced, so I had both for 18-25 years and had no idea. Transmission is not a given.

Hi, @bennilenni. For those with noticeable outbreaks, it's common that they might be frequent in the first year as your body is adjusting to the virus. It's easy to always have herpes on our minds when you're experiencing physical symptoms. Perhaps you can try another antiviral? I noticed that acyclovir reduces the itching I have by a ton, whereas Valtrex didn't really do anything for me. This is also a great time to look for ways to be kind to yourself, pamper yourself, and do anything you can to bring the stress levels down as that can also be a trigger for outbreaks. I'm sorry you're having so much pain. I too was really mad at myself for not "knowing better" and getting herpes in the first place. It was well over a year and a lot of hard work later that I was finally able to forgive myself for simply not knowing and not being better educated. Most people (and many doctors!) are very uneducated about herpes. We're all doing the best we can with the knowledge we currently have. Now that we know better, we'll do better in the future, right? {{hugs}}

Welcome, @Mikkim. Yes, you could transmit oral HSV1 to someone's genitals through oral sex. Keep in mind that a huge percentage of the U.S population (50-90%..it increases as you age) has oral HSV1, and only a third of those ever have cold sores. One of my favorite graphics that shows the prevalence of HSV is here: http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ In other words, someone you date is being exposed to herpes frequently--they usually just don't know it! One of my favorite sources for factual information about herpes is Terri Warren, a nurse practitioner who ran an STD clinic for several decades and is also a herpes researcher. She has a full book on Amazon which I highly recommend. You can get the "cliff notes" version here: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ Adrial has a lot of information about disclosures on this website, and you'll see a number of conversations about it on this forum, especially in the related categories on the left side of your screen. There is no way to completely prevent transmission. Antivirals and condoms reduce transmission from female to male down to about 1% per year (assuming sex twice weekly), but nothing is going to eliminate the risk entirely.

@ash2018 In my case, I was on Valtrex for about six months, then took no antivirals at all, then stated acyclovir aboout six months later. So I didn't switch from one to the other immediately. But once I stopped Valtrex, I'd say it was at least a week or a little longer for all of the zingers to settle down.

"Different people manage risk differently." What @optimist said is so true!! I love to skydive and hike alone. Why? I love both activities and I'm more than happy to assume a small risk so I can continue to enjoy those activities. I can educate myself, make good decisions, take what precautions I can, then be at total peace with my decisions. I always tell my friends and family that if I died while hiking, I went out doing something I loved and I don't regret it for a second. When I was first diagnosed, I knew I would not accept someone with HSV if the roles were reversed. That was entirely because of the stigma. Now that I can see through the stigma for the bullshit that it is, it makes perfect sense to me that some people may think, "What's the big deal? A small chance of skin irritation in exchange for being with someone I'm crazy about? The truly awful thing would be not being with this person!" I'll be the first to admit it took me well over a year to get to that point. :-) But it sure feels good now that I'm here!!

She may just need time to process/grieve before she can move forward. It took me quite a while, and with the help of a therapist to start taking ownership for making things better. There's also the added factor of her age, and that's definitely an influence. Thankfully, the stronger I grow in self-acceptance, the less I worry about what other people would think if they found out. That's a big change for me since I wrote that post. Today, even though I don't tell people who have no need to know and I've only told people I trust implicitly and have earned the right to hear my story, if someone put a billboard in front of my house that I have herpes, I will go on being totally okay with myself. :-)

Hi, @Lizabee. Aside from taking antivirals and avoiding genital contact when you have an active outbreak, there's nothing else you can do. There will always be some element of risk, even if it's very small. Yes, it's safe for your partner to touch you if you're not having an outbreak. It is possilbe to transmit HSV to other parts of the body, but it's very rare. If your HSV1 is genital, then it's okay for you to give oral sex. It is possible that your partner could acquire oral HSV1 by giving you oral. Has your partner been tested for HSV?

Hi @Animus1. I used to feel exactly like you do now. I divorced two years ago, and also had to fend off all the people wanting to set me up on dates. So annoying! I feel like a different person today than when I was diagnosed 18 months ago (different in a good way). For me, in hindsight, I could never conceive of someone else being okay with my status until *I* was okay with my status. I think we all have parts of ourselves that we'd rather not show to other people. That may include herpes or it may be something completely different. Being vulnerable can be really scary. I've been working my ass off to develop the self-love and self-acceptance I have today, and it has made all the difference. Because now I feel like a relationship would be the icing on the cake of an awesome life....not the whole cake. Today, if someone rejects me because of herpes, or if someone breaks a confidence and tells other people I have herpes, oh well. Why? Because no matter what happens, I know I'll be okay. No matter what happens with the disclosure in a few weeks, *you are enough*, exactly as you are right now. And you are worthy of love and belonging. {{hugs}}

Hi, @sastre77. I think it's wonderful that you're taking the time to get educated about herpes. I'm guessing we're pretty close to the same age, you and I, but your post especially hit home with me because it sounds much like how I imagine my own mother would react if she knew I had herpes. About four months ago I wrote out some of the feelings I had about being diagnosed with herpes for a workshop I took on the topic of shame. I can only speak for myself, but my post (below) may help you understand some of what your daughter may be feeling and how you can be a support to her. https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/8700/healing-through-speaking-shame-my-herpes-manifesto-part-1-of-2#latest http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/8701/healing-through-speaking-shame-my-herpes-manifesto-part-2-of-2#latest

Welcome, @1234321123. I'm more than twice your age, and when I found out I have HSV1 and HSV2 about 18 months ago, I felt very much like you do. The thing is, 90% of people who have herpes have no idea they have it because they don't have symptoms or they think their mild symptoms are something else. This makes transmission possible no matter how careful you are. Herpes is just a virus. On it's own, it doesn't make someone a poor choice of partners. And it doesn't seek out bad people to infect. That's just the undeserved stigma that's out there. I acquired herpes two decades ago from someone I always used condoms with. What all of us on this forum know now is that doctors and the public are grossly uneducated about herpes and how it's spread. The initial diagnosis can be a big blow to most people. It's very normal to feel down for a while. I liken it a lot to the grieving process...because for me this was a loss...and sadness is part of the healing process. With time and some work, herpes can indeed be an opportunity. I feel 100x more confident and stronger and love myself more than before I was diagnosed. Seeing a therapist helped me tremendously, as did learning as much as I could about herpes, exercise, getting outdoors and hiking, spending time with friends, journaling, meditating, etc. If you have family/friends you trust you can talk to, that also helps many people. It's a little different for everyone. For now, just know it's okay to grieve. We just don't want you to stay stuck in grief forever. :-) {{hugs}}

Hi, @Daisy1980, and welcome! Everything you're feeling right now is very common among the newly diagnosed. You are definitely not alone. Adrial has a lot of great information on this site about disclosing, and many people have shared their experiences on this forum. The search bar at the top right of this page is your friend! So are the topic categories at left. Yes, your partner can get herpes if he doesn't use a condom. The chances of transmission, female to male for genital HSV2 is 4%/year with no condoms or antivirals, 2%/year with either condoms or antivirals, and about 1% per year with both. That's assuming sex twice a week according to the study. It's also possible to transmit herpes even with a condom. I acquired it from one of the partners I had before getting married, and all of them I used condoms with. Likewise, it's possible that it may not transmit. I was diagnosed after getting divorced and had no idea I had it. My ex of 16 years tested negative for HSV1 and 2 (I also have both) when I told him. All those years of no condoms or antivirals and the luck of the draw was that he didn't get it. One of my favorite sources of basic information can be found here: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ You'll also find a wealth of information and links on this forum. Again, welcome. :-)

Hi, @N80. I'm afraid there's no fix for this type of situation. A one-time encounter would have a pretty low chance of transmission (although it's happened to others). What if you just explained that you made a really bad decision because you had been drinking? He may still be pissed, but then at least you've cleared the air.

I would do a western blot as well. Wouldn't it feel good to know for certain?

Thus is wonderful, @SPATX919! How awesome to have such supportive friends. As Brene Briwn says, "Shane happens between people and it heals between people." Your post gave me the warm fuzzies today. :-)

Some days nothing surprises me!!

Hi, @Decisions93. I can hear the disappointment and frustration in your post. What are you hoping for with a lawsuit?

The other thing to keep in mind is that giving a herpes diagnosis from a visual check alone is nothing to bet money on. I would either get a swab if there's another outbreak or wait for the blood test before assuming you have herpes to begin with. I know that will be a long wait for you. Just know that in the end, no matter what, you'll be okay!!

For what it's worth, I have both HSV1 and 2. Since I have mild outbreaks on my genitals but have never had a cold sore, I just assume that I have genital HSV2 and oral HSV1 (no way to know for sure, but statistically speaking, this is the most likely scenario). Two thirds of people with oral HSV1 never have a cold sore. I was diagnosed with both types after my divorce, and my ex husband did not acquire either type....we were together 16 years! Anyway, I mention it because literally anything is possible in these scenarios.

Your doctor is flat out wrong on this one. Genital HSV1 is very real. Time to find a new doctor! If you have another outbreak, have your new doctor do a PCR swab (not a culture). If this is a new infection for you, then I'd wait a few months and then have the new doc do an IgG blood test. Sounds like appointment was a total waste of time. So sorry. :-(

If you acquire the virus, 2-10 days is kind of the norm. Not everyone has symptoms. I got HSV2 20+ years ago with no symptoms. I was also married for 15 years (didn't get diagnosed until after the divorce) and he never got it, so transmission is not a given. If you don't experience an outbreak, get an IgG blood test 16 weeks after exposure. Some people will test positive earlier, but by 16 weeks, virtually everyone who has the virus will test positive for it. The speed at which people produce antibodies (what the blood test actually tests for) varies widely.

At the risk of sounding like doom and gloom. It could just as easily be a false negative. Believe me, I prayed mine was a false positive, but for my own sanity I needed to know for sure. Seventeen months later, I'm much happier being sure of and informed about my status than the agony I went through of not knowing. I am not a health care professional, but the IgG tests for antibodies your own body makes in response to the virus, which should make it unrelated to other disorders. Best wishes to your girlfriend as she decides how to move forward.

Wow. I'm starting to think a western blot is worth a closer look. It's far more sensitive than the IgG. The IgG test can miss up to a third of HSV1 infections, which may explain the negative result in the second test. My HSV2 index value was 3.27 and the western blot confirmed I was positive for it (also turns out I've had it for around 20 years and my ex husband of 15 years never got either strain from me....I didn't know until after we divorced). I also have HSV1....although so do the majority of adults! Keep in mind most STD panels don't include herpes. In fact, most doctors don't test for it if there are no symptoms, and 87% of those who have it have no symptoms or symptoms so mild they're mistaken for something else. Both strains are very common and it's likely you've encountered them before, even if your partners are tested (referring to first sentence of this paragraph). The virus can shed (exit the body) with no symptoms, anywhere in the boxer shots region. I got herpes from a man with no symptoms and I always used condoms with him. Skin to skin genital touching is enough. I wish I could put up a billboard telling people that. Anyway, I mention all of that to say, we hear you! Many of us have been having the same WTH moment and scratching our heads how this could happen to us. Hopefully your girlfriend can get some straight answers.

@TP14 has she requested copies of both labs and compared them side by side? That sounds crazy with it coming back negative a month after testing positive. I'd start with comparing results with her own eyes and making sure the same kind of test was done and look again at the numbers.