HikingGirl

Hi, @JustTryingtocope, and welcome. Your post included several concerns, so I'm going to try and address them in the order you mentioned them. Bear with me for the long post! First and foremost, please call your campus health center and make an appointment to see a counselor. (Or, make an appointment to see a one if you're on your parents' insurance. You don't have to tell them why. Just say you feel stressed with school and a friend suggested it might help.) Even though your post said you had consensual sex, phrases like "at first he forced on me" and "I didn't even want to have sex with him in the first place" do not sound consensual. Feelings of uncertainty and guilt like you describe can take a huge toll on your physical, emotional and mental health, do not go away on their own, and are best addressed with the support of a professional. Regarding your tests, you can ignore any reference to the IgM test. Herpes experts say they are notoriously unreliable and worthless. Who knows why labs still use them. An IgG index value under 0.9 is negative, and over 1.1 is positive for HSV. Between 0.9 and 1.1 is equivocal (unclear). Based on your current index values, your results would be classified as positive for both HSV1 and HSV2. However, herpes experts have found that index values between 1.1 and 3.5 have a fair number of false positives. If you have a low index value, and you've never had any symptoms of herpes, the only way to know for sure if you truly have it or not is to have the western blot test done. The western blot is the "gold standard" for HSV testing and is definitive. It's not common because it is only done at the University of Washington, so it is more expensive and your own doctor might be hesitant to order it if he/she isn't familiar with it. I had one done last year and it cost me $250. Terri Warren, an expert on herpes, can help you order the test if you want it done. More information at this link: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/getting-a-western-blot/ Another really important fact is that it can take up to 16 weeks for the body to produce enough antibodies to show positive on a blood test. 70% of people who have the virus will test positive by 6 weeks after exposure, but it's not until 16 weeks post-exposure that 97% of people who have the virus will test positive. In your case, I would count out 16 weeks from the last time you had sex with this man, and go get another blood test. If you still have a low index value (between 1.1 and 3.5), you may want to consider getting the western blot test. My HSV2 index value was 3.27 and I still had it done because I did not want to go the rest of my life wondering if I really had it or not. Uncertainty is even worse than bad news, in my opinion! Going forward, you should know that you can get herpes from someone even if you use a condom. I got herpes from a man I always used condoms with. Condoms reduce the chances of transmission, but they don't eliminate the chances of transmission. The virus can be transmitted anywhere in the boxer shorts region, even if there are no symptoms. This is why it's so easily spread. Most people with herpes never have any symptoms, or their symptoms are so mild they mistake them for something else. I also have HSV1 and I've never had a cold sore. Only about a third of people with oral HSV1 ever have a cold sore. The rest have no symptoms. Also, 87% of people with HSV2 don't realize they have it because they have no symptoms or mild symptoms. Through a series of circumstances I won't bore you with, I know now that I acquired HSV2 18-25 years before I was ever diagnosed with it (and I probably got HSV1 long before that in my childhood). I had absolutely no idea for all those years!!! In hindsight, I know now that some of the symptoms I thought were mild yeast infections were really minor herpes outbreaks. A good basic set of facts about herpes can be found here: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ (Terri Warren also has a full book available on Amazon if you want even more information. I found it really helpful.) Your sexual health is nobody's business but yours and the people you're having sex with. There is no reason you have to tell your parents, unless you fully expect they'll be empathetic and supportive, and you actually *want* to tell them. My family is judgmental as hell, so I've chosen to keep it between me, my therapist, and two very close friends. Likewise, I see no reason to tell the guy. Yes, it's possible you could have acquired the virus before him. Finally, you do have a bright life ahead--if you're willing to work for it. HSV is not a death sentence--not physically--and it doesn't have to be an emotional death sentence either. You'll find from reading posts here by "veterans" that there is an awesome, fulfilling life ahead (and yes, with sex!) if you're willing to make it so. Get clear on your test results, get educated, get some support from a professional, and give yourself some love. You're human, and even when we make mistakes, we are still worthy of love. {{hugs}}

Hi, @ARPTT0576. Do you know which type you have? Did the doctor do a swab test because you had an initial outbreak, or was it a blood test? Has your boyfriend been tested? It's entirely possible you got the virus from him and he just didn't know he had it either. (It's also possible you've had it for years and didn't transmit it to him.) A herpes diagnosis comes as a pretty big shock to most people and can take some time to digest--both for you and your boyfriend. You've received some great advice. Get educated about HSV and make sure you're taking care of yourself too. It's perfectly normal to grieve for a while--this is a loss, after all. We'll still be here when you run out of tears and you're ready to resume an awesome life. :-) Hang in there. This is a tough time, but there is every reason for your future to be bright. {{hugs}}

(I replied to your question in the other post you made.)

There are many, many things that can cause skin irritations. I would go see a doctor immediately (even if it's not your regular doc) to have the sores swabbed for HSV. Then I'd also ask for an IgG blood test while you're at it. The only way to put your mind at ease are to have the tests done.

It can take up to 16 weeks to develop enough antibodies to show up on a blood test. Some people make antibodies faster than others. As to whether or not you need to disclose in the meantime, I think that's a question that only you can answer. Something to consider as you make that choice might be how you felt when this woman told you about her status after the fact. Statistically speaking, transmission from a one-time encounter is pretty low, but it absolutely happens. Moreover, you're most "contagious" (I hate that word) when you're newly infected--especially in the first year.

Hi, @kiko. The index value (the number from your test) is simply a positive or negative result. A higher number does not mean you've had it longer. It doesn't mean anything unless it's over 1.1 in which case it means simply that you're positive. I've had HSV1 and HSV2 for over 20 years and my HSV2 index value was 3.27. Don't stress over the numbers. Estimates are that 50-90% of American adults have HSV1 (the older you get, the more likely you are to have it). It is extremely common. Only a third of those with oral HSV1 ever have a cold sore. It's true that if you don't have any cold sores or genital outbreaks there's no way to know where you have it. However, HSV1 prefers to live in the mouth. It is possible to transmit HSV1 to your wife even if no cold sores are present. I believe Adrial has the transmission rates in his handouts on this site. The risk is pretty small either way, and transmission is not a given. I was married for 15 years without knowing I had both types, so I wasn't taking antivirals and we weren't using condoms, and after the divorce, my ex tested negative for both types. Statistically speaking, it's most likely you have oral HSV1 and you probably picked it up as a kid, as most people do. HSV1 is very, very common. It's just not talked about because many people have no idea cold sores are herpes, and most people who have it don't know they have it because they're asymptomatic. Here's a great handbook with more information. I also recommend the full book by Terri Warren. https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ Believe me, I know you're having a "WTF??!!" moment...that's very normal and I've been there! In time you'll learn more about the virus and realize why doctors are so nonchalant about it. It's a skin nuisance, problematic for a few, asymptomatic for most, that is not life threatening and is not going away. Get educated then get on with having a fabulous life. :-) {{hugs}}

The IgG blood test misses up to a third of HSV1 infections, but is good at picking up type 2. That's one possibility.

Have you been tested with an IgG blood test? Chances are, what you're experiencing has nothing to do with herpes. I was married for 15 years and was diagnosed with HSV1 and HSV2 after the divorce. My ex later tested negative for both, meaning I picked up the viruses before we met. All that time I had absolutely no idea. Transmission is possible, but not a given. 87% of those with herpes have no symptoms or the symptoms are so mild they're mistaken for something else. I highly recommend the book written by Terri Warren for more detailed information (available on Amazon). I know this is a big shock for you. I'm sure it is for your husband as well. Getting educated is one of the best things you can do right now to help move both of you forward. {{hugs}}

I'm convinced my OBs are hormonal as well. Valtrex didn't do squat, but acyclovir has been awesome.

Hi, @Newbiehsv1g. If I were in your shoes, I would probably start with requesting hard copies of all lab tests, including the original ones. It'd just be good to see with your own eyes what was done in case there was a miscommunication. Once you have that, you can pay to do a consult with Terri Warren and get her opinion (more info at the Westover Heights clinic website). It'd be cheaper than a western blot. For what it's worth, I did a western blot (I had a low index value on my IgG) and although it was definitely a chunk of change (I think I paid $250?), but Terri made it easy and having certainty on my status gave me a lot of peace of mind. It wasn't the answer I wanted to hear (positive for types 1 and 2), but I was glad I did it.

I get yeast infections and herpes out breaks simultaneously. For years I thought my herpes symptoms were yeast infections because I had no idea I had HSV! I'm convinced my outbreaks trigger was primarily hormonal. Happily, acyclovir has pretty much stopped outbreaks entirely. Have you ever tried boric acid for the yeast infections?

I would only use tea tree oil if the skin wasn't broken. It mostly helps with itching. Perhaps some plain coconut oil might be more soothing?

I've read baths with rosin salt can help. I also like tea tree oil **diluted** with a wet cotton square or coconut oil.

I know. It takes time. And it's okay to be sad...I think it's healthy to recognize this as a loss. We just don't want you to live in this sadness forever, right? :-) Be kind to yourself, take good care of yourself, surround yourself with friends and family who love you, and keep on living so you have things to look forward to. This crappy time of your life and the overwhelming fear and sadness will not last forever. {{more hugs!!}}

It can be downright terrifying to acknowledge the strong negative emotions that often accompany a herpes diagnosis. Working with a counselor to do that in a safe space can be really helpful. Kudos to you for recognizing and admitting early what's happening.

When I was diagnosed, it was about a year after my divorce, and I also felt like I would be alone forever. What I know now is that no one is going to love and accept me--truly--unless I love and accept myself. That shift in perspective gave me the courage to deal with herpes head on, forgive myself for not being better educated about HSV, and to start becoming the person I want to be and living the life I want. When I'm ready to date again, that relationship will be the icing on an already really awesome cake (and not the entire cake). Welcome, @TaintedLove. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you are not alone. {{hugs}}

Yeah. Mine said to just use a confirm when having an OB and seemed shocked I would bother telling my ex of 15 years.

I didn't talk to my doctor about it. I recognize I'm still occasionally contagious even with any medication, so I just figured...what's the point? Plus I've found most health care providers to be less educated about herpes than I am.

I don't know. Certainly it means the nerves are awake, but I don't know if tingling always equals shedding. Ultimately, there is no way to know when shedding is occurring (outside of an active outbreak).

I had the same thing on Valtrex. Drove me nuts. Happily, acyclovir has been more effective reducing outbreaks and no zingers!

A naturopath once told me about using boric acid for yeast infections and strong probiotics as vaginal suppositories. As someone who has had more than my fair share of yeast infections over the years, I can attest this is a great treatment! Now, if I even feel a hint of something coming on, I use these remedies and can usually nip it in the bud. Antivirals have also helped with the itching in my case, but since my outbreaks had been very closely linked to my monthly cycle, I think there is a lot of crossover--symptom wise--with outbreaks and yeast infections. Glad you're finding solutions that work for you!

I have gHSV2 (acquired it 18-25 years before getting the diagnosis and had no idea I had it) and also oral HSV1 (no symptoms). In hindsight, my biggest symptom has always been itching. Even between fairly frequent outbreaks (which I thought were just yeast infections), I still had a low grade itching and figured I was just cursed with the itchiness. After my diagnosis, I tried Valtrex, which did nothing for me but give me near constant prodrome symptoms. After about 2 months or so on acyclovir, one day I realized....."hey, I'm not itchy! Like....at all!!" It's been WONDERFUL. I practically feel like a new woman! So from my experience, yes, antivirals can help with itching. If you don't want to go that route, my old standby is tea tree oil *diluted* with a wet cotton square or coconut oil. Even just plan coconut oil helps me if the itching is mild. I sincerely hope it subsides soon. It's maddening!!!

If you're concerned, the only way to put your mind at rest will be to get retested using another lab.

I get it. When you're still processing the diagnosis, the thought of telling someone else is scary as hell. It took six weeks for me to get up the guts to tell my ex.

I think the biggest reason here to tell the guy is that you just said it's eating you up inside. He probably will not react well. You probably won't have one last fun roll in the hay before parting ways. You also *probably* didn't give him herpes, but some of us *did* get herpes from brief, condom-wrapped encounters much like you described, so be sure you're willing to be on the losing end of those odds if that's going to be your strategy in the future.