HikingGirl

My current health care provider also told me I could be infected with a different strain of HSV1 or 2 from a new partner (I already have both). I asked Terri Warren (an HSV expert) about this and this was her reply: "While that is conceptually true, experts agree that there is no clinical implication to this theory and we do not discourage this kind of contact nor do we suggest that you be careful about transmission with someone who has your same type (1 or 2)." FWIW. I've had both types for 20+ years, so I've decided I'm just not going to waste time worrying about it. I'd happily trade some awesome sex for the remote chance of a new strain. :)

I'm sorry--I know the feeling! I have both types (diagnosed by blood test), have never had a cold sore, and my genital outbreaks have been so mild that the swab test just comes back inconclusive. So I'm just left to guess I have oral HSV1 and genital HSV2 because, statistically speaking, that is the most likely scenario. It's entirely possible you picked up oral HSV1 long ago and had it all the time you were with your ex. Only a third of those with oral HSV1 ever have cold sores. I've always found that statistic surprising! In any case, it can feel maddening, especially initially, to not have conclusive answers about which type you have, when and where you got it, etc. Over the past 18 months since my own diagnosis, I've come to be more at peace with that uncertainty just because of how common HSV (of both types) really is. (This infographic does a nice job of illustrating this: http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/) As you can see, the vast majority of people with HSV don't have symptoms (or they're so mild they're mistaken for other issues). Between all of the overwhelming and sometimes confusing information about HSV, the uncertainty that usually comes with it, and the fact that no one talks about it, it's really easy to feel all alone because of it. That's what makes these forums such a godsend. :)

I'm finally learning to live more confidently, instead of letting my H+ status literally control my life. :) We are glad you are here, @SnapperCreek! What kinds of things brought you as far as you are now? I love hearing from people who have had HSV for several years and learning from their hard-earned wisdom!

Welcome, @Sighing....shocked, low, and hopeless are very common feelings! The good news is that they're not permanent (unless you work very hard to keep them that way). I read a great article yesterday about how we are like a train, and emotions are like a tunnel. We want to avoid them, but we can't. We need to move all the way through the tunnel to get to the light that's on the other end. Most people cycle through the five stages of grief and then go on to realize they are so much more than a herpes diagnosis. In the meantime, getting educated about HSV and being very kind to yourself (physically and emotionally) are great first steps. Please let us know if we can be of help and support to you during your journey. {{{hugs}}}

P.S. You are far, far from alone. HSV is much more common than you think! This interactive graphic dos a great job of showing that. http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/

Welcome, @Tmhs75. You can rest easy about spreading HSV to your daughter because it requires skin-to-skin genital contact or oral sex to trasmit the virus from one person to another. Also, the virus only lives for a few seconds outside of the body. One of my favorite resources is this short handbook (I also love the author's full book): https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ The things that are helping me to get past my own diagnosis (18 months ago) are taking good care of my physical and mental health, talking to people about HSV (in my case, a therapist, two close friends and mostly this forum), and taking it one day at a time. It's okay to be sad and angry and disappointed too....we just don't want you to live there forever :) There is no reason in the world you can't go on to live a wonderful, happy life!

Welcome, @FeelingConflicted. You absolutely do deserve someone who will look past a virus and love you for who you are and what you have to offer. We see positive stories on this forum very regularly and it gives me hope!

Thank you for this, @janedoe! I just love hearing updates from people who have had this awhile....they are so helpful. It's amazing how the basics (nutrition, exercise, sleep) seem to help everything. Add a good mental health professional and a supportive boyfriend to that mix and it's no wonder you're doing so well. Kudos to you!

p.s. This is another one of my favorite links. It's a great visual of just how common the herpes simplex virus is! http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/

Hi, @DazedandKonfused. Yes, you can get genital HSV1 from receiving oral sex from someone who has cold sores (oral HSV1). It's also possible to have HSV (either type) for years with no symptoms at all, or symptoms so mild that they're mistaken for other things. Many, many people don't ever have symptoms. I picked up HSV 18-25 years before being diagnosed with it by a clinic that does happen to test for it routinely and I had no idea. I did, however, in hindsight have frequent itching and yeast infections. I know think a lot of those yeast infections were actually herpes outbreaks. The IgM tests are unreliable according to experts, and their results should be ignored completely. God only knows why so many health care providers still use them. You'll find a lot of medical professionals are woefully uneducated about HSV. The IgG test is far more accurate and will tell you which type you have (1 or 2). Really, at this point, you don't even know if you have HSV. Plus, the majority of Americans have oral HSV1, often picking it up as a kid, so if you're not having any symptoms I would wait for the IgG results to confirm. Ultimately, HSV is a nuisance skin condition and that's it. A great place to start getting educated is here on the H Opp site. I also really like the handbook here (as well as the author's full book): https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ {{hugs!}}

Welcome, @Kriss92. No, you don't need to worry about transmission through towels. The virus can only live for a few seconds outside the body. There are no confirmed instances of transmission that way. One of my favorite new-to-this resources is here: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ (the author's full book is also tremendously helpful--this is just the cliff notes version). And as ihaveittoo mentioned, you'll learn a LOT from reading through the posts here and using the search bar at top right. You're an awesome sister for being willing to get educated so you can be a support to her. :)

I do take antivirals...acyclovir (Valtrex gave me constant tingles)....which are white. I started taking them because I wanted to find something I tolerated well before getting into a relationship someday. I found with acyclovir all of the itching i though was due to recurrent yeast infections is all but gone. So I continue on with them (been about a year now) with no side effects. I've had herpes for about 20+ years now without knowing for much of that time. I was diagnosed about 18 months ago when I went in for a Pap smear about a year after divorce and asked for an STD panel. Just "lucked out" that the clinic I went to actually included HSV testing. When my ex-husband and the guy I was seeing at the time eventually tested negative, that's how I knew I must have picked it up 18-25 years earlier before getting married and had no idea. I can think of maybe 3 times in those two decades that I can remember getting one small cut-like lesion....very mild....and didn't think anything of it. I was, however, getting frequent relatively mild yeast infections. Now that I know 80-90% of those yeast infections were probably a herpes outbreak for me. I estimate probably 6-8/year. I'm convinced my monthly cycle was a big trigger for both HSV outbreaks and yeast infections. Condoms reduce the likelihood of transmission, but they don't eliminate the risk entirely. Every one of the 5 guys I was with prior to getting married I used condoms with, so I'm living proof that you can still get HSV with condom use. My ex, on the other hand, never used condoms while we were married (for 15 years) and he never got HSV1 or HSV2 from me. Don't ask me how that happened!! My attitude has changed tremendously in the past 18 months. It's much easier to see HSV for what it is--a skin nuisance that has a stigma. That's not to say I never have a bad day, but the really good days far, far outnumber the bad. :)

No matter how we frame it, rejection hurts, and I'm sorry you're hurting, @hourglassgal. I once heard someone say, "Rejection is God's protection." It made me laugh (and still does), but it's so true! I can think of two rejections in the past couple of years (one related to herpes, one of which had nothing to with it since I hadn't been diagnosed yet) that illustrated this for me. With both men, I had really built up an image in my mind of how wonderful they were. I've also maintained contact with both men (one's a coworker and the other is now a friend). Ironically, once I got some distance from the rejection, I've come to realize that neither were a good fit for me. One is a know-it-all and the other doesn't want depth or commitment. Either way, the universe was definitely looking out for me when I was rejected by them! I give you a lot of credit for getting out there and being in the arena (ever read the Man in the Arena quote by Theodore Roosevelt?). Dating is definitely a numbers game, and this imperfect disclosure is just practice for the next guy who makes your heart flutter. :) {{{hugs}}}

@mloops Do you know what kind of blood test your current gf used in March? A lot of doctors use the IgM test, which is notoriously inaccurate. As @JeffH suggested, it couldn't hurt to restest at 12-16 weeks after your outbreak to see if the IgG blood test shows anything then. I also second @optimist's comment about not viewing this as a bad decision on your part. Believe me, many of us here have taken that view, especially initially. God knows I did! I was so mad at myself for a long time for not being better informed. Sadly, the lack of routine testing and the confusion or ignorance about types of tests is the norm. HSV is a very common virus that doesn't give a rip about our decisions and is difficult to avoid. On a related note, if you've been the carrier and your gf is indeed negative, there's no reason to think your gf necessarily received the virus from you in the past year. I unknowingly had HSV (both types) throughout my 15 year marriage and when I was diagnosed following the divorce, my ex actually tested negative.

Yes.....we've all been there.....the "it will never happen to me"! The good news is that you do not need to worry about transmitting to your daughter. That requires genital to genital skin contact. Terri Warren still recommends using separate towels just because viruses in general like warm and moist environments, but there are no documented cases of transmissions HSV that way. I've only told a handful of people: 1) My ex - via e-mail - because I got my diagnosis just a year after divorce and we were married for 15 years. Surprisingly enough, he tested negative for both strains, so now I know I picked it up some 20+ years ago and just had no idea. 2) The guy I was seeing long distance at the time. He also later tested negative, and while he was supportive at first, we never were intimate after that and he later just kind of faded into the woodwork. 3) A friend on Facebook--a former coworker of mine who I wasn't close to yet still trusted. I won't bore you with how/why I came to tell her. But it turned out she has it too. She's now happily marrrie with a son. The crazy thing I still can't understand about this experience is that she offered absolutely zero support or sympathy/empathy. Just said it was really hard for her when she got it and that was it. 4) I broke down and told a close friend at work who I also trust implicitly. She saw how I was not coping, and for at least two months kept asking how I was, saying she was worried about me, offered to just listen if I wanted to talk. One day I told her about it and she was nice and all, and she's never treated me differently since but I don't think she really knew how to be supportive, so I came away from that experience without feeling much better, really. It was a relief to get it off my chest to someone I knew in person, but that was it. 5) I took a 10-week shame resilience workshop early this year with a small group of women and told them during our final meeting. You can read about that experience by clicking on my username and looking for the two-part post about my herpes manifesto. I was able to do this because I had really built a lot of trust with this group over ten weeks. Going forward, it's definitely going to be a requirement that someone has to *earn* the right to hear my story. I'm not telling just anyone anymore. 6) My therapist. I had worked with a therapist for a while after my divorce. After 6-7 months (post-diagnosis) of hating myself, thinking of herpes the moment I woke up until my head hit the pillow that's night, and not feeling worthy to even talk to strangers, I reached out to her for help. Of all the people I've told, this was the most helpful. I shouldn't be surprised, I guess....she's a trained professional who is really good at listening and empathy!! I have this growing sense lately that I'm going to tell more people soon. Not because I need to in order for me to feel better, but because I feel like I can be a part of the solution by helping people see that is is something that can happen to anyone, and that it's happening to their friends and family members and the stigma is so undeserved! I just haven't figured out how to do that yet or who exactly I might tell. In my opinion, probably the most destructive thing about the herpes stigma is that it leaves us feeling so utterly alone. For that reason, I do think talking about it with others is very healing. But I say that with the caveat that a person needs to have your trust first--would you share other personal/private information with this person? Not everyone has someone they trust, which is where a therapist or this forum comes in. While it's true that a lot of people who have HSV don't know it, you most definitely are not alone!! :) Anyway....sorry to make that so long. I just got to rambling. :)

Hi, @Young_Confused....welcome.....and hugs!! I'm sorry to hear you're in so much pain right now. I'm hopeful others who have been where you are right now can offer better advice than I can on finding relief from the initial outbreak. You might also find helpful tips from using the search feature at top right. Has your boyfriend said whether he plans to be tested? It's entirely possible he may already have the virus, in which case you wouldn't have to worry about transmission between the two of you if you indeed test positive. If you'd like to learn more about the basics regarding HSV, I think this short handbook is a great place to start (https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/), as are some of the resources Adrial offers here at H Opp. Beyond that, you've really got enough on your plate just managing the physical symptoms and waiting for your results. Be kind to yourself.....perhaps that means extra sleep, a massage, doing an activity that helps you to forget about the limbo you're in right now, etc. Just know that no matter what the outcome of the test, you *will* be okay. How you feel now--physically and emotionally--is not forever. And there is no reason to think you won't go on to live the life you've dreamed of. :)

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, @Princess83. It sucks, big time. I was seeing someone long-distance when I got my diagnosis and initially he was so unbelievably kind and supportive. In hindsight, I think he assumed he had it too. When his results came back negative, he just kind of slowly faded into the woodwork. It hurt like hell and I was not in a good space for several months. I hope that's not the case with your situation....I only mention it because I can relate. {{{hugs}}} P.S. There's no guarantee he has it. I was married for 15 years--not realizing all that time that I had both HSV1 and HSV2--and my ex didn't get either strain.

You're very welcome. The worst part of it all, for me, was feeling so alone. Ironically, that's total bullshit since there's so many people with HSV, but nonetheless I *felt* alone for a very long time! It's true that tingling/zinger sensations are common with HSV, but you just never know until the labs come back (and it's possible the swab your doctor did was for HSV, but you'd have to ask her to know for sure). As for the man currently in your life--it will be easier to decide how to handle that once you know your test results. In the meantime, be extra kind to yourself--lots of pampering, physically and mentally!

Hello, @Jls321, and welcome! Certainty is definitely the best place to start, so I think it's a great idea to get tested and know for sure. If you still have bumps, you might want to see your doctor right away and ask for both a swab test (where they swab the lesions), and the IgG blood test. (Get the IgG.....the IgM is notoriously unreliable.) If the lesions have broken open and they can get a sample from them, doing both tests at the same time would tell you if this is a new infection or not. If there's not enough to get a sample for the swab test, keep in mind that it can take up to 12-16 weeks to show positive on a blood test, as those tests measure antibodies (not the virus itself) and it can take time for your body to produce enough antibodies to test positive with the IgG. This short handbook is a great place to get started so you have some basic information: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ If you test positive, what your future life will look like is up to you! :) Having an intimate relationship with someone who does not have HSV will mean telling them about your status and may include some preventative measures such as antivirals and/or condoms to reduce the risk of transmission. You'll be surprised at how many future partners won't care about your status! I have not dated since my diagnosis (just thoroughly enjoying the single life since my divorce and in no hurry to rush back into a relationship), but if you read the success stories on this site, you'll see that many, many others are married, dating casually or dating seriously with HSV. Here's to hoping that the yeast infection and other irritations go away very, very soon! {{{hugs}}}

Hi, @EH4AR, and welcome. Yes, there's a blood test you can take that can tell you which type you have. It's called an IgG test. Lost of doctors run the IgM test too, but those are notoriously unreliable. You can also tell the type with a swab test, but if you're not having a lesion, or if the lesion is very mild, you typically can't get enough of a sample to run that test. Your second question doesn't have a clear answer. Typically you get outbreaks at the site of infection (oral or genital). My understanding is that it is possible to have HSV1 in both locations, but they would be from separate infections. For example, it's possible you had oral HSV1 from years ago (most don't ever have cold sores), then got genital HSV1 back in January. I'm hoping someone else with more knowledge will chime in on this one. When you start antivirals, you should start them 5-7 days before sexual contact. That's how long it takes to be effective for reducing transmission. Antivirals and dental dams are your best bets for reducing transmission. It might be worth your partner being tested. The majority of American adults have oral HSV1, and if she has it, then you don't need to worry about getting genital HSV1 "again" as a result of receiving oral sex. I've read that it's not uncommon for someone with genital HSV1 to get an initial outbreak or two, then not have an outbreak for a long time. So yes, that aspect is typical. I'm not sure about the increased genital sensitivity--that sounds like a great question for your doctor. I have genital HSV2 (and oral HSV1) and haven't experienced any sensitivity as a result of it. Having had mono does not protect her from HSV. Mono is one type of herpes virus, but not the herpes simplex virus (which causes oral and genital herpes). Keeping all of this straight can be really confusing....we've all been there! If you haven't seen this handbook yet, it's a great place to start when getting educated about HSV. I also highly recommend Warren's full book, available on Amazon. https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/

Hi, @jlb, and welcome! How wonderful to hear that your family and partner have been supportive. I love Brene Brown's saying, "Shame happens between people and it heals between people." It's so true!! Like you, I also have HSV2, and it turned out I had it for 18-25 years before ever getting a diagnosis and had no idea all that time. My outbreaks are very mild (mostly itching and a tiny bit of rare irritation, really), and practically nonexistent with antivirals. So my self-care has been primarily mental/emotional. After a "period of mourning" (as I call it LOL), the biggest things that have helped me are exercise, meditation, spending time outdoors, becoming my own best friend, and focusing on developing new and existing friendships. The more I worry about living a wonderful life in spite of herpes, the less it has a stranglehold on my life. Instead of taking center stage, it has moved to the cheap seats where it belongs. :)

Thanks for clarifying, @endlessworrier!

Not every bump or irritation on your body is HSV, and antivirals don't always prevent outbreaks. More often, they just reduce the frequency of outbreaks. Your future happiness and mental health depend on you getting educated about HSV. We are here as a community to support you, but no one can do this for you. Read the book and see your doctor.

The best person to answer that is your doctor. If it's any consolation, I acquired genital HSV2 18-25 years before ever being diagnosed with it, touched myself all the time, and never spread it to other parts of my body. What you're worried about is extremely rare. Wash your hands after touching a lesion, but otherwise, the only thing hand washing is doing is feeding your anxiety.

I'm sorry to say I don't know the answer to your question, but I would beg to differ on the statement about HSV2 being "much worse" and hurting "like the devil". Since 87% of those with genital HSV2 have no idea they even have it, that means that for the vast majority, the symptoms are very mild or non-existent. With either type, there's always going to be extremes. I think it was @hippyherpy that once said we probably see many of the most extreme cases on this forum because everyone else is not even aware that they have it!