HikingGirl

Yes, it's okay to french kiss. You usually need genital-to-genital contact to transmit genital HSV2 (an uncommon exception is touching an open sore then touching another body part). It's also possible for someone to get HSV2 orally by giving you oral sex, but that's also statistically uncommon.

Hi, @HatingMeNow. Yeah, we all have to go through this, and we're all doing the best we can with it. Have you been to the doctor for testing and an exam since your original post?

Has your boyfriend been tested? If he's also positive for HSV2, then no, there's no point in using condoms unless you're using them for birth control or to prevent the transmission of other STIs. Everyone's bodies reacts differently to the virus. My outbreaks (before I started acyclovir which so far has stopped outbreaks) seemed to be tied to my menstrual cycle. I didn't see a noticeable change with stress or different foods. In time you'll learn how your own body responds to various triggers. I would encourage you to learn everything you can about herpes. It really helps to have the facts. There are lots of great resources on this site and others mentioned throughout these forums. {hugs}

Just be you. That's what you're already doing by disclosing in a way that feels right to you for the situation and making it clear you'd like to see her again. Beyond that, her next move is far more influenced by all of her past experiences, beliefs and perspectives than anything you could say or do.

My HSV2 index after 20+ years was 3.27. I agree withBambina3.

In my opinion, it's always worth it to note unusual side effects to your doctor. Have you tried another antiviral like acyclovir? I didn't have the side effects you describe, but when I was on Valtrex I still had mild OBs every month and frequent tingling. On acyclovir, I have none of that.

Truthfully, your current state won't make you very attractive to anyone. And that's okay!! The way you feel now won't last forever. I used to feel unworthy to talk to strangers. For months, herpes was the first thing I thought of in the morning, and the last thing I thought of at night. My co-workers kept asking why I was always crying. It's awful, and I wish I could make everything better for you. I can only recommend what worked for me, although your experience may differ. Take this time to (a) fully experience the negative emotions and go through the grieving process, (b) learn everything you can about HSV, © take care of the basics (adequate sleep, healthy foods, exercise), (d) find someone you can talk to about it who's really good at listening and being empathic--a therapist is great for this, and then (e) get back to the land of the living and start doing all of the things you used to enjoy before your diagnosis. When we categorize an experience or event as the hardest thing we've been through (and for me, it was herpes too), it usually means there's an opportunity to come out the other side a stronger, happier, more confident individual. Hang in there through this miserable part of the healing process. {{hugs}}

Consider yourself negative. If you're concerned you've been exposed to herpes recently, you can retest with the IgG in 16 weeks. The IgG tests detect antibodies you produce in response to the virus. How soon these antibodies are detected vary by person. At the 16 week mark, pretty much everyone with HSV2 will test positive for it if they've been infected.

The IgM tests are notoriously unreliable, but there is a lot of value in doing the IgG test so your daughter knows which type she has. I would find another doctor to do the test.

An IgG blood test is what you should ask for. The test measures not the virus, but antibodies your body produces in response to the virus. It takes anywhere from a couple of weeks up to 4 months to build up enough antibodies to show up on a test. If the culture came back positive and the blood test comes up negative, it means it's a new infection. If she tests positive now on the blood test, it may not be possible to know when she acquired it or from whom. One of the reasons herpes is so widespread is because most people have no idea they have it, and they unknowingly pass it on to others. I found out I had it after my divorce. When my ex tested negative, that meant I'd had it for 18-25 years and had absolutely no idea.

Hi, @Poppy, and welcome. I know this can be a scary time for both of you--so many unknowns and other health issues to work through as well. You'll find a lot of great information here on the H Opp site and these forums. Another great place to get started is this handbook: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ The author also wrote a full book available as a Kindle on Amazon. I also recommend www.supporttruthanddialog.com and www.projectaccept.org Sadly, many doctors just aren't well educated about herpes. You'll learn a lot more at the sources listed above. It is absolutely possible to live a happy, full life and be loved with herpes. The stigma and stereotypes are so undeserved. Hugs to you both as you navigate her current health concerns. We're here to offer support in any way we can.

I came across this article today and really enjoyed it. I'll never be thrilled about having HSV, but I absolutely feel like I'm thriving now and want others to know it is possible. It also underscores the importance of going through a grieving process. Perhaps not everyone feels a degree of trauma after a herpes diagnosis, but I sure did, so I wanted to share. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/better-after-trauma-than-before-it-for-many-its-true-0805155

It's true many doctors are not well informed about herpes. How about just calling the clinic and asking for a copy of the lab results? That seems easier and cheaper than getting a new test.

There's nothing abnormal about a number that high. Some people have high numbers, some low. It just is what it is. Lots of speculation that a higher number means you've had the antibodies a longer time, but I've never seen any expert say conclusively if that's true. (For example, my HSV2 value was 43, and HSV2 is 3.27--later confirmed with a western blot--and I've had both for over 20 years.). The *majority* of Americans have HSV1, and many folks get it orally as young children. Even if we never develop a cold sore.

@shatteredgirl47 I wanted to add that you're absolutely normal for feeling like your life has just been turned upside down and for feeling emotionless. Many of us experience a pretty major shock to the system with something like this--something we didn't know much of anything about, and something we never dreamed would happen to us. I spent a long time going through stages of grief and wondering how I could possibly ever feel normal and lovable again. Where you're at now is not the end, it's the beginning. You are not damaged goods. You are valuable. You will find yourself again. And you are among friends who are happy to support you in any way that we can. {hugs}

I'm pretty sure I acquired HSV2 from genital contact. When my ex-husband tested negative (after our divorce when I found out), it meant I had to have gotten it from one of a few partners I had before getting married. I used condoms every single time I had sex with those previous partners. But the condoms didn't go on until after foreplay, so I believe it's very possible.

I would not hesitate to try an antiviral. If you have side effects or it's not effective, try a different drug. All drugs carry some risk, but many people tolerate antivirals just fine. Either way, the frequency with which you're having outbreaks is affecting your quality of life. Give them a try and see if you find relief. You can always stop taking them at any time!

This makes me wonder if you were originally given an IgM test (unreliable) or other older test which gave you a false positive. I can't even imagine thinking I had HSV for 12 years if I really didn't. I too would get a western blot to confirm the recent IgG test once and for all. Good luck!

IgM tests are notoriously unreliable and pointless. The IgG values are all you need to look at. You're definitely negative for both types of HSV.

It was 3.27. The closer to 3.5, the less chance of a false positive, but I was hopeful anyway. LOL Who knows why my ex didn't get it after 16 years together. Luck!!

I would trust Warren any day of the week over the average doc. The IgG values do not indicate how recent the infection is. When my ex-husband tested negative, it meant that I picked up herpes 18-25 years earlier and I still had a low number. If you decide to go forward with the western blot, it might be worth asking if there's value to holding off for a few months if you're certain your only exposure was just a few weeks ago.

I would. That is a low number. Terri Warren is a respected nurse practitioner who recently retired and has a lot of expertise about herpes. My IgG value was 3.27 and I confirmed I was positive for HSV2 with the western blot through the Westover Heights Clinic. For me, it was worth the couple hundred bucks to know for sure.

I don't see any good reason to tell your family. You're not living a lie by keeping private matters private. It doesn't affect them in any way and there's no need for them to know. My own family is pretty judgmental and I knew early on they would not be a source of support. I tried telling a couple of friends who I think did not know how to be a support so that was a bust too. Going forward, I'm limiting it to potential sexual partners and people who have truly earned a right to hear my story. When I need support, I come here or go see my therapist. :-)

The two most common responses I've seen are (1) it's not life-threatening and can't be cured anyway, and (2) because it can be devastating emotionally, the medical community seems to think that ignorance is bliss.

I totally understand. And I don't think it sounds ignorant at all. It sounds balanced and rational. And again, thank you for dropping in with your comments. It's a welcome perspective we don't often see here!