I feel lonely, need someone to talk to

[Strawberrygirl]

I am still shocked. I have told 4 gfs and they are all very supportive.

I told my parents, they were shocked but they are also very supportive. I told a guy friend that I felt concerned I might have given it to him, he is really nice to me. Although he hopes he didn't get anything obviously.

I have just registered to a herpes dating site to find a partner.

I'm scared I might meet someone with HIV who pretends only has herpes just so he can infect me too.

I'm terrified about love. I do not want to tell future partners, so i figured i would go for people with my same condition. Although this thought is scary too, and makes me feel like I have AIDS.

I am going to contact soon a therapist.

[Strawberrygirl]

Adrial tell me your secret, how were you successful with your gfs?

How did they react when you disclosed? I mean the successful disclosures.

I feel extremely lonely :( I just want to die. I told my parents i was thinking about suicide and they are extremely worried. I don't want them to suffer that's the only reason that keeps me alive. Because honestly i don't care about life anymore.

I'm so sad. I had so many plans for my future. Be healthy, have a family, have 4 kids, a loving husband. Now my life is ruined. I seriously doubt any man i fancy will accept me with this. Maybe ill have to settle for men who are accepting but that I dont like so much.

[mr_hopp]

Hey Strawberry girl,

 

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. It does sound like you have a solid support system, which is great. I think it's great that you're seeking help with a therapist, too.

 

You ask about the secret to my success? The video I just sent out via email to you and the rest of the H Opportunity community goes into on all of that in detail. It could be just the shift you need. Sometimes when we feel like we're at our lowest is when the biggest positive life changes can occur ... But don't kill yourself! It would be such a waste of a beautiful life with so much potential. I know it feels like the end of the world, but it's trickery of the mind. I promise you. You can make it through this. So many people care about you. Now it's your chance to work on loving yourself.

 

If you have ANY other thoughts of suicide, please call the suicide prevention line ASAP. 1-800-273-8255

[Strawberrygirl]

Adrial im just not as strong as you are :'(

I want to live a normal life, I want to date whoever I want without ever having to disclose. I ruined my life.

[mr_hopp]

Strawberry girl. Let me admit something to you: I haven't always had this perspective. I haven't always been strong. I WAS suicidal because of herpes. I've been there. The only reason I am where I am now and strong like I am now is because I went through what I went through, learned what I needed to learn and grew through it all. And now I'm here with the Herpes Opportunity to tell YOU that even considering suicide because of herpes is ironically a waste of perfectly good life. ;)

 

You're caught in a story right now. Stop the story. Look around you and be grateful for what you do have: A lot of people who care about you. When will you snap out of it and start to love yourself? I can't make you do that. You must do that for yourself.

 

Watch the video in your email from me. It's important.

[Equanimous]

Strawberry girl!

 

Hang in there! Give it time. Breathe!

 

The initial shock of herpes can be overwhelming. And I think this is particularly true if you are young (early 20s and teens). It is easy to imagine that your life is over and that everything is going to suck from now on. Our pre-existing fear and sense of inadequacy make us imagine the worst... No one will love me. The world will shun me. People will be scared to touch me. etc etc.

 

You have heard this before...But if we CHOOSE to work against this, there is an opportunity to move beyond this sad story that we tell ourselves. An opportunity to spin a new tale..one of resilience, bravery and courage...of great beauty, peace and happiness. Herpes is not the end of the world. In fact nothing is...not cancer, not AIDS, not the death of a loved one. Nothing. And our lives are entirely what we make off it. Your future is entirely in your control.

 

And it starts by using herpes as an opportunity to take control of the present. By realizing that you are more than a skin condition, more than your fears, more than your perceived flaws. And that you are complete and beautiful already. That you have a fucking right to be on this planet and enjoy a wholesome, happy and rockstar life. And nothing can deny you that... because no illness or loss can take your spirit... the essence of what makes us human.

 

"The only true disability is a crushed spirit"

 

And this is a process. So give it time and make the choice to love yourself enough to say that I am going to live an awesome life irrespective of anything. Once you choose things will slowly fall into place. It will take time but it will happen.

 

Like Adrial said, you seem to have a great support system already. So use them and don't let anything crush your spirit. Love yourself. You are awesome! Certified gold.

 

Hang in there!

With love

[Xtina420]

Strawberry,

I know how you feel!!! I was so depressed about herpes for 7 years until I came across this website!! It's very inspirational to know that you're not alone in this! My doctor was laughing at me because I was making herpes such a big deal. If you're scared to date someone because they might reject you, who cares! That just means that person isn't worthy of your time. I believe everyone has a soul mate out there and that person will love you and your new buddy (herpes). You just have to try to stay positive. When you have an outbreak you just can't have sex, just as if you had your period or a yeast infection. Even the flu!! You don't want to have sex when you're sick anyways. I hate how people are so judgmental about herpes. How on tv or movies they crack jokes about it. The world is cruel. Just know you're not alone in this! Your life is worth living!

Xoxo

[Strawberrygirl]

Omg my doctor was laughing at me too! Telling me how i shouldnt worry, that m healthy etc. That its no big deal, that its frequent and most people barely get outbreaks again. I hope i will be one of the lucky ones.

I am trying to be positive, but its hard.

 

[Strawberrygirl]

im so glad that my guy friend, who was my fuck friend for a while...lol

Is being supportive and is still talking to me...still wants to see me.

I know this wont become a relationship. but im glad he is a good person who can see beyond my problem and tells me how im such a nice girl etc. i kinda helps me survive at the moment.

[WCSDancer2010]

Strawberrygirl:

 

*Sigh* Two steps forward, one step back, eh? Don't make me come over there and push you forward again... lol

 

First, go back and re-read my "tough love" reply to you AND your response. Again and again. Until the message you got at that time sinks in a bit further. Because I KNOW you know the answer, but you are letting your "story" (again, I expect this is a long standing story) that you are unlovable run your thoughts and Herpes just turned up the volume.

 

You said: " I have told 4 gfs and they are all very supportive.

I told my parents, they were shocked but they are also very supportive. I told a guy friend that I felt concerned I might have given it to him, he is really nice to me"

 

Wow! That's GREAT! Don't you see, the stigma is really in YOUR head! And BTW, is there any chance you got the Herpes from the guy you told... or are you pretty sure where who you got it from?

 

I think PS is a great site if you want to avoid "the talk". But the talk is just one place where you may have to face the possiblity of rejection when you are getting to know someone. You may have a child, or a job move coming up, or a very strong religious belief ... there are sooo many challenges and hurdles that come with new relationships, that can give the other person a reason to walk away (I recently had a guy who was planning to move closer to NYC who was afraid to get in a relationship with me because of where I live...and he couldn't even hear that I am actually VERY open to moving because the job market here stinks...and it was so frustrating because I think he was just not ready to get into a relationship and was looking for any excuse to end it). It's easy to take it personally when someone chooses to walk away for ANY reason.... you HAVE to get it that it is a reflection of them and where they are at. It's NOT about you!

 

"I'm terrified about love."

 

Aaaaand I think THIS is the center of it all. And BTW, love IS scary...or at least, the journey to finding it can be scary. Because along the way we have to be vulnerable in so many ways, we risk being hurt, (or hurting another), we risk making a "mistake"...

 

....and the biggest thing - we risk REJECTION. And believe me, I TOTALLY get this one because I have a story that I will be abandoned (thanks to a stupid thing that my parents unwittingly did ... but MAN did I let that one run my life for years and it STILL rears it's ugly head when a guy walks away from me for ANY reason! Maybe I'll share that "story" sometime 😉

 

You are young. Gosh - I remember being sooooo unsure of who I was in my 20's.

 

" I had so many plans for my future. Be healthy, have a family, have 4 kids, a loving husband. "

 

You CAN have that. Promise. I have 2 wonderful children whose father is still my good friend - we separated for reasons I may disclose later but I promise Herpes was never part of that equation. And I am as healthy as a horse - I rarely go to a Dr and my herpes is not an issue for me.

 

"Maybe ill have to settle for men who are accepting but that I dont like so much."

 

Again, go back and reread the other thread - because I already heard this and it's total crap. Sorry - tough love coming out again. It's only your story coming back to replay in your head. Until you let go of that story, until you close that door, you will remain stuck.

 

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

 

And please, if you are suicidal, get help. I actually put myself in a hospital once because I had hit my bottom and I couldn't see any way out. Spent 6 months on an antidepressant while I worked on letting go of my story about abandonment .... it was the best decision I ever made.... because I knew I needed help to clear my brain so I could make space for better, healthier way of thinking, and the medication helped me while I worked on the REAL issues in my life.

 

(((HUGS)))

[Peachyogurtisawesome]

Whenever you feel like you don't wanna keep goin strawberry just look at the people here who have been in that same situation and how happy they are with their lives today. You just gotta hold on and know that tomorrow is going to be a better day.

[Strawberrygirl]

WSCDancer2010, please tell me more about your life. How did you meet your ex husband? Was he accepting right away? When did you disclose?

See this is what i need to hear, positive stories...

I am happy to know that you have 2 kids :) that cheers me up.

All i want in life is to be a mother, i have a very strong maternal instinct.

 

I think i will only disclose to those who i feel are understanding, and i will evaluate if they are madly in love.

 

May i know if you gave the condition to your ex?

 

Besides they keep saying that a vaccine will be out within 5-10 years right?

 

I feel like an emotional rollercoaster right now...sometimes i see the light and sometimes i fall back in the darkness of fears that noone will ever accept me with this condition. BUT deep down i have the feeling that there will be a few who are going to fall madly in love with me and accept my minor problem...I just hope that the feeling will be mutual. That is my only concern.

 

 

ONE LAST QUESTION- do you feel flu like symptoms EVERY time you get an outbreak over the years even if it is mild?

[Strawberrygirl]

By the way Adrial i did watch your video, it was helpful :D thanks!

And yes i do try to snap out from my storytelling...this is exactly what my friend was telling me.

It's all in my head, i understand. Although there is some truth to my fears, possible rejections etc i know some day ill find love

[WCSDancer2010]

I didn't know I had herpes when I got married - back then there wasn't as much fuss about it. We had to get an STD test but it was only for Syphilis and Gonorrhea. I was getting a rash every once in awhile but it just seemed like a nuisance. After a year or so he started getting a rash and the flu symptoms. He was diagnosed and then I was diagnosed. He didn't even blink about it even though he had terrible outbreaks for the first few years and we didn't have antivirals then. I just saw him the other day and he says he hardly ever has an OB now - and neither do I. I had H as a small child on my mouth and that used to knock me out with a high fever... the genital ones never caused the flu symptoms for me

 

I had a BF for 3 yrs post divorce who didn't care about the Herpes. My next BF after that totally freaked out and was a basket case out it for a few weeks then decided (after being read the riot act about his behavior by his Dr ...LOL) that I was worth the risk. It wasn't until after I ended that relationship (neither got H from me as far as I know) that I started having problems with dating non H+ men.

 

"BUT deep down i have the feeling that there will be a few who are going to fall madly in love with me and accept my minor problem.."

 

EXACTLY - H will make you choosier about who you allow to see you in a vulnerable light. ;)

[WCSDancer2010]

SG: Go to this thread and scroll down to Angels post from today.... just to give you another "positive" reference :)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1858/what-are-you-thankful-for#Item_25

[WCSDancer2010]

It's a good day for "positive" discussions :)

 

lelani also just posted about how H helped her find her current partner here:

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1941/heres-the-thing-about-rejection#Item_8

[Orngpeelmafia]

Hey there SG! Helpful tip...stop calling it "my problem" because it's not so much a problem as an inconvenience right? That's how I started to look at it.

 

I went to multiple doctors (check out some of my posts for deets) and got laughed at for being so dramatic...apparently that's what they'll call it when you're crying uncontrollably in a doctors office