Having the herpes talk tomorrow. Help!

[Klopz]

We'll I feel like I waited so long just to get the results of my hsv2 test and all this while the guy I am seeing has been away on vacation. I told him before he left that I was worried that I did have herpes and we got tested and everything. Results came in and it's a positive for me. I'm almost certain he won't have it. However, tomorrow he is coming back from his vacation and I plan on telling him about my results and having the talk. I'm so nervous because I don't know how he'll react. Part of me thinks that he will be okay with it because before he left be was comforting, but the unknown is always scary. Especially when you aren't educated on the matter. I read the e-book and I've ran through in my head what I will say. I would love if some of you could give me some advice on how y'all approached it and just some suggestions and tips that may or may not be in the e-book that worked for y'all.

 

Thank you all for the amazing support and a very happy new year!!

[mr_hopp]

Hi Klopz,

 

Happy new year! It sounds like you two have a open line of communication, which is great. That's the most important part. I'm glad you read the e-book and handouts — http://eepurl.com/b4IPP — because those all lay the foundation and give you all the upfront info you need for the herpes talk. And to underline what it's all about for you ... Focusing on the relationship you two have, being grateful for all the good things that it is for you. The talk isn't about being paranoid and worried (although I get how it can by default feel that way); it's about being open, honest and caring about your partner and their health. It's about open communication and speaking from the heart. Be honest with him about whatever fears you have, but also be honest with him about how much he has impacted your life. That's what intimacy in relationship is all about: Sharing more and more of ourselves when we feel safe and trusting. Have a larger perspective than just this thing called herpes. That's just one piece to a much larger puzzle. If it's meant to be, then it will be. Let go of the things you can't change or don't have control over and be connected with yourself and all the things you are grateful for and want to have with this man. I have a good feeling about it for you. Big hugs and good luck! Keep us posted!

[Klopz]

Hi Adrial,

Thank you for responding to this. He and I dated once before, but it was never anything serious. He wasn't ready for a relationship when I was, and things ended. Last month he got back in contact with me and said he wanted to try again only this time he was ready for something serious. When I had the symptoms I did panic, but I also decided that I cared enough to let him know and try to avoid passing the virus to him if he didn't already have it. I feel like I am already a lot to handle because I am a single mother. So I feared that if he ran once before because he wasn't ready that this would definitely make him run off. With that said I decided i wouldnt be selfish and I told him. He was a great support and comfort. Now I feared that his being away with this in mind would make him want to distance himself, but I feel like he hasn't. He still talks to as if this was never a concern. Before he left he said that if it was a positive it wouldn't change how he felt about me and that together we would figure out if we could make it work with one of us having it and the other not. Today I tell him the results of the test and although I feel confident because I am more informed about what this actually is, there is still that small bit of fear. You're absolutely right though letting him know how special he is and how much he's impacted my life is what matters most. Having him come back into my life was so great, and this felt like the cloud that would take my happened away, but it really is only a small thing that we can work around, and I know we can make it work. As long as he's willing to.

 

Thank you so much for everything you do Adrial. I don't know if I would be this okay with myself if I hadn't found this website and this amazing support. I have faced many hard challenges in my life and I couldn't understand why I had to go through this too, but at the end of the day this isn't a curse, and I have to be thankful that it won't kill me.

 

Thank you again!

[OnTheBrightSide]

Happy New Year Klopz,

 

I hope the disclosure went well!

[Klopz]

It went so much better than I expected! As soon as he arrived everything seemed okay. When I finally brought up the subject he had some questions I gave him the numbers and he said it still didn't change how he felt. He said that he still wanted to do some of his own research and talk to his Dr, but he did reassure me that we were good and not to worry. Thank you for all the support and advice given!!

 

Xoxo

[WCSDancer2010]

YAY! So glad to hear that!

 

BTW, do tell him there is a LOT of bad info out there and some Dr's are not that up-to-date (he would be better to go to a STD clinic where they specialize in these things...sooo many GP's are waay behind on their info). And make sure to send him here. Maybe you guys could do the Home Study course together too. Might be a great way to connect ;)

 

*Happy Dance* over here :)

[whatsallthehubbub]

\O/ :) good for you!

[Klopz]

Thank you all so much!! I know that I couldn't have done it without all the info given and definitely couldn't have without all the amazing support!! You all are amazing!!