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Sex with herpes without a condom?

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I have been with my current partner for almost 6 months now and we have been intimate with each other for about 3 months. We use a condom every time we have sex to protect him from getting herpes. He mentioned today that he hates always having to wear a condom when we have sex, because sometimes it gets uncomfortable and sometimes he'd like to just have sex without one. But he said he understood the situation and why we always need to use one but that it just sucks sometimes. And I told him I didn't know what to tell him, because I know the risk of him getting it is a lot higher if he doesn't wear a condom. But I take Valtrex daily, so I was wondering what are the odds of him getting it if we don't use a condom, since I'm taking that every day if we only have sex when I'm outbreak free? I would have sex with him without a condom, I just don't want him to get herpes.

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Glad to meet you.


First: I would suggest you read the downloadable handouts that Adrial has provided and print out the Disclosure handout for your partner.






Disclosure e-book:



Basic stats:


Female-male transmission is about 5%

With Supressants: 2-3%

Add condoms: 1-2%


So a lot depends on his comfort about the various risks.


I personally have had a 3 year relationship while only on Acyclovir and my ex never got it. If I got so much as a tingle/itch/knick/whatever, the playground was shut down until repairs were made, so to speak. We just found other places and things to do for our fun and games ;)


This Blog can also give you some ideas about keeping your partner from getting herpes :)





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@Pretty lady_92


Hello & congrats on the budding relationship!


Something to keep in mind is that if you decide to not use a condom then you should be prepared for some potential outcomes. Things I've either experienced or read about from other peoples' posts are things like partners regretting it later on and becoming angry at the H+ partner, becoming paranoid that the they have contracted and testing constantly, and the worst, because being H+ can make you more vulnerable to other infections, that their partner brings something into the relationship.


My personal thought is, you stop using condoms when he's committed to you in that rest-of-your-life kind of way, not the the, we're still getting to know each other and we might break up next month and if I gave you H+ that would make me feel like crap even though you wanted to take the condom off, kind of way.


The fact of the matter is, guys hate condoms, always have and likely always will. Even though this might feel like further acceptance or your H+ status, you have to think about your health and well being first. Remember that with H+, your instinct is to be extra giving but the truth of the matter is that you have to be extra selfish because your health is on the line.


Hope that helps and good luck!


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Yeah my boyfriend and I are going to start off using condoms.. I have been taking a lot of time to get used to my own body. Like my mom told me I need to know what my own symptons are. Like I only get itches every here and there.


I am also on my first year of having herpes.. So yeah I am getting used to it, but eventually we might want to take the step to not use condoms..

Also like I said my mother has it, and my dad doesnt.. My mom wasn't on any meds at all, my mom and dad never used a condom and he has never got it.. So it all depends on the shedding mode, you also just need to really really know your body.

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I completely understand your boyfriend's desire not to wear them. They really can be uncomfortable and they really do cut the feeling down considerably. Plus, after a while they cut the circulation off and well, we all know what happens then.


My suggestions are the following:


Measure the winky carefully. The most important measure is girth (giggling ensues) I know it sounds trite, but it's like a nice suit. If you know how broad you are in the shoulders, it fits right and always feel comfortable to wear. There are plenty of size charts to follow online that will make finding the right rubber easier. Most guys don't realize this and assume all condoms are the same size. They're not. Personally, I found that I like the Lifestyle's Skyn Large. They're just a little wider, conduct heat a little better, and don't cause chafing. It's just as durable as latex but thinner and less stretchy, but you have to be careful because they are slippery little rascals because of the lube/material and can slip if you get too sexorbatic.


Of course, there's also the FC2 female condom. I have one of these but haven't used it yet, so I can't speak from experience. However, it doesn't cause the constriction on the guy parts and allows for as close to a natural feel as possible. Supposedly, most women can't even feel the membrane so it feels natural for them as well. Also, since it covers the labia, it provides just a tad more protection against herpes than a male condom does. The nice thing about these is you can put them in hours before the game and be ready at kick-off time.

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It's all part of our sexual reawakening. Most people don't realize just how different an experience sex can be when you take the time to choose the right condom. I know I didn't for a long, long time.


Of course, I think the Dancing Queen and I are the only people on the forum "old" enough to remember the Gold Circle Coin. That was condom bling back in the 80's and 90's. If you pulled one of those out it was tantamount to pulling out the keys to a Ferrari. Compared to what they have now, that coin was nothing more than a horse drawn carriage.



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I have friend I have known for 20yrplus. She got HSV 2 when she was 20 from her 2nd bf. she is now married 15yrs and children. her husband is still H-, They stopped using condoms after they were married. They got just after being together over a year. she says the key for them is knowing her body well. her husband didnt like condomsas well, but she insisted they use them until they got married. then she would be at ease more becuase to her being married gave a sense to security/stability.

My thoughts to your story is this. Before you stop using, I would think both of you should be comfortable with not using condoms first. To use condoms or not, is always a struggle when you are with someone you care about. .Im curious because i didnt see it in your ppst, has he been tested for all std's? Both of you need to know his status so you dont put yourself at risk for anything more and he should know his status for himself.

I hope i said something that is helpful to you. :)


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