Things i have come to realize in this community

[Strawberrygirl]

dont you listen? ill pretend i was asymptomatic in the case he does get it.

But i know that wont happen. so stop trying to freak me out.

[victoriaxxx]

Just so you know depending on where you live if they find out that you are lying they can take you to court for lying about your health condition...

[JustSmile]

You'd rather live with yourself as a lIar then as having herpes? I'm js.. I'd rather just have herps. Nobody is trying to scare you. Were just voicing thoughts and opinions just like you are

 

[HerryTheHerp]

You can pretend you're the Queen of England or the reincarnation of Elvis for all I care, but the reality is that someday he'll see through that.

 

And, you don't know what will happen. None of us do. None of us have a magic crystal ball to foretell the future. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. But, I can promise you this as if it were written in stone. If you pretend you don't have it, and he does contract it, he may forgive, but he'll never forget.

[Strawberrygirl]

ok why did i get just a message on my screen saying sth about phishing?

is there someone trying to get me tocourt? and spying on me now?

 

[WCSDancer2010]

And i certainly do not attract mature men...

 

Ahhh - now THERE's the rub!

 

So work on finding a REAL man...not boys!!!

 

Like I said, I have had 2 relationships with H- men and another that just didn't work out that didn't care..... so please believe me that you CAN find love with a H- person... OR you may find someone who is H+ and know it.... you just never know.

 

Work on finding YOUR self confidence and this thing wont matter.... AND you will attract MEN, not BOYS :)

 

BTW, this is an EXCELLENT article about dating Men vs Boys

 

http://justmytype.ca/11-differences-between-dating-a-boy-vs-a-man/

[victoriaxxx]

Lol.. No one is taking you to court honey, all I am saying is in the state that I live in I had go to the health department to tell everyone I slept with. I had to LEGALLY call them and tell them that I have this STD.. because they could have taken me to court.. I am just saying..

[Strawberrygirl]

ok well tell me how it is any better. telling a partner who might blindly take the risk because he/she is in that infatuated stage of love (which acts almost like a drug brain wise). Then catches it, you break up for different reasons. he/she is upset, depressed etc. how does disclosure make life any better for people around us? please explain

[JustSmile]

Bc if you don't tell them and they get it... and you still break up... not only do they have it but they were lied to and feel resentment towards you bc you stole the choice from them. My body my choice... not someone else's.

[Strawberrygirl]

FYI i did tell the guys i slept with recently...

[Strawberrygirl]

they took that choice from me. why should i be so considerate towards men from now on

[HerryTheHerp]

That infatuated state of love is called lust. That comes from being horny, and most guys would screw a couch cushion when we're in that state of mind.

 

If you tell him, he has a choice. It's a big choice, but it's his, and will always be his. He'll respect you for giving that choice to him.

 

Now, if you break up, he might be upset. He might regret making that choice. It might hurt. There's quite a few people in this forum that have found themselves single with herpes after breaking up with their partners who gave them that choice. If you read through their threads, not one is angry at their ex. So, the disclosure has already started to help them heal.

[victoriaxxx]

It is better because in the end you are able to talk about if you feel like you are having a breakout coming on.. Instead of having no reason to explain why you don't want to get intimate. Trust, honestly, love... Because they have it knowing that was the risk that they wanted to take.. That is my honest opinion. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I gave it to them but kept it a secret... Sex would not be pleasurable for me either.

[JustSmile]

And how did it go?

 

Bc hate breeds hate.. not just for herpes but in general. You ARE better then the person who took away your choice. Dont go to the selfdegrating shameful place. And I say that with love

[Strawberrygirl]

ahh whatever im tired of all this. a guy ruined my life and now i have to pay the consequences for it. then might as well just die. swallow up 50 sleeping pills.end this suffering. coz clearly u all wish u had been given that chance in order to escape. dont lie, ud never risked this for love.

[Strawberrygirl]

i rather have 2-3, 5 or 7 years of love. pretending im healthy. a relationship based on a lie sure. even if he finds out...at least i would have experienced years of love. like a normal healthy human being.

[HerryTheHerp]

Strawberry, those men were bastards. They were. I'm sorry they hurt you. But, those men aren't men. They're boys.

 

Now, I could tell you that you should be considerate towards men because not all men are like those guys. That'd be a pithy suggestion.

 

The truth is that you should be considerate towards all men because you believe that not all men are like those men, and you want to believe that there is good inside of everyone.

[JustSmile]

FIRST suicide is not the answer and I'm really concerned for you.

If I was given the choice I couldve opted for condoms...pushed for drugs. I had neither for my protection. I truly cared for him & I know in my heart weither it was my ex or my present I wouldve got informed... made sure I was protected and TRIED to make it work. Thats all I can say is that I wouldve tried.

 

Now for a hook up or one night stand...or someone i wasnt really into.. just killing time with or whatever then. no thanks. That I can say

[bookworm21]

I think disclosing is important not only for their health, but yours. You're gonna use condoms? Great. What happens when that condom breaks? What if your sexual partner is infected with something, but shares your fear of rejection? The talk is the time you need to lay everything out, on both sides. NEVER assume that because you have one STD you cannot get another. Once you do that, you put your life in danger. Herpes sucks, we all know that. HIV will kill you eventually though.

 

I used to wonder why I disclosed, what was the point? The ONE time I didn't disclose, I told him after. I was a mess worrying. I couldn't keep the secret any longer. I've asked him about 5 times since then if he's been checked and is ok. He laughs at me about it now. I got lucky and he didn't hit me (I would have hit me) or take me to court. The person who gave it to me lied and forever altered my life. Don't be that person. Not disclosing is selfish. YOU want to be happy? Well so does the person you are sleeping with.

 

This isn't going to make you happy sweetie. No amount of relationships built on lies will. I've been there and it's not pretty. I think you should reach out and get some professional help. Suicidal thoughts are nothing to keep inside.

[victoriaxxx]

I knew there was something deeper when you called us out. I think you might need some more help than we could ever give you, because I don't want anyone to ever think that killing themselves is the answer.

[victoriaxxx]

I hope you learn peace and happiness with yourself in your own mind.

[HerryTheHerp]

Suicide is a rather permanent cure for a skin condition. Do that and it's guaranteed that you'll never find love again. That's a high price to pay for someone else's recklessness with your health and emotions. It's too high a price for me, and the fact that you're posting on this board shows me that it's too high a price for you, too.

 

No one on this board wanted herpes. Not one of us. And, you're right. If we could choose not to be here, well, none of us would be here. But, you're wrong about the risks we'd take for love. That's all love is. It's one big risk. We risk getting our hearts broken, we risk losing the person we love, and yes, we risk catching diseases from the people we love.

 

And, you are a normal, healthy human being. You're hurting and we can all see that. That's why we're showing you our love by writing so that you know that not everyone in this world is out to hurt you, and that in your times of need, even total strangers will be willing to reach out their hands when you need support.

 

[Strawberrygirl]

why did u wonder that u disclosed? coz they all rejected u?

[bookworm21]

Rejection is part of regular dating life. We have ALL experienced it. Herpes related or not. I'd rather be rejected over having herpes rather than something stupid like having a small butt or talking too much. You need to get to the place you can accept and love yourself.

[Strawberrygirl]

maybe ur right. but i rather death than being rejected several times. that will only kill my self-esteem even more over time. so all of you stop judging others for not disclosing. its my life, my right to choose whether or not to disclose.