Things i have come to realize in this community

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

@justsmile, thank you for your response. It has sucked. I truly liked the man who gave it to me. I thought he was decent, he did this to me and left me. I had not really dated in over a year before him. He is 30 years old for crying out loud (where is the maturity) and was all I'll be with you for a month after my diagnosis, then he left me and now will have nothing to do with me. At all. He was the first guy I had let go down on me in three years and later, we had sex after my diagnosis (which I guess he slept with me out of pity), he was the first guy I had slept with in over a year. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to accept. 1. he isn't a good person 2. he doesn't care he did this to you 3. it is on you to deal with it forever, not him (I got it genitally he has it orally)

 

I am glad to hear your thoughts. I am the same way, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is the reason why I hate him and it is so hard to accept someone treating met his way because I wouldn't treat someone this way if I did it to them.

 

I don't want to take the chance either, but haven't had it really truly happen for me yet where I have had to disclose. I just like seeing everyone's thoughts on all of this. Thanks for your response.

[Strawberrygirl]

Herrytheherp, see thats your problem. You might have missed out on someone who could possibly have been the love of your life (DONT give me the whole bullcrap, it wasnt meant to be).

 

YOU PEOPLE CHECK OUT THE DRACO CURE developed by a scientist at MIT. This will most likely cure all viral diseases, they say herpes too. this will be commercialized in 2022. So right now, just hold on to those you love. Yes be selfish enough to not disclose. You are not putting anybody's risk. you all know that.

 

stop with the moral bullcrap, coz it wont lead anywhere. only a few get lucky and accepted with this condition.

[JustSmile]

@thisisgoingtobeok... he's a jerk. Plain and simple. Like i said earlier..... If you ever want to chat. All things moral or not .. lol totally kidding (its a bit stuffy on here ) just shoot me a msg!

 

 

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

I have heard of DRACO and have my life depending on it to work. I have done some reading on it and pray that works. I will be first in line for a clinical trial. I can assure you.

[Strawberrygirl]

Herrytheherp, wont accept the risk of being alone forever ;)

wont accept staying in a relationship with aguy im not truly in love with because he happened to accept my condition.

 

Im selfish, ill date whoever i want. Wont let this condition restrict my dating options. NOPE. not happening ;)

 

Ill be happy.

[HerryTheHerp]

No, it's not my problem. It's my choice. I respected this woman enough to trust her with my most personal secret. It's a secret that would have affected her. See, love and relationships that last are built on trust and honesty. In a way, I'm glad. If she can't handle herpes, then what would happen when cancer, or Alzheimer's, or Heart Disease come up someday?

 

You can be selfish, but as long you decide to be selfish, then you'll never understand what love is. You'll never understand how strong and powerful true love is and how it can carry you through the darkest of storms.

[Strawberrygirl]

im convinced the draco will cure us. So be selfish meanwhile, careful too though.

[Strawberrygirl]

Perfect :) then ill never know what true love is. most people on this earth dont know either anyway. Look at the divorce rates honey ;)

Alzheimer's, heart disease...is it contagious...euh NO! so why would they leave u if u had that?

 

All i know is that i want to have 4 kids, dont care how ill reach my goal. To me true love only exists between mother-son relationship. Dont care about my soulmate. If i find it great. If not, at least ill have my kids to whom ill devote my life to.

[JustSmile]

To havr kids you can't use condoms. Would you disclose when you got to that point? Again... just a question. Dont cuss me out

[Strawberrygirl]

im pretty sure that woman would have stayed by ur side if u ended up having cancer. Guess why... coz she wont get it from u, coz it doesnt have a social stigma against it screaming out loud "YOU ARE DIRTY, A PROMISCUOUS LITTLE UNFORTUNATE BITCH DOOMED TO LIVE ALONE LIKE THE MONSTER THAT YOU HAVE NOW BECOME"

[HerryTheHerp]

But, you want to know what true love is. If you didn't, you wouldn't have posted.

 

I agree, most people don't know what it is. That's why the divorce rates are the way they are. They're that way because people have become selfish and forgotten that love isn't about taking something from a relationship, it's about giving it everything you are and have. There's a good letter you might want to read about marriage. It's an eye opener.

 

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

 

Love isn't about what you want. It's about what you want to give.

 

 

[Strawberrygirl]

look yes in my case ill disclose before marriage ok?

but even to those who may not want to ever disclose, then valtrex will be okay even without condom use.

[victoriaxxx]

Honestly...

I just feel like you want a rise out of us.

 

Yeah the person who gave it to me KNEW and DID NOT tell me.. I don't talk to him any more. I was hurt.. && the person may hate you may not, but I am not calling any one a monster. I am saying if you have morals and values then you will disclose. My boyfriend is perfectly fine with it. My dad is perfectly fine with my moms herpes.. And there are so many other people out there that have H- partners...

 

 

[Strawberrygirl]

sure. of course my dream was to find true love. but based on the fact the love is fleeting. I no longer care of finding my one true love, just someone that i have a family with and that i get along with.

 

Dont idealize love

[Yadira]

@strawberrygirl

Hi. This is just my opinion. Disclosure is extremely important. Being an honest person is extremely important. I tested positive without symptoms & I have never had an OB. But guess what, I still called up the people from my past and informed them and our friendships are even stronger now because of my honesty. The current person in my life does not have HSV2 & he is still by my side. And our bond is even stronger than before.

My point is: Be Honest & care about other people because remember even if YOU never have an outbreak that doesn't mean the person you have sex with won't. Everyone's body handles HSV2 differently.

Please disclose & give people the right to choose for themselves. If you are a smart, talented, funny & spontaneous woman with tons of wonderful qualities -guess what; they won't care you have Herpes. They will see that it is manageable and they will respect you 100%.

[HerryTheHerp]

Valtrex and condoms will certainly help, as will avoiding having sex while you're having an outbreak or a prodome. That's for sure.

[JustSmile]

Well strawberry.. good luck to you.

 

@victoria.. agreed.

[Strawberrygirl]

so what about all those who give it to their partners coz they were asymptomatic? what do u think will be their partner's reaction? leave them coz they are hurt even though they had no idea they were carriers, or stay with them coz they love them?

[Strawberrygirl]

Nope, i firmly believe that we live in a very selfish society. Despite all my qualities, no guy will see past my condition. There are very few mature men out there that can handle with this. And i certainly do not attract mature men...

[HerryTheHerp]

That's a good question. Some stay, some leave, some stay because they feel trapped. There's a lot of different answers there. But, those who find out their partner knew and didn't tell them, they feel betrayed, hurt, used, cheated. That hurts the trust and it's tough to repair. In some cases, that trust is never fully repaired and it bleeds into other aspects of the relationship, eventually causing the relationship to crumble.

[JustSmile]

Not knowing and passing it on isn't the same as lying to someone. You don't understand that, really? Or is that what you tell yourself to help yourself feel liberated by what you're saying?

Doont you wish you had the choice? I know I do

I

[WCSDancer2010]

Herry got it right -

 

 

 

 

So there's the deal - your Doctors are all saying that the CDC is wrong regarding Viral Shedding??? Somehow I think the CDC *might* just have a little more street credibility.

 

http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes-detailed.htm

 

How do people get genital herpes?

Infections are transmitted through contact with lesions, mucosal surfaces, genital secretions, or oral secretions. HSV-1 and HSV-2 can also be shed from skin that looks normal. In persons with asymptomatic HSV-2 infections, genital HSV shedding occurs on 10% of days, and on most of those days the person has no signs or symptoms. [4] Generally, a person can only get HSV-2 infection during sexual contact with someone who has a genital HSV-2 infection. Transmission most commonly occurs from an infected partner who does not have a visible sore and may not know that he or she is infected. [5]

 

Honey - Denial is a deep and treacherous river.

 

Love is not selfish. Love is giving. Love is healing. Love is sharing. Love is caring. Love is honesty. Love is integrity. Love is joyous. Love is risky. Love is powerful. Love always, always, always puts your partner above yourself. Love yourself by loving your partner even more and you'll discover just how strong a bond love can create.

 

Amen Herry!

 

I'm here to tell you... I had a H- man who admittedly did initially freak out when I disclosed...but he cared enough for me to choose to stay...we had 3 years together and it was Me who ended it because I realized I was not happy.... he's a wonderful guy but not the guy for me. I'll admit I thought about staying because he accepted me and my H friend, but to do that would have been a lie too.... not fair to EITHER of us. He told me later he was about to propose to me .... so I promise you, you CAN find love with Herpes AND Honesty......

 

And Herry is right - I'm sorry that you have become bitter because of some jerks out there. I've met my fair share too. But I REFUSE to lower my integrity.... I have to look at myself in the mirror every day and I for one cannot live with lies - giving or receiving. I can promise you if someone disclosed that they had this after I'd been with them awhile I'd walk - because I would wonder 1) what else they lied about and 2) I would actually wonder if they got it from someone AFTER we became a couple and were lying about that to distract me from the affair. You see, a lie kills trust and makes you second guess everything. And Herry is right - there are medical records that you KNOW you have HSV. It's really just plain not worth the risk.

 

Honey - I've had this since I was 17. I'm 52 now. I was married 20 years ... had 2 lovely children, have had 2 - three year relationships with H- guys post divorce. Yes, it SUCKS to do "the talk". But you know what... since I came completely out I have men coming to me telling me how much they RESPECT me for my honesty. I dunno about you, but THAT is the kind of guy I want as a life partner.

 

We can't stop you from doing whatever you are going to do. Just remember, YOU have to live with yourself in the future... and if/WHEN the other person eventually finds out (and odds are they will), be prepared to watch their back go out the door..... and thank your lucky stars if they don't. Because the odds are pretty against the second scenario.... and really, that IMO would suck worse than anything else...having someone I'm that invested in walk because I didn't give them a choice in their health.

 

Peace my friend.

[victoriaxxx]

Not knowing that you have it and passed is a different story. Like she said it is not the same as being lied to.

 

When I found out I had Herpes I told everyone I slept with in the past. I told them sorry for not knowing, and they if I would have known I would have taken the measure to keep them safe.. All of them thanked me, even though a lot of them were upset. They thanked me for telling them the truth.

[Klopz]

I am a hopeless romantic and agree with herrys views on love. I refuse to be selfish when it comes to love and refuse to keep something that has affected me so much from a person i care so much about. I believe that someone will love me enough to stay. I wish you the best strawberrygirl! :)

[victoriaxxx]

I hope that you find peace and love in your own heart. <3