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Flyer I made tonight.

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In light of Dustin getting back together with his ex. I have had this thought many times. I know "let it go, let him go, yada yada yada." Yeah I'll get there. Anyways, I made a flyer tonight with his picture and the words "for a good time and herpes call Dustin" then at the bottom "he will give you herpes, leave you, never speak to you again not support you even though he gave you this std. Winner!" Now, some of my friends are for me posting them around town, just worried about the retaliation. Some are totally against it, saying let God serve him his.


I have it saved on my desktop. Anyways, say I did post these, what are the consequences legally I could face? I don't want anyone to tell me to let it go he isn't worth it. I know all this. I'm not angry enough to do it yet, but the first man that rejects me for this, I just might be. So, any ideas on what could happen if I do this? Is there legal issues there?


No, this is not the best way to go about it or take karma into my own hands, but karma isn't working fast enough. And I'm the one hurting and he deserves to get his. Sorry, but that's the cold hard fucking truth. He deserves to have something bad happen to him. You just don't do people that way.

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I'm not sure what the legal ramifications are but I do know that the pain you inflict on another will only hurt you. Yes you may hurt him, you may get your revenge but you will feel no better about having H, being left and unsupported. You have a whole community here to love you. You are worth so much more than this anger, and unhappiness.


Your name its going to be ok shows progress. It hurts now. I am not going to lie my giver still to this day 8 years of having H has not admitted that he gave me H. Maybe he didn't know, maybe he was a coward. He left me as well, denied me and at times I am bitter about how I feel towards men. BUT one thing I will not deny is Herpes changed my life, and it can change yours too, in a good way. You have a lot of healing to do and I'm not going to tell you to let it go or blow over your feelings. Your feelings are valid, you have a right to be angry with this guy.


You imply that a guy will reject for this in the future. That is possible but, many men will see past this. They will not see past the anger, the bitterness and the negative feelings you hold about H. I hope you can learn to see H for what it really is but if you do choose to take this path I hope you get what you need from it. Best of luck to you.

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n. oral defamation, in which someone tells one or more persons an untruth about another, which untruth will harm the reputation of the person defamed. Slander is a civil wrong (tort) and can be the basis for a lawsuit. Damages (payoff for worth) for slander may be limited to actual (special) damages unless there is malicious intent, since such damages are usually difficult to specify and harder to prove. Some statements, such as an untrue accusation of having committed a crime, having a loathsome disease or being unable to perform one's occupation, are treated as slander per se since the harm and malice are obvious and therefore usually result in general and even punitive damage recovery by the person harmed. Words spoken over the air on television or radio are treated as libel (written defamation) and not slander on the theory that broadcasting reaches a large audience as much as if not more than printed publications.






libel 1) n. to publish in print (including pictures), writing or broadcast through radio, television or film, an untruth about another which will do harm to that person or his/her reputation, by tending to bring the target into ridicule, hatred, scorn or contempt of others. Libel is the written or broadcast form of defamation, distinguished from slander which is oral defamation. It is a tort (civil wrong) making the person or entity (like a newspaper, magazine or political organization) open to a lawsuit for damages by the person who can prove the statement about him/her was a lie. Publication need only be to one person, but it must be a statement which claims to be fact, and is not clearly identified as an opinion.



Think about what you are doing. You have enough stuff going on in your life. Do you really need more trouble. I got left also. My ex left me when he found out. He's living life with nothing happen. He could have have it to me but refuses to get tested. He had the audacity to tell me that when "I start fucking again, I'll get tested".. What kind of low life says that?! It gets better. Excuse my horrid language, but fuck him. You are an amazing, beautiful women. Don't get some low-life, douche bag, no-good-having ass, can't-take-responsiblity-for-his-mistake ass hurt you. Why do you even want someone so useless in your life. He choose to leave you when you need him the most. Open your eyes. I'm only being this blunt because the same thing happened to me. We don't need this type of people in our lives. Don't do it.

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Well he did get tested and was positive. So it wouldn't be untrue. I figured if it's anything it's slander or libel. But it's the truth.


@elliot I haven't done anything yet. I just created it and have it saved. And you are damn straight you don't know what he has done to me. You can read all my old posts and figure that out. I didn't deserve herpes and to be left by him where he chooses not to speak to me or talk to me or support me. Who is more wrong there? I say him, giving someone a disease and all the other stuff. He is wrong. And deserves it.

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Medical reports are private so technically you would still be in the wrong. I'm not taking up for him. I'm thinking about you. Trust me, I know how it feels. You posting that is pretty much telling the whole world you have herpes as well. I have three people that know I have it and clearly I don't need anyone eles knowing. Do you want the whole world to know you have herpes?

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@Jessiw couldn't have said it better for me my friend:


You imply that a guy will reject for this in the future. That is possible but, many men will see past this. They will not see past the anger, the bitterness and the negative feelings you hold about H.


What you are not getting is that you will turn off a LOT more men with your anger and bitterness than you will with Herpes. You can take that statement to the bank my dear.


If I was a guy in your town and I saw you put that poster up, I wouldn't EVER date you for fear of what you would do if you got angry at me.... it would be nothing to do with the Herpes. (And you KNOW that people would find out it was you.... so don't hope you can do it anonymously).


When I go out with a guy, I listen VERY carefully to how he talks about his Ex's. What he says and how he says it (and it doesn't matter what the circumstances are of the break-up... tho if he had a bad one, then I can learn a little more) tells me a LOT about him - how he deals with anger, how he treats people, AND, most importantly, how he might talk about me if we don't work out.


If I met a guy in your circumstances and he eventually opened up to me about an ex who did what yours did, and I heard a lot of bitterness and anger about it, I wouldn't walk away because of the Herpes nearly as fast as I would about the un-resolved anger you had... because until you let go of it, you are in no fit place to be with another. And that has NOTHING AT ALL to do with your ex. It's about your taking responsibility for who you want to be NOW, for doing the work you need to do to let go of the anger. I totally get your frustration and believe me, I know the hurt of seeing an ex who has moved on (and it hurts with or without your circumstances) when I was still healing from the break-up.


So here comes the tough love my friend:


I have to be really honest... and you have to understand that I was not there for the whole thing. I get it that he acted like a coward and a prick. So be it. Better you found that out now and not after you had 3 kids together and you ran into tough times.


But in the end, can you look at who you were being/are being when all this happened and say with all honesty that you would want to be with you (and I don't want you to bring Herpes into this equation at all... this is about YOU and who you are being/how you are acting.) When you look at the "common denominator" in a set of situations (ie, YOU), and you look at what you can do/fix about it (IE.. YOU .. you can't change him), then you can start to work on what you CAN do to change a situation/result.


Attacking him, vilifying him, staying angry with him, etc keeps all your focus on HIM. As long as you do that, you are not taking care of YOU.


Now, making the poster could be cathartic for you in that it has given you a place to let go of the anger. If you need to write about it, make posters, draw, whatever, to get all the anger out, then do it. Maybe print each out and have an "anger box" that you can put it all into. Write it, print it, and put it away every day if you need to for awhile. And then, when you wake up one day and realize you are tired of the drama, the angst, and the upset (and believe me, that day will come when you are so totally over yourself you can't stand it one more day!), take the box of anger and burn it. Put it all out to the universe, and let it go. Don't save any of it on your computer either... delete it all when the time comes.


In the end, anger will only hurt YOU. If anything, people will start to feel sorry for him if you keep going on... I mean, they might get it he was a shit, but they will see that you are still being the crazy psycho that they see behaving that way every day. It sounds like he isn't spreading nasty rumors about you or whatever... he's just moved on. Right or wrong, he will be seen as the "sane" one if you keep this up ... and that is what we are all trying to tell you.... your anger will ONLY come back to bite you on the ass.


So do what you have to to let it go. But .... LET IT GO.


And if you don't believe me, here are some quotes from people who are FAR more knowledgeable than me on the subject of revenge (because that is what this is)


An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

Mahatma Gandhi


That old law about 'an eye for an eye' leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing.

Martin Luther King, Jr.


The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.

Marcus Aurelius


In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior.

Francis Bacon


While seeking revenge, dig two graves - one for yourself.

Douglas Horton


(((HUGS))) my friend ... I know you are hurting. But the longer you hold onto this, the more you hurt YOU.



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If i had thought of this back then.. i believe i would have done it. Im not saying it wouldnt be legal trouble.. nor am i suggesting you do it. But then im not really into taking the moral high ground when i have to eat a plate of shit to stand on it. Im not entirely sure why it is we are supposed to suck it up and be the better person.. i guess you have to ask yourself if doing this is going to make you feel better.. and if the consequences are worth what you gain. Maybe its about time for consequences (real ones) for non disclosure.. . Two things: legally.. im fairly sure thats not a fight he wants.. its one he will lose.. ::: THIS PART IS IMPORTANT: HIS retaliation may be extreme.. from physically beating you to putting a bullet in your head. Think about how emotional herpes has made you... and ask yourself how unstable he might become if everyone knew he had it...

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But then im not really into taking the moral high ground when i have to eat a plate of shit to stand on it. Im not entirely sure why it is we are supposed to suck it up and be the better person..




Why to be a better person? Because, as the Buddha said:


"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die"


You ONLY hurt yourself.


“A fight is going on inside me," said an old man to his son. "It is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other wolf is good. he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you."


The son thought about it for a minute and then asked, "Which wolf will win?"


The old man replied simply, "The one you feed.”


Anger is natural. Part of most people's journey through Herpes is anger. BUT, you have to move THROUGH it. When it becomes bitterness, self-pity, resentment, and reason for revenge, it only starts to eat at YOU. It will hurt you FAR MORE than you will ever hurt the other person.



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Im not the zen master most of you appear to be. Ill call it a character flaw and move on. I count not killing the one that purposely gave me herpes as one of my greater moments in life. Im just saying.. i completely understand wanting some semblance of justice,or revenge. I decided to be a good little victim because im a man.. and momma raised me better than to shoot women.. really all it came down to.

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sorry but I don't think at all that this is the right way to deal with that situation , he hurt you but don't put yourself down that road of self justice, this will not help you at all, the bad karma will bite you soon. Move on with your live and make H help you to get better self acceptance and to be a good person which you are under all this angriness for Dustin.

I can see your point and maybe it would give you for a moment some satisfaction but for sure not on long term. Let it go and live in the moment right now, forget about this idiot, forget about the past...its the past,now your live start

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Because it's not his responsibility to take care of you. It's yours. The psychological effects of Herpes is complex. What we care about is you, and you getting what you need. We don't care about Dustin, he is not worth our time nor should he be worth yours.


I don't know this guy but I know my giver, and it hurt that he denied it and lied to me but I know how unhappy of a person he was and most likely still is. I trust if he deserves karma he will get it. You exact your revenge and let us know if you feel better, if it brings him back...but it sounds like you are calling out for help from yourself and we want to protect you from the pain that will most likely come of taking the vengeance anger route.

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PS: the flyers that degrade him MAINLY because he has Herpes degrades ALL OF US who have herpes and are trying to educate people about it. You are making people more adverse towards Herpes than educating them about prevention, treatment, how to avoid passing it on, etc. Take your anger and do something good about it. Learn what Herpes is and how to prevent the spread. The posters you made tell me more about you than him. You are setting yourself up for failure, and trust me, you are young and beautiful and have a whole life ahead of you, so don't spend it being angry and bitter.


Amen sista!


My friend:


Noone is saying what he did wasn't wrong. We ARE on your side! Which is why we keep urging you to let go of the anger and move on! You should know by now that this is not the forum to come onto if you are looking for revenge. This isn't how we work here.


He isn't there for you. That should be a big enough message to move on. And really, why the hell would you WANT him there for you after all this time? He's proven he isn't a man of integrity ... why do you insist that he HAS to be there for you?


The ONLY person you are hurting in all of this is yourself. I wish you could come to understand that. I hate to see you in such pain and angst, but the ONLY person who can fix you at this point is YOU. Dustin can't, we can't, your parents can't, and your friends can't "fix" you. You have to get to a point where you are tired of the drama and angst my friend.



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The flyers degrade the way he treated me. Giving me herpes is one thing, it's another to be a complete asshole and not support someone that you did that too. That's the main thing I'm pissed about. I'm not pissed about the herpes, I am but I'm not, I'm really pissed at his behavior after giving it to me. That's the source of my anger. But that isn't getting through I guess either.


It's been three months since that. I do not speak to that person any longer. And since then no one has came around that I remotely thought would or could accept it. I'm pissed. I'm lonely. I'm tired. I'm a lot of things and have only myself to deal with it and it's not fucking fair. He should be dealing with it too. I sit at home alone a lot and I'm fucking sick of it. This should be the happiest time of my life, and it's all clouded by this stupid fucking disease. I have no one, my friends yeah. But they can't hold me at night and make me feel normal. They can't give me the things that I need right now. And I need a man right now, even though I'm not ready for anything serious, I need the support of a man in my life. That's what I need to feel better. And because I have this now, I can't find that from anyone else without saying hey stop trying toget in my pants because I have herpes and really all I want from you is to just sit here with me, sleep with me (not sexually), talk to me, go to dinner with me. Because before I had control over that.


I've chosen this to be my last post on this. I'll let y'all know whether I do it or don't. Time will decide that. I'm astounded that the blame is coming on me, when he is the one who has done wrong. Giving someone herpes is a part of it, but you just don't treat people like shit when you do that to them. Straight up. It seems most everyone disagrees and thinks it okay for people to treat others that way without any sort of reprecussions.

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Honey - NOONE here is BLAMING you for anything. We are trying to GUIDE you to a healthier mindset, that's all. :)


And I need a man right now, even though I'm not ready for anything serious, I need the support of a man in my life. That's what I need to feel better.


And THIS is the crux of the problem. You don't love YOU. So you need a man to hold you and love you to feel validated. And honey, let me tell you, with or without Herpes, you will never be able to be in a truly HEALTH relationship until you come to love YOURSELF FIRST. I took 3 years off dating when I realized I was dating for all the wrong reasons. Physically, yes, it sucked.... vibrators can only do so much and I had a lot of lonely nights. But now, I am ok on my own... yes, I really, REALLY want a relationship but I know that when the right guy comes along, I will be able to keep my part of it in a healthy place... I can have a man because I want one, not because I NEED one.


Right now, you "NEED" a man to find comfort.... but that is a hefty burden to put on someone...to be responsible for YOUR happiness. Because that is what you are looking for right now.... and I promise you those relationships only end up in either a dysfunction or abuse. Learn to love YOU my friend first and foremost.....


YOU can only change YOU. You can't change him. I really don't know what you think you would get from him at this point that would be healthy for you anyway. The man has shown he has no balls and no integrity. You think that's going to change? Honey - work on learning to love YOU. Please.



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When I read your last post , it just broke my heart. You wrote the word "need" continuously.


I was with my first ex for over two and a half years. He was a complete asshole, even worse then the guy that just broke up with me. I was mentally and physically wrapped around his finger. I didn't know anything eles but him. I was be studying for nursing school and he would get mad if I couldn't bring him somewhere. He used me to the fullest, broke me down. I was rock bottom. I needed him in my life. I didn't understand how I could bend over backwards for someone and they would hurt me.


I used to think I "needed" a man in my life. When I opened my eye, I realized I don't need a man for anything. YOU SHOULD WANT A MAN. You don't need anything but food, water, oxygen, and shelter. A women needs to be independent for herself. You should be able to support yourself. You want someone to sit there with you, where are your friends? Don't have anything that can hang out? You have a whole list of people on this website that will talk to you. I will message you my phone number if you want it. You can text, call, facetime, tango me. I'll talk to you all day. Get a stuff animal to sleep with. I have a huge dog that I cuddle with. Yupp 23 and I sleep with a stuffed animal. That dog has wiped more tears of mine then any man would have. You don't need a man, you should want a man.


Start doing stuff that makes you happy! When you make you happy, you realized the shit you were crying over was pointless. I get my nails done when I'm upset. Or I read a book or write poems. Get a hobby.


I realized before I got herpes that I don't need a man for anything. I'm sorry if I upset you by anything I said, it wasn't meant to be like that. But open your eyes, sweetie. I know you're a great person. If you want my number, message me.

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