Soooo, two weeks ago I was a 28-year-old virgin, now I have herpes

[Nal]

Hi all,

 

I just had a roller-coaster of a holliday. Let me start at the beginning. I've been struggling with vaginismus, a condition that - for me - made me spasm at the slightest hint of insertion causing excruciating pain and anxiety. It turned out to be mild and easily managed with the right person for me.

 

I met a sweet boy on holiday in June. We only talked a few days at his work, although he did try to kiss me the day I flew back. We've been in contact ever since and slowly, his personality made me want to finally tackle my condition. I trained, he was supportive about it being totally okay if we tried to have sex and it wouldn't work.

 

We met for the first time as a 'couple' (we both felt it and said it but wanted to not really pronounce it until we knew we had chemistry in real life) on September 15th. He was amazing and patient. We had talked about safe sex numerous times ahead and decided to play it safe, him being tested with only negative results and me being on the pill and a virgin. So condom it was. Everything went really well, even though it still hurt quite a bit before finding some angles that worked for me :D All in all, great experience and we ended up in a full blown LD relationship.

 

Problem is, my virginity made me miss an awful lot of symptoms along the way. I was super swollen (which made sense to me considering I had no frame of reference), I got the flu on Sunday (which made sense because I'd just come off the flu 2 days before meeting him and had been stressed so I thought I just never really got rid of it), I didn't even notice the blisters because everything was so swollen down there.

 

Anyway, we spent some more amazing days together and said goodbye that next Tuesday. Only on Thursday it started to dawn on me that something was REALLY not right. Where I started thinking it was the combination of my flu and my inexperienced spasmic nether regions, I went on to realise maybe not everything was peachy. When I got a weird little patch of clustered red spots on my bum, I googled the symptoms and got the scare of a lifetime! And I couldn't even discuss it with the bf in person because I'd already travelled to a new place 2 days prior. I also didn't want to accuse him of things before I saw a doctor.

 

Anyway, I came home from my holidays on Sunday night at 2am and had my GP take a look on Monday night. I ended up telling the bf about my worries before actually seeing a doctor. I had already found out from the internet (reliable sources from his and my government) that herpes is not part of the standard tests. I couldn't keep it in. He took it well. He's very worried himself and has made an appointment to get specifically tested for H2 on Monday. He's apologised a ton and thought I would blame him for everything. He said he never had any symptoms (which is possible) but when he sent me a dick pic for me to inspect (I was sitting in the doctor's office waiting room as well XD), I noticed he has these 2 tiny red dots on his mons. I remember thinking it was cute that my guy had more razor burn than me because it looked like an ingrown hair (he shaves his legs, too, go figure lol). Now I realise they look like the miniature version what I have growing out of my bum right now lmao.

 

So, my GP (who's known me since I was 5) was so nice and unimpressed by it that it made me feel much better. He was a lot more worried about my panic attack than this skin condition, which he called annoying. He put me on 5 days of Aciclovir and I'm getting my blood work results back tomorrow or Thursday. Took the opportunity to get everything checked, so I'll know my cholesterol levels and thyroid function levels too. Yay me.

 

So yeah, I basically had safe sex with one person, after waiting forever, and ended up with a (what my GP calls) 95% chance of H2.

 

I've already been through the panic phase, the 'why me' phase, the 'I hope this boy didn't lie to me' phase, the 'WTF just happened' phase.

 

Neither one of us knew H isn't part of the standard tests. With him, that's understandable, he grew up in a very religious country out in the sticks where sex-ed was non-existent and only moved to Europe when he was already a young adult. So for the education he's had, he was actually quite up-to-speed and cautious about things. I on the other hand, have had more sex-ed than most of my expat friends even believe and grew up in a very progressive country and thought I knew pretty much what was up. When I initially was trying to self-diagnose and ended up on the herpes track, the only thing I could remember was that it's incurable and viral had a major panic attack. Because I couldn't remember anything else.

 

I've managed to get through a pretty heavy primary ob, with pretty much every symptom: swollen lymph nodes, blisters, clusters of rash elsewhere (bum!), painful peeing, excretion I was embarrassed about telling my GP, muscle aches, weird pins and needles bum to toe, fever, tiny bit of blood loss. And made it out the other end (almost).

 

I'm very grateful I found this website, it's already made me feel tons better. My boy and I spent yesterday face timing googling info in Spanish (because he doesn't speak English) and we even had a chuckle about it already, even though he still feels incredibly guilty about probably contaminating me (I mean I only told him yesterday but still lmao). I did go down on a guy once a few years back but that's statistically not a very likely cause for my crotch to become a swollen fireball (think Dragon Ball Z) 2 days after losing my virginity (nether region wise, I mean).

 

So basically, any words of advice or support, questions, funny remarks on this quite weird situation (humour cures a lot of ailments, or at least works as an ice pack for the soul), everything is welcome. I just feel like talking to people who know what's up and maybe lend some support down the line myself.

 

I guess I'm just happy I was never a judgmental person myself, so I know I wouldn't judge me for what has happened. I mean, I can already kind of see the humour in getting laid 1 week with condoms only and getting herpes on the first go. I guess I'm just relieved that for now, it's only herpes, let's hope the test results come out as positive as me and end up negative for everything else. I'm not really worried about that, he actually showed me the paperwork (he wrapped them with a red bow, along with condoms, lube and scented bubbly bath things as a care package on our first night together, silly boy XD).

 

Wow, wall of text, sorry about the novel :)

 

xXx,

 

Gog

[Sil88]

Haha great spirit, I enjoyed reading that. Hope you guys keep it up and work things out together. I just learnt what a 'mons' is and it's something I've been trying to find a name for since a year ago.. Still can't figure out Gog though.

 

Are you still Super Saiyan? Fingers crossed it's your final form!

[Nal]

In Dutch it's called the Venus hill, which is even more awesome. I'm obviously not happy about it but I must say I'm a lot more upbeat now than I was in full swing of my primary ob, trying to secretly google symptoms at night in a tent, hoping not to burn a hole in my sleeping bag with my crotch :D Having the bf know and not run away from it, helps too.

 

Gog, well that's me being a feather-brain. I randomly picked 3 letters of my obscure e-mail address as my username and then remembered the wrong letters. So Nal somehow became Gog in my head. Oops.

 

That Dragon Ball Z reference is so amazing I won't be able to top that. I bow down to you, Sir (or likely Ma'am).

 

xXx

 

Gog/Nal/Dory from Finding Nemo

[Sil88]

Lol... so now we have 6 letters of your e-mail address, choose your next name carefully..

 

And yes I won't be able to top that one either, I was quite proud of myself if I'm honest.. But on a serious note, I might have to change my profile picture if you think I'm likely a ma'am.

 

Just keep swimming. < That was too obvious.. is it getting old yet?

[2Legit2Quit]

Holy crap! This thread is great and you both made me laugh, especially about the profile picture! Lol..

 

@nal I am so very impressed w how you are handling this. You make how I looked when I was diagnosed over a yr ago, like a wimp. ;-) I am so proud to hear you taking this all in stride and not letting the stigma get to you. Rock on! Girl power! You really got it together, so I'm really not sure what advice I could possibly lend ypu, as the state you are in, you just need cheerleaders to keep cheering your bad ass self on! ;-)

[Bambina3]

You seem to have a kind heart and spirit...I have no other comment than just sending hugs of support ;)

[Nal]

@Sil88

Maybe my e-mail is only 6 letters long? gognal@hotmail.com does sound like a pretty good address to me. Maybe if you try it, you'll get an answer...

 

I actually didn't see your profile picture at all, but Sil is a nickname for a pretty common girl's name where live so my brain went there automatically. Having actually lookeda t your profile picture, I can confirm you very much look like a sir and not a Madam.

 

And pop culture references on support boards will never get old, so keep 'm coming!

 

@2Legit2Quit

Thanks! I guess finding some reliable sources fairly quickly really helped. Google is an absolutely frightening place to go for things like this. And what worries me most right now, is disclosing and potentially contaminating others. I can deal with those later because I've already disclosed to the bf and we can sort out being safe for each other together for now. So right now I'm just taking the time to get used to it, hoping I won't get too many OBs and learn as much as I can. Living in an open and accepting community makes it easier for me to imagine disclosing to friends and family if I so wish at some point. Luckily they're all pretty open to being educated so I'm not too worried. The last 4 days of my holiday I was pretty panicky and down, though, because I couldn't really just sit down and do some calm research by myself without a pc.

 

I bet you managed a lot better than you think, though. Sometimes people are strong without realising it themselves. Others can see it, but you can't.

 

@Bambina3

 

Thank you! This board seems like the type of place I'd like to hang out. Nice people all around.

[Sil88]

Not a bad troll... I also tried narwhal@goglemail.com for good measure. Thanks for setting things straight with the picture, and is the girl's name Sylvia or something?

[Nal]

@Sil88

Some poor sucker called Gnal is going to get an awful lot of e-mails about herpes and not know where they came from and why. And I'm now slightly disappointed my e-mail address isn't narwhal@goglemail.com. They might be the coolest and most magic among marine mammals. I bet he's best friends with the Mantis Shrimp.

 

It's actually Silke, which a Frysian diminutive of Cecilia. Lots of girls called Silke here and many go by Sil.

[2Legit2Quit]

@nal bahahahaha! Negative! I had the ugly xry every day for almost a month straight.. Hahaha.. Probably cried about it several times a month for about 3-4 months about it. .. Lol... I was pissed the majority of the months I cried and when I get really angry and can't do anything about it, I cry.

[Nal]

@2Legit2Quit

Well then I have a cute little anecdote for you that happened today. I was happily making some pork satés, rubbing meat with masala paste and trying to Whatsapp with the bf without masala-ing up my phone when he started to get all freaked out, but it's hard to read emotions on a screen. All of a sudden he seemed to be a lot less cool with what was happening and I got the impression he was about to break up with me or something, at least that he was slowly backing out of the relationship. I was freaking out completely, started asking him all of these questions and sending him links in Spanish but I knew he was with his son at the barber shop so I couldn't phone him about sth like that and asked him if he hated me. He answered 'a little'. I broke down, started crying. And then he continued: 'for going down on me with minty gum in your mouth. That hurt like hell.' Turns out he was kidding and thought I realised that and was playing along. Nope. I did not catch on at all. He then left the barber for a while to video chat and was all like 'of course I'm not leaving you behind, I took your virginity and gave you herpes.' Which made me laugh, which made him laugh. But damn, I had a serious breakdown today. I might be dealing with it fairly well but I'm not without my doubts and fears. If that makes you feel any better.

[2Legit2Quit]

Texting .. Destroying relationships and friendships since its existence... Hahaha this should make you laugh, a skit about misconstruing the context behind texting.

 

Watch "Key & Peele - Text Message Confusion - Uncensored" on YouTube

[Nal]

Haha omg I'm dying. This is exactly what happened today. If the bf spoke any English, I'd send this to him right away.

 

No chance Comedy Central do versions in Guaraní, do they? XD

[2Legit2Quit]

Lol.. No, but maybe there's an option for captions in YouTube

[TryingtoReach_Peace]

Lol I am just so in love with this post! I was diagnosed on Saturday night went crazy lashed out. After a few days of moping and finding out uh yeah my first outbreak is almost already over I felt pretty silly for being so worked up about this disease. I can get married have kids the whole nine yards. It just means now I'll have to be more selective with my dated lol. Wonderful story and you're a great encouragement with that happy spirit!! Thank you for sharing!

[JJJ2015]

I loved this thread too!great spirit and attitudes on here! I just found out myself and am trying to stay positive as well. I needed to be more picky about who I choose as a partner anyway!

[2Legit2Quit]

Rock on @jjj2015 ! There is a positive to come from the bad, if we're willing to open our eyes and see it. Hang in there girly!

[Nal]

@2Legit2Quit

Haha yes, or maybe I'll simultaneously interpret for him. that won't ruin the jokes at all. At. All.

 

@TryingtoReach_Peace

You definitely shouldn't feel silly about how you feel or felt. It's perfectly normal to be upset. there's nothing wrong with having big feelings. they're there to be felt. There's a pretty big stigma attached to the condition. And it's so 'forever' all of a sudden, you can't help but worry. I had some panicky, sleepless nights too, trying to sleep with my bum up to ease the pain, being absolutely terrified to spread it around the whole camping site because I hadn't found conclusive information about contaminating people yet (keeping my towel religiously separated from everyone else's, just to be sure). But you know, you're going to be fine, we're all going to be fine. Most veterans on here are fine already. We can do this!

 

@JJJ2015

I feel like if we stick around here for a good while, we're going to be just fine. We're all going to have our ups and downs and it's good that we can come here and vent and get some support. And then when we feel better, give some support. You seem quite positive already. Just keep going! We'll get there!

[JJJ2015]

Well there's nothing we can do about it now!! I def have the feelings of being a disgusting leper like everyone else but I know deep down I'm not. The only person that knows so far is a friend of mine and even though she's been ABSOLUTELY amazing, I was scared she'd be scared to eat after me or something lol. But she hasn't been acting any different. So I see what people are saying about opening up to ppl actually helps you feel better. I figured I'd start here with you guys before talking to my mom about it but I will. Reading stories of other ppl with positive attitudes like yours and really trying to understand how common it is is what's getting me through so far!

[Nal]

I guess what helped me a lot is how unimpressed and unworried my GP was. He was all, 'oh, that's unpleasant.' And the man has known me since I was 2 and I was his daughter's first ever friend so it's not like his lack of worry was out of lack of caring for me. He was just not worried about it.

 

So yes, finding people who are unimpressed will definitely help. Having people not blink an eye is works wonders.

 

I'm also lucky in a way that I got it from my bf, who genuinely didn't know (still doesn't understand entirely how it happened tbh) because he couldn't but accept it's him because I was still a virgin before him. And he definitely noticed I was a virgin when we were going for it, haha, that first night I was an unbelievably clumsy mess. No one would've believed for a second I'd been with someone else before XD, so we're kind of in it together because we found out together.

 

I haven't told my mum yet either, but that's mainly because I haven't told her about the bf because I wanted to see him in real life before I started considering him part of my real life. It's a bit sad telling everyone you're seeing someone in a different country and then meet up for real and realise you have no chemistry whatsoever. So now I need to combine the 'I have a LD boyfriend' with 'Hey, I have genital herpes but it's okay'. And I want to do it in a way that doesn't make him sound like an irresponsible prick :)

 

I feel like time is going to give us the peace of heart and skills to deal with all of this in a comfortable and appropriate way. We'll get there. I have confidence in us :)

[Anna01]

@Nal Wow I could've put money on me already responding to your post! That is so strange. I read this so long ago. I think you are one awesome lady. Your story warms my heart <3 This is a perfect example of how it doesn't matter what your sexual experience is....herpes is not picking and choosing who gets this. It is an equal opportunity thing. We are just he lucky ones :) haha I love seeing your energy in all of this. Remaining positive is key in life. I also felt that because I was never judgmental of people with STDs I didn't beat myself up about it when I got this. I was hurt, I was sad but I was determined to move forward. Your bf sounds like so much fun and I am happy you have eachother. Keep on pushing forward on this new journey! (HUGS)

 

@2Legit2Quit

Oh my gosh I LOVE Key and Peele! I have never seen this skit but my goodness it is so true. Miscommunication is an understatement. That skit is sooooo good.

Thank you for sharing

[Nal]

@Anna01

Wow, thanks so much, those are such nice words. I've already read so many people beating themselves up about being promiscuous or w/e and it just breaks my heart a little. I was so panicky when I realised it was herpes and I could only remember it was incurable, it was just such a relief reading up on it and realising it's basically a skin condition in a place people don't like to talk about. I mean, it's a bummer but it's not even close to a life sentence in any way.

 

Yeah, the bf is such a good guy, although a bit rash (ba dum dum tsssss) sometimes. He's already planning my next trip to his country because he felt like it today and I'm like, 'I have to be in my own country some time as well.' I potentially need to work to be able to afford the flights there, even though Ryanair is dirt cheap :)

I guess it's his Latin American spontaneous nature and my Northern European organised one that's making us not agree on how often we can visit each other without bankrupting ourselves :)

[WCSDancer2010]

I have only one thing to say:

 

 

 

 

[2Legit2Quit]

Lol...

[Nal]

OMG love that meme. Makes me smile every time.