I Have No Idea Where To Go From Here :( Please help!!

[LowLover298]

I just got diagnosed and I need some uplifting news that this is going to be okay. The only person that knows is my mom and I really don't ever want anyone to know. At least not now. If I ever tell people I need to wait until I feel okay with it otherwise things will go wrong. I know my brain and I know the thoughts I get.. I'm just not ready for others to know yet. I feel so hopeless and lost. The only thing I can think of is taking myself off of this earth so I don't hurt anyone with what I have (if I haven't already :(...) I hate myself and I'm so disappointed that I let this happen to me. I should have been smart about sex, but I didn't care about myself for about 8 months and I did whatever felt good at the time, even if it was just for the night. Ugh, I feel like I'm a horrible person and don't deserve anything good to come in my life. I feel that this is all my fault. I'm taking all the blame.

[MMissouri]

It's going to be okay. Really. If you need to keep it to yourself, there is nothing wrong with that. I'm one of those people that feel that if your not sleeping with someone, then it's really not their business.

 

Since this is new to you, I suggest you learn as much as you can about it. That will help with the hopelessness and lost feelings. The more you know, the less it is. There is no reason to hate yourself. Sex is a 50/50 responsibility if you ask me. Partially yours and partially your partners. Unless everyone you slept with requested STD testing then they were voluntarily putting themselves at risk. STDs are not "bad" people infections. They are sexually transmitted infections. SO if you are having sex with someone, there is always that possibility.

 

What is important now is you get a handle on your outbreaks. Learn all you can about H. Get healthy, and make better sexual choices in the future. Think of this as your wakeup call. And as flippant as it may sound, it could be so much worse. And you will come to realize that.

 

What type do you have?

[LowLover298]

@mmissouri I have HSV 2.. And thank you for the kind words. It just came as such a shock. I went in for an exam thinking nothing of it and then I find out this news. I'm just heartbroken and pretty upset with myself. But I hope to get myself educated so that I don't let this bring me down for the rest of my life.

[Katidid]

@LowLover298 What MMissouri said is absolutely correct. I have never told anyone about my H except for sleeping partners. I'm currently married (20 yrs and hubby does not have H) so it's very possible to have a great life after H. Yes, it is darned inconvenient at times, but there are soooo many other obstacles in life that are way more inconvenient and life threatening.....

 

You might want to try daily anti viral to help keep your ob's at a minimum and possibly zero. At the very least, it will reduce shedding. Transmission from female to male is quite low provided you use all ghe proper precautions. I got H due to my giver having an active ob (he did not disclose) at the time of sex and the condom came off. We had been having raw sex for a very, very long time. Then, out of the blue, he produced a condom one night saying he had an infection. I really believed that until about a week later when I discovered I had a lesion inside that was extremely painful.....the rest is history. I was 23 and am 58 now.

 

Just take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest, try to stay calm.....H loves stress. Reach out on here as much as you want.....it helps!

[ihaveittoo]

As someone who got herpes at 20 and is now 49 just wanted to second the ladies. You can also read this blog http://supporttruthanddialog.com/. It is written by WCSDancer2010. It is full of great advice, tips and information.

[optimist]

@LowLover298 - You might appreciate this recent TEDx featuring Ella Dawson.

[LowLover298]

@katidid @ihaveittoo @optimist thank you all so much for supporting me through this. My anxiety is very low today and let me tell you, it's been the worse it's ever been the last two days. So thank you again. You are all wonderful people!

[Katidid]

LowLover298 remember....you are a wonderful person too!

[Bambina3]

@LowLover298 you will find many wonderful supportive people here. If you surf around this site you will find many inspirational stories and information

[Guest LetsBeAwesome]

I'm relatively new to this also (diagnosed in April, H2). There were a couple days that felt absolutely hopeless, spiraling out of control...mainly about what other people will think "when they find out". After a lot of reading both support and the science info, I started to get the motivation to try and not let my "sad wheel" keep turning, and try to slow it, maybe even stop it. What has helped me the most (so far) is keeping as social as possible. Go out dancing, visit with friends, go to the movies, take a walk, get swole at the gym...anything...and it has made me feel so much better. What I think is happening is reinforcement that most of the issue is in my own crazy monkey mind, when I'm alone, and having real activities without any bad consequence is slowing that "sad wheel" down. Another thing that has helped (especially when I start to think that I'll never find someone again), is that there are a ton of people out there in our situation, who are also looking for that same someone they thought they would never find...friends or even something more. I'm more and more believing what everyone in these support forums are telling each other, and you will too. :)

[LowLover298]

@letsbeawesome you're definitely right about staying social! The first day I found out I stayed in my room and cried. I didn't want to see anyone because I was so embarrassed (and no one even knows about my diagnosis).. But I felt like everyone did for some reason. I've been seeing a therapist for about 3 years now and I talked with her on the phone for an "emergency session" and she really put everything into perspective for me. We have an in person session Thursday, so that's what I've been looking forward to. But I am really happy I got involved with this site, everyone is so helpful. I have been feeling a lot better!

[hippyherpy]

You are going to be ok!

 

Herpes ain't as big a deal as people tend to think it is.

 

[Brokensmile13]

I am also new to this whole herpes thing, diagnosed back in April (H2) i have been very depressed about it since, i just keep thinking I'm only 23 and have only been with a total of 5 guys and i have plenty of friends that couldn't even put a number on how many guys they've been with and they may not be dealing with it have ever had to deal with a STD, I feel like it's completely humiliating to have to tell someone that I may potentially want to have a sexual relashionship with that I have this but at the same time there is nothing I can do about it now except to just make the best out of a uncomfortable situation. I've always been hard on,myself and had a low self esteem and now I have to deal with this? It's all very overwelming to have to take in and deal with, but I do believe it will get better with time.

[RM]

Hey luv, I was diagnosed with HSV2 in Dec 2015. I had slept with only three men in nearly ten years, one was the father of my kids, the other was a long term relationship, and the third was someone I dated briefly after meeting on Eharmony. I contracted herpes through my last partner, and I was in utter shock. I was depressed for about a week and then realized that it was really going to be okay. I chose not to let this take over my life. I have told my family and my closest friends. I choose not to focus on it, which is so easy to do when you're not having an outbreak. It gets easier with time, and like others have said, the more you educate yourself, the better you'll feel. It's very very manageable. I realize it's shocking at first. I cried my ass off and regretted even sleeping with the last guy. I played the what if game...what if I used protection? What if I waited? I was even more upset because the relationship with him didn't work out. I felt lonely...with herpes. But I was able to get through it one day at a time. No one has to know unless you choose to let them know (or sleep with them!). Your diagnosis does NOT define who you are. It does NOT make you dirty or unloveable. It does NOT mean life is over. It may seem that way now, but I promise it will get better. Any one who judges you is an ASS and isn't worth your time regardless. Let me know if you ever need anyone to talk to. Hang in there and keep your head up ❤️

[Katidid]

@RM just curious if the guy from Eharmony was the guy who passed this to you and did he disclose?? Sounds like you have def grabbed the bull by the horns and are doing well with this.

[SunDevourer]

You just keep on going.

"You don't have to have everything figured out inorder to move forward"